With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this

Broken – XVII

Spending time with an amnesic Anko turned out to be almost…fun. She didn't ask half as many questions as Kakashi had suspected she would ― and that included about her home-life. She'd accepted what Kakashi said about her parents dying when she was little (which was the truth), and that she had come to Konoha right after they'd died. He hadn't been able to find it in him to tell her about Orochimaru. He knew eventually she'd remember on her own, but until that time came, he was content to letting her lead a happy, worry-free life.

She deserved it, after everything she'd been through.

It was also hard though. Some nights she had terrible dreams (most of which included her being yelled at and hurt by some person she didn't recognize), and she'd wake up terrified, wanting to know what they meant. Kakashi couldn't tell her what he was sure was the truth (which was that they were her memories), so he'd lie, telling her he didn't understand them himself. He felt like dirt afterwards, because he knew she trusted him, and he was betraying her trust by lying to her, but he couldn't help it. He just wanted to protect her.

"You're not doing her any favors." Minato had cautioned the silver-haired teen when he had expressed his worry. "When she finally does remember, it's all going to come crashing back, and it's gonna break her. You're not doing her any favors by cushioning her like that."

"You can't hide everything." Kurenai had said. "Especially if she's having dreams like that. Eventually she'll figure out the truth. And when she does, she's going to hate you for lying to her."

Everyone seemed to have good ideas, but none of those ideas were helping Kakashi figure out what to do.

It wasn't like he was alone with this, of course. Kurenai was more than happy to add in her own two cents, Kai had figured out something was wrong with Anko, and was determined to 'make her better,' and of course, the entire staff at Konoha was there as well. But ― and Kakashi felt conceded every time he thought this ― Anko just hadn't taken to any of them the way she did him. She depended on him more than anyone else. And Kakashi kind of liked it that way. He liked having her close. He wasn't ready to lose anymore people he cared about.

"Where in the world did she go?" Kakashi mumbled as he shuffled through the halls of Konoha. He'd turned away for a few minutes to help and eight-year-old with her homework, and as soon as he had turned back, Anko was gone. He hated it when she wandered off like that. It always took him at least an hour to find her, like some screwy game of Hide-and-Seek. Kakashi always lost.

He stopped when he got to his (their) room, and sighed. She wasn't there. No surprise. But then where…

A thought flashed in his head, and his feet developed a mind of their own as they turned and carried him back down to the first floor. Down to Rin and Anko's old room. And that was where he found her. Standing in front of Rin's nightstand, staring at the same picture Kakashi had hidden under his pillow three weeks earlier, when Anko had first come back to Konoha.

Shit, he thought frantically, knowing this was going to lead to questions. She was in the picture for heaven's sake, she'd want the truth.

"What are you doing down here?" She looked over her shoulder at him. There was a dazed, lost look in her eyes.

"I had a dream last night." She said quietly. "I was in this room, and I was…I was doing something. Reading something."

"How do you know it was this room?" Kakashi asked, raising an eyebrow. She shrugged.

"I didn't, until I walked by here. The door was open, and I looked in, and I recognized it." Kakashi wasn't surprised the door was open. It often was. But he was surprised she had remembered it from her dream.

"What were you reading? Was anyone else in here with you?" He asked, stalling for time. The more questions he asked, the more she might forget she had. "A girl, maybe?"

Anko shook her head. "No. I was alone. And I don't know what I was reading. A note…or something. I don't know what it said though."

Suddenly a smooth white piece of paper flashed in his mind. There was neat black writing scrawled over it, and two words in particular stood out: come home.

The letter Anko had somehow received from Orochimaru. The one that had driven her back home, that Kakashi had found when, in her rush to get out, Anko left it behind. The one that was currently crumpled in a drawer at the bottom of his nightstand.

"Kakashi?" Anko's soft voice broke the teen out of his reverie. "What's wrong, are you okay? You just got really quiet…and you look scared."

Kakashi took a couple of deep breaths. Calm down, he ordered himself, don't worry her. None of that matters anymore. She's here. She's safe. No one can hurt her. I won't let them.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." He put on a smile, knowing full well she couldn't see it. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"One more thing." Here it comes, he thought miserably as she grabbed the picture. "Who are the two kids in this? How do I know them?"

Kakashi sighed. "Their names are Rin and Obito. Rin's your old roommate. They're both…gone now. They…they went with foster families." He filled in quickly, remembering the excuse Rin had given Kai when she had to explain where Obito was. Anko frowned.

"Oh. I see. I thought…"

Kakashi cocked his head. "Thought what?"

She shook her head. "No…never-mind."

It was well after midnight. Kakashi was staring at the ceiling of his room, unable to sleep. This wasn't uncommon for him anymore. He had become accustomed to just laying in bed, listening to Anko's rhythmic breathing, wondering what images her mind was conjuring up for her, and what excuses he might use in the morning to explain away all the bad things.

He was being stupid and he knew it. He knew if and when Anko finally got her memory back, she'd pound him for being an idiot and trying to keep the truth from her. And he'd deserve every punch she threw at him. Because even the 'I-want-to-protect-her' excuse was getting old. He couldn't lie to her forever, even if it did keep her happy.

Kakashi sighed and rolled over, staring at the wall. He tried to imagine what Rin and Obito would say if they could see what he was doing. He imagined Rin in his mind.

It's not right to lie to her, Kakashi-kun. She's depending on you, she trust you, and you're letting her down by not giving her what she deserves; the truth. What are you going to do when she remembers? She'll know you lied, and she could end up hating you. And you care too much about her for her to hate you, Kakashi-kun.

And, in Kakashi's mind, Obito butted in.

Who cares whether or not she likes him? Just stop being an idiot Kakashi! You're making life a whole lot harder for a whole lot of people ― namely you and Mitirashi ― it's completely not worth it. And more to the point, you'll be in for the beating of a lifetime when she figures out you lied to her. You won't be able to sit or stand for a week. Is that really worth it?

Yeah. Neither of them would have said something he didn't already know. But it was still nice to see them. Even if it was in his head, and it did make him feel a little crazy. Hell, they had been his best friends for seven years, it was hard for him to just let them go. He would someday, but right now he really needed their advice.

He closed his eyes as sleep finally threatened to overtake him, breathing deeply. He was exhausted. Maybe he'd finally be able to sleep…

He'd barely managed to drift off when a scream brought him back to reality. He bolted up, looking around. Anko was thrashing around in her bed, screaming in a way Kakashi had never heard from her before. Throwing back the covers, the teen jumped out of his own bed and over to Anko's. He grabbed her shoulders and started shaking her as hard as he could.

"Anko! ANKO!"

Her eyes flew open and she looked around, panicking and breathing hard. At the same time the bedroom door flew open, and the two night monitors bounded.

"What's going on in here?!" One of them asked, looking to Kakashi for answers. Kakashi shook his head.

"Nothing. She had a bad dream, what do you expect? She's fine though, nobody's hurt." The monitors exchanged looks.

"You sure she's all right?" The second one asked, sounding doubtful. "Sounded like she was being murdered to me."

She might have been. Let me find out what the dream was about and I'll tell you for sure. "Obviously she's all right. Just scared. Wouldn't you be?"

And finally they left. Kakashi looked back at Anko. Her eyes were wide, filled with shock and fear, and she was still breathing hard and trembling. Kakashi hated seeing her that way.

"Here." He carefully tucked his arm under her back and helped her sit up. Unable to sit up, she leaned against him, her head resting against his chest. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders and reached up his free hand, running it carefully through her hair. "You okay?"

She gulped and shook her head, obviously unable to speak. "Wanna talk about it?" Another head shake. "Want me to stay over here with you?"

There was a pause, and then she nodded. Kakashi drew his legs up onto the bed, still holding her. He'd stay there as long as she needed him to.

They stayed in that position for at least five minutes. And finally Anko said, her voice cracking, "That man. The one from my other dreams. He was there. And he was…he was hitting me. Kicking me, punching me, doing anything he could. He had a knife. He tried to stab me with it, but I…I kind of rolled out of the way. And then it just kept going. And I remember…I asked him something. I asked him if he had something to do with…somebody dying. I think the name was…Obito. That's what it sounded like, anyway."

Kakashi's heart jolted. "And what did he say?"

"I don't remember, exactly." Anko mumbled. "I just know he said he did have something to do with it. And I tried to attack him…and he grabbed me, and he threw me, and my head hit the wall…and then…"

Kakashi waited. He wanted to know what had happened next. He had a feeling he knew what this memory was from.

"Then he was trying to stab me again. Then you were there. And he got you instead. And you said something to me…I don't remember what though. And then the man attacked you, and when he was finished with you, he…"

She was shaking worse than ever now. Kakashi wrapped both his arms tightly around her small, trembling body. He didn't want her to have to say anything more. And it didn't matter anyway.

"It's all right." He said quietly. "You don't have to tell me. I know what happens after that."

Her eyes widened. "You do? You know what I was talking about?" He nodded. "Then what did you say to me?"

There was a sound of longing, of need in her voice. Kakashi tried to bring back his own memory of that night. "I said, 'I'm going to protect you no matter what it takes.'" He said finally.

"Protect me." She repeated quietly. A small shiver went through her body. "But why?"

Kakashi blinked. "Why what?" He asked, "Why would I need to protect you?"

"Why would you want to?" Her voice trembled slightly as she spoke, and Kakashi could still feel her shaking against his body. He stared at the top of her head for a second, then said,

"Well…why wouldn't I?"

His answer surprised him enough to make her look up. She stared at him with wide eyes. "What do you―"

"Listen." Kakashi wrapped his arms a little tighter around Anko's small body. "I know you don't remember this now ― and I hope you will soon ― but I made you a promise. I promised that I would protect you no matter what. I wasn't able to keep that promise before. But I swear I will this time. Nothing's going to stop me."

"I still don't get it." Anko murmured, bowing her head. "Why would you make a promise like that?"

Kakashi didn't know how to answer her. He tried to remember what had been happening to prompt him to make that promise. He remembered she had been worrying about going back to Orochimaru, and he'd just wanted to comfort her, to see that worried look go away. He'd wanted her to smile, to be happy. He wanted her to be okay. But it had become so much more than that.

"Because I…I care about you. And I don't want to see you hurt." He put his chin against the top of her head. "So I'm going to protect you, even it kills me."

"Don't do that." Anko's words surprised Kakashi.

"What? Why not?"

"Because I don't want anything to happen to you." Her voice was faint, and he could tell she was almost asleep. He decided to let her be. He just had one more question.

"Do you want me to stay with you for the night?"

He barely heard her answer.

"Yes." She breathed just before she drifted off. Kakashi nestled down a little on the bed, careful not to jostle her too much, leaned his head against the wall, and closed his eyes. He didn't even remember falling asleep.

Author's Note: Cute? Stupid? Review? Please? -- Sam