Casey's POV

I'm not sure how I found myself sitting in the backseat of my car, downing a bottle of tequila and crying my eyes out while my little brother sat in the front, leaning over the seat and trying to comfort me, but here I was.

I guess maybe it just hit me. All of it just hit me all at once. I would never be the president of Zeta Beta Zeta.

Three years now, I'd been striving towards that one goal. It was more important to me than anything else in my life and it was over. Well and truly over. Of course it had been over for a little over a week now, but tonight was the night of our first officer's meeting.

I had smiled my best fake smile as I passed the gavel and book of bylaws over to Ashleigh. I'd been as supportive and upbeat about the whole thing as I possibly could be.

And when it was over and Ashleigh went off to do something without me, again, I ran out of the house. My plan was to find Cappie. I wanted to go to the Kappa Tau house and let him make me feel better. I knew he would. He was probably the only person in the world that could, in fact.

But after driving to the liquor store and purchasing the bottle of tequila in my hand, I thought about it. Really examined my motives for wanting to find Cappie and I felt terrible.

I was using him. I was using him as my safety net again and of course, he was letting me. I just couldn't do that again. I couldn't allow myself to go running to him every time I felt my world fall apart around me. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

So I climbed into the back seat of my car, because I didn't have anywhere else to go really. I didn't want Ashleigh to know how upset I was. She would feel guilty all over again, and I didn't want that. Really I didn't. I wanted her to enjoy the gift she had been given. I certainly didn't want to taint that with my own feelings of loss and depression.

I heard Rusty mumbling something and I tried to focus my eyes on him, but they burned from all the tears I'd shed and the alcohol was making it impossible. My head swam and the world looked more than a little askew.

The snap of his phone made me realizing he hadn't been talking to me and I was grateful because I had no idea what he had said. Then he cleared his throat and put his hand over mine where it rested against the back of his seat. " I tried to call Max, but he isn't answering." He told me.

I nodded. I had already thought about calling Max. Truthfully I hadn't really wanted him to see me like this, so I decided against even trying. So I was glad he hadn't answered for Rusty.

" Its okay." I tried to tell him, but it felt like my tongue was too big for my mouth. " I don't want to see him right now."

" Casey, he cares about you. He'd want to be here." He said, softly.

I shook my head. " He just doesn't get it." I answered, then threw myself into the seat, careful not to spill any of the Tequila on my upholstery.

Good, I thought, at least I'm still sober enough to care about something like that.

Then I took another huge drink. Because if I was still that sober, I was too sober.

" I'm sure he gets it, Case. He knows how important this is to you. Have you tried to talk to him ?"

" Why is everyone so concerned about my relationship with Max ?" I snapped. " I'm a big girl. I can handle my own love life. Besides since when did you become Max's cheerleader ? I thought you were like Cappie's disciple."

He leaned over the seat to look at me. " What does this have to do with Cappie ?"

I took another drink. " It has everything to do with Cappie." I mumbled, through the burn in my throat. " Everything always has everything to do with Cappie."

" You're not making sense. Why does everything have everything to do with Cappie ?"

I huffed in frustration, " It always comes back to Cappie. Probably always will."
I didn't understand why he couldn't see what I was talking about. How could he not understand what I was saying ? Rusty, of all people, knew how I felt about Cappie.

He sighed and I heard him shifting around in the front seat, though I didn't have it in me to lean up and see what he was doing. In the next moment the car started.

I knew we were moving, but I had no idea where we were going. I wanted to ask him but I was too concerned with not spilling the booze to get around to it.

It was a very short trip. I thought maybe he had just pulled my car into my parking space around the back of the house, since I had parked at the curb.

But then he turned towards me and touched my shoulder. " Casey, look at me." I tried once again to focus on him, but lost interest after a moment. " Stay right here, okay ? Don't get out of the car. I'll be right back."

I nodded, since I'd had no intentions of getting out of the car. I was perfectly happy to spend the rest of the night right where I was, as long as the tequila was with me. I was good.

He got out and the car shook when he shut the door behind him, causing my stomach to gurgle a bit. But I determined I was not going to throw up. I was better than that. The alcohol wouldn't defeat me, damn it.

That thought brought the tears back full force and I fell over to sob into my cloth covered seats. Alcohol might not defeat me, but Ashleigh had and it was over.

I don't know how long I laid like that. I was sure I was a mess. My hair was tangled around me, my eyes were so swollen I almost couldn't open them. I was relieved again that Max hadn't answered Rusty's call. We were definitely not to the point where he was allowed to witness me like this.

Suddenly the door at my feet opened and I felt a warm body reach over me.

" Hey, little girl. Fancy meeting you in a place like this." The familiar voice announced as his beautiful face slid into my viewpoint.

I reached out to him and grabbed his shoulders, burying my face into his chest as I continued to sob.

Cappie lifted me up and out of the car. I felt a jacket being draped across my shoulders in defense against the chill of the October evening. I hadn't realized I was cold until I wrapped myself up in Cappie's warmth.

" I didn't want to come here." I murmured into his black t-shirt.

" Why not ?" He asked, glancing down at me as he began to carry me inside.

" I didn't want to use you again." I slurred, realizing I was still clutching my bottle in the hand that wasn't wrapped around his strong shoulder.

" I told you before, I'm always here for you. If you need me, I'll always be here." He answered, solemnly.

" But it isn't fair." I argued.

" I'm not complaining." He answered still in all seriousness. " Now let's get you upstairs and you can tell your old buddy Cappie all about it."

That made the tears come even harder and I sobbed into his shirt. I lied to myself and told myself I didn't know why I was crying now. But the truth was right there, in the feel of his arms around me, in the way I felt so much better the minute he was beside me, in the fact that I wanted nothing more in that moment than to feel him kiss me.

I didn't want my old buddy Cappie tonight. I had no interest in being his old buddy either. I just wanted him. I wanted him so badly it took all my willpower not to sink my hand in his hair and drag his lips down to mine.

I finally got it. I understood at long last the message my subconscious was trying to get across to me.

I was still in love with him. I don't think I had ever stopped.

I looked up into his face and he smiled warmly down at me as his arms held me close to him.

No, scratch that, I was certain I had never stopped.

Cappie's POV

She was a mess. A complete mess. Her eye makeup was ruined, her lips were swollen, her face red and tear streaked. Her hair, that hair that I was so obsessed with, was a tangled mess around her shoulders. Her tiny hand cupped her bottle of tequila protectively against her chest and her other hand was balling my t-shirt in a fist at my shoulder.

I never seen anything more beautiful in my life. She was like art set to motion. Innocence Ruined. Dreams Lost. That would be the name of the sculpture in my arms. Or maybe Beauty Personified.

I nearly stumbled and lost my breath when she buried her head into my chest and started crying again. It tore my heart out when she said she hadn't wanted to come to me. Hadn't wanted to be with me.

But her reasoning, drunken though it may have been, warmed me from the inside out.

She would rather suffer through whatever she was going through alone, than be a burden to me.

I couldn't make her understand that she would never be something I saw as a burden. Being with her was as natural as breathing. She was like air to me and I'd take any excuse, any lame, unreasonable, stupid excuse to be able to hold her like I was while I carried her up to my room.

Rusty bobbed in front of us as I walked upstairs like a little dog yipping and barking. He was clearing us a path, but really all he was doing was creating an undue amount of attention to something I was sure Casey wouldn't want to think about in the morning.

I tried to hush him, but it was useless so I hurried my pace as best as I could with my precious bundle and reached my door without too much fan fair.

When we got there, Rusty opened the door and darted inside before us. When I stepped inside he was already tossing clothes from my bed and straightening the blankets.

" I've got it, Russ." I told him.

His eyes jerked up at me. " Are you sure ? Can I get you anything ?"

" Maybe a glass of water." I answered.

He nodded. But before he could leave, Casey raised her head and smiled at him. " Have you got any limes and maybe some salt ?"

I chuckled as I laid her down on the bed.

Rusty was hesitating at the door, not sure if he really wanted to help his sister get even more drunk than she already was. So I made the choice for him. " You heard the lady, Spitter. We need limes and salt, STAT !"

Casey giggled as she eased closer to me, despite the fact that I sat her down on one side of the bed and sat myself on the other. " Are you going to help me drink the rest of my tequila ?" She asked, as she nearly crawled up my chest.

" I'm not sure that both of being drunk is a good idea." I informed her as I tried to pry her hands for me. " I don't think you're thinking too clearly as it is."

" No," She said as she toppled to her side and started giggling again. " I'm finally, finally thinking very clearly. I know what I want now. I know what my brain's been trying to tell me. I get it now."

" And what is that ? What great epiphany has the tequila bestowed upon you ?" I asked, too curious not to.

She raised up and put her finger to her lips. " I can't tell you. It's a secret." Then she tried to say 'Shh', but ended up spitting on her finger.

" Wow you are really drunk, aren't you ?" I laughed at her antics.

" Oh, yeah." She howled. " I can't feel my toes. But that isn't enough."

" When will it be enough ?" I indulged her.

Her face took on a somber expression suddenly and she looked so sad I thought she would cry again. I had already decided she had done enough crying tonight. " When I can't feel any of me." was her answer and it broke my heart.

" Casey," I reached out and smoothed her hair. " What brought all this on ? What happened ? Did you have another fight with Ashleigh or maybe Max ?"

I had also decided that whoever had done this to her, caused her to react like this, was going to pay.

She fell over to her back and stared up at the ceiling. I almost chuckled when I saw that she was still holding the bottle of liquor. " I had to give up my gavel and my book. Just hand it over, like it didn't mean anything to me. They made me give it away because I wasn't good enough for them. They didn't want me."

I gasped as my heart jumped into my throat. How could she possibly think that she wasn't good enough for anyone ?

"Oh, Casey. That isn't true. You're too good for them." I told her, as I touched her shoulder.

She turned towards me and buried her face in my knee. " Then why don't they want me to be their President ? Why did they pick Ashleigh instead ? Wasn't I the best President I could be when I was leading them ?"

I patted her back and felt my pant leg start to get wet as she cried into my thigh. " Of course you were. You just got manipulated by Frannie. This is all her fault."

Her head jerked up and her eyes narrowed. " I want to strangle her with her stupid fake ' Grey's Anatomy' stethoscope."

" We all do." I laughed.

" Please Cappie, beat her up for me. I know you can do it." Her hand found my arm and she glided her fingertips down it. " You're so big and strong."

I caught her hand in mine, mostly to stop Mr. Happy from making a comeback, especially since her other hand was very nearly resting on his head. " I'll make you a deal. If you still want me to beat her up for you tomorrow, I'll gladly ruin her expensive nose job for you."

She laughed. " I know, it has to be fake, right ? No nose is that perfect."

" Yours is." I smiled and touched the tip of her nose with my finger.

" And its completely natural." She smirked. Then she sat up and cupped her breasts in her hands. " So are these. Bet Frannie can't say that."

Rusty walked into the room at that exact moment and his eyes widened as he found his sister fondling herself in the middle of my bed.

" No, I can almost guarantee that Frannie's breasts are fake." I assured her.

" I bet you've seen a lot of breasts." She said as she fell back down beside me.

I smirked. " I've seen my share."

" Were any of them prettier than mine ?"

Rusty cleared his throat and took a tiny step forward offering me a bowl of limes and a shaker of salt.

" I brought you these." He mumbled uncomfortably.

" Thank you. " I said, taking them from him.

" You sure you don't need anything else ? Do you want me to stay with you ?"

" No, Russ. We're fine. I promise, she's safe with me. I'll take good care of her. You were right to bring her to me."

" Rusty, how about you ? Do you think that Frannie's breasts are fake ?" Casey asked, at seeing her brother.

Rusty gulped and opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, I caught his eye and nodded at him.

" Absolutely, Casey." he answered. " I've never seen breasts that were more fake."

She laughed out loud. " But you're hardly seen any breasts at all."

He turned dejectedly and I heard him mumble, " Even drunk all she can do is insult me." as he closed my door behind him.

" You didn't answer me." Casey piped up.

I thought about lying to her. I didn't want her to know that I had never seen any other body than even compared to hers. But she was so wasted she probably wouldn't remember in the morning, anyway. So what was the point ?

" No, Casey, I've never seen any breasts as beautiful as yours." I said with complete honesty.

She leaned up and nearly fell across me in the attempt, but she finally made it to her knees with a little help from me and she smiled brightly as she leaned closer to me. " Do you want to see them again ?"

Oh my God ! Well, that snapped Mr. Happy to attention in a huge hurry. So quickly in fact, that I felt a little dizzy as all the blood rushed out of my brain. I barely had enough left there to form my reply.

" Casey, friends don't show their breasts to each other. It isn't the way this works. And I'm really sure that Max wouldn't be okay with it either."

There I had done it. It cost me a little piece of my soul, but I said it and I felt better for it.

" Max doesn't have to know." She answered, beating away at my resolve with her batting eyelashes.

" No, but we would and tomorrow you would not be very happy with yourself." I told her. Then I spied the bowl of limes I'd sat aside and decided a change of subject was definitely in order. " How about another drink ?"

Her face let up and she settled beside me like she hadn't just offered me a striptease.

" Are you going to drink with me ?" She asked.

" Yes," I answered, clearing my throat and filling two shot glasses with the tequila she offered me. "Now I am."