Truth be Told
(Chapter 2: Dinner)
Lord PUD is in BOLD when speaking
("a character is in the camera room")
--
Hakudoshi finished off the spinning piece of hard candy and yawned, looking around the lobby of the Mansion. It had marble white title floors, a gold plated porcelain staircase, and plants in golden pots, a mammoth white gold chandelier, and finally a veranda on which Lord PUD could look down on the pawns—I mean, live-ins. Hakudoshi and Shippo got into a slapping match just as Inuyasha and the others filed in. Inuyasha and Koga's eyes followed a giraffe as it walked across the lobby and into the kitchen. Sesshomaru yawned and gave his long silky hair an unnecessary flip before strolling to the staircase. It was there where a barrier tossed him gracefully onto a buffet table lined with expensive linen. Inuyasha scoffed, running clawed fingers into his bangs.
"Even when he falls, he has to look gay…What a poor excuse for a brother!"
"Inuyasha, envy is one of the seven deadly sins~!" Kagura taunted in a sing-song voice.
"So is being a gay demon!" Inuyasha glanced from Naraku to Sesshomaru and smirked.
"I'm not gay, just fashionable." Naraku flipped his hair.
"Hey, it's also a deadly sin to not bow down to Lord PUD!"
Everyone looked up at the veranda and saw a figure in a golden eagle beaked mask, a white and gold prince suit, and a cape. It threw back its cape and grinned beneath the fearsome mask. Inuyasha, Koga, and Bankotsu looked on unimpressed as the girls, Ginta and Hakkaku, and Sesshomaru gaped at it. Lord PUD stared down, did a squat, and then stood back up. Inuyasha stepped forward with an instigating finger.
"What was that for?!"
"SILENCE!" Lord PUD pointed an elegantly gloved finger at Inuyasha and he was "sat" into the ground. "Do not challenge somebody with more power than Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, The Rock, and Tony Soprano!"
Everyone let out a collective gasp. Chuck Norris was the most powerful being. EVER. And the Lord PUD was stronger than that?! Impossible!
"You can't be stronger than Chuck Norris!" Jakotsu said, pointing a finger at Lord PUD.
"SILENCE!" Jakotsu was flung out of the door and then into the door again, getting wedged in Suikotsu's butt.
"Hey, this is bullshit!" Suikotsu whined.
"Yes, this is very much bullshit! And it shall get even more excrement of the bull at dinner tonight! Because there's no food!"
"I'm out of here." Bankotsu grumbled. Hakudoshi and Renkotsu started to follow, but the doors were locked.
"You shall stay here. Whether it is by will or not!"
"So, what are we supposed to eat for tonight?" Kagome asked politely.
"Uhm…You guys cook. Not my problem."
"WHAT?!" Everybody collectively screamed.
"You're already in the house; not my problem anymore."
Lord PUD vanished and everybody glances at everybody, extremely abashed. Nobody knew how to really cook; Kagome had lost all of her cooking skills. She was lucky her bento box came out right. Inuyasha depended on Kagome to cook, Koga ate his things raw, and Bankotsu and Jakotsu knew how to roast fish. They were lucky; there would be roasted fish on the menu.
"Oh, yeah, and there's no fish."
"DAMN YOU LORD PUD!" Bankotsu and Jakotsu screeched.
"Did I just hear slander against my name?"
"You're damn right you did!" Bankotsu yelled. He found himself in place of one of the gold potted plants.
"Any more slander and there will be harsher punishments! The Lord PUD has spoken!"
Now they were left with absolutely NO cooking skills at all. Koga recommended making steak tartar since 1), it was raw and required no cooking and 2), it was less work. Everybody shrugged and got to work.
Inuyasha hand picked the brown steak in the back of the freezer. Miroku and Suikotsu paled, slapping him in the face and then disposing of the steak in a (weirdly) conveniently placed incinerator. Then Kagome and Koga prepared the steak and made soy based dipping sauce. Now, there was the obstacle of the main course and desserts. Sesshomaru and Rin volunteered to make cream puffs, a flower garden cake, and a blueberry pie. Miroku, Jakotsu, and Sango wanted to steam a lobster. Inuyasha, Naraku, and Kagura made vegetables. Shippo, Hakudoshi, and Kanna sat on the staircase.
("Hey, Hakudoshi here. Yeah, I was skeptical about the letter at first, and it turns out I was right. Now I'm stuck in a house with all these retards.")
("Inuyasha here. I hate this place already! I have to cook! COOK, THIS IS A WOMAN'S F***KING JOB!")
After dinner was prepared and laid out, Hakudoshi, Kanna, and Shippo taste-tested all of the food. It was to their (unusually) diverse tastes. Then Lord PUD came downstairs in a red velvet suit with knee high boots and a long satin red cape. Lord PUD's mask was pulled up so that the eyes could not be seen but that the smile and nose were clearly visible. Sesshomaru noticed the soft ladylike features and sauntered up to Lord PUD, bowing.
"If you don't mind me asking, are you man or woman?"
"What does it matter; either way you aren't getting any."
Sesshomaru let out a small disappointed groan and went back to setting the table. Lord PUD sat at the tallest chair at the head of the table, sipping sparkling apple cider. The others sat at the table, Hakudoshi taking refuge in Kagome's lap. Shippo and Hakudoshi had a fierce whining match before Shippo conceded and sat on Inuyasha's lap. Lord PUD lifted the glass that was held between oh so delicate fingers and proposed a toast.
"Okay, the food looks remotely good. Okay…let's get this show on the road!"
"What show? Don't tell me we're on some cliché significant anime character live-in get together and that all of our experiences and relationships are going to be put on camera for the pleasure of the public." Inuyasha talked in one long run on sentence.
"…yep, that's basically what I'm doing to you."
"…I'm leaving." Inuyasha pushed away from the table and stood to leave.
"The fudge you are!"
Lord PUD pointed towards Inuyasha's chair and Inuyasha had no choice but to sit, less a certain someone wedge him into a butt that he would feel very uncomfortable in. Everyone started to eat, and then there was a knock at the door.
("Lord here. Okay, listen. I was ONLY supposed to invite canon Inuyasha members, but I couldn't help myself. I had to invite my Oc Ko to come here. Since she's all modern and crap. She'd better be happy; at least she's not a fox anymore.)
Inuyasha went to answer the door and a blonde with jade eyes was at the door with a single suitcase. She smiled and walked inside as Lord PUD greeted her with a hug.
"Ko, it is nice to see you!"
"Why are you talking like that? Eh, anyway, hi everyone!" Ko waved to everyone and everyone waved back. She was a strange but welcome sight into the mansion. Well, another girl to even out the men to women ratio.
"Everybody, this is a character not in Canon named Ko. I forgot her last name because I'm kind of forgetful. Anyway, treat her with respect! And feed her food!"
Lord PUD resumed the seat that was taken and Ko sat next to Naraku. She put food on her plate and started eating quietly.
("Ko here. Uhm, yeah, the house looked great. There are some nice looking people here. I just—I just hope it all works out from here.)
Lord PUD finished his/her plate and started for the stairs. Ko and the others stopped eating and retreated to the backyard of Diamond Mansion. Here, there was a large pool, a Jacuzzi that was roughly around the same size at the other end of the yard, a large number of bushes and shrubs, a table with cheeses and meats on it, and an ice fountain that held liquor and that was shaped in the honor of a pineapple. Hakudoshi grabbed Kanna's hand and the two of them went to torture Shippo and Rin. Inuyasha, Kagome, Koga, and Ayame settle into the pool as Ginta, Hakkaku, Sango, and Miroku found rooms for their other friends. Naraku, Kagura, and Sesshomaru stayed in the Jacuzzi (Trying to) ignore the childish antics of Bankotsu and Jakotsu. Renkotsu and Suikotsu were elsewhere talking about medicine and firearms.
"Hey, sometimes I just want to shoot Bankotsu in the head, y'know?" Renkotsu was polishing a high caliber rifle. One of Lord PUD's most prized possessions.
"Why?" Suikotsu asked, raising a puzzled eyebrow.
"Uhm, the short thing's really disturbing. Killing and all that. And I get tired of calling him Big Brother; nothing on him is big except for that girly ass hair."
"At least he HAS hair."
"Touché, goody two-shoes."
Renkotsu and Suikotsu stood up and got a glass of punch just as Ko came out in a nightgown. Did she think it was the bedroom?
("Hey, Ko again. Hehe, I guess I should've gotten into something to swim with, BUT I have no one piece swims suits, so I'll stay in my nightgown for now.")
Ko sat in one of the reclining chairs near the pool, sighing and taking a magazine off of the small white table besides her. She opened it up as Kanna, Hakudoshi, Rin, and Shippo came up to her. Ko was reading a Cosmopolitan, so the little children saw some words they should never see until they're at LEAST 18. Hakudoshi trudged across the yard to the Jacuzzi and sat by Naraku. The two stayed silent until Hakudoshi asked:
"Hey, Naraku, what's a—"
Naraku covered Hakudoshi's mouth and giggled nervously. A random lobster claw flew through the air and hit him right in the eye. Naraku squealed and uncovered Hakudoshi's mouth which caused Hakudoshi to run off at the mouth about kinky sex moves and sex in general.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA—!"The laugh cut was cut off by coughing. It lasted for a few seconds. Then: "Ahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha! AAAAAAAAHahahahahahahaha!"
"PUD, is that you?" Koga asked.
"I am the night!"
And, boy, It's gunna be a long one…