I have had dreadful luck with betas recently, so this chapter is un-edited. I apologize for any grammatical errors, but I did not want to keep you waiting any longer.

Enjoy, and remember to give me insight into your thoughts with a review.

In Mind's Eye

Upon returning to dorm, I found my roommates fast asleep, only a corner lamp lit for when I arrived. Without bothering to change out of my clothes I slipped into bed and shut the light off, swallowed within a darkness that reminded me far too much of the deep shade of Chase's eyes. I held a pillow over my face to muffle the sobbing; to shut out the never-ending sorrow that deprived me off all I remembered to be happy. I could have cried for longer had I not been so emotionally drained. My body eventually sagged as sleep relieved me of my strife for nine and a half unmissed hours.

I awoke to an earthquake, which was actually two people shaking me out of my dreams. I opened my eyes to two attractive teens, staring at me agape and with apparent distraught. I then realized I wouldn't have the displeasure of revealing to them my breakup with Chase. Instead they probably heard it from some passing ninth-grader who barely knew who Chase Matthews and Zoey Brooks were.

The hoard of questions that followed seemed to blur together, and I didn't know how I was expected to respond when I could barely understand what was being said. Still half-asleep, I reached out to cover my roommate's mouths with my palms. This gave me about three seconds of silence, which was enough to interject. "Hang on, guys. I'm not awake yet."

Lola seemed to understand, but Quinn was frantic. "What happened? What did he say? What did you do?" and more questions along these lines burst out fluidly. Rubbing my eyes, which were stinging horribly, I chose not to wait any longer to explain. I took a deep breath before beginning a lengthy dissection of the night's events. Lola and Quinn sat perfectly still, glued to my every word and movement. And even after I'd finished, they remained motionless. This was short-lived.

"Zoey, I'm so sorry," Quinn offered sympathetically. "Are you sure you and Chase can't work it out?"

I looked down at my lap, shaking my head. "I don't think so. I mean, I still love him but… he made it really clear last night that we were just too different to be together."

Quinn continued to offer solace, claiming that she had gone through the same thing when she broke up with Mark. All the while Lola sat unusually quiet, seeming to be lost in her own thoughts. I laid my head back on my pillow, half-listening and half-forgetting. I needed to spend the day in bed. I needed my roommates there with me, my collection of romance films playing and my best friends Ben and Jerry ready to comfort me with sugar. When I admitted this aloud, Quinn wasted no time in reaching under the bed to select DVDs from my movie stash. Lola had made her way over to the freezer, picking out three pint-sized containers of ice cream. She located a few plastic spoons, leftovers from takeout nights, and came to lie next to me on the bed. I accepted the Chunky Monkey with silent thanks, watching Quinn readjust the television to face the bed. She then joined us, and so we remained for several hours, suckling chocolate and marshmallow from our spoons while mourning the love story in front of us.

If there was a more ridiculous thing to be thankful for, it was to be broken up with on a Friday night. This left me the whole weekend to be pampered on by my darling roommates, and to forget all about schoolwork. Jeremiah Trottman stopped by around 3 o'clock, and I expected him to chew me out for not having the next day's issue ready. Instead he gave a small smile and told me he had everything covered, and that he hoped I would feel better soon. Surprisingly, receiving sympathy from the Dateless Wonder did nothing for my pride.

Lola convinced me to change into my favorite pajamas, which were actually a pair of purple sweatpants and an oversized pink t-shirt with a large, white tiger face across the front. They had been a gift from my dad (who wasn't exactly a shopping tycoon), so they had a special sentimentality to them. They smelled like him, and it was an odor I found comforting despite my gloom.

Evening began to fall, and my muscles were growing tired from lying in bed so long. Quinn and Lola had gone outside to wait for the pizza delivery. I stood up slowly, sending a stretch from my calves up my legs, passed my chest and out through my arms. I felt like a zombie, and after catching my reflection in the mirror realized I looked one too. Carelessly I started searching the room for a hairbrush, as Quinn and Lola were constantly moving them about. Eventually I found one lying on the floor by the dresser. I bent down to pick it up when something in the trash can caught my eye. Inside I spotted a small, rectangular piece of paper. Removing it from the waste basket, I examined it closer.

It was a theatre ticket. In large block letters on the top, the title Over the River and Through the Woods was written. The show date is today, I noted as I glanced over the smaller type. It took me a few seconds to realize this was the performance Chase had mentioned the previous night. Had Lola thrown her ticket away?

Coming back down onto the bed, I nodded to myself. Of course she had. Lola wouldn't disrespect her best friend by hanging out with her ex so soon after their break up. If anything, Lola was a girl who could hold a permanent grudge. At that thought I managed a small smile. I was so lucky to have such wonderful friends. Ha, that was laughable: I considered Lola and Quinn my sisters… Sisters knew how to take care of each other. Sisters knew what was best for one another.

My gaze returned to the ticket in my hand. I recalled my argument with Chase, but more specifically what he had said about Lola. Was Lola really considering this summer performance program? I'd never heard her mention it. Granted, we hadn't had a lot of time to talk lately, but surely she could have brought it up while we were getting ready for school or studying. Lola loved acting as much as I adored fashion, so I didn't doubt she would consider such an experience…

"Pizza delivery," Quinn called as she opened the bedroom door. In behind her walked Lola, bending backward at a 45º angle while trying to balance the cardboard boxes in her hands. "Sorry it took so long."

"It's okay," I replied automatically, my thoughts still on Lola. Would she be missing out on an opportunity by not meeting with Matthew Larson tonight? Would she refuse to go to the summer program because of my break up with Chase?

"Lola," I called before I could think. She turned expectantly, keeping her eyes on me while pulling two slices of pepperoni pizza from the box. "Yeah Zo?"

"I think that… I think you should go to the theatre with Chase and Michael tonight."

The entire room seemed to freeze in place. Lola didn't hide her surprise, dropping her jaw slightly. But she recovered, closing her mouth and turning to open a packet of parmesan cheese. "I, uh, I don't feel up to it tonight. Besides I'm not leaving you in your time of need."

I gestured to Quinn, who handed me my plate and pulled a comfy chair up next to the bed. "Quinn will be here. You should go. Chase told me about the program you guys are looking into… It sounds really awesome," I could tell I didn't sound as enthusiastic as I wanted to.

Lola shook her head, replying, "It's not important. I'll have plenty of time to look into it later. I want to be here with you."

"You've already done enough. I really want you to have a good time… and…" I paused to decide whether or not to continue, then leaned in favor of it, "I want you to tell me how Chase is doing. I know we're on a break and all, but I'm still worried about him."

My ulterior motive seemed to have the desired effect on Lola. She paused a moment to mull over the suggestion. "You sure you don't mind?"

"No, really. I'm tired anyway. I'd probably make for lousy company tonight."

Still hesitant, but not enough to object, Lola agreed, leaving the room to dial Michael and tell him she was on her way over. Quinn stood up to riffle through a stack of DVDs, plucking out two of her favorites. "You wanna watch Titanic or The Breakfast Club?"

I glared in response, and she got the hint. "Breakfast Club it is."

Mind Games

The last thing I remembered was Emilio Estevez parading around a library, yelling in demented ecstasy and performing handsprings. I was awake, but my eyelids were too heavy to lift. Concious enough for my senses to kick in, I realized my blanket was caught around my waist. I reached down to pull it up across my shoulders. Warmth returned and I waited to succumb to the land of sleep.

I was on the brink of dream when the knock came. I winced at the loud noise, curling farther into my side. I was thankful when it stopped, but the silence was short as the sound of padding feet and a door opening followed. I groaned internally. It's the middle of the night! Let me sleep, I pleaded to whoever had entered the room.

"Hey," came a low, casual greeting. "Can we stay here for a bit?"

No. But apparently Quinn's telepathy function was offline today. "It's 11 o'clock. Where's Lola?"

"She's with Chase. We left 'em at the dorm. Our DA caught us sneaking out and he's looking for us… please let us come in." Even as I was barely awake, I recognized the second voice as Michael's. He was the only person I knew who had perfected the art of whining and begging.

"Sure, come on in." I heard shuffling, and the sound of the bean bag chair sagging under a person's weight.

"Can we talk in front of her?" I knew Logan was referring to me.

"Yeah, she's been out like a rock for hours." And apparently sympathy does not diminish the necessity of griping on friends' sleeping habits, I snipped sarcastically.

Of course Quinn didn't hear me, so she continued. "How's he doing?"

"Not good. He's been pacing around the room all day."

"And he won't shut up," Logan added bitterly. "He keeps talking about how he pushed Zoey away, or how he was too hard on her, or how he wasn't patient enough…"

"Remorse isn't uncommon after break ups, even if you're the one who ended the relationship."

"Yeah, but it's not true. We'd told him that he was patient with Zoey. She was just too busy to be in a relationship." Hearing Michael dissect my love life was none-too-settling. Especially since it reminded me of the previous night's argument. I pressed my ear harder into the pillow, hoping to block out their words.

"I still think they could get back together," Quinn revealed. "They love each other."

"I think Zoey blew it last night."

Suddenly I found myself wide awake.

"What do you mean?"

Michael went on to say that while repenting, Chase had explained his argument with Zoey. "He said she didn't even try to talk him out of breaking up with her. She just went along it… I guess he was hoping for her to fight back more."

I didn't realize my heart had shifted up my throat. It was lodged at the base and I found it hard to breath.

"I couldn't believe it. I mean, Zoey loves to fight!"

"No Logan, that's just with you." Michael pointed out cynically. "I think she should have at least tried to stop him."

"Maybe she knew he was right," was Quinn's weak reply. "Or maybe she didn't want to seem, you know, desperate. I mean, he broke up with her. It's hard to find anything to say after that."

The room fell quiet, as I'd wished for it to moments before. But what was said still rang loud in the air, and I felt taunted by the pain that nipped at my eyes. I couldn't cry, not again. I was so tired of crying.

"You think they'll be able to talk to each other again?" The compassion in Logan's tone surprised me.

"I think so. Zoey said they agreed to be friends. I think it's gonna take awhile though. We just have to be there for Chase and Zo in the meantime," Quinn explained in her usual realistic tone. I could picture her sullen face, wise and understanding, and envied her for her calm mind.

"Lola seems to be helping Chase out more than us. But then she knows more about break ups than we do," Michael referred to himself and Logan, neither of whom had ever had a relationship serious enough to result in painful repercussions. In fact, both were in their most serious relationships at the present time.

"Yeah well, I'm not sure this is good for Lola either."

What? Why? "Why?" Michael echoed. But it was Logan answered.

"Dude, who do you think Chase has been hanging out with all year? Zoey was always off doing homework and saving the world or whatever. Chase has been spending all his time with Lola. She's become his new best friend."

"Hey!"

"Girl best friend," Logan clarified with noticeable annoyance.

Quinn's remark was quiet, barely above a whisper, "I think it's more than that… I mean, haven't you noticed how differently she's been acting around Chase? I keep trying to talk to her about it but she says she doesn't-"

Quinn was midway through her sentence when a familiar "click" came from the door. I couldn't resist turning over, opening my eyelids a fraction of the way. Lola looked worn out, her hair frayed and clothes pruned. She heaved a sigh, walking up to stand beside Michael, who was leaned against the dresser. "Hey guys."

"Hey, we were just talking about- Ow!" Although I couldn't see her from the bed, I imagined Quinn poking Logan in the side.

"We were just talking about Chase," Michael covered up quickly. "He doing any better?"

I watched Lola nod, although her face remained surly. "I think so. He seemed all right at the theatre, and chatting with Matt helped. He got Chase and me the papers for the summer program. He said all we had to do was fill them out and we were guaranteed a spot in the group. Chase is gonna talk to his parents about it tomorrow… although I don't think his heart's in it right now."

"Are you planning to go too?"

She simply shrugged.

I didn't want to hear any more. I groaned noisily, spinning onto my back, hoping they would notice how loud they had gotten. They did.

"Zoey's waking up. We better get going."

"Watch out for your DA," Lola warned as the boys went to leave. "He's stationed in the lounge, but I left your bedroom window unlocked."

"Thanks Lola. We owe you one."

"I'll accept a cappuccino delivery tomorrow morning…"

Michael scoffed. "Yeah right."

"You said you owed me!"

"I was just being polite," he admittedly cheekily.

Exasperated, Lola proceeded to shove the boys out the door. I shut my eyes and found that one tear had peaked from its hiding place under my eyelid. It traced a lonely path down my cheek. I wasn't sure what I was crying over, but decided it didn't really matter. Suddenly the blankets covering me weren't enough to keep warm; a cold chill had escalated through my body and I could suppress a shiver. I tried curling into as tight a ball as possible, pressing my thighs into my chest. Even then I reached out to hug my knees, squeezing as tight as I could. It strained my arms but I didn't let go, hoping to exhaust myself into sleep.

I did, but not before a memory clouded my thoughts. The memory of a night when a pretty brunette in a fuchsia prom dress wrapped hers arms around a bushy-haired boy in plaid and jeans. She never looked so happy. He never looked so content. And standing beside them, I never looked so blissfully unaware.

Mind Yourself

Talk of my breakup with Chase had begun to die on gossiping lips each passing week. And by the time it was old news, Chase and I were on speaking terms again. It was a gradual re-acquaintance, "hellos" in the hallway and chats at lunch to start. This eventually grew into study sessions and dinners out with our friends. Throughout our gatherings I was glad he didn't point out how I was spending more time with him now than while we were dating. He stuck with positive topics, and didn't appear nearly as awkward as I felt. When it came time to say goodbye I had to resist the urge to lean over and kiss him or take his hand. I had too quickly grown accustomed to doing those things, and was constantly reminding myself I'd have to break the habit.

I was getting along far better with Chase than Lola. I had somewhat subconsciously been avoiding her. Whenever she walked toward me I felt like we were magnets repelling each other: I couldn't stand being too close to her. I'd listen to for a moment or two as she talked about whatever random thing was on her mind. My own thoughts would drift back to what Quinn had said that Saturday night, how there was "more" to Lola's relationship with Chase than before. I would return to reality and fumble an excuse to Lola about having work to do, doing my best not to run after turning away from her.

It hurt to not be able to really talk to anyone. I had always been able to turn to Chase, Lola or Quinn during stressful times. But Quinn was Lola's confidant now and Chase and I were still mending fences. I didn't have anyone to confide in, and I gained a whole new appreciation for healing power of venting.

I tried talking to Michael when I could, but he turned out to be more of a conversationalist than a listener, and I could never bring myself to discuss Lola's relationship with Chase. He did seem to sense my grievance though, and in attempt to cheer me up told dozens of humorous anecdotes which, admittedly, made me smile. If there was anything you could say with confidence about Michael, it was that he made for entertaining company.

No one else seemed particularly concerned with my recent withdrawal, which brought me to realize how far I had drifted into schoolwork and away from my friends. I suspected they thought I was hung-over on Chase, and didn't object when they suggested as much. I slowly felt myself withering away, losing the ones I cared about and crumbling under the pressures of loneliness. I didn't know how to fix this. So I did my best to ignore it.

Why teachers felt compelled to cram the hardest assignments of the year within the final few months of school was beyond me. The newspaper was jumping, as PCA's tennis team was gradually moving up in state rank. Jeremiah and I were there to cover each game, and I was thankful for the distraction. While I'd never been particularly fond of tennis, because I wasn't all that good at it, I was truly enthralled in these games. I couldn't help admire the determination on our player's face every time she swiped her racket at the speeding tennis ball. She put so much focus into each swing and never lost that spring in her step after a point. I was even more intrigued by her performance after games. At the end of each tournament, after shaking her opponent's hand she would run over to a large group of teens and take them in a group hug. I'd watch her laugh and tease with them like any other girl would. I was so bewildered at her ability to balance such a difficult work life with a social one.

I was so curious in fact that I asked her during an interview how she managed it all. She grinned, seeming to glow as she replied, "My friends are so supportive of my playing tennis. They know it's important to me and respect that I'm busy. But whenever I can I make time to hang out with them and do normal stuff, like go to the movies and shop."

I wanted to ask "but couldn't you spend that time improving your game?", yet refrained. The reality was that she didn't need to practice more. She could put aside time for her friends and still win her tournaments. This brought me to then wonder: could I do the same? Did those extra hours where I studied instead of going out with my roommates really make any difference? Could I not spend 16 hours a day studying and still manage straight A's?

I tried to convince myself that I was different from the tennis player- I had to constantly work at improving myself in order to achieve my goal. I wanted so much to believe that, because it meant I hadn't unnecessarily pushed my friends away.

Each day wore on my heart even more. I felt myself moving slower, losing focus in class and going off into daydreams that I'd forget about the second I awakened from them. I would clawed at my scalp at night and take deep breaths. It's just a few more months, I'd repeat over and over. A few more months and I'd be at the internship of my dreams. I'd have friends who shared the same interests I did, who were as busy as I was and who could appreciate how much effort it took to succeed. I'd have friends who would never make me feel guilty. Friends who would never hide their feelings from me.

Make Up Your Mind

"Hey! Zoey!" I heard a familiar voice call.

Looking up from my laptop I watched an attractive football player jog towards me. He moved passed a gallop of squawking girls, all who looked ready to kiss his feet if he asked them to. Vince Blake always had that power over women. If he hadn't been so likable, I imagine many male students would've resented him for it.

"Hi Vince."

He came to sit next to me on the purple couch, his backpack hitting the floor with a loud crunch. "How're you doing?"

As much as I liked friendly conversation, hearing it from Vince set off internal warning bells. Sure we were sociable, but by no means were Vince and I close. "I'm… alright."

"What are you working on?"

Something was definitely up. "Just studying…" He looked on expectantly, so I added, "about the Big Bang Theory."

He gave a mock look of interest. "Ah. Cool."

I wasn't in the mood to play games, but I was curious what he had to say. "What's up, Vince? I'm getting the impression something's on your mind."

He caved in too quickly, which told me he had been waiting for the question. Vince Blake always had to be in control. "I wanted to ask you something, you being Lola's friend and all. But I'd appreciate if you kept this between us…"

I closed my laptop, turning my body to face him. "Okay. What is it?"

He hesitated, which was very unlike him. But even his hesitation seemed confident, and in mid-thought his pose reminded me of Hercules. "Has Lola talked about me lately?"

"Uh… no, not really."

"She hasn't said anything about… wanting to get back together?"

And there it was. I sighed and shook my head. "No Vince, she hasn't mentioned that. But let me guess, you want to get back together with her?"

He didn't answer, apparently not liking how quickly I caught onto his game. I continued, "Look, you broke up with her. She's moved on. She's dating Carl Davidson now."

"Carl told me she broke up with him last week."

That was news to me, given I hadn't been talking with Lola enough to hear about her recent relationships. In fact, I was very much avoiding that subject. "Oh. Well, she hasn't mentioned you to me. But you could ask her, I guess." I wanted to get out of this discussion now. But Vince Blake was oblivious to brush offs. In fact, he probably wouldn't have recognized one if it walked up and introduced itself.

"Actually… I was hoping you would talk to her for me."

"Oh, I really couldn't…"

"Because of Chase?"

My heart suddenly beat viciously against my chest, and I felt my eyes grow wide. I stuttered against the drying air as all my thoughts drained out of my head. "What?" I could only manage the one syllable.

He didn't seem to notice my change in behavior, although I don't know why I expected him to. "Her and Chase have been hanging out a lot around campus and stuff. Some folks are saying they are secretly going out-"

"There is nothing going on with Chase and Lola!" I knew I said that too loud, but was too enraged to care or even make the effort to lower my voice. "They go see a play every once in a while. It's not a big deal." Frustrated and feeling nauseated, I shoved my laptop into my knapsack. "Tell you what? I'll talk to Lola tonight and find out if she wants to get back together with you." Truthfully that was the last thing I wanted to do, but it was the only way I could think of to get Vince to let me leave.

His perfect jaw formed a grin, and his eyes danced with anew joy. He stood as I did, and took my by the shoulders, pulling me into a bear hug. I didn't move, and couldn't with my arms pinned at my side. "Thank you," he said somewhere behind my right ear, "I really appreciate this." I nodded, which was the initiation he needed to let me go. The second I was free of his embrace I darted out of the lounge, attempting to keep my composure while dreading the conversation I would soon have to have with Lola.

For every moment until 8:03 I tried to will time to stop. I felt unrealistically omnipotent whenever I was in denial and gave myself false hope that I could reverse what was truly unavoidable. When this method of avoidance didn't work I felt sick to my stomach and, in attempt to find quick resolution, considered lying to Vince. I could tell him Lola wasn't interested in getting back together. But not only was I unfavorable of being dishonest, I actually wanted Vince and Lola back together. Lola was so happy when they were together, and if she was dating Vince, it meant she wouldn't have to spend all her free time with…

My thoughts were lost as Lola entered the dorm room. I looked up from the book I was supposed to be reading and greeted her as casually as I could. She seemed a bit surprised, but smiled warmly. "Hey Zoey. I didn't expect you to be here. Aren't you normally cramming in the lounge until midnight?" Her tone was joking, but I was unsettled by the accuracy of her inquiry.

"Yeah, I guess I've been working really hard… Where've you been?"

I watched her smile falter briefly. "Uh, nowhere really. Just hanging around…, doing some yoga." She walked over to her bed, throwing her gym bag into the closet. She climbed up the ladder to her bunk, curling over onto her mattress and falling back with a comfortable sigh.

"You tired?"

"Yeah. I've got this exam on Monday and I've been putting aside studying for it. If only learning science was as fun as learning yoga."

Or French? "Could I ask you something," I asked quickly, more to cut off my own wondering thoughts than to bring it up.

Lola turned over on her side, starring at me with ignorant curiosity. "Always. What's on your mind?"

Despite the hours I'd spent preparing for this, I was only half-satisfied with my final approach. "It's about Vince. Have you seen him recently?"

"No, not lately."

"Well, he and I have been talking and he, uh… he asked me if I would-"

"-if you would go out with him?"

That was the second time that day someone had incorrectly finished my sentence. I blinked in shock, holding up my hand in accusing defense. "Hang on a sec! What?"

"Stacey told me she saw you and Vince in the lounge today. Apparently you looked… intimate."

Only Stacey Dillson could confuse annoyance with intimacy. "I am not going out with Vince!"

Lola sat up and pushed her legs over the side of the bed, letting them dangle in the air. "Zoey, it's okay. Really. Vince is a great guy, and I don't blame you for noticing that." I was horrified by how sincere she sounded. "I wouldn't mind if you went out with him."

All but fuming, because this was getting too bizarre, I stood up. "Lola, Vince did not ask me out. And I would never go out with him! You never go out with your best friend's ex-boyfriend, it's like an unwritten rule!" I meant to sound generic but felt my internal motives unraveling. I realized too late I'd revealed the source of my recent turmoil (through an ironically similar scenario) and responded with the vigor I'd meant to keep hidden. Startled, I suddenly worried it would be just as obvious to Lola what I was telling her.

The shock on her face told me she had read the underlying message. Her eyes lost all their glow and her small nose fell along with her smile. Lola's gaze was locked on her manicured nails. She couldn't have looked any guiltier had she'd been wearing an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs.

She opened her mouth a few times although no sound immerged. Finally, she replied in a quiet voice, "I just- I was just saying if… if you wanted to go out with Vince it was okay with me."

I returned to sitting on the bed and took a much-needed breath. "I don't want to go out with Vince... Actually he asked me to find out if you wanted to get back together with him."

Lola didn't look at me, although she raised her head. "Oh. Wow, that's- that's great." I didn't buy her reaction for a second though. All the normal flare of her personality seemed to have died completely.

I didn't call her on it, however. This topic had taken the worst possible turn, and I wanted to let it go. I took too much time thinking of something to say, as Lola leapt down from her bunk and slung her purse over her shoulder. "I'm going to go talk to Vince. I'll see you later." She did everything possible to avoid making eye contact as she walked out the door.

I watched her leave, and waited a moment for my emotions to settle. Yet they didn't, and I turned onto my stomach, grabbing my pillow and stuffing it into my face. I growled in distressed frustration, kicking my feet like a four-year-old. It just wasn't fair. I didn't deserve to feel bad for telling Lola she couldn't date Chase. No good person dated the boy her best friend loved!

She isn't dating him though, said that stupid, stupid voice in my head. She hadn't even suggested it.

She liked him, though. Enough for Quinn to notice. Briefly I allowed myself to consider that it was simply a crush. Like during her first year at PCA. Had I read too much into this?

I might have been able to believe that, if not for what had taken place. The way she reacted, the hurt in her eyes when I practically demanded she not date Chase told me she felt more than a minor attraction. She was crazy about him, but she didn't pursue him. What kind of friend did that make her?

The same as me- a lonely friend.

Mind Bending

What I loved most about the library was that it was always open. Oh sure it was supposed close, but our librarian was getting way up there in her years, and always dozed off at around 9:45 or so and remained slumped over in her chair until late morning. It made researching book reports a lot easier, especially when the senior's history teacher disapproved of citing electronic sources. Honestly, the internet wasn't completely unreliable…

I arrived at 11 o'clock with a large, incredibly caffeinated coffee in hand, and wasted no time in starting my search for books on the Mayans. I actually enjoyed studying other cultures, and had a soft spot for Mayan history. However I couldn't seem to find information on their calendars, and needed that to tie my research paper together. All the books I pulled from the shelf lacked references to how they documented time. Maybe I could find a book that compared the different cultures and their ways of tracking years…

After ten minutes I was close to giving up on this hope. I stared down at the pile of books spread out across the floor, each with their own relationship to Mahan history. There had to be something in them somewhere about-

"Okay, we're alone! Now you have to tell me what's going on!"

I jumped a mile high when I heard the ascending footsteps. Rather than walk out from behind the bookshelf and scold the entering teenagers for yelling, I stood quietly out of sight. I'd recognized the first voice. In fact, I was sure I'd never forget that voice as long as I lived.

"I think you're making too big a deal out of this." The second voice was higher pitched but equally as irritated. Lola stalked into the middle of the library, rested her arms across her abdomen.

"Why would you possibly want to get back together with him? He dumped for you another girl! He's only crawling back to you now because she broke up with him!"

"That is not true! It was several days after our break up before he dated Sandy."

Chase threw his arms up in exaggeration, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, wow, days! My my, that's impressive restraint. Never mind the fact he told you he wanted you to go to Notre Dame with him just weeks before deciding you two should take a break. Days, whew. What a dedicated guy. I can see why you want to date him again."

Peaking at them through the shelves, I barely let myself breathe with fear of missing what they were saying. So Lola had gotten back together with Vince... But that wasn't nearly as surprising as Chase's tone. While Chase hadn't been close to Vince even while he was dating Lola, he had never ridiculed the football star to this extent.

"Vince is a great guy-"

"Yeah, but he's a lousy boyfriend to you! I'm not saying you couldn't be friends with him, but he already proven to you he doesn't take your relationship seriously."

Lola seemed to be growing ever the more desperate for a quick answer. She kept her mouth open and hand held high for several second before actually speaking. "Maybe it isn't a serious relationship. Maybe I don't want one. Honestly I-I'd just like to have a fun boyfriend to hang out with before the summer. We won't see each other after that… That way both of us will have a date for the prom."

Holy Cow. I had completely forgotten about the senior prom. But I didn't have time to dawdle on the revelation as Chase spoke up again. "Seriously? The prom? You are dating Vince again so you'll have someone to go to the prom with?" He walked up to tower over Lola, giving her what I recognized as his 'you can't be serious' look.

"What's wrong with that?" She challenged, giving a small hop as though to make herself appear taller.

"Because you could take any number of guys who are way better than him."

"Like who? Every guy I know already has a girlfriend. Besides, you don't go to the prom with a friend. Couples go to the prom!"

Chase scoffed. "Right. Say that enough and maybe you'll convince yourself it's true." He combed his fingers though his bushy hair, making a clear effort to keep cool. "You know, you've been acting really different lately and I don't think it's out of line for me to ask why. I mean, I've been spilling my guts to you all year, I've been able to tell you everything, and I thought you could say the same about me…"

Lola's anger seemed to fade immediately. "Chase, I-"

"Go to the prom with me."

In shock, I jerked forward and knocked my knee against the bookshelf. The 'thud' that followed wasn't loud enough to alert anyone of my presence, but hard enough that my leg grew numb and I had to bite my lip not to grunt. I couldn't believe what I had heard. I felt my insides rising up my throat, sure I was going to be sick.

"What?" Lola seemed just as convinced she had heard wrong.

"I asked you to the prom," his every word was enunciated and affirming. "I want you to go to the prom with me."

I was almost expecting her to cry out "yes". So I was dumbfounded when I heard her casual, almost rude response. "Yeah right Chase. We both know you are going to go with Zoey."

Huh? "Huh?"

No longer seeming uncomfortable, Lola stepped back and started waving her wrists in semi-circles. "Everyone knows you and Zoey are going to get back together. It's just a matter of time before you both realize that…"

For a split second I wanted to cry out in happiness. I was so relieved to hear that my best friend had such faith in a relationship she was probably no longer in favor of. This emotion was quickly lost though, as Chase seemed completely off-balance and acting erratic. But Lola could never stop talking when she needed to. "I mean, I know you two broke up because you have your differences," (air quotes) "but you said so yourself you still love her. And she's still in love with you. You've been in love with each other since forever! Once she sees that she can't live without you she'll come to her senses; I said so from the beginning. If not before prom, then by next year, when you're not around, she'll realize that she needs you and…"

I couldn't make heads or tails of what she said next, because she lost her English tongue in favor of rattling on in French. Her face was animated and determined, and I could tell from her tone that she was reiterating what she had already said. I imagine she could have continued on all night had Chase not stepped forward and shook her shoulders, as though snapping her from a spell. "Lola!"

The force of his one word made her silent.

Not releasing his hold on her, Chase shortened the gap between them and, out of nervous habit, licked his lips. Gently, not at all how he had spoken before, he explained with a maturity I hardly ever saw in him: "Zoey and I… are not getting back together." Lola tried to interrupt, but Chase shook his head and repeated "no" until she became silent again. "You are right that we broke up because of differences, but these aren't differences like… she roots for the Cowboys and I'm an Eagles' fan. These are our ways of living. Zoey's work means so much to her, and she wants success before she wants a relationship. I soon understood that, and I've come to terms with the fact that that's not going to change.

"And yes, I do still love her. In some ways I'll always love her, but not in the ways I did before… I'll love her like I love video games or potatoes; a love that's natural not romantic. I'm moving on, and I hope she is too. We are not getting back together Lola, and I don't think we are going to the prom together. We are friends again, but I think that would be a bit of a strain on our relationship right now and I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize my friendship with Zoey."

The sickness in my stomach dissolved as my heart shot warmth throughout my entire body. I wanted to rush out and hug Chase, to hold him tight and praise him for being so wise and understanding. Yet under the circumstances, I decided it would be inappropriate.

"So," Chase started, his boyishness returning with his smile, "will you go to the prom with me?"

This time, there was no doubt in my mind that she would say yes. And carefully thinking it over, I allowed myself to consider that perhaps this once it wouldn't be so-

"No."

Okay, apparently I knew nothing about my friends.

I saw Chase huff, evidently believing he had made his point clear. "Why not?"

Lola knocked Chase's hands off her shoulder, taking a large step back. "Because I told Vince I'd go to the prom with him."

"Who cares?! He lied to you when he told you he loved you! If you break your promise now, then you'll just be even."

Since when have you been so vindictive, I couldn't help but wonder. Then again, Chase had always been a stickler for justice.

"I can't go to the prom with you, Chase. I just can't. I have to go with Vince."

So captivated with what they were saying, I hadn't realized until now Lola's eyes were leaking. A few tears clung to her cheeks and her eyes were streaked with blood. I noted that her focus was on somewhere else in the room, and knew that was making Chase angrier. He had stated many times before how he thought it only respectful for people to look at those they were talking to.

"WHY? Why do you have to go with Vince?"

"Because Zoey has never loved him."

All at once, the words I had spout hours before came back and hit me with the force I knew they'd hit Lola. I gasped lightly as the wind was knocked out of me, and guilty repercussions swept through my veins long before I had the ability to process their meaning. I stared at my two best friends, who stared at each other, and felt reality, the same reality I had been trying so hard to hide from, creep up on me. It came to me, so simple and so obvious, that what was holding Lola back was not Vince or Chase or herself, but me.

Me. The me whom I thought had drifted from her friends' lives, so far gone that she had all but lost them. But it wasn't true. Lola, out of devotion to her best friend, wouldn't do something as simple as go to a dance with fear of what an impact it would have on her. She wouldn't take the chance of feeling any more for Chase than she already did.

I was the reason she was walking away now. The reason she would leave Chase standing alone in the library, confused and distraught.

And in this moment, I realized what she had been truly asking me all along.

Would you mind…

…if I fell in love with him?

And I had told her yes.