Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Soul Calibur. And I don't own the song I used in this one either.
A/N: You may have noticed that I changed the genre of this story from Humor/Parody to Humor/Romance. Why? Well, since the way things have been going with Nightmare and Tira, I thought it was wise to switch it. But that was just my judgment...Anyways, the ending for this series is drawing nearer and nearer after each chapter. I'm angry because this series is a lot of fun to write. But, enough of me rambling. Enjoy this new addition to "Camping is Funner with Friends"!
The next morning, Tira got up early. Being hungry, she walked over to the neighbors and tried to steal some food. Sadly, both Kilik and Xianghua were up. Tira walked over to the neighbors to see why they were up so early. When she got there, she saw Kilik with his ear pressed hard onto the radio. Xianghua was right behind him, nagging in his ear.
"What is it saying? What is it saying?!" Xianghua repeated like an annoying little kid.
"Shh!" Kilik hushed her up. "If you don't shut up then I can't hear what it's saying!"
"Um...Hey," Tira butted in. "What's up?"
"SHHH!!" Kilik and Xianghua said in unison.
"We're listening to the news!" Xianghua said.
"But only crazy old people and 30-year olds who live in their parents' basements listen to the news on radio," Tira said.
"No they don't!" Kilik said defensively.
"Tira!" Nightmare roared as he came out of the tent."I thought you were going to steal the waffles from the-"
Nightmare stormed over to the trio. He noticed Kilik and Xianghua and stopped himself.
"I thought you were going to steal some waffles from the...the.... fish."
"Quiet!" Xianghua hushed.
"Um....What's going on?" He asked.
"SHHH!!!" Kilik and Xianghua said with one finger over their mouths.
Nightmare looked at Tira. "What's going on?"
"I don't know. They're trying to listen to the news," Tira whispered to him.
"I thought only crazy old people and 30-year olds who live in their parents' basement listen to the news on radio?" Nightmare asked.
"Quiet!" Kilik growled. "The news on now!"
Kilik turned the volume knob up so everyone could here what the reporter was saying.
"Hello," The reporter greeted. "This is reporter who has better looks, pay and dog than you Mr. Seamore Butts-"
"That's a perfect name for that ass-"Nightmare mumbled to Tira.
"Today, we have news of a duo that broke out of the maximum security prison. One is man by the name of Raphael Sorel. He was arrested for accusations of pedophilia. And also, a Miss Hildegard Von Krone broke out with Mr. Sorel. She was charged for beating up her defenseless boyfriend. The duo is dangerous and well armed. If you have any information on where these two are at, please call the Soul Calibur COPS at this number..."
The four looked at each other with their jaws dropped.
"I told you he was a pedophile!" Nightmare shouted. He then began to do his victory dance. Tira threw a log at him and got him in the head. He fell down to the ground and just lay there.
"This just in," Seamore said frantically. "Radioactive badgers have broken out of a maximum security lab and are plotting to take over the world!! Ahem...Call the local animal control or nuclear powered animal control if you see these creatures."
"Radioactive badgers?!" Nightmare yelped frantically as he got up from the ground. "I thought they were just a myth!"
"Apparently not," Kilik said as he turned off the radio.
"Well....I think the news has got dumber," Tira scowled.
"No it isn't!" Xianghua said defensively. "The news is almighty!"
"But there is no such thing as radioactive badgers!" Tira exclaimed.
"Yes they are!" Nightmare shouted. "Ever heard of the story of the crazy scientist on an uncharted island?"
"No," Tira said quietly. "And I don't want to find out."
"Anyway," Kilik butted in. "Now, we have to keep an eye out for the evil lawn gnomes, two crazy inmates who escaped prison, and radioactive badgers."
"But how Kilik-chan?" Xianghua asked.
Kilik stood still. Everyone else was eagerly waiting for an answer.
"Well?" Tira said quietly.
"I have no idea what to do," Kilik finally answered. The three groaned in response.
"Isn't that just great," Tira said sarcastically. "If you don't mind, I'm going to go sit in the tent."
"And I'm going to go into my tent and hatch up a plan!" Kilik announced.
The two went to their tents. This left Nightmare and Xianghua alone.
"Did you ask her yet?" Xianghua asked unexpectedly.
Nightmare, completely caught off guard, blushed.
"N-no!" Nightmare stuttered.
"Then when are you going to?!"
"I don't know! How should I "sweep her off her feet"?"
"...You really want my advice?" Xianghua asked, shocked by Nightmare's need for advice.
Nightmare nodded.
"Okay then! Here's a perfect idea for you!" Xianghua said cheerfully as she grabbed Nightmare's claw-arm thing. She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Now listen....."
Later that day, the sun became a full moon. The moon glowed down on the earth below. Tira hadn't left the tent all day, giving Xianghua time to perfect her idea on how Nightmare should sweep Tira off her feet.
"Crazy chick!" Nightmare whispered harshly. "This outfit is itching! When can I take it off?"
"Not till your done with the plan!"
"But it itches!"
"SHUT UP!!!!!"
Nightmare's eyes widened and he sat quietly. The two were hiding behind a bush near Nightmare and Tira's tent.
"Okay! Now go out there and woo her!"
"But this outfit is ridiculous!"
"Quit complaining and do it!"
Xianghua shoved Nightmare out of the bush. He was now in front of the tent. What he had on is something no man would want to wear. He had on an obnoxious matador costume that was covered in glitter and sequins. Nightmare, when he first saw the outfit, thought that it probably belonged to Kilik.
"I don't know what to say!" Nightmare hissed at Xianghua.
"Don't worry! I have it under control! Yo Tira! There's a group of children tainted by Soul Edge who want to be hosts to the sword!"
In no time, Tira ran out of the tent. She looked around, her eyes full of excitement.
"Hello children!" She said in her creepy, demented jester voice. "Here's the applications for-Oh its you…Hi Nighty."
Nightmare looked at Tira. His knees were shaking violently and, underneath his armor, his face was glowing bright red. All Nightmare could do was wave slowly at her. Tira walked over to Nightmare and looked closely at his outfit.
"Why do you look like you're about to do some bullfighting or something of that nature?" She asked as she narrowed her eyes.
Nightmare tried the best he could to try to think of something intelligent to say. But, being the lovable idiot he is, he couldn't think of anything and just stood there shaking. Tira rolled her eyes.
"I'm…going back to the tent if that's okay," She said as she turned her back at him.
Xianghua slapped her forehead.
"Nightmare!" She hissed. "I'll start the music, you start singing!"
"Hey!" Nightmare hissed back. "I'm not-"
"Nightmare," Tira said as she looked back at him, her eyes narrow slits. "Who or what are you talking to?"
Before Nightmare could answer, Xianghua started the radio that was right next to her. The instrumental version of the song, "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" by Rod Stewart, starts playing. Nightmare, remembering all the intense vocal training Xianghua gave him just a few hours ago, begins singing. Tira stands still and listens to Nightmare, eyes wide.
"She sits alone waiting for suggestions
He's so nervous avoiding all her questions
His lips are dry, her heart is gently pounding
Don't you just know exactly what they're thinking?
If you want my body and you think I'm sexy
Come on, sugar, let me know
If you really need me just reach out and touch me
Come on, honey, tell me so"
Tira sits down on a near by stump and continues to watch Nightmare with a cute little smile on her face. Xianghua, still sitting behind a bush is smiling like the crazy person she is.
"Hey, Xianghua," Kilik whispered behind her, scaring her out of her wits. "What are you doing?"
Xianghua screamed, not knowing who was talking to her. "That's my purse! I don't know you!"
"What are talking about Xian-"
Before Kilik could finish his sentence, Xianghua throws a huge block of lead at him. The lead hit Kilik on the head and knocked him unconscious. Xianghua looked down at the now unconscious Kilik realizing she just knocked out her fiancé.
"Opps…Sorry, honey," Xianghua said innocently. "You know better than to sneak up on me. Especially when I'm trying to get the neighbors to fall in love with each other."
Xianghua looked back at Nightmare and Tira. Tira was still sitting on the stump with a smile on her face. She clearly was entertained by Nightmare. Nightmare, meanwhile, was onto the second verse of the song.
"He's acting shy looking for an answer
Come on, honey, let's spend the night together
Now hold on a minute before we go much further
Give me a dime so I can phone my mother
They catch a cab to his high rise apartment
At last he can tell her exactly what his heart meant
If you want my body and you think I'm sexy
Come on, sugar, let me know
If you really need me just reach out and touch me
Come on, honey, tell me so."
Nightmare held out his good hand to Tira. Tira took his hand. Nightmare pulled her up, wrapped his deformed arm around her waist and pulled her closer to his body. Tira placed her hands on his chest and gazed into his red eyes.
"His heart's beating like a drum
'Cause at last he's got his girl home
Relax, baby, now we are alone."
After he said that, the radio stopped playing. Xianghua looked at the radio,
"What the heck?" She said. She found a stick and began bashing the radio furiously. "Play you stupid thing! I want him to finish the song!"
"Xianghua," Kilik said tiredly as he began to sit up. "I think you're making it worse…"
Xianghua yelped and hit Kilik over the head with the stick. Kilik fell back down and was unconscious again. Xianghua looked at him.
"Sorry Kilik…You know that you shouldn't interrupt me when I'm angrily beating the radio."
Xianghua continued to beat the radio with a stick. Nightmare and Tira, on the other hand, were still in each other's arms. The two were looking lovingly into each other's eyes.
"That was so romantic Nighty…" Tira said softly. "Are you sure you weren't lip-syncing that?"
Nightmare shook his head. He was out of breath from his performance.
"I think I'm in love with you, Nighty…"
"I know I'm in love with you Tira."
"Come on. Let's go into the tent."
Nightmare nodded. He picked her up and carried her bridal style to the tent. He closed the tent up and the two probably went into a make-out session. Xianghua, who stopped the bashing the radio like an angry cave woman, looked at the tent and smiled.
"Aw…so cute!" Xianghua said cheerfully. Then she looked down at the unconscious Kilik and scowled at him. "Why aren't we ever like that?"
Kilik did not respond and continued to lie there. Xianghua rolled her eyes and went to her tent.
A/N: Yay! Nightmare got some long awaited action! I'm happy about that. Next time, either the gnomes, radioactive badgers, or escaped prisoners come bother the campers. But who will it be? Find out next time!