Growing Up

By Sarga

Written June to November 2008

Posted November 22, 2008

Description: Naraku defeated, Kagome realizes that half-demon Inuyasha will always remain the boy she met, timelessly unageing. Kagome must choose between letting him go and staying by his side. Can he forgive her if she goes? Can she forgive herself if she stays?

Chapter 4 – Moving On

Kagome sat listlessly behind the cash register of her semi-weekly job, trying to wile away the hours by not thinking of anything. She was doubly failing.

Time crawled by as her mind kept revisiting the night not two weeks earlier. She had tried to call Kohaku via cell phone twice in the week after the incident but he just hung up on her altogether. Too bad he hadn't given her his apartment's phone number; now she couldn't even call Kiro to see if he knew anything about Inuyasha. Obviously Inuyasha had been there to visit the son of Koga, how else would he have just happened by at that exact moment?

Kagome had tried to find Inuyasha, spending hours searching for his name in the phone directory online. Not a single person with the given or family name Inuyasha could be found. It had been five hundred years for the half-demon (he wasn't quite as young as he had been), maybe he was going by another name.

Sighing as she glanced up at the clock (only three minutes had passed since the last time she had checked) Kagome switched tactics. Could she find Kiro in the phone book? She had his address and name – it was worth a try.

Coming alert at the sound of the door opening, Kagome sat up straighter as a patron entered the store. The customer didn't bother to glance at her as he headed down the second isle, and Kagome was at first too shocked to move before springing into motion.

"Kiro!"

Calling out the name of the demon, Kagome vaulted over the counter and dashed over the isle.

The man in question stopped dead before turning a wary gaze her way, dropping the ramen in his hands as his hackles rose. Kiro subtly shifted into a defensive stance that screamed that he was willing to take whatever Kagome dished out. She paused in her advance toward him.

"Miko."

Kiro's cold voice shed light on his change of demeanour from their last encounter. Inuyasha had apparently told him of her abilities.

Kagome blinked as she took in his defensive posture, backing up a step in the hopes of easing his distrust.

"Please, I'm not interested in harming you, Kiro. I was a friend of your father's..."

The wolf-demon snorted.

"Right, and we all know how loyal you are..." Kiro's sarcasm was not lost on the woman before him.

"Dammit! Whatever he's told you, he obviously didn't get it right!" That kept his attention. "Yes, we were lovers, but he was little more than a boy. A boy who used me – against your own father, I might add – as some sort of trophy fuck to prove he was the biggest, baddest 'big-bad' there ever was. I couldn't stay knowing I was just there to prove who had a bigger pair..."

"Bullshit!"

The voice from behind her startled Kagome and she gaped open-mouthed at the source of both her heartache and her joy.

"Inuyasha," the breathy whisper escaped from Kagome's lips and it was as if there was no time between then and now, as if she had not spent the last six years thinking of anything but the half-demon before her, as if it were still that morning in the forest before he had spoken a word.

"You always were a stupid human," Inuyasha's words drove a wedge five-hundred years wide between them. His eyes shone with malice, two weeks hadn't stopped him from blaming her, not even another five-hundred years could do that. "Leave the food, Kiro, I'm suddenly not hungry." Inuyasha spoke over Kagome's shoulder to the wolf demon and he turned to go. In three quick strides, she was at his side, her hand laid gently on his arm.

"I know you didn't mean to, Inuyasha," Kagome whispered, her eyes shining with remorse. "But that's how it happened. You made me feel like I was your world after I had given you everything there was to give, only to throw it back at me when you went to fight instead of staying with me." Her tears had escaped their confines, steadily trailing down her cheeks "I needed you to stay and you left me..."

Inuyasha's expression remained hard and unchanged, much like what little Kagome had seen from his half-brother. There was nothing left of the boy she used to love in this man. Kagome realized this with a resounding sadness in her hollow heart.

Kagome let her hand drop from Inuyasha's arm, her burning eyes never breaking from his, even as Kiro pushed past the pair and out of the shop.

"...I loved you," Kagome whispered, one last attempt to see a reaction – any reaction from the man who had been the boy she loved.

Eyes steely, expression unreadable, Inuyasha gave Kagome a reaction, albeit not the one she wanted.

"Bullshit."

Inuyasha's hoarse whisper was like a slap to the face.

Turning on his heel, Inuyasha left the girl to mourn the passing of any hope she had that he would come back to her, that he would be willing to see his younger self's actions as she had seen them. As he walked away from her, Kagome's heart heaved, denial no longer an option.

As Inuyasha walked away from her and out of her life for good, a part of Kagome Higurashi died.

. . . . . . . . . .

Eight Years Later...

At the age of thirty-four, Kagome Higurashi stood clad in the traditional garb of a miko while at the top of the shrine stairs, surveying her afternoon's work. The steps to the shrine were clear of debris once more, the dust and leaves that had collected there no longer an eyesore. Her grandfather would be proud of her work. With a nod of approval, Kagome continued the task that had been so studiously done by her grandfather before her. When he had died, she had taken up her duty with solemn pride, and she was not one to shirk her responsibilities.

Kagome heard the bustle of activity behind her and paused in her work, the sound of small footsteps making their way up the many steps of the shrine bringing a smile to her lips. The children...

Kagome turned around just in time to sweep up the two little girls as they bolted into her arms. Giving them a big squeeze, Kagome kissed them each on the cheek before turning her serious gaze to each of them in turn.

"I trust your father will tell me you were both well behaved?" Kagome prompted, their innocent looks confirming their angelic behaviour.

"Don't worry, sis, they were better than even you could have hoped." The thirty-year-old in question followed his daughters up the stairs and to his sister's warm embrace, his wife at his elbow smiling softly as she watched her two children play together near the shrine's sacred tree. "It's good to see you."

Kagome gave an uncharacteristic smirk, a small twinkle in her eye. "You won't be so happy in a few minutes..."

"Grandma!"

The girls had seen the older woman and abandoned their play-time, opting to rush headlong into what they knew would be a fun surprise.

Souta groaned as he saw his mother give the girls a messy, sugary confection, knowing full well that he had planned on surprising his mother so that she wouldn't have had time to bake her granddaughters something that would keep them up until all hours of the night.

"Traitor," Sota ribbed, half-heartedly. "I'll see you inside," he smirked, knowing full well he should have offered to help her finish whatever task she had set to for the day.

Kagome licked out her tongue after her brother, feeling like a kid again, revelling in the giggles and squeals of her nieces as they played just by the front of the house.

Sighing contentedly, Kagome finished sweeping the grounds and made her way into the house and up to her room to change out of the traditional clothing. Rinsing her hands and face, Kagome's glance into the mirror became protracted, her youthful appearance more worrisome than any wrinkle or laugh-line could ever be. At the age of thirty-four, Kagome still looked like a twenty-year-old, and it was starting to seem as if she would be the same forever. Part of the reason she had never taken another lover was due to this oddity of the flesh. That she was still young meant she still had time to continue her life and start a family. The irony was not lost on Kagome. She had left Inuyasha to start a family but because of Inuyasha, she couldn't.

Kagome hadn't seen Inuyasha for over eight years and yet she knew he was, at least in part, responsible for her agelessness. The other part of the responsibility fell solely on her shoulders.

During these years of self-imposed celibacy, Kagome had taken the time to get to know the shrine's holdings as she maintained its upkeep. Part of that had entailed reading the diary scrolls of priests and priestesses of the shrine's past and she had been lucky enough to find several older scrolls still intact. Protected in specially made and specially warded cherry-wood crates, several generation's worth of scrolls were at her disposal and they told her so much more than she had ever wanted to know.

Like how it was that Kagome Higurashi was immortal.

Apparently when Inuyasha and Kagome had been intimate, there had been an exchange of power. He had offered his protection to her in the form of his demonic energy, something that bolstered her own life span and rate of healing. Even now, so many years afterword, she was still reaping the benefits.

Which was the source of her current heartache.

The exchange of power was not something that could be maintained without will. Even now Inuyasha was somewhere out there, choosing to keep her alive longer than everyone else. It meant Kagome looked like she was still in her early twenties when she was actually thirty-four. It meant she could heal almost as fast as Inuyasha, as she had found out when she had broken a leg only to have it heal within a couple of days (the doctors had been astounded). It meant her brother, nieces and mother would all get old and die long before Kagome even got her first grey hair.

It meant Inuyasha still protected her.

That was the crux of the problem. If Inuyasha hated her so much, why was he willingly keeping her alive and young? Each possibility was more exhilarating and frightening than the last...

Also in her readings, Kagome had discovered that not only could he share his life's energy, but they could both detect each other through the very link that kept her life's energy bonded to his. If she meditated on it, she could feel him (and she had). If she focused hard, she could find his exact location relative to hers (she had done this as well). If she wanted to, she could even call out to him (although she was too afraid to try this one).

The thought terrified her.

Sighing, Kagome wiped away the imagined weariness from her face and set herself up to enjoy the company of her brother's family. This was a big house and it was always good to hear the sounds of children in the yard.

. . . . . . . . . .

Kagome stood in front of the large solid wooden door with apprehension that made her knees quake. Four times over the last month she had gotten the courage to come a little further and now she was at an impasse. This door was all that stood between her and Inuyasha. This door was all that kept her from seeing him and demanding he either take her back or let her go. She couldn't live forever – not without him.

Knowing it could be the last time she saw him was what kept her from moving forward. Knowing it might be the end of forever... it was almost as hard as leaving him the first time had been.

Kagome reached for the doorknob, telling herself that if it was locked, then it just wasn't meant to happen tonight.

The door opened freely.

Reaching out through the link once more, Kagome reassured herself that he was inside as she pushed the door open silently. Clicking it softly behind her, Kagome was startled to find the house appear to be empty. Not a single light was visible from the doorway of the foyer and she had to wait for her eyes to adjust to the ambient light before she could get her bearings.

Inuyasha was to the right, but there was a wall in the way. Gently trailing her hand along the wall beside her as she searched for a door, Kagome saw the beginnings of soft firelight flickering on the floor of the hallway just ahead. As she reached the doorway, she stood silently and watched as the source of her power – and her weakness – continued reading, oblivious of her.

Kagome felt her heart sink lower. Inuyasha wouldn't even acknowledge her. There was no way he couldn't hear her, the way her feet had echoed softly in the hallway. There was no way he couldn't smell her, the scent he had claimed to both detest and adore. Kagome prepared to do what she had never had the courage to do, to pull on their bond, in assertion of their connection. There was no way he couldn't see her – was Inuyasha wearing glasses?

Kagome tugged on their link.

With a start, Inuyasha swung his head to the right, his eyes first going wide, then narrowing in confusion as the book he had been reading fell to the floor unnoticed.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha whispered. None of the arrogance was there, none of that cocky bravado he always threw her way whenever he saw her except for...

"Your human night?" Kagome gasped, the realization setting in. Inuyasha shook his head in an attempt to get a hold on himself, his lack of denial confirmation in and of itself.

"What are you doing here, Kagome," Inuyasha sounded weary, as if this were a long conversation they had repeated over and over. Perhaps they both had, just not together.

"I want my life back," Kagome whispered. "Love me or let me go."

"What?" Inuyasha looked genuinely startled, as if he had been prepared for anything but what she was giving him.

"My life, Inuyasha. You've put my life on hold for thirteen years. I want it back."

Inuyasha looked sick, the realization that Kagome knew that he had kept her this way on purpose making him unsure of his response.

"If... if that's what you want."

Kagome frowned. Inuyasha wasn't putting up a fight, but he also didn't look happy about it.

"What I want..." Kagome breathed, suddenly as weary as he looked. A wan smile graced her lips as she stepped past Inuyasha's stony form and leaned down to pick up his book, closing it gently before laying on the chair he had been sitting in when she had entered. Leaning back on the arm of the chair she folded her arms across her chest and gave him an appraising look. "What do you want, Inuyasha? That's something we never talked about when it could have made a difference. Why is it that you've kept me this way for so long when you know full well the effects it would have?"

Inuyasha looked panicked, eyes flitting back and forth before finally being trapped by her own. Like a deer in headlights, his eyes were wide and unblinking. Just like said deer, he knew his fate was inevitable.

"I..." Inuyasha blinked, a deep breath breaking the tension and deflating his will to fight. "At first, I wanted you to suffer, alone, like I had. I wanted you to feel all those years of loneliness just like me. I've had a few years to think about it though. Now, all I want is for you to be happy."

Kagome breath was sharp in response to him honestly being willing to admit what she had hoped and feared to hear.

"Then why? Why wouldn't you come to me? Why not tell me this? You knew where I was! You knew I needed you!" Kagome's heart was racing as tears threatened a torrential downpour. "Why couldn't you tell me that?"

Inuyasha's arms were around Kagome, softly pulling her into an embrace she had long since abandoned hope of ever being in again. He rocked her gently until her sobs died down and her own frantic grasp on his back was lessened.

"For five-hundred years I blamed you for hurting me, Kagome," Inuyasha whispered in her ear. "It took me a few more to see things differently. Honestly, I thought I was too late."

The soothing circles on her back became sensual and soon there were no words between them. On the floor in front of a gentle fire, as warm as on those many nights of their youth, the pair made love.

Falling asleep in each other's arms, they both knew it would be the last time.

They had finally forgiven each other.

They had finally said good-bye.

. . . . . . . . . .

Kagome awoke on the floor of the strange house in front of a cold propane fireplace. The small blanket covering her naked form slipped downward as she leaned back on one arm and looked around her.

Something was different.

Reaching out to find out where her lover could have gone, Kagome realized what it was that had changed. Just like she had asked, Inuyasha had given her her life back.

Inuyasha had broken their bond.

Kagome breathed deeply, the expectant grief a mere twinge compared to what it should have been. Truly, she had given up so long ago, the only thing there was to mourn was her pride – she had been unequivocally rejected.

Sighing, Kagome pulled her clothes on, folded the blanket and laid it neatly over the back of the chair with the book on it. With a half-hearted smile, she left the house and walked back the way she came. Her heart was lighter, but whether from emptiness or being unburdened, she was unsure.

Either way, her fate was finally her own.

. . . . . . . . . .

Five years later...

"Come on, Kagome, please?" The brown-haired Ayumi begged her friend, gripping her hand like it was a lifeline. "Tanaka won't even consider going out unless he can find a date for his friend and you're the only single one left!"

Kagome winced at the implication; she was turning into an old maid. At thirty-nine Kagome looked as good as any twenty-five-year-old – which was precisely why she was being roped into dating Tanaka's much younger business partner.

Sighing in defeat, Kagome nodded. "Fine, I'll come to dinner tonight." Kagome's friend squealed in delight. "But only tonight! I'm not going to make any promises beyond that until I meet him."

"How about you meet him now, then, and get it out of the way?"

Before she could protest, Ayumi had Kagome by the hand and was pulling her into her husband's den. What had initially been a plan to get together for lunch to chat was turning into one big set-up.

"Chiro?" Ayumi coaxed her husband into turning around. "Would you be able to introduce your friend?"

Chiro Tanaka glanced at Kagome with a grateful smile.

"Kagome, please meet Toga Takahashi, Toga, this is Kagome Higurashi."

Kagome's blues met startled violet as both jaws dropped.

'Toga. Inuyasha's father's name. Of course that's what he'd be using...' Kagome's thoughts were otherwise jumbled.

Inuyasha was the first to pull himself out of his stupor, extending his hand in greeting.

"Nice to meet you Higurashi-san. I'd be honoured if you would call me Inuyasha."

That comment earned a startled glance from Chiro.

"N-nice to meet you too, Inuyasha," the last word was whispered breathily. "Call me Kagome."

The formality out of the way, Chiro slapped Inuyasha on the should in a friendly gesture.

"Inuyasha here's quite the business man, Kagome. To be honest, I'm surprised he told you his nickname – he's usually not too keen on people knowing he's considered a demon in the business world," Chiro gave another appraising look to his younger partner, before grinning slyly and whispering softly into Kagome's ear. "Looks like he likes you, ne?"

Kagome smirked as Inuyasha's cheeks tinged with pink. A normal human wouldn't have heard Chiro's comment and she replied just loudly enough to make sure Inuyasha heard her without making it obvious to the two humans around them.

"I think I like him, too."

. . . . . . . . . .

Fin

. . . . . . . . . .

Ah! Nothing like a fresh start in life! I hope you enjoyed it.

Thanks to those of you who have reviewed, it's great to read your opinions, criticisms and praise!

Thanks for reading and, as always: Please Review!

~Sarga