Part 10

Previously-

"Don't run!" She had cried out to him anxiously, and as both of them stood there suspended in space, he realized that she had started to cry.

"To live is to fight!"

And her words had changed his mind instantly, filling him with hope at such a time of despair and desolation. From then on, whenever he wanted to give up, or felt discouraged at the daunting tasks he had, he would think of Cagalli and her words. Her words were to be his courage and light, and she had changed him more than she thought she ever had.


"Athrun? Athrun?"

Athrun gave a small start as Kira's voice jolted him from his thoughts.

"Athrun? Look… I'm sorry for the outburst. I just… I know it wasn't entirely your fault. Cagalli's decision to marry Jona probably put a strain on your relationship with her and… and maybe some of her decisions weren't things that you could agree with – but… I guess what I'm trying to say is, she loves you a lot. She's never stopped loving you, Athrun."

Kira stood up, and then smiled sadly at Athrun.

"Look. Whatever your decision is, I'll respect it. I'm just… pleading with you not to give Cagalli false hope, and if you want to leave, please… do it so Cagalli is as hurt as little as possible. I… I guess I'll be going home now."

"I'll walk you to your car."

"There's no need to-"

"I insist. I…I need to take a walk to think about… things…"

He licked his lips nervously as he answered the phone, half-fearing what he would hear on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hello, I expect things are running according to plan?"

"Yes."

"Everything's set for tomorrow?"

"About that – do you really think it's necessary?"

"Of course it is."

"But…"

"You're not thinking of backing out are you?"

"Well, technically, I never really approved of your plans."

"No, but you never disapproved of them either, and you never stopped me from carrying them out. You are a part of this now. Remember that."

The line went dead, and as the man placed the phone back on its cradle, he felt a sinking sense of doom deep in his gut.

The night air was cool against his skin, and Athrun sighed as he thought about his plans.

When I got that letter for the promotion, I was so elated that I wanted to rush back to PLANTs at once. It wasn't until a few minutes later that I thought about Cagalli, till I realized that there was no way I could leave Orb… at least… not now…

But what about later, Athrun? What about when this is all over?

Athrun remembered what it used to be like in the past, before all the politics came in, before Jona came into the picture. When Cagalli was his world…

He had given up his identity to be with her, calling himself "Alex Dino" and demoting himself to her bodyguard when he could have returned to ZAFT. He had been by her side every single day, and he had always been happy just to be near her.

Meyrin's question came floating back to him, and he heard it as clearly as he did on the night of his birthday, when he had decided to visit Cagalli.

"You still love her, don't you Athrun?"

And suddenly, he felt like crying, because his answer had remained exactly the same.

I don't know.

Kira gave a small cough, and Athrun looked up at him, as if only just discovering that Kira had been walking next to him for the past 5 minutes.

"Well, here's my car and… I suppose I ought to get going. Get a good night's sleep, Athrun. I'm really sorry for inconveniencing you today." Kira said as he flashed Athrun a slightly apologetic smile.

"No problem. Thanks, Kira. You get yourself some sleep too."

As Kira opened his car door, he hesitated, and then turned back to look at Athrun.

"Athrun, do you remember the girl I was with during the first war? Fllay?"

"Uh… I… vaguely remember her, yes." Athrun replied, feeling puzzled at his sudden question.

"When she was… alive, I made a promise to protect her. She… She made me feel as if her safety was the most important thing in the world. Because of her, I became a different person… I think I would have done anything to save her, I would have killed anyone who threatened her safety…"

"Erm… Yes, I do recall that." Athrun raised his eyebrow, still not understanding why Kira was giving him a recount of his relationship with Fllay.

"Look. I'm just saying… I know you want to protect Cagalli, and I'm thankful for that, but don't do it at the expense of losing everyone around you, including yourself."

Athrun was quiet for a while, and then an amused smile played at his lips.

"Did Lacus ask you to say that?"

Kira blushed, "Well, she did mention that she was upset at the way you treated Meyrin."

"Uh-huh." Athrun grinned, and then his face turned serious. "Don't worry, Kira, I'll keep that in mind. I don't want to lose my close friends either."

Kira looked relieved, and his lips relaxed into a smile. He got into his car, bade Athrun farewell, and then sped off into the night.

Athrun remained there standing for a long time, staring into the empty darkness with a heavy heart.

The next morning, Athrun made his way to the hospital. After flashing his identity card at the numerous guards outside her ward, as well as having his thumb scanned and subjected to a mini interrogation about his life to make sure that he wasn't an imposter, Athrun finally made it unscathed into Cagalli's ward.

The princess was still sleeping when he had arrived, and he smiled gently as he looked at the way she drooled in her sleep. Then, feeling a bit self-conscious for the goofy smile playing on his face, Athrun closed his eyes and thought about the conversation he had had with Kira the night before.

To him, Cagalli had always been a strong and sensible girl. The idea that she might have been that depressed was slightly unnerving to him, and what made it worse was that it was he of all people who had caused her so much misery.

And yet, he did want to be part of the Supreme Council.

I know it's often been said that "You can't have your cake and eat it", he thought miserably, but I never knew that giving something up would be this difficult.

Athrun heard a yawn, and his eyes flew open. He turned towards Cagalli, and saw that she was awake at last.

"Hey, sleepyhead." He said grinning. Cagalli stuck out her tongue at him good-naturedly.

"Good morning to you. What are you doing here so early?"

"I have a date later…"

"Oh." Cagalli's smile drooped a little, and then it immediately widened to the point where it looked immensely fake. "With who?" She asked, her voice sounding a bit strained.

"…With Kisaka. I'm meeting him for lunch to discuss the case." Athrun finished teasingly. Cagalli rolled her eyes and threw her pillow at him. Athrun caught it with ease and placed it gently at the foot of her bed.

"I see you're looking strong. When are you being discharged?"

"I'll be out tomorrow afternoon, and so will Ryo."

"Alright. I'll come and escort you back home then."

"Really? How nice of you." Cagalli laughed.

There was a short pause, and then-

"Cagalli-" Athrun started, just as Cagalli called out his name.

"You go first." Cagalli immediately said.

"No, you go." Athrun insisted.

"Well… er… I just wanted to thank you." Cagalli said, blushing, "Thank you for…everything you've done for me."

"Oh. There's no need to thank me, that's what… friends are for right?"

"Don't be silly, you've done so much more and I-" Cagalli stopped abruptly, her face getting redder and redder by the second. Finally, she looked down and twiddled her fingers. "So… what did you want to tell me?"

"I…erm… forgot. Oh, er, look at the time! I'm going to be late!" Athrun said stumblingly as he ran out of the room. Cagalli blinked twice, and then scratched her head, puzzled by Athrun's sudden departure.

Hm… I wonder what he wanted to say to me… She thought as she stared at the empty spot where Athrun was standing.

Athrun gritted his teeth in frustration as he drove home. Why couldn't he just tell Cagalli that he had been offered the promotion?

Stupid… stupid… stupid… It's not as if I'm doing anything wrong… Why do I feel this guilty?

He had been fully planning on telling Cagalli, but when he had finally managed to get the chance, he found that he couldn't do it.

Athrun, you coward. Cagalli wouldn't blame you, and besides, you haven't even decided whether or not you want to accept the post. There's no reason why you should be afraid to tell her, or why you should feel guilty – right?

Athrun sighed. Somehow, he had never managed to master the art of self-delusion.

"So, Athrun, what was it you wanted to see me about?" Kisaka asked when the two men had finished lunch. They were currently in Athrun's study, where Athrun had drawn the shades and checked the room for any unwanted electronic devices or bugs before closing the door behind them and locking it (with Kisaka slightly amused at how it reminded him of the security outside Cagalli's ward).

"You know I've been working on Cagalli's case… And I've managed to trace some patterns." Athrun reached to his shelf and pulled out a file of substantial thickness, and then slid it over the table to Kisaka.

Kisaka's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he flipped through the file, and Athrun nodded, as if expecting such a reaction.

"Where did you get this?" Kisaka finally asked.

"Classified archives. It was in some obscure file, so I'm not really surprised that no one's found it yet."

"This might complicate matters… but are you sure the link that you're drawing is accurate?"

"I'm almost sure."

"But-"

"I know. I know. That's why I'm only almost sure." Athrun breathed deeply, "That's why I'm going to need your help."

Kisaka leaned forward.

"I'm all ears."

"Have you managed to find anything yet?" A voice asked in an icy tone. The man cringed involuntarily as he pressed the phone to his ear.

"Erm… I'm afraid not…" He replied timidly.

"Why not?"

"Athrun Zala made every precaution to make sure that whatever he was saying could not be heard. I couldn't even read his lips."

"I'm sure there are other ways of finding out information."

"I-"

"And I'm sure you're smart enough to figure it out."

"…I will not have you talking to me that way."

There was a tense silence, and finally, the voice gave in.

"I apologize. That was most impolite of me. I'm just… rather stressed out over this whole affair. You won't let me down, will you? You're the only one I really trust."

"I… I know. I'll do what I can."

The man put down the phone, and in his mind appeared the starting traces of a plan.

A/N:

School is depriving me of sleep ): -screams as eyebags start appearing-

Anyway. I hope you all liked this chapter X) Thanks for reviewing!