Mommy Dearest Chapter 3, a twilight fanfic

Mommy Dearest

aka

Behind Closed Doors

Summary: I can't believe that she can bear to do this to me, every single day. No relief comes, but I can't bring myself to end it. I need help.

Elaboration: Edward and Alice are brother and sister. Edward is the child that everyone loves to hate, and his sister is the only one that he will let himself trust. Bella and Emmett Swan, and Jasper and Rosalie Hale are the only friends he has, and the only reason he keeps on living. Classic abuse story and not much fluff. All human. Major Out Of Character Moments.

Chapter Three

rape

n. 1. The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse. 2. The act of seizing and carrying off by force; abduction. 3. Abusive or improper treatment; violation: a rape of justice.

raped, rap·ing, rapes

1. To force (another person) to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse; commit rape on. 2. To seize and carry off by force. 3. To plunder or pillage.

That is the English and American definitions. However, every other dictionary in the world says;

rape

n. 1. The crime of having sexual intercourse with a woman against her will. 2. The act of causing great damage, destruction etc to land etc.

v. 1. To force (a woman) to have sexual intercourse against her will. 2. To cause great damage, destruction etc to (countryside etc). plunder.

rapist

A man who rapes a woman.

So can a man truly ever be the victim of rape? I've always wondered how men can be raped anyway. I mean, it's a lot easier to rape a woman, surely. Break the hymen of an unwilling participant and there you go. But how do you even prove that a man had been raped? It's almost impossible unless you catch them in the act, right? I used to wonder about these things, but not anymore.

Because I realized that, no matter how disgusted and afraid you are of the situation, the brain and the penis can have very different things in mind. A man can get an erection against his will, a fact which I found quite disturbing.

"Edward…look at me!" I didn't; I was afraid of what I'd see. I could feel her hands all over me, never once breaking the disgusting contact. I felt her nails curl and gouge into the soft skin on my stomach, and I cried out in pain. She gave me a ringing slap. "Shut up you idiot, you don't want me to have to silence you."

"No, mother…" I mumbled.

"Good," she purred. Then, slowly, she lowered herself onto me…

I woke up, gasping and clutching at…nothing. Thank God; only a dream. I felt a seeping wetness and looked down. I had actually…that's disgusting. I lifted my shirt gingerly to find that I had also left the claw marks in my stomach that I had dreamt about. I needed another shower. I glanced at the clock in my room which blared 5:38 in green neon letters.

While I was cleansing myself – I like to think of it that way – I started thinking. Was I really going to wait around and just let that happen to me? My mind couldn't get over the fact that I had actually gotten off on that dream. How disturbing.

I needed to get out of here. I would not just wait around for Esme to finally cross that final boundary; I refused to. But what else could I do?

Maybe I could run away. Yes; that's it. I could flee, drive out of town and never come back. Make some money, get an apartment…disappear. Even as my mind formulated the appropriate plan, I felt a brief stab of guilt as I thought of Alice. And Bella. Even my other school friends. I would be abandoning them. Or maybe I wouldn't? I would call; surely…send some gifts and updates on how I was doing. They could finally move on with their lives without me burdening them. I would be free of my tormentor. The thought sent elation running hot and strong through me. I would be free. I had to; this was my only option, really. What else would I do, since I refused to turn Esme in, and I refused to do anything else? Yes, this was the best way. The least painful way.

Running into my room, full of new conviction, I reached under my bed, pulling a black duffel bag out from under it and setting it down on the mattress. I hastily threw in a few changes of clothes, as well as money and a first aid kit. I know that in movies, when people are running away, they will always ponder over some photograph or keepsake, but in truth, for me at least, paranoia of getting caught ran through my veins, and I had no time to linger over the things I was leaving behind. So I kept it practical. I changed into some clean clothes, trying hard as I could to remain silent, then took out a pen and some paper; I couldn't take anything with me, but I would leave my sister a note, surely.

Alice,

As you've no doubt noticed already, I've left. I can't take this anymore; you were right. I was delaying the inevitable and though I can't turn her in myself, I don't think anything I will say will prevent you doing so. You know where the tape is hidden – give it to the police. Just…don't tell Bella I'm gone. Please. I don't want her to find out, however vain a hope that might be. I love you, Alice. Please don't pine over me or try and find me, just have a good life with Jasper. I will write again.

Edward.

That would have to do for now. I folded the paper in two and slid it under her door. I hoped that Esme wouldn't find it. I hadn't put any overt hints in there, just in case of that. Shouldering my duffel bag, I slid like a wraith out of the house and into my Volvo. The engine purred to life and I drove out of the long driveway without a glance back.

-m-o-m-m-y—d-e-a-r-e-s-t-

I was in Seattle when my phone went off.

"Hello?" I asked, not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Edward? Where the hell are you?" My heart broke at Alice's distraught voice.

"I thought I made it clear in my note Alice; don't try and find me."

"You're not thinking clearly. Please Edward, come back to me. You don't want the police to be following up a missing person's report, do you?"

"You wouldn't dare," I said, my teeth clenching.

"No, but Esme will. Please Edward, think this through."

"I have." There was a pause on the other line, and I sighed. "Alice, please listen. I will get myself settled down, make some money, and then I shall call you again. I swear; this isn't the end between us. You can't get rid of your brother that easily." I smiled a little.

"Do you…really want me to turn in the tape?"

I sighed again. "I don't really care anymore. Go right ahead. It would make the police not listen to Esme…she might not file a missing person's report then…if you did, or Carlisle…I don't know anymore, damn it!" My fists clenched around the steering wheel, making my wrists throb painfully.

"It's alright, Edward. Don't hurt yourself. Be safe, okay? I hope to see you soon."

"Love you, Alice."

"Love you too, little brother." She hung up, and I held the phone to my ear for a few more seconds, listening to the dial tone. Sighing, I closed the silver device. Finally, I had found the turn-off I was looking for. I hurriedly pulled into the secluded road, going a few miles down that way before pulling to the side and stopping. I reached into the duffel bag in the passenger's seat and pulled out the first aid kit I had packed. Reaching in, I pulled out some bandages and pliers that I had packed in a few years ago. I realized that I had subconsciously been building this up for years; everything I needed I found in there. Amazing that I had already thought this up before actually deciding on it.

Though I had no real idea what I was doing, I looked at the embedded metal in my wrists closely, holding the pliers in one hand. Bracing myself for possibly the stupidest thing I had ever done in my life, I reached the pliers in and proceeded to pull and cut at the metal. Blood ran down my forearms as I unintentionally cut myself doing so, but eventually I pulled out the long bloodied chain, which still clung to a few pieces of dead and broken-off pieces of my arm. Blanching, I threw the chain into the bushes and did the same to my right wrist. Both of my forearms were covered in blood, and I quickly doused the wounds in antiseptic – which stung like hell – before wrapping them in crude bandages. Like I said before, I had no real idea what to do, but it stopped the bleeding and the antiseptic would help against infections, so it was the best I could do. I did a quick u-turn and drove onto the highway again, driving past Seattle and onward. It was just approaching noon and I was starving, but I daren't stop near anywhere where someone would have a chance of recognizing me.

So I drove on and on. No one else called me, which I took to be neither good nor bad. I kept driving, only stopping to fill my gas tank. I was glad my Volvo got such good mileage; I didn't have to stop as often.

Once in Seattle, I turned more West and South and made my way towards Yakima. It was a city with a population of eighty-four thousand people. There was a sign as I entered, claiming the place as "The Palm Springs of Washington". I had to smile at that. I drove through the city, accustoming myself to everything that I could. No one paid me a second glance, which I was very glad of. I finally found a pretty nice and cheap motel to stay in. The guy behind the register glanced at me a little suspiciously, but I paid him no heed. I stayed in my room all night, falling into an exhausted and fitful sleep.

-m-o-m-m-y—d-e-a-r-e-s-t-

The next morning I woke up having no idea where I was.

I panicked momentarily, but then all of the previous day's events came flooding back to me, and I relaxed. So, I had actually run away. Wow. I didn't know I had it in me. I was finally on my own, not having to fear or rely on anyone. What a strange frightening relief. I had no one to fall back on now, no one to comfort me at night. Of course, I also had no one lurking outside my room just waiting to cause me pain.

I did, however, have a killer headache. How weird. I hadn't had a headache since I was perhaps twelve. I didn't naturally get them. I sat up on my bed and flicked the tiny television on, flipping through the channels until I reached the news.

"- leaving the game at 51 to 30. And now, in other news, a seventeen-year-old teenager has been reported missing in the state of Washington. Missing for over twenty-four hours, Edward Cullen disappeared without a trace, presumed to have taken his car and leaving the town of Forks, in the Olympic Peninsula. His mother, Esme Cullen, found his room empty when her calls to his room were met with silence. Here is his picture, if anyone sees him; they are urged to call the police, who are trying to find his whereabouts. They are, however, warned not to approach him, as he is deemed to have a fragile mental state. Also, a new breakthrough in the cure for diabetes. Mr Mark Johnson –"

I turned the TV off, eyes wide. Wow, she really jumped the gun, didn't she? I kind of expected a week relapse or two. Or dear Lord, people are going to recognize me now…I had to leave. I packed up my stuff, glad that I had paid in cash last night. I flung the bag into my Volvo and took off. Several people saw me, and said nothing. A few – I was scared to see – pulled out their cell phones. I stepped down on the gas. I had to get out of here.

Freaking fragile mental state? What the hell?! Stupid bitch would keep haunting me forever. At least it wasn't on the national news yet, just local. I had to get out of the state.

My cell phone rang again. Alice. "What the hell did she do?"

"She called the police and the news stations as soon as she got up. She knew already that you wouldn't be there, I think. She doesn't know anything about the tape yet, or anything, I don't think. You have to come back now, Edward. The police will get you, you know they will."

"Just turn in the freaking tape, Alice. Just do it! As soon as that bitch is in jail I'll come home."

"I -." I heard a faint beeping in the background. I paused.

"Alice…" My voice was low, and I think it frightened her, because hers was shaking when she replied.

"Yes, Edward?"

"Are you alone? Don't lie to me." I was instantly suspicious when she didn't reply for a second. Call me crazy, but I think I heard muted muttering in the background. "Is someone recording this?!" I heard her sharp intake of breath. "Alice, I can't believe you." I honestly couldn't. She would sell me out like this? I went to hang up the phone, but Alice called for me to wait. I gritted my teeth and did so.

"Edward." The voice was new, but I recognized it as Chief Swan's, Bella's father. I was rather impressed that they would possess tracking and recording equipment in such a small town as Forks.

"Yes, Chief Swan?" I asked politely, forcing myself not to simply hang up and throw the phone away.

"You need to return home son. Your mother misses you."

I couldn't hold back my snarl. "She misses me? I highly doubt that, Chief."

"It's true. She's in hysterics right now."

I bet, only because she's afraid that I'll turn her in or something. Good actress. "I don't think so."

"Edward, don't make me call the higher authorities on you. We will find you, son."

"I hope you do."

Pause.

"Goodbye, Charlie. Send Bella my love." I hung up then, throwing my phone onto the side of the road and stepping down harder on the gas, pulling away from the sight that they would last be able to know of my whereabouts. Where to go now? No idea. Great. Let's wing it.

So I drove, and took the road South. Out of Washington.

-m-o-m-m-y—d-e-a-r-e-s-t-

I didn't bother buying another cell phone, nor did I pay for anything with my credit card. Nothing that they could trace. But I was running dangerously low on cash. I need to get some quickly. Rob a bank? Nah, too cliché. Get a job? Bingo. But something requiring long sleeves would be nice. And no TVs with news on them…and maybe somewhere nice and high paying? Let's not set the bar too high though.

I can't believe that Alice would sell me out like that. Why didn't she just turn in the tape? Had she already? I had no idea. It didn't seem like it, if Charlie still believed Esme. Maybe…

Maybe she was waiting for higher authorities. It would make sense. She knew me, so she would know that I wouldn't just turn myself in, so she would have to wait…then turn it in…But why? Would Charlie really be that inclined to believe Esme over physical evidence? But people who didn't know my parents personally wouldn't. Oh, you're a genius Alice.

I smiled a little, and flicked on the radio.

On the outskirts of town he's living' a dream
Where they weather their storms
Praying down on the their knees
And they hold to each other 'cause they know what they found
On the outskirts of town

Sawyer Brown. Nice, but I'm not really in the mood for that. Next station.

I cannot find a way to describe it
It's there inside; all I do is hide
I wish that it would just go away
What would you do, you do, if you knew
What would you do

All the pain I thought I knew
All the thoughts lead back to you
Back to what was never said
Back and forth inside my head
I can't handle this confusion
I'm unable; come and take me away

I feel like I am all alone
All by myself I need to get around this

Hmm…Avril Lavigne. Fitting song, but again, I wasn't really in the mood for her songs.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag. I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not... broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I've been in love with you...

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

The Script. It's a good song, I'll admit, though I don't exactly understand why he just doesn't find her. I mean, I get the whole 'passive waiting' thing, believe me; I do, but still…

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who's waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

Maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cause you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.

I suddenly switched the radio off as Madonna's 'She's not me' came on. She's a great singer and all, but a 50-year-old should not still be wearing a belt for a skirt, no matter how hot her body is. That's just wrong. I firmly believe that people should dress their age and position and life. Anything above and below is a person just trying to make up for something, in my opinion.

Of course, I dressed like a mugger, but that's beside the point – I have to.

-m-o-m-m-y—d-e-a-r-e-s-t-

I found another motel a few hundred miles later. It was late then. I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, and all the thoughts that I had suppressed came back to me tenfold with others.

I would probably have to abandon the Volvo, since they would have gotten a tag on it by now. I felt a little pang in my stomach – I loved my car. But what must be done must be done, right? And I'd have to change my name and get new credit cards and everything. Everything was so damn complicated! Why couldn't running away be as simple as everyone makes it out to be? Sigh. I rolled over onto my side, ignoring the rumbling of my stomach, and fell into a dreamless sleep.

In the middle of the night I heard a light clicking. My eyes shot open and I stilled my breathing, listening on high alert. I would be surprised if it was a thief, because honestly, who would rob a Motel 6? Flashlights roved on the other side of the closed curtain by the door, and I slowly got to my feet, making no sound. I started to grab my duffel bag, having a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, when there was a soft knock on the door. I froze. Crap; the police. What to do, what to do? I looked around for any possible chance of escape.

"Edward?" a soft voice called from the other side, one I didn't recognize. "Edward, we know you're in there. We have you surrounded. Come on out, son." What was this, CSI? I looked through the peephole in the door, and saw two officers, one with a gun pointed at the door, and the other looking around and fidgeting with the typical bored police chief pose. I also saw another figure that was blurred by the edge of the lens, and couldn't make out the details. I looked through a gap in the curtains and saw much of the same thing, but still the angle prevented me seeing the figure. I didn't see caramel, so it wasn't Esme, but was I to say she wasn't waiting around for me? Was Alice here too? I recalled that there had been a window in the bathroom, but it was too small for me to crawl through. Damn it, I was trapped. I sensation made me feel claustrophobic. I was caught again. Esme was going to kill me.

"Edward." The knock came again, more persistent this time. They weren't going to let up, they knew I was here. There had to be some way of escape, surely? I was on the second floor, with a six foot balcony-walkway outside my door. They made it too easy for criminals in TV shows.

"Edward!" The door busted down, and black-clad figures swarmed in like bees. They all carried guns, but only three pointed at me while the rest searched the room. Why they would do that, I had no idea, but whatever. Do your thing, I guess.

They backed me into a corner, the lights on their guns blinding me and preventing me seeing their faces. I felt my back pressed against the wall as they continue their advance.

"Don't touch him!" the Chief warned. "He's not stable." Not stable? Well, whatever. Go with the flow. I let out a defeated sigh. Someone, though, came forward, holding handcuffs, and pulled my arm forward to fasten them. I flinched back, throwing the man away. "I said don't touch him, damn it!"

It was too late now. I was in full scared animal mode. I ran towards the door, ignoring the alarmed shouts I heard behind me. Out the door, I vaulted over the railing to the balcony, my hands and wrists screaming in protest, and landed with a jolt on the ground. I stumbled, catching myself with my knees and growled in pain. That was going to sting in the morning. I got up to run and felt a stinging pain in my shoulder. I reached up, in my confusion forgetting to run, and my fingers came away bloody. Son of a…someone shot me! Was that legal? I heard the officers coming down the stairs to me, the others fixing more guns on my position, but I was frozen, my burst of adrenaline gone.

"Edward!" I looked up, and there was a girl, staring down at me wide-eyed. Was I dreaming? She seemed really familiar…The pain was pretty real. Guess not. Huh. Cool. I smiled, still a little dazed, but her eyes were fixed on the blood in my hand, and my newly-exposed wrists, where the bandages had come off, revealing the purple and black skin. Necrosis, probably. Ouch.

I suddenly felt a jolting pain throughout my entire system. My muscles convulsed, leaving me a writhing, twitching pile on the floor. What the hell had happened? I couldn't control anything, any muscle or nerve. Everything felt like it was on fire. I looked up to the officer that was holding a tazer in his hand. A freaking tazer? Was that entirely necessary? Apparently.

I felt more hands putting handcuffs on me, and I hissed as they rubbed my wounds. They kept touching me, and I longed to get away, to kick at them and flee, but the 50,000 volts in my body kind of prevented that. Stupid tazers. I swear that those were illegal too. Great. The chief pulled out a needle from a briefcase and I froze, stopping my struggles immediately. What the hell was in that? As soon as my struggling had stopped, it kicked back up again. I was in desperate need to get away, away from the needles, from the officers, from Esme. I needed to run, but I couldn't. How infuriating.

The pain in my arm was brief, and my veins suddenly seemed filled with lead. My eyelids were heavy, though I tried to fight it. I felt suddenly exhausted. I didn't want to sleep, I wanted to run. Unfortunately, my body wasn't listening to what I wanted.

The last thing I remembered was a small white hand running their hands through my hair, humming a soothing tune.

Author's Note: I'm sure you know the drill by now; review and let me know of any mistakes. Okay, the only arrests I know about I saw on CSI, so I honestly have no idea, but I kind of made fun of it, so don't take this too seriously.
The three songs were:
"Outskirts of Town" – Sawyer Brown
"Take me Away" – Avril Lavigne
"The Man Who Can't Be Moved" – The Script
Oh and when it says "filled with lead" I meant the pencil lead, but I'm not sure how to spell it, so I'm sorry if it's wrong.

Love you all! Please Review!

HigherMagic x