Tuesday, 18th

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"STAY IN THE VAN!"

She watched him back away from the door and sit back down.

Sarah calmed as she saw that she was being listened to.

She adjusted her headset a bit before continuing. "The Ink & Paint Club just changed their security rotation. You're close enough that they might get a visual on you. It won't be safe to proceed without first taking them into account."

Sarah looked at the feed from the external camera. "There isn't enough time to do that before we reach daylight. The operation for tonight will have to be postponed. Understood?"

"Affirmative Agent Walker"

Sarah watched her screen as the rookie agent climbed into the driver's seat and began driving away. She kept her eyes on the van's GPS until it indicated that it had left the mission area.

She looked at her watch and removed her headset. The morning shift was about to take over.

She rubbed her eyes for a moment. Over the last few weeks she had eventually grown accustomed to the effect that her temporary probation had inflicted on a nightly basis.

In almost a week she would be allowed to resume her regular duties with missions that didn't require her to oversee recent graduates.

Part of her desperately wanted to know what Bryce had said. Had it really been him that effectively got her 'benched', or had her feelings for him so obviously affected her abilities?

Sarah could feel the guilt getting the best of her.

Bryce had been held hostage at gunpoint on previous missions before, and she had always been able to kill his captor with a single shot. Why was it that this time she had missed? How could all of that training betray her and leave her to wound Bryce instead? She watched herself trying to take the shot again. It was almost embarrassing how he had to use the surprise of the moment to save himself.

Sarah felt bad about how that day had unfolded. At least it hadn't been a major wound, but the look on his face conveyed as much worry as it did his disappointment.

It was a face she had difficulty keeping out of her mind, even now in an environment where her fellow mission controllers had traded their guns for headsets.

Sarah wished she could blame someone - someone must have overreacted, someone must have exaggerated the situation way out of context. She knew the only person she could really blame was herself.

She had taken the shot when she shouldn't have. That self-assured feeling she always had before she pulled the trigger had this time been clouded by her concern for Bryce. Now she wondered if she had wounded his feelings for her more than she had wounded him physically.

The 'counselor' she had been required to visit as part of her probation period had been of little help.

Dr. Beckett seemed interested in evaluating her behavior and her life before the CIA. He told her that he wanted to understand her situation from her perspective. Fortunately for her, life before Sarah Walker was off limits. The sessions had therefore been filled with vague suggestions and whimsical ideas that he directed towards his best guesses as to her former life.

She was glad that time spent going nowhere was coming to an end. After all, she wasn't Jenny or any of the other travelling aliases from her youth. Why hadn't her counselor been able to recognize that? Soon Sarah would get her chance to demonstrate who she was - an agent for the CIA. A successful agent that made a difference by going out on field missions.

As she left the control room, she stood alone in the empty hallway and wondered if she would get to be paired up with Bryce.

---------------

Sarah's apartment reflected her sense of style - clean, bright, functional, and just enough of a personal touch to keep it from being spartan.

Dr. Beckett had even wanted to talk about her apartment. He seemed persistent in knowing what it felt like to be home. His questions implied he thought it was healthy to display photos of loved ones, gifts from friends and family, or even souvenirs.

Sarah had tried to change the subject. Rather than admit her apartment's true state, she made it a point to stress the tactical significance of function following form. Besides, an agent never knew what surprises lurked around the corner.

She didn't have any friends or family to put on display. Her friends and family were agents and the CIA. Putting their photos up would have put them at risk. The only pictures she allowed herself to keep were privately stored on her phone, under password protection.

The way that she had stumbled through her defense had been obvious to her counselor. He had continued with his suggestion that it would be an opportunity for her to establish a feeling of a natural home environment.

"Maybe later," she said softly, falling backwards onto the bed.

Looking up at the ceiling, she reheard Bryce yesterday telling her that 'it was complicated'. It was a phrase he often used when he didn't want to talk about something.

She wished she could read him, she wished she could see what was behind that mask. Mission after mission, she had been able to read and profile allies as well as enemies. What made him different?

Sarah sighed. After the incident she had hardly been able to see him. Sunday she was supposed to finally have her chance to reconnect with him, but he simply hadn't shown up. Making it worse was that he hadn't even given her an excuse for brushing her off.

Why couldn't he give her a reason for being distant? He admitted that he hadn't been given any missions yet. He simply chose to hide behind that impenetrable smile.

Sarah wondered if all serious relationships were this difficult.

Why couldn't she just have an honest relationship where she didn't feel like she had to constantly guess how he felt about her? A relationship that didn't include those fake displays of emotion that they were trained to utilize.

Love wasn't part of a mission.

Honest relationships were something that normal everyday people could have - people not her. Sarah told herself to quit daydreaming before it ruined her mood.

After all, she thought with a smile, she needed her full concentration for a much bigger mission - to get up off of the bed, take a shower, and get some sleep.

---------------

Sarah felt the shower wash away a full night's worth of sitting at a station. It was refreshing and invigorating, normally a good thing, except that now she couldn't fall asleep.

She glanced over at her clock radio. It indicated that it was nearly 9am.

She wondered when her drowsiness would return.

Sarah continued staring at her clock radio before eventually chuckling. Her counselor had suggested that she listen to music, thinking that it might be therapeutic for her.

It was the only suggestion Sarah felt likely held any merit. After all, she used to listen to music.

Sarah reached over and turned the radio on. It only took her a few notes to recognize the melody.

"Great," she said in disbelief. The station was midway though Cake's song "Short Skirt Long Jacket." Sarah shook her head slightly. Why was it that after all this time that she suddenly heard this song almost once a week?

Before she had become Sarah Walker - CIA agent, Jenny Burton had developed a true love for music. All the time she spent listening to the radio in-between cons exposed her to the bands and the songs that were popular.

Eventually, she had even started identifying individual memories and places by the music that she had been listening to at that time. She guessed that if she had been able to make any friends during her childhood, she would have had at least something in common to talk about.

This song reminded her of the mission that had gotten her initially noticed by her superiors.

It was the mission that had changed the direction of her career. Until that point the name Sarah Walker felt like just another alias, and the early missions weren't so different from the cons she had grown up on. She was just Jenny with a gun, and Jenny held her habit of listening to music to fill the time.

This song had been one of her favorites then; she could remember playing it over and over. It was a wonder her CD player hadn't been worn out from that track alone.

That mission had been a bit of a double edged sword. Afterwards, Sarah Walker received missions that were much more involved and no longer felt like the simpler cons from her youth. She no longer had the kind of time to herself that Jenny had been accustomed to.

At some point along the way, everything that had represented Jenny somehow faded away.

Sarah knew she had outgrown Jenny's needs. It was what Sarah Walker had achieved for herself after that transformation that had eventually led her to Bryce.

When she was with him, she didn't think about the things she had given up on - like music.

A newer song began to play. It was one she didn't recognize. The lyrics were fairly generic and stressed the difficulty of relationships. It wasn't the kind of music Sarah wanted to listen to right now. She changed the channel only to find yet another contemporary song she didn't recognize agonizing over someone not being there for her.

How had her counselor imagined that this was supposed to help?

Sarah reached over and slapped the radio's power button. If this was the kind of message the radio provided her, she probably hadn't missed much over the years that she distanced herself from the music scene.

All these songs were doing were stirring up the personal angst from her past or pointing out the flaws in her present.

---------------

Chuck sat at the Nerd Herd desk.

His iPod played his latest auditory experiment: 'Jill Angst Mix 2007'.

It wasn't having the desired cathartic effect. He thought that it might draw out all of the harsh feelings of being hurt and betrayed. In their place, there would be room to revisit the better memories he had together with Jill and the friendships he had while at Stanford.

This experiment was a disaster. The musical reminders were making him feel even worse about losing Jill, about leaving Stanford behind, and even about his present lackluster life at the Buy More.

He stopped the player from doing further damage and slowly removed his earbuds.

A green blur flew up in front of him.

"Somebody today is a big deeeaaaalllll..." glowed Morgan, rapidly tapping the Nerd Herd counter.

"Thanks buddy", Chuck held up his hands in mock protest as he stood up, "but I was just doing my duty."

"Chuck, for once this isn't about a video game. Although I do still appreciate your skills."

Morgan's slightly serious tone about something non-game related was almost alarming. Chuck furrowed his brow in confusion.

"The new redhead girl over by the PlayStations. She's totally been checking you out!"

Chuck began to visibly groan. Taking any relationship advice from Morgan was generally a bad idea. Letting him set you up on a date doubly so.

"Look! Look for yourself!"

Chuck glanced up from the Nerd Herd desk towards the PlayStation area. There a new redheaded Buy More sales employee stood looking not at Chuck, but at the PlayStation accessories.

"Morgan... I apprec..."

"Chuck! Look, I know today is the rescheduled 'Mourning-Jill-Monday', but c'mon... I talked to her today... her name is Charlene, and she's a gamer dude! An old-school gamer! Classy old-school though, like 'olde' that ends with an 'e'."

Morgan was too emphatic to allow Chuck to butt in. "How many women have the code to the original Contra memorized, huh? - that's hot! No, that's 8-bit hotness!"

Chuck stood stunned and paused as if to almost contemplate Morgan's last insight. He put his hand on Morgan's shoulder. His voice carried a slightly deflated mood.

"Buddy, I appreciate what you're trying to do. Really. But... I'm just not ready for a relationship yet."

"Hey, what's going on?" Lester and Jeff strode back to the Buy More from what they had termed their 'Mac installation artistry'.

"Morgan is trying to set me up with the new girl."

Lester's eyes lit up. "New girl?"

"Yeah", Morgan nodded behind him, "she started yesterday while you guys were out."

Chuck looked at his watch. "Hey, weren't you and Jeff supposed to be back a couple of hours ago?"

Lester glared at Jeff. "Yes, well, that was not coffee that Jeff brought in his thermos. I ended up having to drag him back to the herder."

All eyes turned to Jeff. He did his best to look innocent. "I have coffee in it now", he said sheepishly.

Lester turned around to where Chuck and Morgan had been looking. "So... what's her story?"

"Lester, she's new. Please don't scare her."

Lester frowned. "Please Charles, I don't need your help. I do fine on my own." He checked his breath and walked towards his intended prey, Jeff in tow.

"Hi. My name is Lester", he said trying to sound suave. "But... You can think of me as Manos; I kinda take care of the place when the master is away". He motioned towards Big Mike's office.

Charlene stood dumbfounded. It was too early in the morning to be this surreal.

'Lester' had just introduced himself, and he was already trying a pick-up line on her. A pick-up line that included a quote from an infamously bad movie. To try something like this, 'Lester' must either be adventurous - or aloof.

Charlene observed Lester's sidekick. He was hovering next to him. Jeff had an oddness that differed from yesterday's. His eyes were wide open as they were fixed on Lester's profile. He seemed eager about... something. She took the chance guess - probably to see if Lester would strike out.

Following her assignment to the letter meant she would need to be free of Lester's attention. There were many ways that she could enjoy dealing with someone like him, but only a couple that wouldn't ruin her cover.

She was left with no choice, she would go with flexing some of her Nerd-Fu.

"Torgo" she announced.

"Excuse me?" he blurted.

"Torgo. He says 'I am Torgo. I take care of the place while the master is away.'"

She watched Lester sink momentarily and turn towards his still grinning friend. "Yes, well, I could see how you would think that. I'm referring to the original director's edition on which the TV episode was based." He looked on to see if his backpedalling had any effect.

It did not. Charlene simply shook her head, calling Lester's bluff.

He barely managed to say "Welcome to the Buy More" before turning around and heading back to the safety of the Nerd Herd desk. She could faintly hear Lester's friend say "Pay up!".

She kept her smile on the inside. Some battles could be won without explosives and hand-to-hand combat.