Lessons in Etiquette

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for some sexual content, violence and language. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SLASH (male on male), and AU-ness!! Ye be warned

Author's Note: woot! Chapter two! Now as I've been threatened with death by all manner of methods to get this out, here it is. At long last…heh, heh. You love me… SO! Here we go…enjoy! Cheers!

XXX

Remus hated himself. Pure and simple, he fucking hated himself. He rubbed his fingers hard into his eye sockets as colours burst behind his eyelids and sighed hugely. It was morning, and he was still in Sirius' bed, the black-haired youth sleeping exhaustedly beside him. The lycan would undoubtedly be sleeping as well, as he functioned poorly on little sleep, but his conscience had been niggling at him the entire night, and he had tossed and turned uncomfortably, his stomach in knots.

He knew in his heart of hearts that he had to tell Sirius the truth. He knew that it would eat him alive from the inside out if he didn't, and he didn't want Sirius to wear rose coloured glasses for the rest of…however long this could last. It was simple; he just…didn't love him. He cared about him, sure, probably more than he cared for anyone in this god damned city, but that didn't mean he loved him. Not by a long shot.

Remus sighed and finally sat up. The clock across the room read 5:03 am and Sirius looked like he could sleep all the rest of the morning away still (which wasn't surprising, as they'd been up rather late). Remus debated whether he had the guts to just get up and leave without a word or not. It would certainly save a confrontation of epic proportions, but then he knew that he would undoubtedly break Sirius' heart forever. He'd be the one who'd gotten away not just once, but twice. Fuck. Decisions, decisions…

Either way, he had to use the bathroom, so he had to get out of this bed. Then after he relieved himself, maybe he would be able to decide what the bloody hell to do. Unlikely, but hey, he could dream. Remus slid cautiously out of the large bed and Sirius kept snoring.

The lycanthrope swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. Sirius didn't appear to have an en suite, which meant he would have to find his clothes to exit the room. Or just run and hope no one saw him, but he wasn't really the exhibitionist type. He looked at the clothes strewn about and spotted his pants, hurriedly grabbing them up and pulling them on. At least he had some modicum of dignity now…

He looked about for his shirt, but there were so many of Sirius' own clothes everywhere, it was impossible to locate it. The same seemed to go for his socks and so Remus carefully opened the bedroom door noiselessly and slipped out to the bathroom in just his pants.

He opened the bathroom door after he was finished, wishing he had a toothbrush. Fingers were just no substitutes for a decent toothbrush… He looked up as he made to go back to Sirius' bedroom (he couldn't just run away half naked) and saw Sirius leaning against the doorjamb, a grin on his face and the sheets wrapped toga-style around himself.

His face split into a huge yawn, and he rumpled his hair. "Morning," he said, voice thick from tiredness and lingering arousal. Not to mention the copious shouting and moaning from the previous night. Remus smiled slightly.

"Morning," he echoed.

"So what are you doing up so early?" Sirius questioned, moving toward Remus, his sheet-toga rustling hilariously.

Remus tried not laugh at him. "Couldn't sleep. Erm…did you want to maybe put some pants on?" Sirius gyrated his hips to some unknown music in a would-be-sensual (if it didn't look so ridiculous) way, and Remus laughed out loud.

Sirius pouted, but took it in stride. "Yeah," he said smiling, rustling back to the bedroom. Remus wandered into the living and kitchen area that he hadn't really been paying attention to before. It was small, but still spacious, and decorated in typical bachelor fashion. A mess for the most part, and compiled of mismatched aged furniture. The kitchen had new-ish appliances and was bright and painted a cheery orange. Remus liked it immensely.

Just as he leaned over the sink to try to look out the tiny window, he felt a pair of strong, definitely male, and bare arms wrap around his middle, and felt Sirius press himself to his backside. Gentle lips trailed over the back of his exposed neck and Remus tried to will away the goose bumps that shivered down his arms with little success. "I'm back," Sirius murmured. "Hungry?" His fingers dipped traitorously lower, playing over Remus' navel and dipping into the waistband of his pants.

Remus shrugged noncommittally, and Sirius pulled back slightly to allow him to stand fully and compose himself. "So who does the cooking?" Remus asked, looking doubtful that either Sirius or James could do any better than macaroni and cheese. Sirius smirked as he stood entirely too close for Remus to be able to think properly in his plaid pyjama pants.

"I do the cooking. James is a disaster in the kitchen, even with a wand. Plus I took Muggle studies, which makes me a virtual professional with those handy Muggle inventions like stoves and ovens and stuff." Remus suppressed a smile. "So," Sirius said again. "Care to see the extent of my cooking skills? I make a killer omelet…"

Remus shook his head. "I…I can't. I have to go." He made to move around Sirius, but the black-haired youth put an arm out to stop him, effectively pinning him back in front of the counter.

"It's barely even morning though. Where do you have to go?"

"I just have to go," Remus said, unable to look Sirius in the eye, which he knew was probably just as much of a give away as the lie in his eyes would have been if he had been able to look at him. "I shouldn't even have stayed last night… Please, Sirius, I need to leave. Now."

Sirius ignored him and moved closer, his hands running up the sensitive skin at Remus' sides, hoping to persuade him to stay simply to have sex again. He didn't want to believe Remus could lie to him. Hell, he wasn't even sure if Remus was capable of lying at all… His head tilted up slightly and he kissed Remus gently and moved even closer still. "Remus," he murmured softly. His face loomed closer until his mouth was against the lycan's ear. "Remus, please… Stay. Stay with me." He narrowed the gap between them so that a mere whisper of air remained between their bodies; it seemed to crackle with electricity. Remus could feel the hot tantalizing breath of his lover; could feel the soft contours of his lips over the shell of his own ear. "Remus," Sirius whispered, his voice desperate with longing desire. "Remus stay with me. Please…Remus…"

"I can't," he whispered back, hands sweating deep inside his pockets. They itched to run through Sirius' unruly bed head or caress his shirtless torso. Any part of the younger man, he just wanted to touch him. His felt his resolve beginning to crumble and steadfastly pushed the thoughts aside. "I just can't."

Sirius stepped backward, arms dropping. "Why?" he demanded. "You owe me that much. Why not?"

Remus looked away from the raw emotion he saw shining in Sirius' eyes. He hadn't wanted to go through this part…most especially not his part. "I don't…I…I just don't think I…feel the same."

Sirius' jaw dropped and his mouth fell open in a perfect 'o'. "What do you mean?" he whispered, hurt and betrayal clear in the deep timbre of his voice. "How can you not feel the same?" His mind was whirling. "You…you told me… You said last night… Were those just words to you? Did you honestly not mean it? Was it just to get me to fuck you again?" Remus flinched at the harshness of the words, spat with such bitterness and rising anger.

"Sirius-" Remus began in reply, but was rather unceremoniously interrupted.

"You lied to me. You fucking lied to me! I fucking told you I loved you and you just lied right to my fucking face!"

"Sirius let me explain. I-"

"Let you explain? Explain what? It's all pretty clear to me… I told you I loved you and you lied by saying it back to me." He spoke as if stating irreversible fact of ultimate truth. "What is there to explain Remus? Fuck!" He sat on one of the kitchen chairs, head in his hands. "This isn't happened," he murmured to himself. "It's isn't, it just…can't be…"

"Sirius," said Remus, putting a gentle hand on the younger man's shoulder, "I never meant to hurt you, I-"

Sirius laughed, but it was cold and bitter and utterly devoid of humour. It chilled Remus to the bone to hear such a normally happy go lucky guy laugh in such a way. "Yeah, well you fucking failed miserably then." He stood angrily and started pacing back and forth in front of Remus, whose eyes followed him silently. "I mean fuck!" Sirius growled. A million and one questions swirled through his consciousness. "I told you I loved you… Fuck, Remus, I'm in love with you! And you just…" Sirius wanted to cry but there were no tears. And besides, Blacks didn't cry. He felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside out, and that soon he would just cease to be, and life would be a hollow shell of it's former self.

Remus sighed and sat down in the other f the kitchen chairs, across from the one Sirius had occupied. "What do you want me to say, Sirius? I'm sorry? Alright, I'm fucking sorry. I can't make myself feel something I don't."

Sirius whirled around, glaring. "You're right, you can't make yourself feel something you don't want to, but you don't have to fucking lie about it!! Christ Remus! Do you know how many people I've ever said I love you to and actually meant it? You want to know that all-powerful number? Four; four fucking people. My mother, my father, my brother and the very first girlfriend I ever had. And guess how many of those people said 'I love you' back? Guess." He didn't pause, and Remus didn't try to answer. "None. Until you. You were number five, and I thought, hey, maybe the fifth time is the charm. And when you said it back, I felt like a million fucking galleons. I felt like fucking Jesus. But you just lied to me. You didn't mean a word of it. I mean, if you had just said you didn't love me, I would have gotten over it; hell that's been the story of my life. Like you said, I can't make you love me; but at least be a fucking man and tell me the truth!" His chest was heaving with emotion, and he felt like he might just cry after all. His face was burning in indignation and his stomach felt like lead.

"I lied to you because I didn't want to hurt you!" Remus shouted. "And for your information, you aren't the only one to have a shitty childhood, Sirius!" Only the rest of us have moved on; realized that it's done and in the past. Get the fuck over yourself!!"

"Get out. Get the fuck out right fucking now," Sirius said, voice deadly calm, his barely contained rage fighting to unleash the storm that his calm preceded. "Get out of my fucking apartment and don't ever fucking come back you son of a bitch. I don't know how I ever even thought I could love you; you're a fucking monster." His voice was thick with unveiled loathing and animosity, and if Remus hadn't been spoken to in the same voice by countless faceless others, he might have recoiled.

The lycanthrope stood up to his full height, his jaw clenched hard, making speech almost impossible. "Fine," he replied flatly, and turned toward the door, not even caring that he still hadn't located his shirt or socks. He stuffed his feet angrily into shoes he didn't recall removing the previous afternoon. "But let me tell you one thing," he said, turning back to face the darker haired boy.

"What?" Sirius snapped.

"No one will ever love you until you love yourself," he said quietly, in a voice Sirius didn't have to strain to hear. He put his hand on the doorknob and opened it.

"Thanks Oprah," Sirius sneered, looking every inch the spoiled pompous little shit everyone thought him to be. "But I've broken the nasty habit of believing anything that comes out of your mouth." Remus turned to face him on the other side of the door and Sirius gripped the door handle firmly in his hand. "After all, you are a werewolf." And with a last haughty glare, he slammed the door in Remus' face.

XXX

Sirius glared at the television, one of the few Muggle luxuries he and James had agreed they absolutely needed in the flat, unseeingly. He couldn't get Remus' words out of his mind, no matter how many mindless infomercials he watched. He knew the stupid bastard was wrong. He did love himself. He was probably one of the only ones who fucking did in this world… How dare that arrogant fuck try to tell him what he did and didn't feel!!

He also felt an unshakable niggling feeling of guilt. He'd acted like a spoiled prick, he knew, and half the things he'd said to Remus (most especially the werewolf dig) would undoubtedly leave more emotional scars on him. And he couldn't help feeling guilty, because despite his best intentions, he still loved Remus. Just like he still loved his parents and brother and the little girl who'd told him they had to break up because he had cooties.

But possibly even worse, was that deep down, in some subconscious way, he knew that Remus had been completely right. He didn't love himself and he'd spent too much of his life preoccupied with himself. He didn't know how to make and maintain relationships and hadn't, until now, really had the desire to. He was an asshole of the grandest kind.

"Hey mate, why are you watching the Space Age Spatula infomercial again?" James asked, flopping onto the couch beside Sirius. The other boy made no reply. James frowned. "What's wrong? And where's your…er…friend?"

"He left."

James, who had known Sirius almost entire life, and possibly knew him better than anyone else, knew when to probe for details and when not to. And he knew that when Sirius simply said nothing at all, it was time to probe him for details, and get him to open up a little and get whatever it was off his chest. "And you just let him?"

Sirius shrugged and stared blankly at the TV some more. James propped his feet on the coffee table. "What about your bird?" Sirius asked, more out of politeness than anything.

James grimaced, realizing Sirius was drawing the conversation away from himself, but knowing they would get back to him eventually. "She said she was tired not long after you got here. And that her boyfriend was taking her out to dinner later." Sirius snorted. "I know," James sighed dramatically. "And I never even got to third base… I assume your night was better?" Sirius shrugged again. "Don't lie," James cackled. "I see those hickies all over your neck.

The longer-haired boy tugged his t-shirt collar up. "Yeah, well…" They watched television for a bit in silence and watched as the Space Age Spatula infomercial changed to early morning cartoons. "James, can I ask you something?" Sirius asked suddenly.

"Sure," James replied, trying not to smile. He loved it when he was right.

"Do you think I'm an asshole?"

James frowned and glanced over at Sirius, whose gaze remained resolutely on the screen before them. "Like…all the time? 'Cause if you mean all the time, then no. Sometimes, sure, but who isn't?"

Sirius nodded and they watched some more cartoons. "Remus left because we fought," he murmured finally, so low James almost missed it.

"What did you fight about?" James asked cautiously, well aware this was possibly very dangerous territory.

"I told him…I said I loved him. I mean, I told him three years ago, but that was mostly 'cause I thought I'd never see him again, but then I said it again last night, and I actually meant it, y'know?"

"And?" James asked gently.

"He said it back." Sirius sighed morosely.

"So what's the problem?"

"He said he didn't mean it this morning. He just said it 'cause he didn't want to hurt my feelings… And we had this huge fight and I said things and he said things, and I said some more things. I think I hurt him bad Jamie…but…"

"He hurt you too." It wasn't a question. Sirius nodded, biting his lower lip to keep the tears at bay and staring hard at the TV screen. "But you still care about him." Sirius nodded again. "And you don't want to lose him." Another nod. "What are you going to do?"

"I dunno man… I don't even know where he's staying or anything…"

James looked at Sirius. "You're not a bad person mate. No matter what this bloke said, or says or thinks, you're not. I know you. You don't think before you open your mouth, but I know you aren't a bad person. And you're nothing like them."

Sirius didn't have to ask whom he was referring to. He smiled, but it was rueful and bittersweet. "Sometimes I'm not so sure."

XXX

Lily Evans cursed as the sound of rapping at her door grew in intensity. Apparently some people had no notion of the term 'lie-in' and enjoyed ruining it for other people.

She yawned hugely and went to her front door, staring over her shoulder longingly into her bedroom at the rumpled warmth of her bed as she undid the lock. She opened the door an inch. "What?" she demanded.

"It's me."

"Remus?"

"Who else?"

Lily hurriedly undid the chain and opened the door wider to a shirtless and rather haggard-looking Remus Lupin. He stepped into her flat gratefully and she shut the door behind him. "So do I want to ask why you aren't wearing a shirt and why you're at my house at seven in the morning?" she asked with a friendly smile, flicking the switch on her coffeemaker to start the brewing process for that liquid energy.

"No, you want to ask me if I'd like some tea."

"Would you like some tea?" Lily asked in her best prim-and-proper-old-lady voice. Remus smirked and nodded. "And would you like to borrow a shirt for the time being?"

"Yes," he said, smiling a bit wider. "As long as there's no unicorns or anything on it." Lily laughed as she disappeared into her bedroom and came back carrying an oversized t-shirt, tossing it at Remus, who hastily put it on. "Thanks."

The two chatted easily as the coffee brewed, and once it was finished, Lily poured them both a cup. "So," she said, sitting down across form Remus at her kitchen table as he sipped the delightfully strong beverage. "I know you said I shouldn't ask, but what are you doing at my flat so early in the morning without a shirt?"

Remus sighed and set down his coffee cup, staring into it. "I kind of…had a one-night stand last night."

Lily arched an eyebrow. "Oh really. Go on…"

Remus absently traced patterns on the table. "Well, you know the guy I mentioned around when we first met, from the ranch?" Lily nodded. "Well, I met him the other day when I was…doing something at the Ministry. Anyway, he asked me out, and we ended up going back to his place after making out on his motorcycle, and I ended up staying the night."

There was a silence, and Lily 'hmm'ed. Somehow, despite being a Muggle, she'd known about the magical world, and Remus had been able to confide in her his exiled-wizard status, though had drawn the line at his lycanthropy. She might understand some things, and he was grateful for that, but he didn't want her getting freaked out or something if she found out. Because he really rather liked having a best friend. "Still not getting the point or my answer," she said when Remus made no move to continue.

"He told me he loved me."

"And?" Lily prodded.

"And," Remus said with a huge, fringe-fluttering sigh, "I said it back. But I didn't mean it. And…it's complicated. I told him this morning I didn't mean it, because, y'know, it's kind f harsh to just lie. We had this crazy row and I said a lot of mean things to him. I never meant to hurt him Lily," he said, eyes pleading for her to believe him. She nodded hurriedly, reaching out and putting a comforting hand over his. "Then he said some things to me, and slammed the door in my face. And here I am, shirtless because I couldn't find my shirt in the morning when I got up, and here because I don't know where else to go."

"You don't have a place to stay??" Lily asked, incredulous. Remus shrugged noncommittally. "You ruddy ponce! Why didn't you say that when you first came here? Christ, Remus, you can stay here with me, if you need to."

"I don't want to put you out…" Remus said, as Lily got up and put her half-finished coffee in the sink.

"Nonsense," she said brusquely. "You're staying with me. And that's final. Now, I assume you must have some things? D'you want to get them and then come back here?" Remus nodded, touched beyond words as he stood. Lily folded him into her arms. "I'm going to love having you here, I know it." She beamed at him, and Remus smiled weakly back. He had just realized something. The full moon was in just over a week, and he had just agreed to move in with his very Muggle best friend. His very Muggle best friend who didn't know about his condition… Fuck.

XXX

Lily closed the door behind Remus some minutes later, and leaned against it. She ran a hand through the unruly mass of her bright red hair and sighed. She hadn't really thought about what it would entail having Remus stay with her for an indefinite amount of time. He would find out. She knew he would; he was as smart as they come and intuitive to a fault. Great.

She sighed again, pushing off the door, and went into her bedroom, opening the closet door. Frowning at the giant pile of laundry that greeted her, she stepped onto it, and felt around the top shelf for the box she knew was up there.

Her fingers finally closed around it, and she pulled the slightly dusty, thin red box from its hiding place. She took the lid off and pulled out the ten inch long piece of wood. She hadn't used her wand in years. Hadn't wanted to or been able to. She honestly doubted if she would be able to now…

Meandering back out of her room and down the brief almost non-existent hallway of her flat, Lily came to the tiny spare bedroom, and opened the door. Several boxes full of her stuff she hadn't bothered unpacking a year ago when she moved in blocked the entrance, along with a jumble of useless furniture and junk. She took a deep breath and let it out in a whoosh. It was now or never. She had to get back on the horse at some point, and now was as good a time as ever…

Waving the bit of wood experimentally, she murmured the incantation, and was delighted when a particularly ugly vase her sister had given to her Vanished. She tried the spell again, and this time, more of her junk was cleared away.

In minutes, the room was clear, curtains were hanging on the window, the slightly broken old bed she had jammed in the room was fixed, assembled and now sported a mattress and clean sheets. There was a small chest of drawers in one corner and a desk and chair in the other. Lovely.

She exited the room, closing the door again behind her, and went back to her room to put her wand away again. It was thrilling to know she still had the gift, that she could still tame her magical power and focus it through the large-ish stick, but now it was time to put it away. She retrieved the box from where she had tossed it on her bed and put her wand in it.

But just as she was putting the lid back on, she felt something inside her shift. Lily sighed and sat down on her bed, the tears coming thick and fast, dropping like rain onto the piece of wood that lay oblivious in its box. It still hurt, even after all this time.

Jamming the lid back on the box, she stuffed it into her beside table drawer and slammed the drawer shut. She wiped her eyes and went to the bathroom to wash her face before Remus came back. There was a reason she hadn't used magic in so long, and she should have known that to use it would only bring back the horrid remembrance.

Sometimes things just needed to stay forgotten in the smothering depths of the past. Sometimes it was easier to just leave things behind.

XXX

Author's Note: OOH!! PLOT TWISTS!! Haha… Anyhooters, yeah, I have a vaguely clear idea of where I want this to go, so YAY! And the update took less time than I thought it would… YAY!! So please review and tell me what you thought. Love! Cheers!