Cappie's POV

I snuggled closer into her soft, warm body beside me. I cradled her against my chest and breathed in as deeply as I could, trying to surround myself in the smell of strawberries. But that wasn't what I got. Instead it smelled like shampoo and chemicals and it made me jerk my eyes opened in surprise.

The hair was brown and only shoulder length and curly. Not soft, not blond and long. I was startled at first until I remembered.

I had picked her up downstairs. A random Tri-Pi that was here helping us turn the downstairs into a live version of the set from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. We did it every year.

Well, we did a theme anyway. Last year we were Spartans. And we turned the downstairs into a battlefield. The year before we were all Zombies and the downstairs looked like the set from Thriller. This year, it was Rocky.

Yes, I was going to the party as Dr. Frankenfurter. Heath wanted the role, but I outranked him. He ended up with Rocky, the creature the doctor made. Rusty had taken on the challenge of Riff Raff and Beaver was going to be Eddie.

I was a little nervous about the whole fishnet hose and black leather corset. It would be hard to hold onto my masculine charm while dressed as an over the top transvestite. But I had agree to the whole thing so I was a little stuck. But I had found something in the back of my closet that changed my mind. It was a black, lacy garter and it wasn't mine. It was Casey's. I couldn't wait for her to see it on me.

Surely she would recognize it. I remembered when she wore it to my dorm room back in freshman year. She was so nervous when I answered the door that I thought something was wrong with her. I thought something terrible had happened.

I shut the door and she immediately asked me where Evan was. When I told her he was gone for the weekend, home seeing his parents, she smiled and dropped the long, black trench coat she was clutching to her chest, to revel a black lace bra, with matching garter belt and stockings, black sheer panties and that garter. Nothing else.

My heart stopped in that instant. I had never, ever seen anything more erotic, more beautiful in my life. It was one of my fondest memories of her. Not just because she had come to my room like that and she looked so amazing, but because she had done it despite how nervous she obviously was about it.

She had done it for me. I would never forget that night as long as I lived.

The girl in my arms, my date for the night's party, turned towards me, stretched and let out a long, low groan.

And with the memory of Casey dressed in her black underwear in my mind, I pounced on her.

I should have felt guilty about it. I should have felt like I was taking advantage of this poor girl in my arms. But I couldn't make myself stop.

I had spent a week struggling with so many pent up, unresolved feelings of lust and longing. I needed an outlet and she didn't seem to mind as my tongue separated her lips and delved inside her mouth.

She groaned when I covered her smallish breasts with my hand and flicked my thumb across her nipple, but it wasn't the right sound. The breasts weren't the right shape. It was just off.

Damn, I DID NOT want to think about Casey any more. I had to get her out of my head.

So I struggled against the urge to close my eyes and pretend. I wasn't sure my memory was good enough anyway to pull off the illusion. It had been so long since I'd held Casey, since I'd made love to her. Not even my mind was that good.

The girl under me, I think her name was Brittany, or Bethany, or Beth, Yeah, that was it, Beth, arched her back, pushing her breasts into my chest and threw her head back.

I took the opportunity to sample her luscious-looking neck. I started right behind her ear, but it didn't taste like it was supposed. So I moved to the side of her neck, and still it was wrong. Finally, I stopped at the pulse point right at the base.

I snaked my tongue out and held it against the throbbing pound of her heartbeat. I very clearly remembered the first time I'd done the exact same thing to Casey. She had nearly gone crazy, spasming in my arms and biting into my shoulder so hard it left a mark for days later.

I was not getting the same reaction from Beth, so I tried harder. I sucked at her skin, hard enough to bring it into my mouth where I flicked my tongue over it.

Beth whined.

Not a bad reaction. A whine was okay enough, I suppose. It was a proper indication that she approved of my actions. But it still wasn't..... right.

But it was enough for now.

I dropped her body back down to the bed and moved my hands from her back to her breasts again.

I was having a lot of trouble with the breasts. There was no amount of imagination in the world that was going to make them right. They were too small, too perfectly rounded, just too everything. The small pebbles of her nipples grated against my palm and they were too small as well, and the wrong color. Brownish, which wasn't bad. Nipples were allowed to be brownish. There was no law against it. But they should have been bigger, and a rosy, dusty pink.

I still determined I would ignore the discrepancy. They were, after all, still breasts and they were in my hand, begging me to taste them. And as any true male can attest, any breast is a good breast when its resting in your palm.

So it was a good breast, not perfect, not in the least bit accurate, but good. I dropped my head and took one of the achingly hard nipples into my mouth, raking my teeth over it as I did.

She clawed my shoulders and back, now that was good. Casey could be so unbridled and wild during sex that she would leave my shoulders and back nearly ripped to shreds before she was done.

I liked that. I highly approved of a bit a pain mixed with my pleasure. Just a bit, mind you.

The girl was going crazy under me, bucking her hips into mine, thrashing about a little too wildly. ( Not a bad thing, again, just not right.)

I nudged her leg to the side with my own and she immediately draped her legs around my waist.

As I sunk into her I concentrated on moving slowly. It was how I liked it. I loved to savor the feel of sliding into Casey. She was always so warm and wet and tight. I liked to slip in, inch by inch, dragging it out as long as possible.

Beth bucked her hips into me and it was over just like that. I hadn't gotten to savor. I hadn't gotten to revel. I was just suddenly buried inside her to the hilt.

Okay, she lost some major brownie points on that one.

I grabbed her hips, holding her still as I stayed still as well. I wanted a moment to just feel her. But the second I did, I realized that she still wasn't right. It was off, not as tight, not as wet. So I moved, because staying still would mean I was dwelling on the differences and I didn't want to do that.

I moved and freed her hips so she could moved along with me. Bracing my weight on my hands on either side of her head, I kissed her as we set into a rhythm that wasn't really hurried but wasn't leisurely either. Just an easy steady pace.

I looked down into her eyes and the color shocked me. Green, the perfect color of green. I hadn't noticed it before and I couldn't imagine why not. It should have been one of the first things that struck me.

I stared at her and lost myself in those eyes, so close to perfection. Nearly the exact same color, near enough that I could manage to pretend. I could make it work.

I convinced myself that they were right and reveled in the fantasy of Casey staring up at me as I moved inside her.

She arched her back against me and clung to my shoulders. I kissed her again, but it was hurried so that I could return to her eyes and not lose the illusion.

She broke the contact and raised up enough to plunder my throat with her tongue. It was something Casey would have done, so I let her and closed my eyes.

Drawing on every last scrap of memory I had, I allowed myself to bask there. I lost myself in the past and without realizing it, I increased our pace until we were rocking against each other almost angrily.

It wasn't long until she dug her nails into my back and bit back a scream in my shoulder.

I felt her spasm around me and I was gone.

The exquisite burst of pleasure ripped through me and I cried out as well and stopped myself at the last moment before I shouted her name, not Beth's name, Casey's.

Because I had done it, I'd manged to convince myself that it was her in my arms, her wrapped around me. And it was all I needed.

I lay there for a moment, spent and panting until I realized that I might be heavy and the poor girl was having enough difficulty breathing without my added weight pressing down on her lungs.

As I shifted, I expected her to shift as well, to bring her body against mine, not wanting to lose any contact yet.

But she didn't. She laid there, panting, trying to catch her breath.

Okay so she wasn't a cuddler. I could live with that.

Maybe I would keep Beth around for a minute. The eyes alone were worth the trouble.

Casey POV

We were sitting beside each other on Max's bed. I'd covered myself in his sheet because at the moment I didn't feel like being naked with him.

I was actually feeling a lot less than attractive, a whole lot of rejected and even a little bit angry.

The anger was silly. I'll admit that. He couldn't control his bodies reaction to me. He seemed like he wished he could bad enough. So he wasn't to blame for the debauchery of our afternoon.

But still he had told me only a matter of moments before that he wanted me so badly we couldn't breath when we were together. Had he been lying ? And if so, to what purpose ? Why go through all this if it wasn't true ?

His body certainly hadn't been thinking along the same lines as his words, at least.

" Casey," he whispered into the darkness of the room. " I'm so sorry."

" It's okay." I lied, because it was what a woman was supposed to say when something like this happens.

" No, it isn't. I thought I could do this. I thought I was ready." He explained.

" So, you aren't yet. We can wait until you are." I turned to him and smiled.

" I really tried not to think about her. I really did. But I've never done this with anyone else and it's like the last thing I have of her. The memory that belongs only to Sarah."

Here we were again. Here was me, fighting against an angelic dead girlfriend that could apparently do no wrong.

I know he'd said she had her flaws, but honestly he didn't act like he saw any of those things as flaws. I was beginning to feel like I would never be out from under the immense shadow that Sarah seemed to cast.

"Max, it's okay that you were thinking about her. There's no harm in that. If it was the only other experience you've had, then of course you were thinking about her." I told him. Because how could I not. I mean, I had to actually pinch myself to keep my mind where it was supposed to be, after all.

"It doesn't bother you that I was thinking about her ?" He asked.

I wanted to say Hell yeah, it bothers me. I wanted to yell that I had had enough of perfect Sarah.

But I didn't because that would have labeled me a bitch in my mind.

I took his hand and smiled at him, though I wasn't sure he could really see it in the dark.

" Of course it doesn't bother me. Its natural. You can't help where your mind goes."

Then something occurred to me that literally turned my stomach. Had he been doing the same thing I had been doing ? Had he been comparing me to her and finding I wasn't living up to his memory ?

I couldn't ask him without admitting I was doing the same thing. And there was no way I was going to tell him that.

Oh, no, that bit of information would definitely end in me having to make a choice between Cappie and Max.

I wasn't prepared to make that choice yet.

So I let it go and tried to erase it from my mind. Whether he was or wasn't there was nothing I could do about it.

But damn it ! I was so sexually frustrated from spending so much time with Cappie lately, I wanted this to happen. I needed this to happen. I needed an outlet so I could continue to spend time with Cappie without the very real possibility of ripping his clothes off.

I needed a release and, in the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara, as God as my witness, I would not go hungry again.

I dropped to my knees on the floor and tossed off the sheet that was covering me.

If Max was having issues, it was time he got over them and moved on. This was what he needed. If I had to give him a little nudge in the right direction, work a little harder, then I was willing to do it for him. Yeah, I knew it was a lie, but it sounded noble and righteous so I was going with it.

I rested my hands on his knees and looked up at him from beneath lowered eyelashes. " Max, you know we could try this again." I offered. " I mean, if you still want to, that is."

He buried his hand in my hair and smiled down at me. " Casey, I want to. You have no idea how badly I want to, but I can't promise that I won't accidentally think about her again."

" It's okay." I told him. After all, it wouldn't be Max I was really thinking about either and this way I could pretend with a clear conscious. " You don't have to feel guilty for thinking about her."

He leaned forward and kissed me. I nudged his lips apart with my tongue and drew his tongue into my mouth to suck on it until he groaned into my throat.

" Are you sure ?" He asked, when he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.

" Absolutely." I nodded, " Just sit back and relax. Let me take care of everything."

He groaned loudly and leaned back resting his weight on his hands on the mattress behind him.

I looked up his body and knew that it was going to take a lot of imagination to make this work for me.

But I'd had plenty of experiences in the last week to work with.

I could do this. I wanted to do this. No, I needed to do it.