Chapter 4

The evening shone down on the pier, illuminating it with a crystal blue light. A small round table, with two chairs and a silver candelabra could be seen perched at the far end. An observer might have been surprised to see a lone figure, sitting disconsolately with her legs swinging off the edge of the pier. It was 10 o'clock, and the city was beginning to quieten down for the night. The earlier hustle and bustle of Valentine's Day celebrations had subsided, as had the noise from the 'singles' party given by Lorne and the marines on the west pier. On the table sat two plates, with food gone cold and sauce congealed. The candles were stuttering, one already having gone out. A small, unopened parcel tied with red ribbon was next to one of the plates. Wearily, she got up, gathered up the parcel and blew out the candles. Then, suddenly, she grasped the plates and flung them angrily into the ocean, causing miniscule ripples across the calm surface. Regaining some semblance of control, she quietly put the candelabra to one side, and carefully folded up the table and chairs. She'd come back for those tomorrow.

Cat had never felt quite like this before. There was a physical ache in her chest and she wondered melodramatically if this was what heart-break felt like. Because, that was how she felt. John hadn't come. He didn't love her. It was over. Recalling the sharp words he had spoken that morning, she cursed herself for being so stupid. For letting him in. For falling in love. She had really thought that he felt about her the same way, but now understood their 'relationship' for what it had been. She was an amusement, great in bed and a good game to play for a while, until she had begun to want more, then he had backed away.

Not wanting to go back to her quarters, with the all too present reminders of John there (his uniform, his toothbrush, his smell on her sheets and her pillow) she decided that she would do the most clichéd thing she could imagine and headed for the Atlantis bar. Getting really drunk seemed like a good idea right then. Hesitating at the door way, she was surprised to hear female laughter responding to a deeper male voice, expecting the place to be deserted. She was about turn away, giving the whole getting drunk idea a miss, when she recognised the soft purr in the male voice. It was John. She was sure of it. He'd used that tone of voice with her many times, especially in the early days of their relationship. Not wanting to look, but knowing she had to, she looked towards the bar. A tall, leggy and incredibly glamorous brunette was draped around him, giggling as he whispered something in her ear. Whatever he was saying, it was clearly having the desired effect because the brunette leapt onto his knee and kissed him. Cat watched as his hands began to caress the woman's ass, and then decided that she had had enough. She turned away from him, tears burning her eyes, and prayed that she could escape to somewhere private before she made a fool of herself in front of the whole of Atlantis.

*****

John was really beginning to wonder what an earth he was doing. Okay, she was attractive and it was really flattering the way she was fawning all over him, but her incessant giggling was beginning to irritate him. When he had opened his e-mails, he was surprised to find Cat's invitation and had spent the day trying to decide what to do. If he went, then that was as good as committing himself to the relationship. If he didn't, then that would be it. Over. He knew that nothing more would be said and he could move on. So, he decided to test himself. He would find himself the most beautiful and available female in the city, and work his charm. If he went ahead with it and had a night of casual sex, then he would know that Cat and he were over. If he couldn't, then he had resolved to go straight to her, get down on bended knees and apologise for being so stupid. He might even be able to tell her he loved her. At one point in the evening, he thought he caught a glimpse of someone watching them from the door, but nobody came in so he must have been mistaken. So, still undecided, he began to return the kiss that was offered him and started to move his hands over the brunette's body. That was the point when he realised how stupid he was being. He couldn't even pretend to be sexually attracted to her, which surprised him, and he knew why.

What the hell had he done? Reality hit him like one of Rodney's barbs. He imagined her sitting out on the pier, waiting for him. He imagined how she would have felt and saw again the hurt in her eyes that morning. That he had betrayed her today of all days might be something she could never forgive him for. You stupid bastard, John. You've probably messed up the only good thing that's ever happened to you. He wanted her so badly that it hurt. Pushing the brunette away, he smiled an apology and rushed from the bar, towards the woman that he now knew he loved more that the Earth and Atlantis put together.

The east pier was deserted. John registered the neatly folded table and chairs, before he sighed and ran from the pier towards her quarters, hoping that she would be there. He tried to come up with something deep and meaningful to say when she first opened the door to him, but was struggling as to how he would explain himself. I mean, if he told her the truth, that he had spent the evening flirting with a beautiful brunette at the bar, she would quite reasonable throw him out on his ear. Well, he would just see what happened, desperate now to make things right again.

He knocked on her door to no response and tried to listen for any sounds coming from within. He knew that she would be really pissed off with him, and enough of her stubborn determination to know too that she could play this game longer than him. Finally giving up the knocking, he buzzed Chuck.

'Hey, Chuck. Could you do me a favour?' he asked as casually as he could. 'Could you locate where Doctor Adams is right now?'

'Yes, of course, sir.' Chuck took all that was thrown at him with the same even attitude. Even when he had to deliver the worst kind of messages, that someone was MIA or worse, he still maintained the same matter-of-fact professionalism. 'Doctor Adams is not in the city, sir. Her locator is not showing up anywhere.'

'No, no that isn't possible. Please check again.' John began to panic. Chuck must be mistaken. She had to be somewhere. If her life signs were not being detected...Oh god, he couldn't accept that possibility.

'Sorry, sir. I cannot detect her life signs anywhere on the city and I've checked the ocean too. No signal at all.' Chuck had heard the rising panic in his CO's voice and was beginning to panic himself. He really liked Cat and had been delighted when she and the colonel hooked up. She had been really good for him and, until the last few days when they had returned, he no longer had the dark moods that used to make him unusually snappy.

'Rodney, Teyla, Ronon, I need you in the gate room now!' John's urgent call went over the radio and within 5 minutes all four of them were standing in the control room. John had quickly explained that Cat was missing, leaving out the details of the 'why' except for the fact that they had 'had a little argument'. He didn't think that they bought his explanation but it would have to do for now.

'Rodney. Please tell me there is some other way I can find her. Why would her detector suddenly stop working? There has to be a logical reason.'

Teyla slipped her arm gently around his, 'John, you need to accept what is obvious here. If we cannot detect her she is either not in the city, or there is another reason why her life signs are not being detected.'

'Rodney, has there been any gate activity this evening? Any other signs that anyone has been beamed out of the city?' John was grasping at straws and he knew it. Trying to hold onto his emotions, he knew that this was rapidly going from a search and rescue mission to one where there was only a body to be brought back. The pain that was rising from his stomach, to his chest, was almost unbearable and he didn't know how long he could hold on. Just as long as it takes to find you, my love, just as long as it takes.

With a look of sadness, Rodney checked, knowing what he would find. 'I'm sorry, John. No signs of any activity. She's simply gone.' He could see the pain in his friend's eyes and wished that he could have comforted him with some hope.

For the first time on Atlantis, John felt real despair. Even when the Wraith and the Replicators attacked the city, even when the Ancients had thrown them out and he had returned to Earth, he had never give up hope. But this was different. She was dead out there somewhere and he had as good as killed her. His legs buckled underneath him as he sat down heavily on the step, head in hands and cried in a way he hadn't since his mother died.

TBC

YES, I KNOW THAT JOHN DOESN'T USUALLY CRY, BUT THIS IS A REALLY EMOTIONAL POINT IN THE STORY AND I FELT IT WOULD WORK! COMMENTS AND REVIEWS ALWAYS APPRECIATED.