Five

"So Much for My Happy Ending"

You, you called the police, you called them on me
And I want to go anywhere but home
I, I'm done listening, to what's wrong with me
'Cause it goes on and on
--from "She Says" by Unwritten Law

***********

I went to visit Logan in the hospital a couple of days after I talked to Weevil and told him of his mistake. I don't know what I was expecting, but Logan looked…terrible. It had been just long enough for the bruising to be evident, and he was hardly recognizable.

"Logan?" I said quietly to see if he was awake and perhaps to buy myself a little more time.

"I'm beaten up. My ears still work fine," he snidely replied.

"Right. Of course," I said because I suddenly couldn't think of anything to say. I was going nowhere near anything like, 'Sorry about your dad.' Personally, I hoped that the bastard got every bit of punishment legally allowed. Logan, however, was not pulling punches.

"Heard that you've been catching up with Weevil. Did he say hi?" he asked angrily.

"Weevil thought you killed Lilly," I replied, even though I didn't want to defend him.

"Wonder where he got that idea," he said with an accusing glare.

Letting things go has never really been my strong suit. I quit tiptoeing around the subject and got mad, "Do you really want to have this conversation here? Now? He got the idea because he overheard a conversation that I had with my dad. I thought you killed Lilly because all the evidence strongly suggested that you did. You lied about your alibi. It seemed that you were trying to shift the blame to Duncan, and it was only after you found out that I was still investigating Lilly's murder that you and I began whatever that thing between us was…is…I think that on some level at least you understand why I would have thought that you might be guilty. I'm sorry that I put you through all of this. I just wanted justice for Lilly. I desperately wanted to be wrong about you, and I'm really glad that I was."

Logan got really quiet, then said with barely controlled fury, "Nice speech. You know, on some level, I do understand why it looked bad for me, but Veronica, you know, you didn't turn Duncan into the police or the Kane's. You turned in me. Me. The police didn't even have enough evidence to hold me. That means that you didn't have enough evidence to warrant holding me. And now you are defending Weevil and his gang of misfits for breaking my arm in two places and my leg in three."

"It was a misunderstanding, Logan," I began.

"Well, that makes it okay then, I guess!" he yelled.

"Of course it doesn't. I'm sorry, okay," I tearfully replied. "I'm sorry. There's nothing I can say to change how things went down. All I can do is apologize." Even knowing the ways that I justified what I'd done didn't really make me feel less guilty.

Logan had settled down a little by the time I finished. With a tired voice, he said, "Leave. Leave and don't visit me again. I know you're trying, but I just can't deal with this right now."

"Okay."

I was finally at a place where I felt I could trust people again, and Logan was probably vowing that he would never again make himself vulnerable to anyone. I wished I could do something to help him because, despite what I said to Logan about the evidence pointing to him, I felt really guilty about what I did. Maybe one day he'd be able to understand. I was so used to turning around to find a knife in my back that it was hard to just accept people at their word. It seems my philosophy of revenge was a little flawed and, ultimately left me begging Logan Echolls for forgiveness.