GOD I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

i really had some full-of-hate review that made me shiver...

i really felt that i let you all down...

well, here you have it!!!!

because of the miserable feeling it left me while reading the review MADE me to finish the 5th chapter!

normaly i wasn't going to update untill next saturday...

-sighs-

this chapter kinda made me cry, the beginning of it at least (i blame it on the coffee)

don't forget to review, you saw what they can do ;-) ;-) ;-)

Chapter 5:

"I thought you loved me Ned Bigby. You promised me that you would never leave me… You said that you would do anything to help me whenever I need you… All lies…" Jennifer said with an echoing voice.

She was wearing a white blouse, drenched with blood, ripped jeans with several bloodstains and sneakers that once where white, but was now crimson red. Blood clitted her hair together, a large gash was visible on her left cheek, her lips had cuts all over them and blood and dirt covered most of her face.

Ned looked at her with utter shock."That's not true Jennifer, there's not one minute that I lost my hope, every time someone rings at the front door, I hope, even expect, that it is you… I…I love you,"

"That's exactly my point Ned; you hope, expect and wait, but you do nothing…" Jennifer said in a very disappointed tone.

"What could I do?" Ned asked. His voice unsteady, his eyes filled with tears.

"How about: come to look for me? A lot of people who knew the victims did…" Jennifer snapped. "You didn't even bothered to visit the place where I'm about to die," she continued with so much sorrow that it broke Neds heart.

"Instead, you rather hug Missy and tons of other girls…" Jennifer went on with the same sadness in her voice.

"Mose, a lot of me died with you, I'm just a shell… nothing more then a shadow of who I used to be…" Ned spoke with big, hot tears running down his cheek.

"You still don't get it, do you Bigby? I'm not dead! I'm waiting for you to find me, to hold me… Why did you lost faith in me?" that last part was nothing more then a whisper, with so much emotion in it that Ned's throat seemed to be blocked with a huge lump.

"I haven't lost it Jennifer, not one second," Ned said strongly.

"Yes you did, you hope with all your being that I'm still alive, but you don't believe in it…" Jennifer said with a sad smile.

"Why didn't you tried to find me Ned?" she asked, tears of crimson red blood poured from her eyes.

"I was scared!" Ned yelled out before he fell on his knees and sobbed uncontrollably.

A moment later, Ned felt something warm and softer then velvet cup his left cheek. Ned looked up. Jennifer had changed, she now wore a long gown, whiter as freshly fallen snow with sleeves so wide that they just barely hung above the floor. A golden aura surrounded her head, making her hair glow. Ned stared at her in awe. He reached out his hand to touch her hair, that was draped around her shoulders. The strands felt softer then the most finest silk. He looked into her eyes. Her big brown orbs were filled with so much love that it made Ned's heart melt. A soft, tender smile played on her lips.

"Don't give up on me Ned," she said softly, her voice sounded like she talked in a small empty room, a little echoing but warm nonetheless.

"Never," Ned said softly, just above a whisper, but with so much certainly.

"I'm waiting for you," This time it sounded like a promise, not a accusation. "I love you Ned Bigby," with that she started to fade.

"No! Mose please, don't leave me!" Ned cried out, voice filled with pain and loss.

But Jennifer kept fade away, until she was completely gone.

"Help me…" a raw whisper echoed trough the complete room, cutting right trough Ned's soul. The desperate cry of help, filled with pain and mortal fear belonged to the only girl Ned ever loved.

Ned bolted upright in bed, cold sweat soaked his t-shirt. The frantic cry for help still ringed in his head. "I'm sorry Mose," Ned said with a trembling voice before soundless tears rolled down his cheek.

It was the third nightmare he had like that, although the 'angel Mose' didn't appeared before. It ripped Ned apart. He just couldn't take it any longer.

After the funeral was over, Ned's father lectured him about his behavior, but Ned didn't care; Jennifer had to be alive, she just has to!

He looked at one of the pictures of her that hung on the opposite wall.

"I won't give up on you Mose, never…" with that he laid back down since it was only three in the morning, and soon found himself sleeping soundly.

The next morning, Ned woke up feeling like crap. And it didn't got better when he looked into the mirror. His hair was messier then when a tornado would dance through it. His eyes where very bloodshot and had dark purple bags under them. "Great, a look that measures my feelings," Ned murmured to himself.

The smell of bacon and eggs filled his nose when he walked down the stairs. His stomach rumbled in protest of lack of food lately. And for once in days, Ned felt like eating in more ways then hunger. He really wanted to.

Surprised to find everyone at the table, including Kevin who kind of avoided him the past days, he sat down and filled his plate with bacon eggs and toast. With a appetite that would suit a bear he digged in.

Ned's parent's both looked at him with amazement.

As every morning, the TV in the kitchen stood on the news. A reporter told about the 'touching funeral' Ned head snapped up when he heard himself say: "She isn't dead! Can't you see? They never found her body, or anything else that could point out whether she's dead or not!" "Tragic words said by Ned Bigby who is known to be Jennifer Ann Mosley's best friend and boyfriend"

Ned was fuming with rage, that they had the guts to put that in the news! His father eyed him with concern. Ned sighed and finished his last peace of toast, before he went back to his room.

He felt terrible, a part of him wanted to believe that Jennifer was still alive, but the other part of him already accepted the opposite.

His cell phone rang for the millionth time.

"Yes?" Ned said coldly, he was sick of people who called him all the time to tell him that they felt sorry for him and asking if he was okay.

"Ned, i just saw the news, although I was there… but still, are you alright?" It was Cookie, he called him at least five times a day to check on him, along with Susie.

"I don't know Cookie… I really don't," Ned said truthfully.

"Why don't you come over, my parents aren't home, so we can talk peacefully," Cookie offered.

Despise himself, Ned felt his lips form the first smile in what felt like years.

"I'll be right there, just give me a sec to get dressed," with that, Ned hung up. Cookie was incredibly supportive of Ned, although he didn't believe that Jennifer was still alive, he could fully understand why Ned thought and felt that way.

Ned walked to his closet and pulled the first pants and shirt out he could find.

Hastily throwing them on, Ned bolted towards the door, shouted in the direction of the kitchen that he was off to Cookie.

He was going to tell him everything, the nightmares, the desperate cry of help that echoed non-stop in his head and his thoughts.

As soon Ned drove his bike onto Cookies driveway, the door opened and a concerned Cookie appeared.

Ned placed his bike against the garage wall and walked towards him.

"Tell me Ned, tell me everything," Cookie said as soon they sat down on the black leather couch. Cookie had made tea, and handed Ned a cup.

Ned took a sip, the hot liquid cleared his throat of the lump he couldn't get rid of.

When Ned was finished telling him about his last night's dream Cookie eyed him with all the seriousness he could muster. Ned never saw him that serious before.

"I guess that your dream was you sub consciousness telling you to stop blaming yourself, and remember Mose like she was, and that you can't accept that she's dead…" he said before taking a sip of tea.

Ned nodded his head. "She told me to believe that she was still alive, to never give up on that… on her," Ned explained. He left the cry of help that taunted him all day out of the story, Cookie was worried enough as it was.

"So you think that Mose visited you in your dreams, to assure you that's she's still alive? That's crazy Ned, even for you…" Cookie said while shaking his head.

Ned sighed, he had to admit that he had a point there.

"But I know that she's still alive, I can feel it. I can't explain how or why I'm feeling and thinking like that…But I know," Ned said determinedly.

"Ned, they never found her…" Cookie tried to reason him.

"Exactly!" Ned exclaimed. "They never found her body, so what if she managed to get off the train right after the crash?"

"Ned, even if she did managed to get out of there right afterwards, she should've died of her injuries… besides, someone should of seen her by now… the place was full of people! And their still some out there to clear the rails," Cookie explained.

"I don't know Cookie, I have a strong believing in that she's still alive, and I won't let go of that until I've seen her," Ned finished his tea, and putted the cup carefully on the coffee table.

"I know that you heard this hundreds of times, but I understand what your going through Ned," Cookie said, placing an comforting hand on Ned's shoulder.

"Thanks Cookie, if I didn't had you, I would be crazy by now…" Ned said with a appreciating smile.

Cookie smiled back. "That's were best friends are for Ned,"

"Kevin takes it also bad you know… hasn't stopped crying for days…" Ned said, staring at the cup in front of him.

"He liked her, didn't he?" Cookie asked with a knowing smile.

"Ned nodded. "He even had her picture stuffed under his pillow," he said with a smile.

"I think a lot of people liked her, the priest for an instant, he said more about her then of the rest of the victims together," Cookie stated.

"Can you blame them?" Ned asked with a tender smile. "She's just one of the very few that you meet and instantly like,"

Cookie nodded in agreement. "She never turns her back on anyone that needs her… no matter if she is on good terms with that person or not…"

"Even Missy cried for her," Ned said with a frown.

"Suzie is devastated, I knew they were quite close, but she's in a even worse state then I am," Ned continued.

"Did you saw all those teachers?" Cookie asked while placing his cup on the table too.

Ned nodded. "Chopsaw came to me and pulled me in a hug, telling me that she had the greatest personality that he's ever seen,"

"Even Crubbs cried," Cookie added with a nod. "Of everyone I know, he's the last one I expect to cry… ever,"

Ned just stared ahead of him.

"I'm getting some more tea," Cookie said while wiping his eyes.

Ned nodded, but kept staring to the coffee table.

Cookie stood up, collected the cups and went to the kitchen.

Ned recognized something about the table, a incredible complicated carving of a rose on the small side of the coffee table, he recognized it as Jennifer's 'brand' she always carved the rose in everything she made of wood, Ned's nightstand for one.

"Cookie, is that… is that the table Mose made for her woodshop test last year?" Ned asked as soon Cookie came back with the refilled cups.

"Yes," Cookie said proudly while placing the cups onto the table.

"My father went to the school fair last year, and the woodshop projects where for sell if they're not taken home. I recognized it as one of Mose's creations, and as soon my dad found that out, he bought it… cost him hundred fifty bucks, but he admired her style." Cookie smiled softly at the memory.

They talked a little more for a while until Cookies aunt called, she wanted him to visit her.

Ned left and when i rode home, i felt like a huge burden was taken off his shoulders. When he opened the front door he even managed to smile softly. Maybe Cookie was right, dwelling on something that was impossible just brakes you, you better accept the tragic and try to do your best with it.

Ned was surprised that no one was home, a small note lay on the kitchen counter, telling him that they went to grandma. Ned shrugged and took a soda.

A moment later, his cell phone rang, Ned rolled his eyes. Not even bothering to check the callers ID he picked up.

"Yes?" he said in a cold tone. What he heard next send cold shivers down his spine, his neck hair stood up, and goose bumps creped over his entire body. The two words that tormented him all day was heard through his cell phone.

"Help me…"

So? still hate me????

HAVE FAITH IN ME PEOPLE!!!!

leave a review ;-)

but i seriously think that this is the longest chapter i wrote in ages...

anyway, can you guys please stop hating me??? its killing me!