Hello, here's my first attempt at a L/ Light thing… sure hope you like it!
Warnings: eh, Light might be a little OOC…? Heh.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Thank you.
My messenger from hell
Chapter one: Strangely hollow
One day, L caught himself thinking of Light Yagami as beautiful.
Since he was the world's greatest detective- no, the world's three greatest detectives- and since living in denial wasn't really his style, because it was a foolish thing and he was far from foolish, he didn't just pass it of as nothing. No, this incident made him question himself. And since he wasn't an idiot, this made him realise something vital.
One thing L was quite sure of early in his soul searching, was that it was not only attraction. It wasn't just Light's looks that appealed him. Yes, Light was good-looking. He was handsome. He was beautiful. L just couldn't wait to touch his hair.
But other than that, there were more.
Light was smart. Really smart, actually, intelligent, intellectual, maybe even more so than L himself - which L would never, ever admit, to himself or to others, that he had so much as considered the possibility. L, who wasn't used to meeting people being so close to his own level - the most were, truly, very, very far away- both liked and disliked this new turn of events. It was so much more exciting, and so much more threatening.
It was double edged.
Light was, to continue listing his good qualities, very sincere, in an odd way. He was pure, kind hearted and naïve; all of that L knew he didn't possess at all. To be so smart, Light was very stupid when it came to some things. He was a wishful thinker who wanted what was best for others.
Despite all this, he did have an enormous ego. There, he and L were probably equally matched. Or wait, maybe not; in some areas, Light hadn't got that much self confidence. Usually, he didn't hesitate to show everybody how good he was, but L had seen exceptions.
He was, in all means, a complicated person, Light Yagami.
L liked that he couldn't always tell what he was thinking, that he wasn't the slightest bit predictable. What he didn't like was that all of this was to be considered the reasons for him falling in love with the brown haired boy.
The Kira case was over.
Persons Mikami Teru, Kiyomi Takada and Misa Amane had all been arrested after being proved to have, or had, been Kira or the second Kira over various amounts of time. Light Yagami, a Kira suspect, had been freed of all suspicion. He and L had worked together on the case, and it was together they had been able to bring down all of the Kiras and defeat the notebook of death, such a powerful and unnatural murder weapon that against it, even L had needed to have assistance.
It was true, L believed he wouldn't have made it without the aid of Light Yagami.
Though he had no problem thinking he would have very well made it without the Japanese police force, but he was diplomatic enough not to tell them. It would have meant he and Light alone, after all.
His gratitude was one of the reasons he couldn't bring himself to say no when Sachiko Yagami, through her husband, invited him over for tea.
He was starting to regret it, however. L had had hopes of seeing Light, that he could not deny. It was half a month since he closed the case and he had only seen the teen two times during these weeks.
The last thing he had expected was to be alone with his mother.
Soichiro was constantly being chased by the press right now, for being the head of the hero group, and he had gotten his job back and a raise and people wanted his help with everything. He was getting invited to a whole bunch of events and the TV shows fought for his attention. To stop his family from getting all too harassed, Soichiro, being the hero he was, kept away from home right now.
Light had gotten it from somewhere.
L had no idea where Sayu was and frankly, he didn't give a damn.
"More tea?" Sachiko smiled.
"No thank you," L answered politely, biting his thumb.
If she had reacted to him emptying the sugar bowl, she didn't mention it.
They were seated in the clean, tidy kitchen, opposite each other, L with his face turned to the windows. It was winter now, the snow was falling outside, white powder from the steal grey heavens. It was afternoon and L knew he really should be working.
If this had been an ordinary case, he would already have left Japan by now. He knew he was being unreasonable, Watari kept on telling him. The old man wasn't so persistent, though; L had the frightening feeling that he knew a lot more than L himself what was going on in the detective's brilliant mind.
"Where is Light-kun?" L couldn't help but ask.
"He has his prep course," Sachiko said, nodding proudly. "He makes his mother so happy! As always, although he has missed so much, he is still best in class."
"Yes," L said. "Light-kun is bright."
'Maybe too bright.'
He moved a little on the chair. It was very slippery; he had to lean his legs against the table and hold on to the tabletop, to be able to keep his normal sitting position.
It was like everything in this house; you slipped of it, or was it the opposite? It was smooth and perfect, neat and organised, all too much so.
Sachiko was a housewife overdoing it.
Light had gotten that from somewhere, too.
"I am so glad he is cleared," Sachiko continued. "Hearing about it, like this, afterwards… my poor son!" She shook her head. "How could anybody ever believe him to be Kira?"
It didn't occur to her that she was sitting opposite to the only reason for her son's suspicion. It made L smile.
"Light Yagami never was Kira," he told her.
And this was actually the truth: L had never for real believed him to be. Maybe he, to some extent, had suited the profile, but he had early in the investigation been proven to have an alibi. Besides, the Kira they had chased had note been as smart as Light Yagami, nor had he been so refined, but L had known he was going to need help anyway.
Therefore, he had used the suspicion. L understood right away that the righteous mister Yagami never would have allowed his son to participate in something so dangerous, unless he had a reason to. L couldn't tell the team he needed the help; it would have made them lose faith in him. By making him a suspect, L had made sure to make Light a part of the case, and from there, including him in the investigation was easily done.
This was, of course, a secret. They didn't know just how well he had manipulated them.
"Light Yagami never was Kira," L repeated slowly. "And now, he is just an unhappy boy with an eating disorder, who cannot take the pressure."
L didn't know when he had noticed it, but he had. They had been working together 24/7, after all. Light had had tones of excuses, none which was very believable, and L had simply let it pass, because he had at the time being had more important things to worry about.
After the Kira case, it was easy to tell that Light had been even harder on himself than before. However, L coming to that conclusion was merely a qualified guess, he hadn't had it confirmed, and it was only to see what kind of reaction it would trigger he told it to her.
"That's not true!" Sachiko didn't sound angry, more like L's word had been a dumb joke, and she smiled the smile of the innocent and blissfully ignorant. "Impossible! My son is perfect."
She was looking straight at him, and yet, she was obviously blind.
L felt a need to raise one of his nonexistent eyebrows.
"Apparently not to himself," he concluded.
"So, those awful Kiras," she continued, not seeming to listen. "I've heard they're scheduled to be executed next week?"
"Yes," L replied bluntly. "They are."
When Light came home, L was still there. He and Sachiko had ran out of topics to discuss half an hour ago, and were now seated in front of the television along with Sayu, watching one of the teenage girl's favourite shows, starring Hideki Ryuga.
L was sitting with his knees up to his chest as always, in their living room sofa, where he looked kind of misplaced, resting his hands on his knees and absentmindedly staring at the TV screen.
It took him some time to register and react to Light entering.
"Hey mom… Sayu…" Light gave them a big, flashy and, how it looked to L, fake smile, before turning to the detective. "And Ryuuzaki, hi!"
"Light-kun," L greeted him quietly.
He hadn't had sugar for approximately two hours and five minutes and, let's see, something like thirty-five seconds. He suspected this might affect him in a negative way.
"You wanna come to my room?" Light asked, pulling gentle fingers through his already perfect hair.
Was he even human? For sure, that hair wasn't.
L just glared at him with huge, black, emotionless eyes and didn't care to answer. Then, he got to his feet and started walking towards the teen. He couldn't help but see how his appearance still looked to make Light flinch a bit: he supposed he wasn't perfect enough for the brunette's perfect world.
"Heeey mom!" Sayu shouted. "I couldn't take Touta-kun to my room! How come Light can take boys to his room?!"
She burst out giggling, like she had just said something incredibly funny.
"Oh quiet, Sayu!" Light made a face.
"Yes dear," their mom agreed, "leave your brother alone."
L was quite pleased with them not being able to know what was going on in his head.
They got up the stairs and entered Light's room, and as soon as he had closed the door behind him, the teen turned to the detective.
"Why're you here?" he asked, not the polite welcoming L had expected, but annoyance in his voice.
"Isn't Light-kun glad to see me?" L replied with a question of his own, trying to not sound too amused.
Light gave a weak and not very convincing laugh.
Did he know L could pretty much see through his usual manners? Was that why he wasn't trying so hard?
"Of course I am," he said. "Don't be stupid!"
"Silly statement, Light-kun," L said in a bored tone. "I am never stupid, and you, not being stupid either, should have noticed that by now."
Ignoring that and with a big sigh, as if something heavy was weighing on him, Light walked further into his too clean, too organized room and sat down on his made bed.
Without asking for permission, L sat down beside him. Keeping his balance while maintaining his reasoning abilities wasn't the easiest thing on a madras, so it kept L occupied for some minutes. Still, he could not help but become aware of how disturbingly short - or long, depending on how you looked at it- the distance to the ginger haired boy was, how distracting he found his very existence.
L was worried about the fact that he doubtlessly was in love with the other; love was a feeling he should not allow himself to give in to. He was good enough to not show it and unfortunately smart enough to know that the chances of him winning if he fought it was less than two percent.
"So, how has Light- kun been?" L wondered, aware of the fact that he might not receive an honest answer to that question.
"Fine, I guess." Light just shrugged. "You?"
He shifted on the bed, which was dangerously close to making L lose his balance. If it meant physical contact, it might be very risky. L did not wish to ruin their friendship, and he didn't feel very comfortable at the thought of sexually assaulting the poor, naïve boy.
That was probably not true coming to those things, anyway. It was much more likely that of the two, L was the beginner. Was Light a virgin?
He looked at the younger boy, carefully; he didn't want him to notice.
"Hey," Light said after some silent seconds. "What's with you?"
"What?" L turned his face and his whole attention towards the teen.
Light looked exhausted, even more so in here, where he wasn't keeping up a façade to his unknowing, unintelligent family. He was thin all right; thin and tired, a young man in need of food and sleep. L wondered if Light knew that he knew, whatever it was he knew, or at least what he suspected.
L wondered if Light himself understood that there was something wrong with him.
"You have never before watched me out of the corners of your eyes like that," Light answered, a little smirk at his lips. "When you usually look at me, you stare straight at me. So. What is it?"
He was a little too observant. L looked into those hazel eyes that were melted chocolate, Light looked frighteningly delicious, without flinching or blushing or changing his expression, and tried to force his heart to beat slower. Regarding L's feelings, how much did Light have figured out?
"It is nothing," the detective said, his voice and his eyes didn't betray him, but his heart rushed and the beat was filling his ears so loud it just might.
He had wanted it for so long now. He couldn't even recall when it had started. He didn't even know if he himself had seen it starting, or if it had simply snuck up on him a little at a time.
So much for being a genius. Tell the feelings they are stupid; they won't care.
"There," Light laughed, seemingly unaware of the torture he was putting the other one through. "That's your normal look! Well, it still is disturbing, I'll give you credit for that!"
He was so… casual. Didn't he notice at all? Or was he only enjoying his moment of power? L bit into his thumb to stop his hand from wandering off somewhere it shouldn't be.
Light Yagami was, in spite of better words, perfect. At least that much could be said about his looks. His face, his lips, his hands, his hair. L wanted to touch him, the smooth skin, his fingers were aching to feel that softness. It would be soft, his eyes could tell, even if Light was too skeletal, his bones were too visible.
"It was nice seeing you again," was Light's attempt at continuing their faltering conversation. "It was, well, it wasn't that long ago, but… you have any new case you're working at?"
"No." L shook his head, a small movement, barely an inch from side to side.
"Why not?" Light asked. "You know, if you ever need help, I will help you…" He couldn't disguise the eagerness in those words. "Aren't there plenty of countries out there in need of your help?"
The teen leaned a little closer to hi, a frown appearing on his forehead. L worked very hard to remain still.
Light obviously wanted an explanation and not a kiss.
"I think this might be hard for Light- kun to comprehend," L begun. "Unlike you, who is a very caring, unselfish person I am not out to save the world." The other's frown deepened. "I do not mean to insult you by saying this, it is plain facts. L, I, am known for only taking cases that interest me. Thus, when I do not find anything worthy of my attention, I do no work- or at the very least, I merely solve the cases over my computer, I do not have to be there." He cocked his head to one side. "Does Light-kun have candy?"
"Uh… no…" Light seemed taken a back by that question.
He was so close L could actually feel his breath. L wished for him to move, forwards or backwards, anything was better than him just sitting there, calm and unaffected.
'Won't you kiss me?' L begged silently, his thoughts being things he would never say out loud.
"I guess I do get that, in some way," Light said, and no matter how much the detective wanted him to, he didn't care to read L's mind. "I mean, no offence, but I have seen how… selfish you can be, coming to a case… You always want to win so beautifully, not caring for the lives you could save if you skip that attitude."
'I'm scared,' L admitted in his thoughts, 'and insecure and I do not know how to do this, but you are beautiful and if I could ask you for anything, it would inquire you kissing me. And I also think it is true that I do need to get laid.'
"I cannot agree with me being unselfish and all, though." Light kept talking, in true or fake ignorance. "I'm not a hero," he laughed, "however much I would like to think so… But who wouldn't? No, coming to that, I think you're wrong."
'Here,' L kept thinking, ignoring the teen's speech. 'Right now, before I am forced by my feelings to make a move and show you have pathetically inexperienced I am.'
"I am not trying to be humble or anything, saying this," Light went on. "And I don't think I'm better than you or something, but if you ever have a case in Japan - or, I mean, I could travel somewhere- and you need assistance, I'd be glad if you called me."
'Kiss me. Idiot.'
"I don't mean that you are incapable of doing your job or something," the laugh again, clearly false, "you are the best detective after all, but it has just been such a pleasure working with you, and…"
"Light-kun. Shut up."
Wait, did he say that out loud?
"…What?" The teen blinked. "Excuse me, did I…"
It was somewhere there L closed the distance between them and finally got Light quiet by pressing their lips together. Light's eyes widened til they were huge.
He tasted like, no, he was, honey, all the sweets L had eaten in all of his life was in that kiss, on those lips. He'd been right; Light was delicious. Even though the detective had a dozen of arguments to why this was authentic, it felt unrealistic. Light's lips were hot and wet, and L made a weird sort of jump trying to get even closer to him, embraced the brunette the best he could.
This was a dream, that was a cliché, and L was completely, irrevocably in love now. But even so, no matter how good it felt, one thing he couldn't get out of his head was that now, more than ever, he could feel exactly how skinny Light was.
When Light at last realised what the hell was happening, he parted their lips with a gasp and shoved the other man away from him.
"What are you doing?!" he shouted, disbelief in his voice and on his pretty, perfect face.
"I apologise," L said quietly.
He had allowed himself to get carried away and now the chances were he had ruined it all. That was inevitably what you got for making your dreams come true; you always had to sacrifice something.
He hurried to his feet, his face was all numb, he didn't really know what he was saying.
"I am sorry, Light-kun," he heard his own voice announce. "I did not mean it, it was only an experiment, and I really have to be going now, I have work to do…"
"Yes, yes," Light just waved his hands around, L couldn't tell if he was angry or anything, "that's good, I have to study!"
"I'm sorry, Light-kun," L slowly repeated, closing his eyes for a moment and allowing himself to take a deep breath. "Good bye."
"Bye!" Light said, and this time, his smile was definitely forced.
L walked down the stairs, out in the living room. He was starting to regain control and he could feel his face again; he was, judging by how hot it was, probably blushing. He told Sayu, who was still sitting in front of the TV, good bye hoping she wouldn't notice, and then he left.
It was early evening and L Lawliet was feeling strangely hollow.
Thanks for reading:)! Hope it wasn't too, err, overdramatic or something… hope you liked it! Please review! And can you find my 'Gone with the wind' reference XD? Haha, it's not hard…
Yes, I know perfect is a very common adjective coming to Light. It just suits him so well! The name comes from the Nightwish song Romanticide, by the way… "Perfection my messenger from hell" .