Wow, I'm working fast now XD! No, but seriously, you guys, you're support really helped! I was so glad to get your reviews and alerts and favorites! Thanks a lot!
So, last chapter O.O! What? When reading through all the chapters, I was actually quite happy with how it came out... but I couldn't have done it without your help, so a big thank you is in order :). Hope you'll like it.
...wait, anyone else who have noticed that I only gave something like the first chapter a name? XD
Disclaimer: don't own.
Warnings: Well, duh. It's the OOC Light I've been telling you about... and my improving, but far away from perfect, English.
My messenger from hell
chapter five
The sun was shining brightly from a cloudless sky. The weather was scornful, it was laughing at them all. At him, at least.
He didn't see the light. He couldn't feel the life.
Without being able to turn his look away from the all too blue sky up above, he backed away from the window. Now you see it, now you don't. Instead of the colorful, hateful heaven, his eyes were now fixed on the brown ceiling over his head. What was it with this lovely weather?
It was cold two mere days ago. And yesterday, it changed, and today, the unnatural heat remained. What was it with the taste of blood in his mouth? Had he bitten his tongue? Was he bleeding now, or was it all imagination playing tricks?
He felt that all of this was somewhat disrespectful. This was not the weather of a day when you were supposed to say goodbye.
Before he was able to wipe the tears away from his cheeks and deny that he had ever cried them, his phone started vibrating. He had turned the sound of: he couldn't bear it. It was awful. He should have just destroyed the stupid fucking device when he had the chance. To shut it up.
What about bidding someone farewell was worth all of this?
He answered before he could stop himself, it was more of an instinct, just to make the vibrating stop.
"Hello?" he said, though he wanted to tell whoever it was to go to hell, to piss off and leave him alone and never, ever bother him again.
'Leave me to the laughing sky, the smiling sun, the emptiness of this false summer.'
"Light? Where are you?" His sister's voice. "Mom's made lunch, you know... hope you're not meaning to get her all worked up again."
He frowned.
"I'm..." he looked around. "I'm at a café, hanging out with a friend."
Why did he lie? Because 'I rented a room at a hotel since I needed to be alone' sounded too pathetic? No. That wasn't it. He just didn't want anybody to ever be able to find him.
If he hid from the departure of his only friend, did it make him a coward? What kind of moron couldn't survive a parting anyway? He was resting, that was all.
And maybe if Light didn't come to see L off, the detective would have to stay. He'd have to find him again. He would be able to, since he was a genius, and since detectives worked with finding things, and since he was the greatest of them all, but Light was smart, and he could play with L for a while, and he could stop the man from taking that flight and every plane thereafter, and then, L could stay in japan. At least til he found him. His time here would have been prolonged, anyway.
And Light would get stronger during the searching and when the time came, he would manage. He would say goodbye without shedding a tear. It was a genius plan.
No, it was just desperate and stupid. L wouldn't care to that extent. He didn't.
"I...don't want to talk right now, Sayu." And those words were the last Light told his sister before hanging up.
His timing was off. Of all times when he could have gone all weak and scared, this was it? When L was leaving... couldn't he have just waited with falling apart until after the man was already gone? So that he would go thinking Light had made it out unscratched.
'Stupid sun. Stupid summer. Stupid L. Stupid Chicago. Stupid murderer running around over there. Stupid airport. Stupid planes. Stupid hopes and believes in an impossible dream. Stupid, stupid Light.'
Maybe this was all his doing. The pain he felt, had he chosen it for himself? Would the suffering stop if he just changed his state of mind?
Maybe if he hadn't been so selfishly tragic, L could have actually loved him enough to never leave.
It was sunny. The car was waiting by the hotel entrance, and behind the wheel Watari sat, dependable as always, the only person in his life that constantly remained the same. The elderly gentleman had already arranged for the detective's bags to be brought down, and L himself was just carrying one thing: his laptop, under his arm.
He had never actually thought of telling Light where to meet to say their goodbye, so he flicked his phone open to call the teen. He lifted it to his ear in his usual manner and expected to be met by a response quite soon, because Light was too polite to make people wait. But no, nothing. No answer.
Not even an answering machine.
How weird. Light must have turned if off.
"Ryuzaki?" Watari called from the car, sticking his head out of it. "Are you coming?"
L stared at the cellphone in his hand as if accusing it of hurting him somewhere deep down and personally. He didn't reply on Watari's question: he was too busy wondering what was wrong with his phone, or Light's phone, or the number he had been given.
He tried the number again, carefully dialing it himself this time. And then he waited. Nothing.
A feeling of unease silently settled itself in his stomach. The teen had been a bit upset yesterday, that was true. And he was unstable. L had thought that he had gotten worse this past days, but now, when reflecting over it, it occurred to him that the teen had actually gotten better. He had been beginning to open up to the detective... and L hadn't even noticed. Light had tried to reach out for him and he wasn't there. After the incident with the kiss L had made an effort to hold himself back: not counting the whole 'sneaking into Light's house and touching his feet'- thing.
Or maybe he was just overreacting. Even if Light didn't answer it didn't have to mean he was up to something stupid. His phone might be dead. As if perfect Light would ever forget recharging it. Or he had dropped it and it had gotten ran over by a car. Or Light had gotten ran over by a car.
Which was bad. L was thinking about which flowers to pick up when a hand on his shoulder woke him from his unrealistic thoughts.
"It's about time we get going," Watari said, smiling compassionately; once again it occurred to L that he, if anyone, knew what was going on in L's head.
"Yes," L said. He nodded. "Let us drive past the Yagami household first. I have to bid Li... them all farewell."
"Okay," Watari agreed, and then they both stepped into the car.
During the whole drive, L was absolutely silent. He sat facing the road, but could not remember really seeing anything later, when the car came to a stop in front of the Yagami family's house. He went out of the vehicle and was knocking on the door faster than he usually did anything – except maybe kick people in the face.
The door opened after a few minutes of waiting, under which Watari had made it up to his side. L immediately recognized the worry in the housewife's face as that of hundreds of mothers he had met through the years, when he came to help them find their prodigal sons.
"Where's Light?!" she nearly screamed and grabbed the detective by his collar. "It's you, isn't it? You came bringing all those lies and now you have made him disappear again!"
Watari stepped forward to calmly but firmly remove her hands from the black haired man he had helped to raise, and then he backed away, as much a gentleman as ever.
"I assume Light-kun is not here, then," L said tonelessly, with none of his concerns showing on the outside. "I noticed that his phone was not turned on, but what is it exactly that make you think he has gone missing again?"
Sachiko blinked.
"He... Sayu called him earlier," she said. "He just said he didn't wanna talk to her and then he hang up. I haven't seen him since this morning, and...," she sighed, "there are clothes and other things missing from his room. No note or anything, but... and then I thought, since he went away recently, without telling us, maybe he was with you this time, too." She straightened her back and L could see that she tried her best to calm herself down. "I suppose that's not the case. I apologize for my behavior."
"It is okay," L assured her.
Then he turned to Watari.
"If there is any other number where we might reach him, will you please be sure to get it, and to call it?" he asked him. "I will go up to Light-kun's room to see if there is any clue whatsoever to where he might have gone. This is probably just a matter of us all overreacting, but if it is not, I would like to find him as soon as possible."
Without even waiting for the other man to answer, he went into the house and up the stairs. A strange feeling seemed to reside within him: a fear that made his logical sense go haywire. Was this what it was like to panic?
L found nothing in the room of any interest, except for what Light's mother had already said, and he went downstairs to tell Watari to get in contact with the police, and without thinking once about the flight he was about to miss.
It was early evening, and no one had been able to get in contact with Light again. This made Sayu the last one to talk to him, and therefore, her own father and L had both taken turns questioning her.
Light hadn't brought a credit card with him, so there was no record to retrieve from there. Though the whole task force that had helped catch Kira – even Matsuda- had been called over to the Yagami house, no progress had been made at all since Light's disappearance was discovered.
L didn't feel like the world's greatest detective then. He didn't even feel like a genius. If he couldn't find his own friend, then what good was he? What could he actually do that was worth something?
Or maybe, he tiredly figured, it was just because Light was his friend that he wasn't able to do anything. Light knew what he thought. He knew how he worked. And he was very smart himself. And it might be the fact that this was Light-kun that prevented L from thinking clearly.
They were all seated in the kitchen, and Sachiko was feeding them. She was devastated from her son gone missing, but she could pull herself together enough to make dinner for them all. You had to admire her. She was strong.
L didn't eat, however. Real food wasn't his cup of tea anyway. He sat beside them, without participating in the conversation, and without getting any attention.
That was good. That meant they didn't notice him when he finally sneaked out. And he did not want any of them to actually look at him: he would see blame in their eyes. He was the one doing this for a living, after all. He was the worthless number one that couldn't bring poor Light-kun back.
Maybe Light was just being melodramatic, L had suggested earlier, and hiding until he thought the detective had left the country. In that case, he and Watari should probably keep away. 'He wouldn't!' Sayu had answered, teary eyed, upset and tired. L had looked away and suddenly found nibbling at his thumb very fascinating.
Now he went out into the hallway and picked up his phone. Watari had left several hours ago to alert other forces that would answer to L, and L felt that he couldn't just stay here without doing anything himself. He called Watari.
"I am going out to look," he said.
Watari sighed.
"Good luck, Ryuzaki," he said, and L could tell from his tone that he was very saddened by this. "Good bye now."
"Good bye."
They hung up, and L left the house without telling anybody else, positive that he wouldn't be missed.
He just had this feeling. You didn't solve cases by relying on feelings, but this seemed so hard, he was willing to try that option. Maybe if he walked around the city and looked for Light... though the chances of finding him this way was incredibly slim, he might get some new ideas from the fresh air. And going to places where Light would usually go could actually give him some leads.
Also, according to the drama queen residing in the teenage genius, Light would want to be found: if not now, so soon enough, and he would want it to be L that found him. So L would have to be him. He would have to try getting into the head of Light Yagami.
But as it got later, no new thoughts that was of any help made an appearance. L had never before felt his brain work so slowly. He needed a sugar rush, if anything.
Sayu Yagami didn't sleep well at all that night, haunted by the feeling that it was her fault her brother hadn't been found.
L Lawliet never rested, but kept on searching the streets, like Sayu getting consumed by guilt.
Sachiko Yagami did not sleep at all. She cleaned the house. She was especially accurate when cleaning her son's room, so that he would come home to nothing short of the best.
Soichiro Yagami kept his phone switched on, and hoped for it to ring, when he finally managed to fall asleep. It didn't. It lay there quiet on the bedside table until the dawn broke.
Curled up in a ball, Light Yagami fell asleep on an uncomfortable bed in a cheap hotel room, hating the stench of the surroundings, not wanting to stay here, but too tired to stop himself from drifting off.
The next day wasn't as bright as the two last. The sky was gray and although the weather wasn't as cold as it had been a week ago, it was colder. The snow had mostly melted away, and now, the only thing the clouds seemed to bring was a promise of rain.
L stood outside Light's school and watched all the students moving into the building. If Light didn't come to school, he was obviously hiding away somewhere. And it was serious.
He had considered, but dismissed, the risk that Light's disappearance wasn't one he had chosen for himself: that something had really happened to the teen. But it was a too precise timing, too convenient, it didn't seem believable. And besides, if he was hurt, they would have found out, if he had been kidnapped or anything of the sort, he could have outsmarted his kidnappers no doubt, and would probably be home by now.
L went in to talk to Light's teachers, and when he came out, his fears had grown even bigger. Light was the top student with the best grades at the whole school, and he wouldn't miss out for something that he didn't deem important.
"Where are you, Light-kun?" L murmured under his breath.
Light didn't feel well. His head was spinning. His stomach was cramping.
He should have known better than choosing this run down place. But he had known that L knew he couldn't stand anything messy or cheap, and therefore, he had chosen the worst he could find. In that way, L wouldn't be able to find him.
Like he'd be looking.
Light made an attempt to get off of the bed, but with that movement, the whole room tipped over, and it made him so dizzy, he couldn't even think of trying again. He fell back down on top of the dirty cover. No way that he was sleeping underneath it.
He sighed. What now? This whole running away business was beginning to look like a bad idea. To not mention how stupid and childish it made him feel. Well, if it hadn't been for his pride, he would've had already gone back by now to tell his family he was sorry, and to ask for help. He didn't really know when it had happened, but he had begun to accept something that he before had been denying: he really, really was in need of help.
L was in America now, anyway. What was he trying to accomplish?
Sneering at his own stupidity Light made another try to get to his feet. This time, he really thought he was going to succeed. But no, the floor beneath his feet was moving on its own, and he tipped back down on his bed, a total loser who couldn't even stand.
He stared up at the ceiling and wondered what those red lights were, dancing over it.
"I think I am in need of you now, L."
L was eating a strawberry. It was his tenth, and definitely not his last, since the big bowl in front of him still was halfway filled up. He chewed it carefully, at the same time as watching the people in front of him.
Soichiro was in command of the situation in cases when, as now, L was quiet. He was talking to the other while gesturing wildly: he was obviously upset about something. No doubt the case concerning his own son was a strain on him, and he was now taking it out on his incompetent coworkers. L found himself sympathizing with the older man.
He had used to get annoyed when parents or other relatives of people he was trying to find got hysterical in his presence, but lately, he felt his understanding for such actions had improved.
He was awoken from his staring by his phone ringing. It lay beside the laptop, that stood in front of him, switched on. Worthless. None of his usual tools was of any use now.
The others reacted to his phone ringing: they started, in the silence that had fallen after Soichiro's ramble had ended. They all turned around to glare at him. L met their looks, some annoyed and surprised, others openly accusing him, with a blank stare.
They all seemed to share the incorrect belief that every phone call L received was an important one.
L didn't even check the display before answering. No doubt it was just Watari, who had found some other hardly useful lead.
"Yes?" he replied bluntly.
The answer was a low cough, and a weak: "Lawliet..."
L's eyes widened.
"Light-kun?" he asked, trying to keep control over his voice.
None of the officers at the other side of the room seemed to have noticed; they were chatting with each other about coming up with a new strategy, and the older Yagami had left the room. Matsuda said something which made L vaguely think 'stupid Matsuda'.
"Where are you?! We are all looking for you, and..."
"All?" Light interrupted. "Does that mean... L, where are you?"
"I'm in your house," L muttered. "Now, Light- kun, that is not what's vital here... where are you?"
A sound he absolutely hadn't thought he would hear in this situation was now reaching his ears. Light was laughing.
"Why is Light-kun...?" L was bewildered.
"You stayed," was the reply, with a hint of a smile in the broken voice.
L just frowned. What had he expected?
"Of course, I did!" he said. "What did Light-kun believe?"
That question was only met with silence. After a minute of it, L tried to think of something to say, to find out the other's location, to assure him that he didn't have to hide away anymore, but before he could, Light finally spoke:
"I will give you... I'll tell you where I am, if you promise to come alone," he said. His voice sounded muffled. "L... Ryuzaki... Lawliet..."
"Yes, that sounds good," L agreed, keeping a watchful eye on the rest of the persons in the room. "Please tell me."
Light whispered a name of a hotel L would never have thought of checking. The moment thereafter, he hung up.
"That is good, Watari," L said into the phone. "Goodbye now."
It took some effort to make it look like natural when he got up. He started to walk towards the door as normally as he could, putting his one hand in his pocket, and raising the other one to his mouth, to bite his thumb. He felt that he was only trying to imitate some other person's movements when he did this, and was very afraid that someone else would notice. But no, he was too good for them; he passed them, and they didn't give him a second glance. It probably helped that they were all more or less angry with him right now: he didn't know if it was because Soichiro had actually said anything, or if they all silently blamed him for their own reasons.
L Lawliet had completely forgotten about the strawberries when he left to find his first love.
L didn't know if Watari driving him would count for him not coming alone in Light's weird world, so instead, he called a cab.
When the driver dropped him off at the given address, his feet had barely hit the street before he broke into a run. Quite an awkward one, rewarding him with a lot of sidelong looks. He ran into the hotel and past a woman who sat behind a desk stuffed with things, with a cigarette in her hand which she just took a drag on, all the while trying to paint her nails. The cheap place held an awful stench, a sort of soiled aura. Not that L hadn't seen worse; he just couldn't imaging Light setting as much as a foot on this floor, or even in this neighborhood.
Light had told him his room number, so he went straight over there. He barged into the room in a less than polite manner and was so happy when he really saw the boy lying on the bed – he had suspected him of lying. It was Light, after all – that he for once in his life actually felt like crying out in joy. Or do a little uncharacteristic dance or something of the sort.
Light felt L's fingers against his forehead. He knew it was L's fingers because no other person ever touched him like that; so carefully, not really sure of what he was doing.
He opened his eyes. He couldn't remember actually closing them: they must have just fell shut on their own. He looked up into a face so familiar, he for one moment thought that he was still at home. L had sneaked into his room again and was now pestering him in the middle of the night. Yeah, like that.
But wait, his room didn't smell like this. And it wasn't so ugly. He must really be confused, to mix his beautiful room up with this. His weakness was suffocating; the feeling of an utter defeat flowing through his veins. He ate, didn't he?
When was the last time?
"How is Light-kun?" L asked.
Light was glad to hear that there was worry in his voice. L hadn't deserted him. L was with him.
"I'm...fine," he said slowly, doing his best to force his tongue to cooperate. "I'm not... hurting." And then, he felt the tears streaking his cheeks, and he added: "I'm not crying."
"Yes you are, Light-kun," L said.
Light didn't have energy enough to get angry. He just snorted weakly.
"I'm not," he said and tried to sound convincing. "I..." With a little gasp, he gave it up. What was the point of denying it, anyway?
"Why did you call me?" L wondered. "If you thought I had left Japan, why did you chose to call me?"
"I am crying," Light admitted. Was it so easy?
Had he just said it out loud? He had just admitted to something that proved him to be weak. Why had he done that? What was wrong with him now? Despite everything else, that was a line he didn't cross.
But to L's question, he said nothing. Why reply when the only reply was a dumb: 'Because your number was the one I could recall'?
Now his parents couldn't be proud of him. This catastrophe of a runaway and the way he had upset them... what sort of person was he? To do that to them.
"I...think I am in need of help, L," Light's tongue remarked, without him wanting it to. "If I... If I make sure to get some help... that is professional... I don't know, some institution or something..." he hesitated, but decided that he had already said too much, that what he said now didn't even matter anymore: "Will you stay with me?"
L thought about Chicago. He thought about the thousands of other cases that needed to be solved right away, and all the people he could help.
"If I had had any decency in me, and been the least bit unselfish," he said, "I would have said 'no', and then, I would have gone off to help others, that need me more than you do. But I told you before that I am a selfish person, did I not?"
Light only thought of one thing to answer to this, a thing that L no doubt already knew, and that he was the one not acknowledging up til now. The thing that had made his body give up on him at this accursed place, the reason he couldn't stand.
"L, I don't eat."
The end.
So, that was it XD! Hope I didn't disappoint you. I didn't wanna drag it out too much in the end. Aaaand, you got your happy ending:)! I had to, it's soon Christmas... I had to have L staying with him! Nah. I personally dislike most happy endings, but this one, I couldn't resist! And don't you worry, Light'll get through it. Light is strong! Light can write so that it's readable when he's been shot like three times and have nothing but a fingertip, a tiny puny bit of paper and blood! Light can do anything!!
...this was actually quite long... but I said one chapter, and I wanted to avoid a cliffhanger. And yay, I did!
Please give me your thoughts.:)
Thanks again to everybody for their support throughout this story. I am so glad to have you:).
Merry Christmas to all of you and a happy new year! That I actually finished this so quickly, can't believe it^^.