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Learning To Fall
A Twilight fanfic by Starfire Star

Chapter Five: For Keeps

It felt like a single ripple of relief washed over me. It wasn't enough to slow down my anxiety and silence the voices, but it was comforting, for now. The tears were falling slower now, single drops spotting the sleeve of my sweater. Before, when I had silenced myself from saying his name, it felt as if I could no longer breathe… I felt as if there were walls that were going to enclose me at any moment.

Jacob Black. Jacob Black. Jacob Black. Don't you even dare try to forget him, Bella. It seemed as if that's all the voices wanted to tell me. I closed my eyes, silently begging the film reel in my head to stop playing.

As if I had gotten my wish, I felt a soft hand touch my cheek to brush away a stray lock of hair that was catching some of my tears. I looked up at Edward, startled to see him leaning over, saying, "Bella… if you want to talk about it… I'm here." Surprisingly, I felt a new wave of emotion wash over me, making me feel a dull ache in my chest and made my stomach tie up in knots all over again.

I nodded miserably, knowing that giving him a smile just wasn't going to work; that I just wasn't capable. I was thankful that he was even here at all, but partly horrified that he could see me in such a state. I was afraid words that left my mouth would turn into incomprehensible mush. Stop the voices. They were urging me to continue, to reveal all to Edward, but I wasn't sure if I was able to follow.

Suddenly, a hand wrapped around my shoulders. I took a peek at Edward, but he wasn't looking down at me. Instead he was looking to the sky, before he murmured in a soothing voice, "If you want to, tell me. Tell me what this Jacob Black guy has done," I was surprised at his unmoving arm, his offer.

"H-he was the entire reason why I hadn't seen Charlie in over a year," I whispered, the tears still silently filling my eyes. "It's all his—" I stopped in mid-sentence. What the hell was I saying? I couldn't believe what was about to come out of my mouth. The truth was it wasn't Jacob's fault. It was mine. I felt a sharp stab of pain as I realized how selfishly I was thinking.

"You can go on," he whispered into my ear. I was suddenly tempted to lay my head on his shoulder, but I resisted, instead deciding to think about what else to say. I decided as the reel in my head wouldn't stop playing.

Instead, what came out of my mouths surprised me again. "What more is there to say? We were together, and it didn't work out. All good things come to an end," I laughed bitterly, staring down at my sleeve. I could feel his eyes boring holes into me.

"If there's more, you could tell me," he pressed. There was more, but there was no way I was going to tell him now. I wasn't ready. He didn't know that, though. So I decided not to act like such a pain toward him. I shook my head and sighed. Maybe telling him more wouldn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

"Look, Edward. I'm an idiot for letting Jacob," I paused, feeling his name on my lips, realizing how awkward, strange, and uncomfortable it felt, "ever be in a serious relationship with me. He made me feel like a worthless idiot. That's all I'll ever be to him or anyone else." Feeling the harshness in my voice, I immediately regretted what I just said. He stared at me wordlessly, his green eyes expressionless.

He removed his arm from around my shoulder and stood up, brushing off his jeans. I stared at him, my eyes widening, as he held out his hand and motioned for me to get up. As soon as I stood up, he unexpectedly held his arms out, wrapping me in a hug. Shock flew through my body, but even as I stiffened, he held on tight.

I was speechless, the tears stopping completely, a new anxiety forming. His toned body was still against mine, and for a second I thought I had stopped breathing. His voice was a soft murmur now. "I can relate to not having seen the greatest examples of love."

I looked up at him curiously, wondering what he could have possibly meant. He stared back down at me, suddenly breaking his embrace. He looked embarrassed. The sky was darker now, clouds seeming to form over the countless stars. There was an awkward silence. I stared down at my sneakers, and he looked off toward the trees. After a few moments, he coughed and started toward the window, holding out a hand for me.

I took it, stepping through the window after me. I touched the piano once more and gave is a longing look before he led the way toward his room, still holding my hand. I was blushing madly now, confused and anxious. He stopped at his door, noticing that he was still holding my hand. He dropped it now, embarrassed as well, and went into his room, I followed.

There was a TV inside his neat room, a laptop resting on his desk. His room was quite simple, except for the shelves that hung on the walls like stripes, carrying many CDs. I was impressed. "Wow… your CD collection… is amazing…" I couldn't think of anything better to say as I gawked at each of the CDs, neatly arranged side-by-side.

"Thanks," Edward smiled, showing some teeth. "How do you… acquire… them?" My words were once again broken, my vocabulary scrambled in my head. "I've gotten some from family and friends as gifts, some were my parents'," he looked away now before continuing. "Some I've burned and bought myself, and others I've gotten for free. I work at a CD store in Port Angeles…" he glanced at the alarm clock on his nightstand. "Which I'll be late for tomorrow if I don't get some rest."

"Oh," I said, flushing. "I didn't mean to take up so much of your time. I'm sorry." Edward simply smiled at me again. "No need to apologize." I headed toward another door in his bedroom before I realized I didn't know where I was going. I turned around and gave Edward a sheepish smile. "Uh…?"

His laugh was musical as he showed me to the correct door. As I stepped out, he spoke again. "Oh, and Bella?" I quickly turned around, to find his face mere inches apart from mine. He flashed me a crooked smile before he whispered, his cool breath blowing in my face, "I know that we've only just met, but I know for a fact that you are worth it. Don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise." He took a step back. "Sleep well."

-

It rained softly throughout the night, kind of like a silent hum in the background, which helped me get to sleep. That morning, however, I woke up to something slightly less-than-pleasant.

"AND BABY, TALK DIRTY TO ME!" could be heard throughout the house, waking me up and scaring the hell out of me. I had to admit, it got me a bit grouchy, but it was sort of a wake up call. I hate sleeping in, making me feel as if I've wasted precious hours in the day.

The song was in no way playing from a CD, or sung by the original band. Instead, as I crawled out of bed, rubbing my eyes, and lazily tugging a brush through my hair, I could tell it was being sung in the shower. I stepped out the door to realize it wasn't coming from the bathroom on my floor. It was coming from upstairs.

Suddenly a scream could be heard in one of the rooms. Rosalie stepped out, a look of pure fury on her face, her blond hair tousled but still looking perfect. She stomped out of her room and headed immediately for the stairs. The verses of "Talk Dirty to Me" by Poison were even louder now.

The bathroom door on our floor opened only slightly, and Alice poked her head out. She gave me a glance from across the hall. "Uh oh," she said to me. "Morning, Bella! Sounds like Rose is on the warpath." She laughed, shutting the bathroom door again.

I few seconds later I could hear a door being pushed open so roughly that it hit the wall. "And you say those words to me, and whisper so—HEY! Rose!? What the hell?" A loud, booming voice came from upstairs. "Good morning to you too, sunshine! What's up?"

Rosalie was furious. "EMMETT MCCARTY!" I could hear the snarl in her voice, even though the shower water was still running. Ah. So that's who was singing. American Idol was definitely out for Emmett.

"If you EVER, EVER sing like that again while I am living here, I will personally march into your room while you are sleeping, kick your ass, and impair your ability to ever reproduce!" She yelled. "Do you know what it's like to wake up to someone singing "Talk Dirty to Me" by Poison at a deafening level, and off key? Don't you dare do that again!" Yikes. Poor Emmett.

I could hear the smirk and equally angry tone in Emmett's voice. "Get used to it, princess. I've been singing in the shower since I was eight, and I'm not about to stop! OW!" The last word indicated Rosalie had done something to him that caused pain.

Despite what Emmett had said, the singing did not resume as Rosalie stomped down the stairs again, marched into her room and slammed the door, making the walls vibrate. A few photo frames on the walls shook, but thankfully didn't fall. I tucked away a note in the back of my head reminding me never to get on Rosalie's bad side.

I noticed now that there were four photos that lined each wall. One wall had black and white photos, another wall had sepia, and another coloured. I walked carefully to one set of the photos to examine them more closely. In the first, there was a photo of a boy and a girl standing side by side on a porch, the girl wearing a cute hat and twisting a lock of dark hair around her finger, and the boy flashing his teeth in a wide grin.

I smiled as I wondered the possibilities of who they were. I moved on to the next photo, this one a girl lying on the grass, head propped up on her hands as she was spread across the grass, the sun making her and her blond hair glow. I could only guess that it was… Rosalie?

The sound of a dryer turning off in the bathroom and door opening indicated Alice was finished with the bathroom. I looked up from the photos I was examining to Alice's smiling face. "Do you like them?" she asked me brightly as she stepped out, carrying a towel in one arm. "I arranged the photos and edited them myself." I gave her a blank look, my eyes looking back toward the photo of the girl and boy. Photoshopped?

"No, they're not photoshopped," Alice piped up, as if reading my mind. I looked back to her in surprise. "Those are photos of us since we were young, leading up to now. The boy and girl in the photo are Edward and I," she added, walking toward me now. "I thought Edward gave you the lowdown when you two were sitting on the roof last night?"

"Alice," I gasped, my eyes widening. "How did you know? I thought you were asleep." Alice gave me a mischievous grin. "I woke up after awhile to the sounds of Jasper serenading me. So I went downstairs and played Mario Kart with Emmett." She laughed.

"Jasper was serenading you…?" I asked curiously. Alice quickly shook her head. "No, it's not what you think! I'm kidding. But Jasper was playing his guitar and singing loud enough for me to hear. And I know he's writing that song for me," Alice said matter-of-factly. I gave her a small smile. "How do you know?"

Alice shrugged. "I just know," she said simply. She gestured toward the other photos. "Rosalie, Emmett." She led me to the other photos, now showing them in their middle school years. "Uh, let's quickly pass these, we were in our 'awkward stages'," Alice told me apologetically. "The others don't really like them being looked at." I skimmed past them, noting that none of them looked really horrible. Rosalie, of course, stood out, looking like she reached puberty way earlier than the others.

She stopped in front of the most recent photos. There was one of Alice, holding to her head a hat laden with flowers, as if it was a windy day. She was smiling brightly into the camera, her face taking up almost the whole photo. "That's me, on my most recent vacation," she said wistfully. "Hawaii."

I examined her suddenly crestfallen expression, the sadness in her eyes. I was never the type to pry, though, so I let the subject drop. Instead my eyes traveled to the next photo. I gasped in surprise. "Emmett and Rosalie went to prom together?"

Alice laughed. "No, this photo was taken at a wedding. That's where they met," she pointed to Rosalie. "She doesn't exactly look happy here, does she? That's because he kept bugging her to dance, until their moms noticed. They know each other." My eyes lingered at their differing expressions, Rosalie looking annoyed and irritated, Emmett looking ridiculously happy and goofy.

The next two photos were Jasper and Edward. Jasper's was a photo of him in the winter, having a snowball fight with two, younger blond boys. But my eyes couldn't stay on it for long. Instead I stared at Edward's photos, his eyes expressionless as he stared at the camera. "Candid," Alice added. "Playing the piano." Even in photo form, his expression held mine until I felt the need to look away.

Alice grabbed my arm, pulling me toward the stairs. "Let's go get some breakfast."

I staggered down the staircase as she cheerfully held on to the banister. "Good morning, good people of Forks!" she cried as she danced into the kitchen. Jasper was sitting at the island, once again immersed into "Architecture for Dummies". Edward was leaning against the counter. They were both drinking coffee.

"Emmett's job is turning you both into coffee-drinking zombies!" Alice teased, sticking her head in the fridge. At that moment, Emmett thumped down the stairs. "I get it for free, so there should be no complaints," he told her as he, too, peered into the fridge. "You could at least bring tea," Alice said, her voice a bit irritated as she heated some water.

"Says the short one," Jasper said under his breath. Alice turned around to glare at him, hands on her hips. "What was that, Jasper Whitlock?" she squinted at him. "Are you making fun of my height!? What did I tell you never to do?"

"Relax, travel-size, I'll bring some tea for you today," Emmett laughed, high-fiving Jasper as he sat down next to him with a bowl of cereal. "She doesn't drink tea, yet she has more energy than the rest of us," Edward joined in, shaking his head. "You guys," Alice said in her most mockingly-tearful voice. "Stop making fun of me!" Even I laughed at that.

Quick steps could be heard as Rosalie dashed into the kitchen, looking breathless. "You guys!" she scolded, running a hand through her blond locks. "Have you checked the time? We are going to be late!"

Edward replied calmly, "Relax, Rose. I'm a fast driver. You can ride with me." Emmett gave Edward a horrified look. "Oh, no you don't. You promised me a ride." Edward rolled his eyes. "Could you two, for once, act civilized toward each other?"

"It's not my problem, it's his!" Rosalie jerked a hand in his direction. "He decided to start his nasty habit of singing in the shower today, when I need my beauty sleep!"

Emmett made faces as she talked. "I have been singing in the shower before today. You're always too knocked out to hear it." Rosalie glared at him, ready to shoot back a response. But Emmett continued. "You didn't need to yell at me! I would've stopped if you asked politely!" Edward was walking toward the door, car keys in hand. Rosalie followed, yelling, "Well suck it up, princess!" Emmett followed, firing off more insults.

Alice sighed. "Kids," she said, shaking her head. She turned her attention to Jasper and I. "Do you guys want to go out for breakfast? This tea and toast just isn't cutting it for me." Jasper shook his head. "I can't. I'm on call for Hank. Mrs. Cheney's coffee table might be finished today, and he might need an extra hand."

Alice rolled her eyes. "He might not need you," she said pointedly. "Besides, it's just delivering." Jasper still shook his head. Alice sighed. "Alright, go back to your reading, Jasper Whitlock."

"Sorry, Alice," Jasper said, his voice serene as he ducked his head, looking back down at his book. Alice shook her head wistfully as she grabbed her keys and coat. "Let's go, Bella." Truth be told that I had planned on politely declining her offer, opting to pack up my belongings and head over to Charlie's new house instead. But something about Alice's expression urged me to follow.

I followed Alice to a garage at the side of the house. I gasped as the door opened to reveal a yellow Porsche, shiny as if brand-new. "Wow, Alice," I remarked as I slid into the passenger's seat. "I got the car for my sixteenth birthday," Alice explained, the wistful expression still on her face as we backed out.

"Where are we headed?"

"I figured the Pancake House—it's a little on the outskirts of town, actually," Alice replied as she kept her eyes on the road. After a few minutes of silence, not awkward as I concentrated on the green that whizzed past us through the window, she spoke up.

"I bet you're ready to go see that new house of yours, huh?" she said in a soft voice, keeping her eyes on the road. I gave her a quick glance, and then focused on the squashy green forest out the window. "I will miss the house. It's beautiful, even with the renovations."

"It is," Alice agreed. "I love the people even more so, though." My mind flashed to Jasper as she said this. There was some kind of unspoken connection between them. I noticed one between her and Edward, but was it was completely different.

My voice was polite. "How do you know them all?"

Alice laughed. "Are you serious? Edward didn't tell you anything last night?" I blushed, and then leaned my head against the window. "We were talking about something else, actually," I admitted to her. Alice raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

She cleared her throat as she began. "Edward and I have known each other since we were quite young," her eyes softened as she continued. "Carlisle, Edward's father, and my dad worked together in Chicago. Edward's family and mine were really close. It really sucked when we had to move away a couple of years ago. We didn't live in one place for long though. We always moved around. A few times, though, I've been living with Edward and his family. My parents were never around much."

I was surprised, but succeeded in suppressing my reaction. My first impression of Alice was rich, popular, great family life. But I suppose things were never as they seemed nowadays. It also surprised me at how eager I was to learn about everyone, me who was never the social butterfly.

"Rosalie and I have only known each other for two months, but we've become really close," Alice said, snapping me out of my thoughts. "She didn't know a soul in town when she moved into the boarding house. She is truly one of a kind." She let out another musical laugh.

"Emmett came here about a month ago. He brought his Wii…" Alice turned left before continuing. "And Rosalie's rage. Emmett's mother suggested he come here after talking to Rosalie's mother and finding out that Forks was a 'perfectly peaceful place good for resting before University'," Alice grinned at me.

"And Jasper?"

"He moved here in February," she replied quietly. Her expression turned serene, peaceful, and then unreadable. "He isn't really related to any of us in any way, but as you can probably see, we've become quite the tight-knit group in a matter of months," she smiled. "Jasper is focusing on his studies. He's going to Dartmouth on scholarship." She pulled up to a red light. It didn't seem like she had anything else to say about him, changing the subject.

"Bella," she began. I could only tell where this conversation was heading, judging from her expression. I feared my response would be unpredictable, either lashing out or falling into pieces. "I know I might seem like a busybody that just wants to know everyone's business," her eyes were fixed on my face, giving her full attention. "But you seem like you're carrying a very heavy burden…"

"Am I that easy to read?" I laughed almost bitterly. Alice just looked at me, her face blank. "Look, even though we've just met, I feel like you've become my friend. And I care about my friends. I'm just looking out for you. You don't need to talk if you don't want to."

Was this a therapist session or something? I couldn't help but feel scared and vulnerable, even though I didn't dare show it. After last night's little spill-fest, I felt like I would just blurt out my past at any time, to any random stranger.

I sighed. "Thanks, Alice. It's just so difficult to talk about."

Alice nodded politely. "Understandable. We're here, now," she nodded as she pulled into a parking space at a remote diner. I turned away from her, opening my car door. I let out a little squeak as I almost hit the car door… to what was parked next to us, but a shiny red motorcycle.

I swallowed hard, noting that the motorcycle was very close to the one I'd ridden, felt the wind through my hair as I stared out at the road through the helmet. I felt the road escape below me. I closed my eyes as this memory felt so real. My fingers tingled with the feeling of wrapping my arms around his body, his voice just audible beneath the growling of the motorcycle.

"Hold on tight, Bella," I could almost hear his voice in my ear. "I wouldn't want to lose you." It was playful teasing then. Now I wish he had never said anything.

"You ready to go?" I opened my eyes at the sound of Alice's voice, even though I couldn't see her, her height making it impossible. I flushed, realizing I too frequently let myself get lost in my thoughts. But the empty ache inside returned. I swallowed, hoping a lump wouldn't appear in my throat.

"Hey, Alice?" I asked as I joined her.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever had something so precious, and then in the blink of an eye it was gone? Like it had just slipped away?" I put confidence in my words, even though they sounded corny. But I needed to know I wasn't alone. It was harmless to ask, anyway. I stared at her as she fumbled for something in her purse, wondering if she heard.

She looked up and gave me a coy smile. "The way I see it, once you have something, you hold onto it tight. Never let it go. I don't believe in the whole, 'if you love something, let it go, and if it returns, it's yours for keeps'. I just don't buy it."

I gave her a small smile, but just barely. That was all I needed to hear.

-

Sorry for the late update, everyone! I was sick last week on Thursday and Friday, so I couldn't post. I was busy throughout the week, and I still needed to type up a lot of this chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed it, even though I haven't edited it as well as the past chapters. So if you see any mistakes, my apologies! Reviews would be appreciated, as always thanks for reading!