Cappie's POV

I'd done it. It was the hardest thing I think I had ever done, but I was proud of myself for accomplishing it. I had been a good friend, even though everything inside me wanted to grab her into my arms and hold on to her for the rest of my life.

I watched her walk out my door with much the same feelings I had felt the last time she made the same exit. The helplessness, the disappointment, the loneliness, they were all back in vivid color.

Last time I had determined to keep everything as casual as possible. I wanted to make her feel that being with me was no big deal and she could come back whenever she wanted.

She hadn't taken me up on my offer. Or maybe I simply hadn't been a good enough liar then.

This time I was going to be better. This time I was going to make her see that she was safe with me. That she wouldn't have to deal with me coming on to her constantly. I was going to show her that I could be the friend she needed and nothing more.

But damn, it was hard.

Not Mr. Happy. I had finally managed to make that problem go away with an intense memory of Gladys at the events office. I was going to have to remember that little trick to use in the future.

So, I watched her walk out of my room on the wings of my encouragement to go find the douche bag, um, I mean Max.

Sitting there, staring at my closed bedroom door, I reached up and physically slap myself on the forehead. Then I threw myself back against my mattress and looked up at my ceiling as I cursed myself. Who was the real douche bag here ? The guy that had the girl or the one that wanted the girl more than air, but couldn't have her ?

Yep, just call me Mr. Douche Bag.

A knock on my door caused me to sit up and I yelled, "Come in." in its direction.

It crept opened slowly, so I knew without looking that it was Rusty. " What's up, Spitter ? What brings you here so early in the morning ?"

" What's got you awake so early ?" He asked as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

I gestured towards the T.V. " Fraggles." I answered.

He nodded but his face showed doubt. " I just saw Casey downstairs. Did she spend the night here ? I'm pretty sure she was still wearing the same clothes she had on yesterday."

" How can you tell ? Everything she wears is pink." I asked.

" It was the same hoodie and white jeans." Yep, a definite candidate for shopping buddy. " Did she stay here with you last night or not ?"

His tone was beginning to sound a little pissy and I didn't like it. So, I shifted and looked him dead in the eyes. " Yeah, we fell asleep watching a movie."

He looked away as if he didn't believe me and settled himself on the foot of my bed without being asked. " Cappie, I know how you feel about her. " He began as if he were scolding a two year old. "But she has a boyfriend."

I put my hand up to stop him before he really got his lecture started. " Uh, Russ, before you go down a road you really don't want to be on, I'm telling you the truth. We started watching the Indiana Jones movies you got for me and we fell asleep. That's all. Nothing more. I'm well aware that she has a boyfriend."

" I just don't want to see anyone get hurt." He told me, finally looking at me again.

I sat up a little straighter. " I would never, ever do anything to hurt Casey." I told him, stung by the accusation.

" I wasn't talking about Casey." He clarified. " I care about both of you. I don't want to see you get hurt anymore than I want to see her get hurt. You are the two most important people in the world to me."

Oh, well, then, that was different. I felt a rush of warm tingly feelings towards the little guy suddenly.

" I appreciate that, Rusty. Really I do, but I know what I'm doing here." I told him. " Your sister is going through something pretty big right now and she needs a friend. That's all I'm doing. I'm being her friend."

" She has friends. You don't have to put yourself out there like that again. You'll just be disappointed again and we'll end up dragging you home from the lunch buffet because you're too drunk to walk."

" That isn't going to happen this time because there is nothing else going on between us. We're just friends. She needs me right now and I'm going to be there for her." I countered, insisting that I was right.

He ran his hand through his short, curly brown hair and sighed. " Cappie, you can't be JUST her friend and you know it. You'll always be hoping for something more."

I shook my head. " Not this time. I promise there will be no lunch buffet, no cleaning spree. There won't be anything like that. I know that it just isn't going to happen between us right now. I've got my head on straight this time."

" Right now ?" he asked.

I hadn't meant to say it and once I had, I hoped that he would miss it. But of course, he didn't.

" Yeah, right now." I answered.

" That implies that you think something might happen in the future." He explained as if I didn't understand.

" No, it means that what we had is over and done with." I argued. " We mean a lot to each other and we want to try to be friends now."

" I can't help thinking that this is just some kind of a scheme you've cooked up to try to win her back again." He told me.

Did everyone think I was some kind of conniving, scheming, underhanded, evil person ? God, maybe Rebeca and I really were meant for each other. Or worse yet, maybe I should give Frannie a call.

" There is no scheme. She's just going through a bad time with losing the election and she feels like she's lost Ashleigh, too. I'm just helping her deal."

" Why isn't Max the one helping her deal ?" He asked.

" I asked her the same question. Which is why she left here to go find him."

" You encouraged her to go find Max ?"

I nodded.

He threw his hands up. " Alright." He conceded. " I guess you know what you're doing."

" I do." I told him.

" So how is she ? I haven't talked to her much since she lost. Is she okay ?"

I let my shoulders fall back against the headboard, relaxing my stance. "She's okay. She doesn't really talk about it, but she's going to be okay. It's been pretty hard on her."

" Well, then." He sounded resigned. " I'm glad you're here to help her through it."

I caught his eyes and leveled him with my most sincere gaze. " I will always be here for her, no matter what."

He stood and headed for the door. " You should get some sleep. For someone that fell asleep watching a movie last night, you look exhausted."

Then he left.

Damn him for being so perceptive.

Casey's POV

I took off in search of my boyfriend but found myself wandering rather aimlessly around the campus. It wasn't that I was avoiding Max. I really wasn't. I just wasn't sure I wanted to be around anyone at the moment. Well, there was one person, but he had thrown me out.

Okay, he hadn't thrown me out. He'd simply encouraged me to do the right thing. Problem was, I didn't feel like doing the right thing. I felt like climbing back into his bed, and resting myself in his arms for the rest of the day, or maybe the year.

Why couldn't we ever manage to get ourselves in sinc with each other. It seemed like when I wanted him, he didn't want me and when he wanted me, I didn't want him.

Well, okay again, that wasn't true. There had never, not even when I was with Evan, been a time that I didn't want him. I'd lied to myself, convinced myself that he wasn't good for me. But that had never stopped me from wanting him. I was guessing that I would always and forever want Cappie. He might not be what I needed, but he would always be what I wanted.

It made no sense. He was like pizza or ice cream. Exactly what you wanted, even though it was so very bad for you. Maybe I needed to return to my non-Cappie diet. I felt like an alcoholic that went on a binder. Now I had to start all over again with the fight against my addiction.

Maybe I could talk to Betsy, find out her secret. The AA seemed to be working for her.

Do they make rehab for ex-boyfriends ?

The problem with the whole thing was simple. I wasn't so very convinced that Cappie was still bad for me. I realized a few things over the past week of spending so much time with him.

I'd realized that everything really does taste better with chocolate on it. I'd realized that I am a much better pool player than I thought I was. I'd realized that playing video games was a lot of fun. But most importantly, I realized that I liked myself so much more when I was with Cappie.

I felt relaxed and carefree. There was no stress, no thinking required. It was easy to be with him. I could be myself. That was something I hadn't expected. I don't think I realized how much of a front I put on for other people until I had the chance to stop doing it and just be me.

God, I missed me. It had been almost a year and a half since I got to spend any real quality time with me.

Okay, that sounded stupid even as the words ran through my head, but that didn't make them any less true.

I wondered what Max would think of the real me. I wondered if he would like her as much as he did the Casey he already knew.

A sudden image of Max staring at me crazily as I downed a beer and let out a huge burp filled my mind and I almost laughed out loud.

Maybe we just weren't to that point yet. Maybe all relationship have to build up to that. The point where you don't think any different about your partner when you find out that they secretly love to sing ABBA in the shower. ( That was Cappie, by the way, not me ) Or when you see them put ketchup on their eggs and don't think anything about it.

Would Max and I ever be just completely comfortable with each other ? Evan and I never got to that point. We never got to the place where I could sit and watch him trim his toenails or his nose hairs. We never got to the point where I was okay with him seeing me walking around in my old t-shirt pajamas with no make up on and my hair a mess.

When we broke up after two years, we still in that place where I woke up before him on purpose so I could run to the bathroom and brush my hair and teeth and throw on a bit of makeup before he could see me.

Cappie and I had graduated way beyond that after a month.

I looked up after suddenly realizing I had been been walking around staring at my feet for nearly an hour and found that I had subconsciously arrived at the Max's dorm.

Did that mean something ?

Why did I think everything had to mean something all of a sudden ?

Because I felt like my subconscious had a message for me that I wasn't getting. It was trying to tell me something important. I could feel it. I just couldn't understand what it was saying. So I was looking for meaning in every little thing.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and turned it on after seeing that I had apparently turned it off the night before. I didn't remember doing it, but when I saw that I had messages I was glad I had. I hadn't wanted to be interrupted last night. And no matter what the messages were about, it couldn't have been any more important to me than what I was doing or who I was doing it with.

The first message was from my mother. Just a quick hello and a " Call me when you get a chance." I was guessing that Rusty had shared the news of my defeat and she wanted to make sure I wasn't suicidal or worse, homicidal.

The next message was an apology from Ashleigh. That made me feel a little better. I hated fighting with her. It was like the universe wasn't right when we weren't talking.

The next two messages were from Max. Both of them sounded casual, but there was something in his tone that made me pause. He had wanted to go out. Wanted to spend some time with me. He said he missed me. And I instantly felt guilt.

I didn't feel guilty for spending the night with Cappie. I felt guilty because, even if I had gotten the messages last night, I don't think I would have gone with him. And if I had, I would have resented him all night for keeping me away from where I really wanted to be.

God, I was so confused.

Cappie was over me. He had made that all too clear. I needed to remember that and try to make things work with Max.

I punched in his number and waited for a only a second before he answered.

His voice was cool and a little aloof when he said hello, or maybe I was just reading things into it, looking for an excuse not to spend the day with him so I could go back to the Kappa Tau house and report that I had tried to be with Max.

" I just got your messages and I was wondering what your plans are for today." I told him.

" I don't know yet. What did you have in mind ?" He asked, sounding pleasant enough.

" I was thinking about going shopping for Halloween costumes."

We had been very nearly bickering for almost three hours. Our tones had turned almost hostile. We both had our opinions and neither of us was budging, not even an inch.

I wanted to go to the Kappa Tau party on Halloween. All the Greeks went to the Kappa house for Halloween. It was the party of the year, shadowed only by the Greek Ball and the Vesuvius party. Besides, Cappie had invited me. There was no way I was going to miss it.

Max wanted to go to some party with the engineering geeks.

I needed Max to come with me. I needed to let Cappie see that I was really making an effort with Max. Besides, Cappie said he wanted to get to know Max better. He was willing to make an effort at being friends with Max, too. That meant something to me.

It told me how much he really wanted to make a go of this friends things. Because honestly, when it comes right down to it, if your friends don't get along with your boyfriend, sooner or later, you have to make a choice.

As I stood outside the dressing room of the costume shop, waiting to see Max's latest stupid choice and silently fuming, I knew that Max did not want me to have to make that choice right then.

" All we're going to do is drink and pass out." He told me through the door. " We won't even remember the party the next day."
" As apposed to your party, where we'll remember the next day, we just won't want to." I countered.

" But these are my friends, Casey." He argued.

" And these are mine and since I've spent time hanging out with you and your friends already, I think it's time you returned the favor." I told him, remembering several nights spent playing scrabble with the other geeks in his dorm, Rusty included.

He opened the door, stepped out and put his hands on his hips. The first thing I noticed was, it was pink. There was so much pink that I had to back up so I could see the purpose of all of it.

Then I focused on the ears and I couldn't keep from laughing out loud. It was a bunny. He was a giant, pink bunny.

" If we go to the Kappa Tau party, You can't wear that." I said, after the laughter finally died away.

" Why not ?" He asked, spinning a little circle and checking himself in the mirror.

" Because someone will beat you up." I answered, still shaking with laughter.

He put his hands on his hips again and his face took on a serious expression. It just made me laugh harder. " So, you're friends are the kind of people that beat people like me up ?" He demanded.

"In that," I pointed at the costume, " it would be too much for them to resist."

" Fine, I'll find something else and we'll go to your party." He stormed back into the dressing room and slammed the door behind him.

Well, good, I was glad that was settled, because with or without him, I was not missing that party.