This chapter is a chance to see a little more of John and his relationship with Rodney as well as filling in some now familiar back story. More angsty than romancy! Oh, and Rodney is married to Katie Brown, because I really can't be doing with all that McKeller stuff!

Chapter 2

John was feeling restless and he couldn't quite put his finger on why. His meeting with Woolsey had been brief. He had a growing respect for the strange little man, especially after the timely rescue from the inquisition earlier that year, but he could also be a pedantic pain–in-the-ass. This morning's meeting was to remind John that his staff appraisals were due. He remembered Elizabeth and her quiet reminders about overdue paperwork and sighed. Things had certainly changed around here in the last 2 years.

When John was feeling like this, he usually gravitated towards the Science labs and he automatically set off in that direction. A bit of Rodney snarking usually made him feel better and John often visited Rodney in the morning. He would never admit to himself that part of the reason was the need to check that Rodney was still there. Their friendship, kinship really, had deepened since that damn parasite took Rodney's intelligence and threatened to take his life. Rodney's descent into second childhood had been a painful experience for all his friends, but for John the most. He hadn't realised how much he had come to rely upon him until he was nearly gone and I guess he also realised how much Rodney needed him too. Of all his family on Atlantis, Rodney was his oldest and closest friend.

The scientist was there, leaning over his laptop as always, and talking to himself. Rodney was rarely quiet and didn't need an audience, although he certainly enjoyed one. Using his best stealth tactics, John crept up behind him and silently stood, watching over his shoulder, counting the seconds before Rodney realised he was there. On the screen was some kind of complex mathematical formula which Rodney was fussing over and cursing at. John recognised it as Rodney's latest 'how to make the drainage system more efficient' project. Rodney, when not saving Atlantis from murderous villains, was obsessed with the noises that the drains made, continuously complaining about those 'damn Ancients and their priorities'. Nobody else really noticed the slight gurgling noises that came from the belly of the city but Rodney had made it his pet project.

'How long have you been standing there? Do you know how unnerving it is when you do that? How do you do that anyway, creeping up on people?' Rodney snarked.

'Oh, about 10 minutes,' teased John, 'what you doing?'

'Wha...Oh, more of the joking. When will I learn? And you know damn well what I'm doing. I think I've nearly got it,' replied Rodney. 'Those Ancients knew a thing or two about defence systems and how to build flying cities, but next to nothing about the basic comforts of life, like how not to drive me mad with stupid squeaky gurgling noises every time someone has a shower or flushes the toilet. What do you want, anyway, apart from putting me off vital work?'

John took advantage of Rodney's pause for breath. He had a question to ask and was still slightly amazed that Rodney could be the one to answer it. Of all the people on Atlantis, he would never have believed that Rodney would be the first to settle down, but Katie Brown had changed all that. Rodney McKay, the married man!

'I...I have a question to ask you,' he stuttered, 'it's a little bit personal...'

'Okay,' drawled Rodney slowly, 'but you need to know that I am already taken, although I can't say that I'm not flattered that the great Kirk impersonator should set his sights on the lowly Scientist.'

'Shut up, Rodney. It's just that, and believe me this surprises me more than anything, you are probably the best person to answer this because you're the most settled romantically, if you know what I mean?'

'Okay. I mean, I guess I am a bit of an expert now in all things relationshippy. Fire away!'

'Relationshippy??' Is that really a word?' John and Rodney had developed a sort of short hand over the last 5 years and making up silly words was just one of them. 'Never mind. Look, Rodney, here's the thing. You know I'm really bad at expressing, well you know expressing....'

'Feelings?' interjected Rodney.

'Yeah, feelings. This might seem a bit personal, but do you...have you told Katie how you feel about her...do you tell her?' John was trying to hold back his embarrassment with little success and flushed bright red. Damn it. Why did he find this so hard? He knew the answer. He had never really had the softness of a female hand at home. His mother had died when he was 6 years old and he had been brought up by his father whose vocabulary didn't include the words 'love' or 'care'. Instead, he would reserve his praise for moments when his two sons 'made him proud' and John had never been that brother. In fact, he knew that Patrick Sheppard had never been proud of him. Not that he could entirely blame him: John was a wild and reckless teenager. Whereas his brother Dave had towed the line, John rebelled. He got in with the 'wrong crowd', and it wasn't until his friend Steve was killed in one of their unofficial road races, that he began to calm down, although he had never really lost his love for all things fast. That's why he joined the Air Force: yet another reason for his father not to be proud of him. And after the supposed black mark in Afghanistan, his father had finally disowned him. John could never forget or forgive his father for the words he had used and on that day he walked out of his home forever.

Rodney interrupted his thoughts. 'Well...why do you want to know? I mean it is a bit personal.'

'it's just that, well...you know that Cat and I have been together for 6 months and I am really very happy, but I have the feeling that she wants more from me. It's great, you know and I thought we'd found a happy place, but recently I've caught her looking at me oddly, even expectantly, and it's unsettling.'

'Are you telling me that you haven't told her how you feel, yet? Oh man, are you in trouble! If you take my advice, tell her soon or you could lose her. It took me too long to tell Katie and I almost lost her because of it. To answer your question frankly, of course I tell her I love her. Every morning, every evening and whenever else I get to see her. And she tells me back. Take the advice from an old married-man and tell her soon.'

John felt the familiar discomfort return at the prospect. One of the reasons for the break-up of his marriage to Nancy, apart from his frequent and unexplained disappearances with the Air Force, was his inability to express how he felt, although he knew that his feelings were much more intense for Cat. He didn't know if he was ready to take that step, or even able to. Somehow, saying it would commit him openly and why did that feel like a trap? At 41, maybe he was just too set in his bachelor ways to settle down and make a permanent commitment?

'I just don't know if I'm ready to commit so much, Rodney, I just don't know.'

Caught up in his thoughts, he hadn't noticed that Rodney had changed the subject and was muttering something about presents and surprises.

'You know, this is the first Valentine's Day when I have had someone to send a card to. She's already given me the best present, but I found a new plant on the last planet I visited and I've named it after her.'

John finally tuned into what Rodney was saying. 'Valentine's Day? What are you talking about? When?'

'You really are useless romantically, aren't you? It's a good job you've such an expert on hand to guide you in your hour of need! It's tomorrow! I can't believe you didn't know: half the city has been twittering about it for weeks. I think the Daedelus had to make an extra trip, just to carry the cargo of wine, food and gifts ordered from Earth,' smiled Rodney, with that irritating smug look on his face when he knew he had one over on his friend.

'No, I didn't know.' Rodney watched as the familiar frown crept up John's forehead. He knew that this was a signal for the end of the conversation and he was right. John turned on his heel and strode out of the room, his mood difficult to assess. Rodney just hoped that he would make the right decision and finally tell Cat how he felt. He, like Teyla, had seen a great change in his friend since he had met Cat and it was obvious that he had strong feelings for her, but would he or could he tell her? He needed to find Ronon. Somehow they needed to convince John not to throw everything away.

TBC