Part 9

Previously-

"Athrun, maybe you should take a break, I mean, you've been working awfully hard lately and this might be a good time for you to rest-"

"Are you crazy?"

Athrun's voice was icily cold, and his eyes were dilated with fury.

"Take a break? With Cagalli's life in danger?" He clenched his fists. "Meyrin, I am sorry to say, but that has got to be the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard in my life."

Kira and Lacus were momentarily stunned, and merely gaped at Athrun. Meyrin's eyes filled with hurt tears, and after muttering an apology, she slipped away to Ryo Handel's adjoining room.


"Athrun, are you sure you're alright?" Lacus asked gently. "It isn't like you to blow up like that."

It seems like I've been doing a lot of things that "isn't like me", Athrun thought dryly. He closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths, trying to relax. When he finally opened his eyes, he smiled at both Kira and Lacus. He was about to reassure the both of them when he heard something stir from the bed.

"Cagalli?" He leapt to the bedside, taking her hand.

"Athrun?" Cagalli's voice was soft and tired, and she smiled lightly when she saw him.

Kira was about to approach his sister when Lacus gently tugged at his sleeve, motioning towards the door.

"C'mon Kira, I'm sure they'll be fine without us." Lacus grinned as Kira reluctantly nodded.

The two walked out, leaving Cagalli and Athrun alone in their own world.

Ryo woke up to the distantly familiar sound of soft sobbing, and for a moment, he thought that he was returned to his childhood again. But that didn't make sense, because back then when he heard such sounds, it was he himself who did all the sobbing.

His eyes widened when he saw that the soft shaking figure who had curled up on a chair had ruby red hair.

"Mey…Meyrin?" He questioned cautiously.

Meyrin gave a soft gasp and immediately raised her hands to wipe away the tearstains on her cheek.

"Ryo! I'm… really sorry, I didn't think that you would be awake. Am I disturbing you?"

"No, not really."

"Ho… How are you feeling? They said that your situation wasn't too good."

"Oh, I'm doing just fine." Ryo attempted to smile and then winced as a sharp pain grabbed his stomach.

"You shouldn't pretend you are if you aren't, you know." Meyrin teased.

Biting his lip, Ryo didn't answer to her comment.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Meyrin asked in confusion, "You're not in that much pain, are you?"

Ryo hesitated, and then looked up to meet her eyes.

"Meyrin, about the other day… I'm really sorry. I wasn't trying to snoop, I just wanted to help." He said earnestly, nervously watching Meyrin's face for some sort of reaction. To his horror, Meyrin looked as if she was going to start crying again.

"Erm. Did I say something wrong!"

"No… It's ok, Ryo, I wasn't really offended. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I got angry at you." Meyrin smiled sadly, "It's nothing really – it's just that, well, sometimes when you really like someone – it gets hard when you know they don't exactly reciprocate your feelings."

Ryo chuckled mirthlessly. "So it is about Mr. Zala." He muttered under his breath.

"Sorry?"

"Oh. Nothing. So. Would you care to talk?"

Meyrin dragged her chair over to his side. "What about?"

"Anything under the sun will do fine." He said cheerfully.

"Well- OH! Oh, yes, you'd probably want to know how Cagalli is doing, right?"

Ryo blinked a few times, as if dazed, and then his eyes widened with urgency.

"How is she?" He asked anxiously. Mentally, he slapped himself – how could he? He had forgotten his priorities upon seeing Meyrin.

"The doctor says she's fine, thankfully." Meyrin said happily, but there was something in her tone that wasn't quite right – there was oddly, a trace of shame and regret. Ryo couldn't place it at all. He was about to ask Meyrin if anything else was wrong, but just then she plastered a dazzling smile on her face, and for a while, Ryo was mesmerized.

Kisaka's private line started ringing right after he had finished his dinner. He picked up the phone, silencing the annoyingly sharp shrill sounds. Telephones. His least favourite piece of techonlogy.

"This is Kisaka speaking."

"Kisaka? Is that you?"

"...Athrun?" Kisaka raised an eyebrow, "Is the princess alright? You aren't calling me to tell me that she's taken for the worse have you?"

"No, no! Cagalli is fine. I just needed to ask you if - erm - er- well, listen, would it be okay to meet you tomorrow? I have... er... a matter to discuss with you."

Athrun's tone betrayed the slightest hint that the "matter" was probably one of utmost secrecy. "Of course, you could come over for lunch at 1 if you like."

"I would rather you come over to my place, if you don't mind, that is."

"Not a problem."

"Alright. See you at 1 tomorrow then."

"I hate to tell you this, but I think that Athrun Zala is on to us." The man said to his friend nervously, after they had just heard (eavesdropped, rather) the phone conversation between the blue-haired Coordinator and the princess' advisor.

"I already know that." The second man said smirking, "But luckily, he hasn't caught up with the new plan yet."

"It'll be a matter of time-"

"Confidence, my boy, have faith. I will see to it that Athrun Zala will be eliminated if he makes anymore trouble for us."

The doorbell buzzer sounded, and Athrun eyed the door curiously. Who could it possibly at this time of the night? ZAFT? No, they'd call. Meyrin? Highly unlikely – even though she lived near him, she would never visit him this late at night unless it was urgent.

He got up from the table where he was going through some overdue paperwork for ZAFT, and as he swung open the door, his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Kira? Not to sound rude but, what are you doing here at this time of the night?"

"I… had to talk to you about something. I'm sorry for not calling before coming, but I didn't actually have my mind totally made up as to whether or not I should." Kira said as he walked into Athrun's apartment, an unusually serious and somber look on his face.

"Well, alright then. Come in." Athrun said, closing the door behind Kira. "Would you like anything to drink?"

"Nah, it's ok." Kira settled himself on the couch while Athrun took the seat opposite. Kira started fidgeting and twiddling his thumbs, until Athrun finally cleared his throat and stared pointedly at him.

"So, Kira, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" Athrun asked, feeling a bit amused at his friend's peculiar behaviour.

"Erm… you see…"

"Yes?" Athrun said encouragingly.

"The thing is, Athrun, you know that I usually try not to interfere with your personal life."

"Ah. I should have guessed. You want to talk about Cagalli?"

"Mostly, yes. I want to ask you a question, Athrun. What are you going to do after the matter with the assassination has been resolved?"

As Kira stared at him intently, Athrun realized that he was clueless. What was he going to do? Return to PLANTs? Remain in Orb?

"I… haven't thought about that before." Athrun said honestly. "Is my answer really important to you?"

Kira nodded briefly. "Lacus told me you were just offered a position in the Supreme Council."

"Wow. News spreads fast."

"Yes. It does. And she also says that you have yet to reply whether or not you accept the post." Kira looked up hastily, "Not that I'm blaming you or anything, I mean, I don't expect you to stay in Orb. After all, you were only transferred here temporarily because you were helping out with sorting the relations between PLANTs and Orb, but you can't stay here forever Athrun, and if you accept that post you can't stay here at all."

"I know." Athrun said silently, "I know."

If only I could sacrifice things as well as Lacus can. She was offered the position of Chairlady a few times, but she kept rejecting it because she would rather have Kira and Cagalli. Athrun thought miserably, I guess that makes me selfish, huh? During the war, I couldn't give up my pride and principles for love – and now, I can't make up my mind at all. You'd think that I would have learnt from past mistakes.

Kira's sigh jolted him out of his thoughts. Athrun looked up at him expectantly, and Kira's next words made him feel even worse than ever.

"Athrun, whatever your decision is, I will respect it. But please, don't hurt Cagalli again."

"I understand."

"No… No, Athrun, you don't understand!" Kira burst out uncontrollably. "Athrun, you weren't there when Cagalli was at her lowest point. It was a nightmare, for her and for all those around her. Cagalli might seem strong, but you of all people should know that the people she loves are the ones who could hurt her so easily.

"When you left, you killed a part of her. At first I thought it was the stress from the war, but then the war passed, and still Cagalli lived like a ghost. She's been putting on a front for the past year, biting her knuckles to muffle the weeping she's been doing at night. When we questioned her about it, she claimed that she scratched herself – and subsequently, she started wearing gloves whenever she did it, trying to fool us into believing that she was OK.

"And you know what was the worst part, Athrun? It was that we just had to play along with her little ruses because we knew that if we tried to intervene it would just make it worse. We were afraid that we probed too much she would shut us out completely. We had to sit there, always watching out for her feeling anxious and worried, scared that she would do something silly and take her own life. But she never did, probably because she didn't want to hurt us.

"When the attacks came, I could almost swear that she felt relieved for them. It was as if they were some work of fate, some warped sort of escape for her. To some extent, I think she even welcomed them. That assassin we caught? Both Cagalli and I found him suspicious, but she refused to voice her concerns until I kept insisting that she did. She didn't let Reyn raise the security measures despite his constant nagging. Only- only until you came…"

Kira's furious tirade ebbed into silence, and Athrun felt a lump rise to his throat as he looked down guiltily.

Cagalli? No… How could she possibly have wanted to die? Athrun thought, and suddenly, she stood before him in his mind, young and full of spirit and fire –

"Don't run!" She had cried out to him anxiously, and as both of them stood there suspended in space, he realized that she had started to cry.

"To live is to fight!"

And her words had changed his mind instantly, filling him with hope at such a time of despair and desolation. From then on, whenever he wanted to give up, or felt discouraged at the daunting tasks he had, he would think of Cagalli and her words. Her words were to be his courage and light, and she had changed him more than she thought she ever had.