JJ walked through the doors of the separate room she and Hotch had just spoken in, to the blindingly bright waiting room where her team members stood. Hope and anticipation across their faces, some more obvious than others. JJ made direct eye contact with Garcia, her facial expressions the easiest to spot and read.
JJ's eyes quickly darted to the floor, unable to look any of them in the eye, because she was about to deliver the worst possible news.
"She never made it off the table." She said almost inaudibly, but with conviction. She played it off strong. She had always been the strong one. She always took care of everyone. But her confidence in her ability to resist showing any emotion was fading fast. Her whole world was crashing down on her.
Garcia's mouth dropped as she let out a loud sob. Big tears flew off her cheeks and hit the floor. It was so silent, JJ swore she heard the sound of them making contact with the sad, tacky, hospital tile. Hotch stood tall behind the blonde. His face had the same stern look it always had, but the rims of his eyes were red and he was holding his breath. Afraid if he exhaled, he might lose his strong, emotionless demeanor. Like JJ, he felt he needed to take care of his team, before himself.
Morgan's hands flew to his face, covering his eyes and then dragging his palms down his cheeks. Then he stormed out of the waiting room.
"FUCK" they heard him yell, before he disappeared around the corner of the hallway. No one moved. Or reacted to Morgan. They knew he'd been the one with Emily, securing her in his arms, as she lay bleeding out on the cold floor, begging her to hold on. He felt like he had failed her.
Reid took a seat in one of the uncomfortable chairs they had all been glued to for the last several hours, resting his elbows and forearms on his thighs and dropping his head in disbelief. His legs couldn't hold him up anymore, and his brain couldn't handle the fact that all the knowledge in the world would not bring his friend back. A part of his found family, permanently removed.
JJ's strength was dwindling. She spent the hours Emily was in surgery preparing for bad news, but in the back of her mind, deep where she couldn't even register it, she'd had hope that the love of her life would pull through. And all that hope was now lost. It had left her body, and it wasn't coming back.
A sob rose from her lungs and it felt so distant, so far from her body that she didn't even register it was her that made the sound. Rossi approached her, cautiously, and enveloped her into an embrace. The blonde melted into his arms, and it was the last thing she remembered from that horrible, horrible day.
It had been a few months since that fateful night and the BAU's mandatory sabbaticals were coming to an end. It was only so long before a new case would desperately need their assistance.
Hotch had been adamant about JJ taking as much time as she needed. More than the time allotted to the rest of the team. Emily had, after all, been the love of her life. Hotch understood that pain. He understood the loss on a different level. How returning to work too soon was not always in the best interest. But just as Hotch, and the rest of the team predicted, JJ was there, at the round table with everyone else the day they'd all returned.
She had ignored the insistence of her team members, and was ready to get back to work. To get out of the house that reminded her every day of the missing person with whom she had once shared a bed. The table they sat at every morning before driving to work together. The bathroom that still housed Emily's toothbrush, and the kitchen cabinet that still held Emily's favorite mug. JJ would never get rid of it.
To hold onto even an ounce of sanity, JJ had finally taken Hotch's suggestion from years prior, to become a profiler. Morgan agreed, warily at first, to train her. It helped them both through the time away from work. He was worried about her, and it gave him an excuse to let his anger out in a somewhat healthy way. JJ used it as a coping mechanism. She avoided the feelings of emptiness by expelling all her energy into becoming stronger, faster, more capable. She decided that she owed it to Emily to become something more. Something useful. Maybe if she'd had the training of a profiler, the strength of a Supervisory Special Agent, Emily's outcome would've been different. She could've stopped Doyle, she convinced herself. She wasn't good enough to save her.
Their first case back came and went like a blur. Some were doing better than others. Another case, this time one that required travel on the jet, was over before they knew it as well.
She was fine, she convinced herself. JJ had been doing a lot of convincing lately. The others—not so convinced. Everyone had silently agreed to keep an eye out for her. Her insistence was strong at work, but when the night fell, and she was all alone again in their home, the facade broke and her damaged, despondent heart snapped over, and over again.
She'd been having dreams. Nightmares, usually, but lately the dreams were different. They were softer. Like Emily. There was a peacefulness to them. She didn't wake in a sweat every single night like she had been for months. Something shifted in the blonde. Was she healing? Was she forgetting her…
It first happened on the jet. JJ crossed the aisle to her seat. The one she always sat in across from her beautiful, brunette lover. She had been reading, another hobby she'd taken up since Emily's death. The jet was jostled momentarily by some turbulence, disturbing her from her book and she looked up. It was only for a second, but there sat Emily. Beautiful as ever, directly across from her, in her seat. She was looking out the window. Her favorite part of the flight. There was no sadness in her face. No blood covering every inch of her body. Just Emily as JJ remembered her. And before she could even register Emily's presence quick enough to formulate a word, the brunette was gone.
It broke JJ. A fleeting moment of joy rushed through her, and just as fast as it came, it went.
The next time she saw Emily, JJ was approaching the cabin of the UnSub Garcia had finally found. She took the back entrance as Hotch, Reid and Morgan took the front and side. JJ's vigilance led her eyes in every direction all at once. She caught sight in her peripheral vision of a figure on her right side and shifted quickly to meet it, gun drawn. It wasn't UnSub. It was Emily.
JJ blinked at least ten, twenty times, attempting to erase the image of her late lover, but she stood there still. Emily's dark, silky hair blew gently in the wind, a faint glow of the full moon lighting up one side of her face. Her ethereal beauty standing only feet from where JJ's were planted in the cool, damn soil of the backyard.
"Emily?" the blonde called. She didn't reply. She just stood in the same spot. Suddenly her lips turned to a frown, a deep sadness and look of regret on her face. Then she was gone.
"No!" JJ called.
She heard a rustle behind her, turning quickly again hoping to see Emily again. But she was met with a tall, scraggly man quickly advancing toward her, a baseball bat raised high above his shoulders.
SMACK!
JJ went down, dazed. She must've yelled, screamed, something, because before she knew it, Morgan was behind the man.
"Turn around and put the weapon down!" he yelled forcefully. JJ's attacker ran toward the tall, dark agent and a flash and crack of a gunshot rang through the blonde's ears as the baseball bat and the man dropped swiftly to the ground. Morgan kicked the bat away, and ran towards the fallen blonde agent.
"JJ! You ok?" he asked desperately.
Her back was damp from the soil, her hands brown and dirty as she attempted to lift herself up onto her arms.
"I'm fine" she said with relief. She felt rain dripping down her face and wiped it away. It wasn't rain, it was blood. She had a gash across her forehead and a lump the size of an egg already starting to form.
"Hold up blondie," Morgan said running to her aid and grabbing her under her arms, lifting her to her unsteady feet. Reid and Hotch were now there as well, attending to JJ.
"Seriously, I'm okay, guys" she reiterated with a slight smile. "Thanks, Morgan." she added, finally finding her full balance and brushing the dirt from her arms, hands, and jeans.
"Of course, JJ. I have your back." Morgan replied, more seriously than she'd been expecting from her friend. JJ was the first one to get injured since they'd all returned to the BAU. The thought of losing another team member rushed through him and he couldn't help but picture Emily, practically lifeless on the ground.
"Let's get you to a hospital, JJ" Hotch said, already walking toward the SUV. Reid had his arm around her waist, supporting her as she walked, though she really didn't need it.
"Hotch, really, it's okay. There's no need" JJ quickly shot back.
Without even turning his head he said, "We're taking you." And that was that.