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Learning To Fall
A Twilight Fanfic by Starfire Star

Chapter Four: Look At The Stars

Rosalie leaned forward, chin rested on palms, hands faming face. I looked up from the pen and found her giving me a wistful smile. "Isn't it great?" she asked me, keeping her voice smooth, but careful. "So what happened?"

Scenes of him and I flashed through my head, moving quickly and allowing me only a familiar glimpse of his face, our happy moments together. But his voice, his voice was fresh in my head; I could hear the whispers in my ear. Breathe, Bella, breathe.

I was so hesitant, but I couldn't just be silent. I needed to say something, whether I liked it or not. I didn't have a choice. A fresh wave of pain erupted through me, making me tremble. My lips quavered as I spoke. "It happened a long time ago… I'm fine," I quickly averted my eyes for a moment, then looked up and smiled. Acting was definitely not my forte, so I wondered if I was at least a tiny bit believable. I could feel Edward's eyes watch my every movement, every facial expression.

Rosalie gave me another smile, her eyes drifted toward something at the corner of the room. "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all," she said softly. I could tell her was fading into her own thoughts, probably about the date. My mind was fading into memories, so painfully real as if they happened just yesterday.

"Yes," I whispered, my hands absent-mindedly touching my collar, searching for the familiar necklace. Realizing I was searching for something that was no longer there, I abruptly dropped my hand, as if I was electrocuted. Flushing, I threw a quick glance toward Edward. His face was expressionless, his hand with the apple now dropped at his side. For a split second, his green eyes locked with mine, and I looked away, speechless.

Rosalie was clearly in her own world, but was snapped out of her thoughts as soon as Emmett whistled his way into the dining room. "The last of the people went home, saying that it's a 'work day' tomorrow," he announced, rolling his eyes. "But I scored four numbers from some pretty decent girls." He proudly showed us his cell phone.

Rosalie threw one of her icy glares at him. "Emmett. We're trying to have an intelligent conversation here about my wonderful date," she hissed. "We do not need to hear about you 'scoring' some young high school girls."

Emmett threw her a glare of his own. "And we do not need to hear about you making out with some high school boy all night as if there were no tomorrow," he shot back, sitting on the stool next to her. They were angled toward each other, about to engage in a heated debate.

"As a matter of fact, Greg is not a high school boy," Rosalie said, indignant. "He's 29, and is the youngest lawyer at his firm. His dad owns it," she added on proudly. A look of confusion suddenly crossed her face. "Wait. That's not why he works at the firm…" she tried to explain.

Emmett laughed mockingly at her. "You're right, I made a mistake. You made out all night long with an old man," he said, grinning. I could tell he was trying to joke around with this one. I didn't think Emmett was rude or stupid enough to say that 29 years is old. Edward watched in amusement, now continuing to eat his apple.

"Ugh!" Rosalie said in exasperation. "He is not an old man. He's mature, responsible, and he really knows how to provide for a woman like myself," she stood up straight, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "He's much better than those immature high-schoolers or frat boys."

"You should know," Emmett teased. Edward threw a warning glance at him, shaking his head as if to say, Don't go there. I could see the hurt behind Rosalie's face as she glared. "Okay, okay, Rose, I'm kidding," he said gently, clearly realizing how sensitive she was to that comment. "But really, how is he more mature than 'high-schoolers and frat boys'? You can't just generalize a whole group of people." He took a sip of water from a bottle.

Rosalie's eyes flashed, but she replied. "Well, for starters, he has a kid. Isn't that great? It shows how responsible he is." Emmett choked on his water, most of it dribbling onto the polo he was wearing. Rosalie frowned. Edward coughed; his face was expressionless.

"A kid!?" Emmett gasped as he screwed the cap onto its lid. Edward looked a bit concerned now as well. "You've got to be kidding me," Emmett added. Rosalie raised an eyebrow. "Yes, a kid. But he's mature enough to handle it. Unlike yourself." Edward shook his head in disbelief at their conversation. I slipped him a smile.

Emmett's eyes widened in protest. "I can be mature!" Rosalie laughed as she picked up a water bottle and stood up. "I'll believe that when I see it," she told Emmett. "See you in the morning, everyone," she threw us one last smile before flouncing upstairs to her room.

Emmett stared after her muttering something like, "What is Rosalie thinking…" then nodded toward Edward and I. "Hey, I'm not tired yet. Anyone up for a game of Mario Kart?" he asked. I hurriedly refused—I was horrible at video games of any sort. I tried my hand at a few last Christmas at my cousins' house and had failed miserably. I was definitely not about to make an early impression embarrassing myself further.

Edward shook his head as well. "Hey, don't you have work tomorrow? Wouldn't you like to be on time for once? Or even more shockingly, early?" He winked at me.

Emmett laughed. "No, and I'm not planning on starting," he grinned. "Ah, well, come join me if you feel up to it." He left the room, leaving Edward and I alone.

I turned toward him. He gave me that now all-too familiar crooked grin and spoke in his smooth, relaxed voice. "I was wondering… since you've never seen the new additions to the house, would you like a tour?" I let out a breath, slightly mystified. Only slightly. "That would be nice."

"Just so that you rest assured the house wasn't butchered or harmed in any way," he added, throwing his apple core in the compost bin. I gave him a mock sigh and nodded. "I'm going to need proof about that," I said to him as I stood up from my stool. "I don't quite trust Charlie with making interior renovations. I mean, when I came here every year, I didn't notice a single thing changed since before I was born." Edward laughed.

"You might be pleasantly surprised," he told me as he led the way down the first floor hall. "Charlie came up with a lot of the ideas himself." He gestured toward a room. "He added another bathroom to the first floor, here, as well as an 'office-type room' for studying, using the computer, etc. And as you can tell, he made the kitchen larger, with the island." My eyes widened as I came to realize something.

"Wait… how do you know all this?" I asked. Edward laughed as he stared at my confused face. "Relax, it's not as if I come through your bedroom window every night." I became even more alarmed at this sudden remark. Edward shook his head and smiled at me. "Your dad showed pictures of the before and after of the house."

I nodded, feeling slightly stupid and embarrassed. "I see," I mumbled as I followed him up the stairs. He gestured toward the second floor. "There were two rooms on this floor before, correct? Charlie added an extra room and another bathroom. This is essentially the 'Girls Floor'—Rosalie and Alice are in these rooms."

He gestured toward my door. "This is your room, of course." I nodded and swiftly asked him what was on the third floor. "Nothing really, except for the guys' rooms," he grinned wickedly. "Unless you want to see them."

My cheeks blushed pink. "I'll pass…"

I hesitated, thinking about what to say and how to say it. "It's just that… the attic is upstairs, right?" He looked at me, his face amused. "Yes, it is. Why do you ask?"

I smiled swiftly at him before staring down at my Converse sneakers. "It's a special place to me… I used to climb out the window and sit on the roof when Charlie went off to work, reading a book and sipping on iced tea…" I gave him a quick glance. He seemed interested. "It's a great place to think," I added.

"You sit outside… in Forks? When it rains most of the time?" He teased. I shook my head and gave him a sheepish smile. "Of course, only when it was sunny… and during nights…" Edward laughed, seeming to enjoy my reactions. "I'll take you up to see it," he promised. "But I warn you, there have been some changes…"

"I think I can handle it. I haven't fainted or passed out so far," I replied. We walked up to the third floor. He pulled the string which pulled the small staircase from the roof, leading up to the attic. The attic was dark as we walked up the stairs. To my horror, being outrageously clumsy, I tripped on one of the boxes as Edward walked around to open the switch. I landed on my knees. Edward was immediately at my side. "Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded feebly, an ache in my knees as I hurriedly took the hand he offered to get up.

A beautiful piano stood in the corner of the brightly lit room. There was a pile of boxes on one side and a carpet in the middle. A couch was backed onto the wall, just below the window I used to climb out of to get to the roof.

I gasped, gazing at its beauty. My legs moved toward it, a hand outstretched to feel the smoothness, to ease of the keys. "Beautiful, isn't it?" I could hear the smile in his voice as I stared at the bench, admiring the finish. I nodded in response.

"I bet you're wondering how it could possibly get to the attic, right?" I turned around to look at him. That hadn't crossed my mind, but now that he asked, I was curious. He gestured toward a door I didn't notice on one side of the room. "Those stairs lead toward my room," he replied. "It was part of the renovations. I chose my room because of the piano."

I gazed at him silently as he spoke, memorizing his features. His untamed bronze hair, his green eyes, his structured jaw. "Do you play?" I asked him. "Yes," he smiled. "Alice's parents gave it to Charlie as a way of thanking him for letting her stay."

I looked at him curiously. He seemed to notice. "Alice's parents are quite rich," he said, simply. I saved this new piece of information in my brain. "I don't know much about brand-name designers, but I did notice that she was sporting a pair of Miu Miu flats…" My mother always spoke wistfully about the brand-names and designers that she wished she could wear but never had the money for. "No wonder she scrutinizes my wardrobe!" I laughed nervously.

Edward grinned. "Don't worry, she does that to all of us," he laughed. "Just yesterday, she sent Jasper another threatening message to throw out his treasured leather bomber jacket or she would find a way to get rid of it herself." He shook his head. "She's a bit extreme. The fashion police, you could say."

I traced the outline of the piano keys. "I would play for you, but I don't believe it would be appreciated at this time of day—or night," he mused. "Thank you for the offer," I said softly.

There was a pause. I couldn't think of anything else to say. I was never much of a conversation-starter. Thankfully, Edward spoke up first. "I'm guessing you'd like to sit on the roof one more time, for old times' sake?" he asked politely. I eagerly nodded. He helped me crawl through the small space of the open window and onto the roof. The air was cool and smelled of fresh rain.

I sat on gingerly on the roof, my arms wrapped around my legs. He sat next to me, leaning back in a more relaxed position. The attic was facing in the direction of the front of the house. I smiled as I remembered how I always used to scramble inside whenever I heard a car nearing my house. I knew Charlie would kill me if he caught me doing something so dangerous. Thankfully, my clumsiness had never caused me to actually fall off the roof.

I gazed up into the sky which was clear of all clouds. The stars shone brightly, a thousand little shards of diamonds. I sighed, breathing in the heavenly scent.

Edward gave me a sideways glance. "Beautiful, isn't it? You know, I've been out here before, as well," he noted casually. I stared at him in surprise. I thought he either ignored or was distracted from my expression until a smile creeped on his lips, amused.

"How long have you been staying here?" I asked quickly. Think before you speak, Bella! Think before you speak! I flushed as he looked at me, curious at my sudden outburst. "I've been living here since January," he said, looking back toward the emptiness of the dark lush trees, and the clear sky. "But I came to Forks just before the summer was over. I finished my senior year at Forks High."

"Oh," I said, feeling there was nothing more to ask or say. We sat in contented silence for awhile, enjoying the cool breeze and agreeable weather. I stared over the edge of the roof for a moment, suddenly feeling dizzy. The attic didn't feel this high when I came here the last time.

After a long bout of silence, Edward spoke up. He turned his head to fully look at me, his green eyes locking with my own. I couldn't break away from his stare, even as he spoke. "Bella…"

"Yes?" I replied, staring back at his intense gaze, my breathing only slightly uneven.

"Why did you come here?"

It was a harmless enough question, or so it seemed, to many people. But to me, it was like the first car to crash, leading to a gigantic pile-up. I swallowed hard, turning my face away from his and staring once more at the lush, dark green trees. If he asked any question but this one… I decided to try and play it cool. He didn't know a thing. And I had an all-purpose, no-lie answer for the question.

"I hadn't visited Charlie in almost a year and a half, so I thought it would be nice to stay with him before my freshman year at UCLA," I explained, keeping it short and simple. I didn't think the answer would invite a lot of questions, and I prayed that he would just let the subject drop.

He seemed to notice, take the hint, or be satisfied with my answer. He simply broke his gaze, staring into the same distance as I was. "Can I ask you another question?" I asked, curiosity in his voice.

"You kind of already did," I said wryly, laughing. "But go ahead."

"Alright," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Look… do you remember how Rosalie asked you if you've ever been in love?"

Not the question I'd been expecting. Edward did seem like the unpredictable type, though. A look of surprise crossed my face, but I quickly covered it up, asking, "Yes?" My heart was quickening, my pulse thudding in my ears. I couldn't quite decipher whether it was because of why he was wondering or what my response would be.

"Did you truly mean it?" My stomach tightened up into a knot, a lump appearing in my throat. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I could say. Had I really been in love? Had I been a fool? Had I just fallen in like with someone, but not in love? Was there ever really a connection?

One by one, questions popped into my head, fogging my brain and making it difficult to muster any kind of response. I stared back into his green, questioning eyes, while in my mind I wondered about the one person I'd ever really been with. I could feel the pain threatening to choke my words.

Now that he was gone, I could only wonder if what we had was really even there.

I had read countless romantic novels, from the trashy to the classics—and even though I had two divorced parents, I felt pretty damn confident that I knew what love was. I was still on the tittering edge of thinking what my own experience was. But now I could feel anger swell inside of me, as confused and somewhat furious tears threaten to spill over.

I couldn't look at him as I answered, willing to exalt that bitter fury.

"Yes," I hissed, my words soft but angry. "Why would I ever lie about being in love? I mean, I know I've never exactly seen the greatest examples in my everyday life, but love means as much to me as the next person." I won my battle over the tears. They subsided, leaving my face expressionless. I turned to him, a pained look on his face.

"You're right. I'm sorry—I had no right to question your response whatsoever," he replied in a regretful tone. "I have no knowledge of your dating history—or personal history, for that matter," he added hastily.

I said nothing, staring off into the distance again, willing to accept his apology. But the bitterness and hurt that always burdened me would always be there as long as people kept asking questions. People never stopped—and it seemed like he would never disappear from my mind.

What Edward said next snapped me out of my thoughts. "It's just that… your eyes… your eyes when you said that you were fine… your eyes told me otherwise," he said, velvety voice soft.

I immediately looked at him, and once again our eyes locked. He was staring intently into my face. I tried to keep my face expressionless, but surprise won over. The wind blew, and the slight breeze made my hair fly. His messy bronze hair blew as well, and I couldn't help but breathe in his delicious scent. I couldn't quite believe that it was cologne.

What am I doing? I paused, my eyes widening. Why was I already so intrigued and drawn in by Edward?

I couldn't just sit there, staring at him like some completely incoherent person. It was embarrassing—I was almost gawking. I swiftly turned away, my eyes focusing on one of the many bright stars in the sky.

Throughout all the bitterness and pain, I suddenly felt like I wanted to spill everything to Edward, before my chest would explode. I had never found anyone that I wanted to talk to like this… since… him.

I wanted to tell someone about my dreams, the voices in my head, the flashback still photos of him and I… my mind drifted as Edward spoke my name.

"Bella…"

I quickly snapped out of my thoughts, and swallowed hard. I felt something like a sob buried in my chest, ready to escape. My eyes filled with tears again as I turned to look at him, feeling like the sorriest and most vulnerable person ever.

"I don't know, Edward, I don't know anymore," my voice quavered, the voice in my head getting stronger. Tell him Bella, tell him. You can trust him. Was I still capable of trusting someone? "But I'm trying to believe what I say. What else can I do?" I knew I sounded like a lunatic now. I knew he didn't really want to hear this.

"It's like he's still here." I was barely audible.

"Who, Bella? Who's 'he'?" Edward asked, and I could sense the alarm and panic in his voice. A fleeting thought appeared in my head. I'm scaring him now. Great.

The whispers grew louder in my head, stopping any train of thought I had. Say his name, Bella, say his name. Was this how it felt, becoming insane? Salty, fresh tears spilled slowly over my cheeks. I didn't dare look at Edward. But his name was in my head now, and I needed to say it. I trembled, wiping my tears with my sleeve. I took a deep, shaking breath.

"Jacob Black."

-

-Gets pelted by tomatoes- I know a few of you could tell that was coming! A bit more of Bella's story will be revealed in the next chapter. I was going to make this one longer, but I felt I needed to stop it before I drove myself insane not posting something for you guys. As always, thanks for reading, and please leave a review! It would make my day (:

P.S.: I love Robert Pattinson, he's such a babe. Yeah… I don't know why I had to mention that…-sigh-