Toby cornered me by my locker after third period.
"Hey," he said, pushing his glasses up his nose. I got my stuff out of my locker, glancing down at him.
"Hey," I said, hugging my books against me, thinking about Craig.
"So how's it going?" he said, talking about Craig. We lived together, so our conversations were a little bit of short hand.
"Good, I guess. No, it's fine,"
"Still being friends?" he said, falling into step with me. I shrugged. I just really didn't know. The weird feeling wouldn't go away.
00000000000000000000000000000000000
Walking to the lunch room, my heart already racing at the thought of seeing him, I wondered what it was I thought I was doing. I couldn't really be friends with him. You couldn't go backwards. Not really. Life was like a river that just flowed to the ocean, you couldn't go back to some previous point in the river. Or life was like some tragic novel rushing toward the conclusion of your death, and you couldn't turn the pages back.
But I shrugged it off. I went to that cafeteria where Craig was waiting for me, kind of lying to myself about us being friends. I slid into my chair opposite of him and smiled, and saw him smile in return.
"Did Joey yell at you about the guitar?" I said, remembering the disgusted look on Joey's face once he saw how much it had cost, even though it was Craig's money. His look darkened, and he got the distant look he sometimes got. I guess Joey had went off.
"Uh, yeah. He yelled," He looked upset for a few seconds more but then the look cleared. He pushed it away.
"But, who care about Joey? How were your second and third period classes?" He had this way of looking right into my eyes, of hanging on my words. That was one of those rare things and Craig had it. He would really listen, really be interested in what you were saying. So often when I talk to people, people like Paige, I get the feeling that they're just waiting for their turn to talk. With Craig you never get that feeling.
"Pretty good, you know," I said, and rambled on a bit about stuff that happened, about Toby and my mom and Jeff and songs I was writing and things I was feeling, and the whole time I just felt it, felt him listening. God, I'd really missed that.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"Ashley," my mother said when I got home. I hadn't come right home. I'd stopped off at the Dot with Ellie. Something in her tone was chilling. I looked up at her cautiously.
"What?" I said, looking at the apron she had slung around her waist so she could work with food. She always liked to protect her clothes. She liked to protect everything.
"Craig called," Her tone was deadly. This was clearly unacceptable to her.
"Okay," I said, and my tone was all like, 'calm down,'
"Why is he calling?" she said, and she said he like he was Damian or something. I had to admit it was touching. My mom saw how hurt I was and I knew she didn't want it happening again. And Craig was, I don't know, intense. People ended up hurt around him. But it was my life and the chance I was willing to take. I wished she could just understand this.