Scully turned over and looked at the clock, it was almost two am and she was wide awake. Sleeping had become difficult since not having to worry about getting up to feed William or to answer to his cries. Her sleeping patterns were erratic, not unlike that of a new baby, and it was driving her nuts. She couldn't deny that tonight especially though her sleeplessness had been provoked by something she received in the mail.
A letter from the adoption agency that the Van De Kamp's had sent regarding William's progress with them. She had been told that such things did happen occasionally but that given the circumstances she probably wouldn't hear about her son again until the day may come when he wishes to seek her out.
Scully had been trying to find it in herself to accept this for two months now and just when things had started to come down she was faced with a heart-warming letter of thanks and appreciation from the woman who was now going to be called 'mom' by her son. And she couldn't understand the use of the words 'thank you' and 'appreciate' in a letter about an adopted child.
It wasn't as if she had given her son away as a gift to them, they didn't need to reply to her gesture as if it were a nice Christmas Hamper full of things for them to enjoy. They had her son; she didn't want thanks for that, she didn't want anything but for William to be happy and safe.
Accompanying the letter was a photograph of William. He looked so happy and content, and he was smiling, he was happy. When Scully closed her eyes all she could see was that photograph, Mrs Van De Kamp had assured her in her letter that such things would not be commonplace with her, that this was a one off following William's arrival into the Van De Kamps lives. Scully didn't care for the reason behind the letter and photograph, she just felt relief that her son was ok.
She also felt relief at how upset she had become. Her whole family, and even John and Monica to some extent had implied that giving away her son was a heartless and cruel thing to do, saying that she just didn't care. But if it hurt this much, surely that was because of how much she loved her son and how much he meant to her?
As the minutes passed on her clock she couldn't force herself to lie there any longer and got up to go to the bathroom. After that she went into the kitchen and made some coffee. After that she sat down in the living room and tried to stop seeing William everywhere she turned.
If Scully had any chance of getting on with her life she had to let him go mentally as well as physically. She had thought she was doing well but now she wasn't so sure, and all she wanted to do was curl into a ball and have someone, anyone, tell her that she'd done the right thing. She wanted Mulder.
Monica woke at three am and was determined to get back to sleep but her body refused to allow it. It had been the longest and most painful month of her life and she just wanted to put it all behind her. First they had lost William, someone that Monica had felt so protective of and yet the one person in the world she couldn't do anymore to help. She missed him still and hated the strain it had placed on her friendship with Scully.
Then she had helped John finally let go of Luke and come to terms with that part of his life, as well as this Monica had had to deal with the truth about Brad Follmer and accept the mistake she made with him. She had become closer to John through this and yet after that day at the beach he had pulled away from her rather than closer and she was confused as to where they stood with one another.
It was shortly after that she threw herself so deeply into her work that she had become run down and then attacked with the flu. All she wanted now was to get back to work and to get on with her life, but the part of her that she trusted the most told her that it wasn't going to be that easy, that something was going to make life a little more complicated before life got back to the regular way she liked it. Monica wasn't against change, but when she wasn't in control of changes that involved her she didn't like it at all.
She had to get back to sleep or she'd be a nightmare at work tomorrow and she didn't want to be tired on her first day back. Weirdly she felt a little nervous. It had been so long now since she'd gotten really involved in a case and she hoped that once she stepped into the office it would all come back to her and everything would be fine. And yet, again she knew this wasn't going to be the case.
Something felt wrong tonight, and since her recovery from the flu she felt safe trusting her intuition again. Someone close to her, someone she cared for was going to need her to be strong for them and help them. She just hoped that she was ready for the challenge.