It's been too long! It took me forever to get this out, mainly because I didn't have a free second to myself to write it out. Being back at school is the pits.
I'm going to try to update more frequently again.
I hope you all enjoy.
BPOV
A few more days passed after my reconciliation with Alice. I hadn't yet spoken to Edward, though I could tell by his sometimes frustrated stares that he was more than eager to speak to me. Alice would occasionally toss a disparaging look in my direction or voice her disappointed thoughts to me in a low hush, but she kept it light. For Alice, anyway. She was still treading softly in my presence, terrified to make a wrong move that would send me running. All of the Cullens were acting like that, actually. I couldn't blame them.
I wanted to say that I'd never leave them. I knew they were my family in every sense of the word and I knew that if I were to ever venture off on my own, I'd feel incredibly incomplete. But still, the thought of embarking out on my own for a while tugged at me on a daily basis. The only thing that stopped me was the threat of running into humans without anyone to hold me down.
Sometimes, I'd catch both Edward and Alice staring at me at the same time, a look of horror splashed upon both faces. I would know instantly then that Alice had seen my wavering plans of leaving and Edward had watched them play out in her mind. I didn't work to hide my plans; if I were to leave, I'd do it in a better way than they had.
Things couldn't go on this way; I knew that. It tore me apart every time I looked over at Edward and caught him watching me. I wanted to run into his arms and kiss him and beg him to never leave me again. But I couldn't.
EPOV
"How long, Alice?!" I demanded, slamming my fist on Jasper's desk. "How long will she be angry with me?"
"Hey!" Jasper cried out in outrage. "Please don't break another one of my desks!"
I shot him an apologetic glance.
Alice sighed and shook her head. "I told you already, Edward. The visions I have of her fluctuate so often that it's hard to even get an idea of her future."
"She's insufferable," I barked, shaking my head.
Can you blame her, Edward? You're such a fool, sometimes.
"Thank you, Rosalie," I murmured to the ridiculous vampire downstairs. She snorted and her thoughts went back to the magazine she was reading.
"She'll be back from hunting in a half hour, Edward," Alice whispered. "If you're going to do what you want to do, you'd better do it right away."
Alice opened her vision to me, partially, and allowed me to see Bella's smiling face- a sight I'd been longing to see the most.
"So it will work?" I asked excitedly.
"According to that vision," Alice said cheerfully, but we both knew it was artificial. Alice knew better than the rest of us how unstable time and the future can be. She placed her hand comfortingly on my arm and squeezed gently. "It will work out, Edward. She loves you."
"I can feel it, brother," Jasper agreed.
He had offered this piece of comfort to me before but I always listened to his words warily. Bella was the most frustratingly magnificent creature on this otherwise boring planet. It wouldn't surprise me if her feelings were as elusive and difficult to read as she was in general.
I decided to spend the longest half hour of my life reading. I read the same sentence over twenty times before deciding it was a hopeless cause.
I hopped off the sofa and went in search of Alice, who was of course waiting for me in the living room.
"Forget it, Edward," she greeted me, never taking her eyes from the fashion show on TV.
I knew that she was right but I couldn't help it. My eyes narrowed and my tone took on an accusatory edge. "And why can't I do it?"
Alice looked toward me and eyed me sadly. "She'll leave instantly."
I said nothing. All I could manage was a nod and Alice turned back to the TV, her eyes glazing over as she thought of other things besides the fetching yellow dress floating down the runway.
I left her to her thoughts and once again climbed up the stairs to my room. I counted the seconds, minutes until Bella's return from hunting. Just when it seemed that I was about to go mad with expectation, I caught a hint of her scent. A few moments later I could hear her running gently through the trees.
With as much speed as I could manage, I flew downstairs and out the door into the green expanse.
BPOV
The blood of the four deer I'd devoured just twenty minutes before sloshed around unhappily as I ran. It was funny; I was no longer human and yet I still managed to get stomach aches.
I wasn't far from the house now and already the dread descended. Back to Alice's puppy eyes. Back to the agonizing questions in Edward's. Back to being me.
In the trees, away from civilization, I allowed the beast to take over. For some blissful moments, I was a carnivore, a predator, an animal. I wasn't Bella Swan, once feeble human who had her heart broken by gorgeous vampire.
I heard some twigs snap and I immediately paused, scanning through the scents in the air. I smelled all of the Cullens but one in particular was strongest and closest to where I was standing.
I hated having to address him but what else was I supposed to do? He was obviously watching me.
"You can come out, Edward," I said exasperatedly.
He stepped out sheepishly from behind some trees not too far ahead.
"What are you doing?" I asked, fighting off the odd twinge of amusement I felt.
He must have heard the smile in my voice because the concern on his face faded and a brilliant grin broke out instead.
Oh, brother. And he once said that I'd be the death of him.
He stared back at me silently.
"Well?" I huffed impatiently.
Taking a cautious step towards me, he finally spoke. "We need to talk."
I flinched. "I have nothing to say."
"I do," he clarified.
"I don't have to listen," I pointed out.
He took a few more steps in my direction. Now our faces weren't more than a foot away from each other.
"No," he agreed, "but I could make you." He smiled crookedly and I was once brought back to the memories of our high school in Forks, when he sat across the cafeteria table from me and watched me as I slept and drove us around in his sparkling Volvo. Back when he loved me and everything was amazing.
He noted the change in expression on my face and swallowed.
"I was kidding, Bella," he said quickly. "Obviously I wouldn't… force you… to listen to me if you didn't want to. I just have so much to say to you and I don't know where to begin. I'm begging you." His eyes smoldered. "As an old friend."
I gritted my teeth in frustration. "You're not going to let me get away without speaking to you, are you?"
His grin slid back into place. "No."
I sighed. "Very well. Let's get this over with."
EPOV
She agreed! I thought she'd argue with me for at least a few more minutes. Alice's vision didn't specify; I just knew she'd eventually break down.
"Where do you want to do this?" Bella asked, looking over my head.
"Let's walk back a little farther away," I suggested.
She nodded and spun around, walking back to where she'd come.
I kept a fair distance behind her, terrified to threaten some boundary she'd set up.
She led us to a beautiful cliff that hung over a graceful looking part of the ocean. She turned around slowly, as though she were about to hear her death sentence, and bit her lip. God, Bella was beautiful.
She stared at me expectantly and I took a deep breath, calming myself for the conversation that would either bring us together or tear us even further apart.
BPOV
Just when I thought that he was never going to speak again, Edward opened his mouth.
"I suppose I should start with the beginning and move forward from that point, but for some reason I feel an underlying sense of urgency to this conversation and I feel it is more important to start with the most significant and, fittingly enough, most important part." He heaved in another breath and captured my gaze with his. For a moment, I was once again transported back to Forks. He was dazzling me, and effectively so.
"I love you, Bella. More than… every light in the sky or drop of water in the ocean. I love you."
I started shaking my head, an involuntary reaction to his words, but his growl cut my head shake short. He flew over to me, startling me for a second.
"I love you," he growled fiercely, taking a hold of my shoulders so that I could not move away. "I messed up more than just my life when I left you. I know that all too well. I destroyed my family and took away a most beloved daughter and sister. Everyone was so… heartbreakingly devastated afterwards. But I selfishly couldn't see their pain, or even yours, Bella. I was so blinded by my own. I convinced myself you'd love again, someone better for you, someone who deserved you better than I did. I know…" he swallowed, "I know I had no right deciding what's best for you. But I hope you can understand my motivations behind all of this."
I opened my mouth to speak but he placed his finger delicately on my lips. He caressed them for a moment before slowly withdrawing it.
"Please, love," he whispered, "I've been burning to get this out since I once again saw your face. Let me speak my piece. I'm begging you."
He waited until I nodded before continuing.
"I don't blame you for not wanting to be with me anymore, Bella. I've destroyed every last trace of trust you'd ever blessed me with- trust and love I never deserved to begin with. I'm not asking you to forgive me or love me again or even live out your existence with me. I could never ask you that. But I do want you to know and accept- I'm imploring you, this- that I love you. I. Love. You." He hesitantly placed a hand on the side of my face. I leaned into it reflexively. My frostiness was melting; I could feel it. "I have always loved you, you silly girl. Always. You changed my world and brought a happiness to me I didn't deserve."
He kissed my hand.
"I love you. Forever."
He moved to walk away again. How dare he? He makes this whole speech about loving me and he was just going to walk away? Again?!
The fury within me reached a crescendo and, with my new vampire instinct, I harshly reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt before he even truly stepped away. I roughly tugged him back closer to me and repressed my smug smile at his bewildered expression.
He stared at me with a million questions swimming in his beautiful eyes.
When the hell did I forgive him? Did I forgive him immediately and did I just decide to hold onto all the foolish anger in a bout of immaturity? How much time have I wasted? How much needless hurt have I inflicted?
My most beautiful angel stood in front of me, broken and hurting because I refused to forgive him. It shouldn't have been so difficult; he did all he could for my benefit. He was just as miserable as I was, if not more. He placed himself in absolute solitude and disrupted his tight knit family just for me. It was all for me. Because he loved me.
And I loved him. More than anyone, anything, anywhere. Words couldn't describe and I certainly couldn't come up with an analogy. Even Edward had trouble.
He was still watching me, impatience flickering in his eyes but he was doing his best to control it. I realized then he'd be walking on eggshells around me. They all had. It wasn't the first time I noticed it; it was just the first time I allowed myself to process that thought. I'd been such a fool. I'd even taken a subconscious amount of pleasure in that.
I decided I'd been silent enough. What would I say in response to that? Even now as a vampire, with some more confidence, I still couldn't utter a speech like that. Especially now, with what I heard and what I wanted to say. So I did the next best thing. I kissed him.
But it wasn't a usual kiss for us. It wasn't a human/vampire kiss. It was equal, just like we were now. He started off slowly and cautiously, just like always, but my frenzied pace and desperate panting made him catch up with me. I ferociously prodded my tongue against his lips until finally, with a sigh, he parted them. Our tongues met for the first time and we both sighed and groaned at the painful pleasure. It actually felt like we were kissing for the first time and I supposed that, in a way, we were. Gone were all our boundaries and pretences and notions. All that was left was the love.
He held onto me tightly, roughly, that I knew if I were not a vampire, his hold would certainly turn me to ash. It was almost as though he was frantically trying to hold me as close as possible to him, like I was going to go "poof" and disappear. With a pang, it dawned on me that was exactly what he thought I was going to do.
With a great deal of reluctance and will power, I tore my lips from his. He whined and somehow managed to crush me to his body closer.
"Edward," I whispered huskily. His eyes met mine and I lost my train of thought temporarily. I took a breath and tried again. "Edward… All is forgiven. I think I forgave you long ago. I was just… angry. So angry that I… I couldn't…" He stopped my incoherent words with another passionate kiss, this one even more so than the last.
I pushed him away again and he stepped back with a pained expression. He thought I had come to my senses and was going to try and leave again.
"I'm not leaving," I promised solemnly and smiled when I saw his eyes glitter with excitement and… hope? "I've wasted enough time being away from you. As you put it when I first met you, I'm tired of staying away from you, Edward."
He smiled softly for me and reached for me. I stepped confidently into his arms where I vowed to stay forever.
"I love you, too."