Chapter Twenty-One
The weeks passed by since Jacob had been with us, quickly turning into months. Our life settled into a basic routine of online class work, training, and hunting. But, as mundane as it sounds, it was actually quite interesting and funny at times, especially when Emmett was involved.
Every day Edward and I, usually accompanied by Jasper or Emmett or sometimes both, would go out into the clearing to test my ability of resisting humans. Some days would go rather well, but others would be tiresome and challenging. It often felt as if I took one step forward and two steps back. Edward, however, was pleased with my progress. I, on the other hand, was less than thrilled with my slow pace, no matter how reassuring Edward could be.
"I'll never be able to go out in public again!" I yelled in frustration as I shredded the piece of cloth drenched in human blood.
"Calm down Bella, you're doing wonderful. You haven't gone hunting in a few days. We need to take this one step at a time," Edward reminded me as he stepped near me. I sighed in frustration and hung my head low.
"It's just so frustrating Edward. My mom will be having the baby soon and I'm not ready,"
"Don't worry about that. You're overtaxing yourself. You will get to see Renee soon," he comforted.
"I don't know. Not like this I can't," I muttered.
"No, not like this. But you are getting better,"
"Yeah, right,"
"You are! You can't just expect to overcome this overnight," he argued.
"I know that! But Edward, yesterday I did so well, I didn't even have to hold my breath and today look at me. One gust of wind and off I went,"
"Bella, don't worry. You're thirsty and that makes a big difference,"
"What if I happen to be thirsty when I go meet my mother?" I asked, becoming angry with myself more and more.
"You won't be. I would never let you put yourself or anyone else in harms way,"
"I know that Edward. I just wish I could be better at this," I sighed.
"You will be, trust me. It just takes a lot of time and practice," he assured me as he hugged me to him. I wrapped my arms around him and let out a deep breath.
"I guess we should hunt before we go home," I voiced, my throat burning and scratchy from thirst.
"Yes," he agreed. He took my hand and we ran deeper into the forest towards our soon to be meal.
Days passed in this manner with us further testing my will power. It was hard adjusting to the dry burn that grew more persistent around the scent of humans and the longing was excruciating at times. But, eventually I grew accustom to it and was able to block it out.
There was one more test left for me to complete before I would be comfortable visiting my mom and dad. A test, which if I failed, could mean that we would relocate to another side of the globe. So much was weighing on how well I would do.
"You'll do fine Bella," Edward reassured me as he walked beside me to the Volvo.
"I don't know," I sighed, looking anxiously back at Alice. She held up her thumbs, signifying that everything was going to be alright. I had hunted just hours before, I was no where near thirsty, but I was still afraid. What if I slipped up? What if I actually killed someone?
"I do, trust me," he voiced. I stopped beside the passenger side. Emmett and Jasper stood waiting for us.
"I won't let anything happen, Bella," Emmett reassured me.
"Everything will be ok," Jasper said, sending me his artificial calm.
"Just remember to remain calm and stay focused," Edward instructed as he opened the car door for me. I slid in and he closed the door. Emmett and Jasper got into the back of the car. Emmett barely fit. If not for the seriousness of the impending situation, I probably would have laughed at the sight of him.
"Ready?" Edward asked as he started the car.
"No," I sighed.
"Bella, please, just trust me," he said, taking my hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Alright, just don't let me hurt anyone," I replied turning my gaze out the window. He turned the car around and sped down the driveway. Once on the highway, I felt myself growing more and more anxious. So much was riding on this trip.
The closer we got to the small town, the more I began to consider backing out. These thoughts were, however, diminished as Jasper flooded me with feelings of courage and reassurance. Maybe I could do it? I had been training for a long time. I had gone days without feeding and managed to not attack the piece of cloth. Edward was confident in me. He wouldn't let me do anything risky. I had no reason to worry.
As the town came into view, so did the scent. It was rich and very, very thick. My throat grew instantly scratchier, and the back of my mouth pooled with venom. My thoughts were in a momentary frenzy as I pictured my self devouring the source of the aroma. But, just as quick as the thoughts came, I began to rationalize that I couldn't do it. I had to remain calm.
As we passed through town, I saw a few people outside of the tiny shops packing shopping bags. The town was small, even compared to Forks. It was odd seeing it now after living here so long. I felt like I was in a foreign place, not my home.
I began to relax when I realized I wasn't losing control. Everything was going alright! I had done it! I had overcome the thirst, the blood lust that had been controlling me. I smiled in acknowledgement. Edward was right, I could do it.
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked as the town started to thin out as we reached the other side.
"That I did it," I answered confidently.
"I knew you could,"
"Thanks,"
"For what?" he asked as we turned onto another street.
"For believing in me," I answered. He squeezed my hand as we turned off the street and parked the car.
"Let's take a walk around the park," he suggested.
"Ok," I agreed. We all vacated the Volvo and walked along the sidewalk to the small park. It wasn't very crowded as we strolled around it's perimeter. A few humans walked close by, but I was able to retain my calm.
"Good job Bella," Jasper would encourage.
An hour or so later, I found myself in hysterics. Emmett had, as Emmett always does, made a normal outing a humorous occurrence.
Finding a rather secluded part of the park, Emmett had taken to chasing a squirrel. The tiny rodent seemed a bit wiser than the average fur ball and had eluded him rather well. At one point it had even managed to pull a disappearing act only to appear high up in a pine. Catching sight of it, Emmett started to climb the tree. With humans being present he couldn't climb it with his vampire capabilities, and by the time he had reached the limb the squirrel had been perched previously, it was gone.
"Rotten little fur ball," Emmett growled as he started down. Edward and I were giggling hysterically as Jasper shook his head at Emmett's childish display. He was clearly worried about how this scene would be perceived by passer-bys.
"There he is!" Emmett exclaimed pointing next to Edward and I. The sly little fellow had managed to make his way down the tree undetected. Being preoccupied with the rodent, Emmett chose a branch that wasn't capable of holding his weight and fell out of the tree. He managed to muffle the fall by catching himself slightly, but he still managed to grab the attention of everyone in the park. The squirrel, pranced off, happily I'd venture to say.
Shock took over our initial delight of Emmett's silliness as we noticed the amount of people gathered around. The scent was getting very strong with everyone so near. I took in a deep breath and held it, not sure if I could cope with all of them being so near.
"Are you alright Emmett?" Edward asked, his tone seeming worried.
"Ow," Emmett protested loudly, clutching his arm to him.
"I think it's broken," Jasper sighed as he pretended to examine Emmett's perfectly fine limb.
"Ouch!" Emmett protested as Jasper pushed a little on his arm.
"Definitely," Edward agreed.
"Is everything alright?" a concerned middle aged woman asked.
"Yes, our friend just fell out of this tree. He thought it would be funny to try to catch a squirrel," Jasper sighed. The woman looked over at Emmett, her eyes showing the shock that he would participate in such an action. Jasper had taken to sending the crowd a wave of relief and distraction. They instantly seemed to depart, no longer interested in our situation. Emmett continued to moan in "pain", and we quickly made our way to the car as to not seem to suspicious.
Once in the confines of the car, and out of sight, Jasper slapped Emmett in the back of the head.
"Hey!" he muttered rubbing his head.
"Idiot! You could have compromised everything!" Jasper exclaimed. He was not one to take our secrecy lightly.
"Sorry man, I was just joking around. I didn't know the limb would give way," Emmett defended.
"Yeah, but you need to be more careful," Jasper retorted as he turned his attention back to the window. I watched the exchange from the rear view mirror. I could see the regret in Emmett's expression and the anger in Jasper's. While Emmett had been quite amusing, his actions were a bit risky. Lucky for us no one thought it odd.
"Did anyone think anything was up?" Jasper asked Edward.
"No, surprisingly. It seems that falling out of trees is a regular thing in the park. In fact, the parents have been rallying for the city to cut down the big pines because so many kids fall out of them. They did think it was odd for such a big kid to be in one, but they just thought he wasn't so well, shall we say, informed?" Edward laughed. Emmett muttered incoherently under his breath and we all began to laugh.
"And you still didn't get the squirrel," Jasper laughed.
"That thing was a demon I tell you," Emmett snuffed, now turning his gaze to the window.
"It was just a squirrel," Edward chuckled.
"A little one at that," I added. Everyone besides Emmett began to laugh loudly. He puckered up like a small child and didn't speak for the rest of the car ride.
Once at home, we were met by a very frantic looking Alice.
"What is it?" Jasper asked as he rushed to her side.
"Renee went into labor!" she exclaimed.
"What?" I shrieked.
"She's having the baby!"
"When?" I asked.
"Right now," she answered.
"Edward, what do we do?" I asked as I turned to meet his gaze. I had to be there for my mother. The baby was early. Only a few weeks, but early nonetheless. What if something was wrong? What if it was sick? What if something happened to her? I had to be there.
He looked over at Alice and then nodding ever so slightly, he turned his attention back to me.
"We go to see her,"
"But I'm not ready!" I protested.
"Yes you are," Alice interjected before he could answer.
"Alice," I started but was interrupted.
"You can do it Bella," Jasper encouraged.
"I don't know," I sighed, not ready to risk my family's well being.
"You can," Edward said, taking my hand and squeezing it reassuringly.
"I'll get your things ready, you and Edward go hunt really quick," Alice directed before I could contest. I nodded and Edward and I ran for the forest. A million thoughts passed through my mind. What if something happened to Renee? What if something happened to her baby, my brother or sister? A huge knot rose in my throat. How could I deal with this? Was I ready? Would everything be ok? So many possibilities played throughout my mind. What if I couldn't control myself?
My mind was a battleground. But I had no time to think it all through. Before I could really realize what was happening, Edward and I were in his Volvo, flying down the high way towards the nearest airport. Jasper and Alice had tagged along for support and for help if the need should arise. It was nice having them along; they gave me a sort of reassurance that I could do it. But, it also made me feel like maybe Alice was hiding something from me? Was everything going to be ok?