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Learning To Fall
A Twilight fanfic by Starfire Star

Chapter Eight: We'll Get Lost Together

I shut my eyes and let myself drift to sleep as Jasper and Edward helped Alice put me in bed. I was numb, letting them straighten out my legs, Alice smoothing back my hair. I could hear their muted comments. They seemed to far away, as if surreal, in a dream, but they were definitely there.

"We need to call Charlie."

"No! We are not telling him anything! Do you know how much that would hurt Bella?" Alice asked in a harsh whisper. "She's already been through enough for tonight. We don't need Charlie getting on her back."

"Of course we're not going to tell him anything. We just need to tell Charlie that Bella had a long day; you took her out to Port Angeles. So she fell asleep, and we don't want to wake her," came Edward's velvety voice. "At least the last part is true."

"I'll make the call, then." The phone rang at the same time.

"I'll get it," Jasper said. "I think that's my mom. She told me she'd call."

I could hear the stiffness in Alice's voice. "That's nice. What did she want?"

"She just wanted to see how I'm doing," Jasper said calmly as I heard two pairs of footsteps walk out the door. That left me alone, with one person. I could only guess who it was. I felt myself wanting to drift away, to fall into unconsciousness. But his presence sent an unexpected wave of anxiety and excitement through my body.

I wondered what Edward thought of me now. I was completely naïve and foolish, and I had opened up to them a part of me that made me especially vulnerable. I didn't want to open my eyes; to see the pity on his face, on Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, or Emmett's faces when they found out. I could only imagine the tension that would hang in the air every time they saw me.

I suddenly longed to be away from them, to be alone, in a house by myself. I was only too eager to hop up and move to Charlie's new house now, where no one would take any notice in me and I could keep to myself. Yes, I was only too eager, but I sat frozen in place, my eyes shut tight, my hands balled up into fists under the sheets.

And suddenly I felt a cool hand stroke the hair out of my face, which was still damp with tears. An electric shock ran through my body. I probably looked like a complete mess, but it was too late to think of that now. It was only too easy to think of Edward now as my own personal hero. I swore I could hear my name on his lips, but to my disappointment, he was interrupted by the sound of his cell phone.

"Shit," he murmured, and he rose, easing up the weight on the bed. I suddenly longed for his cool hand to touch my face one more, to comfort me. But the phone continued to ring, and he flipped it open. "Tanya," he said softly as he walked out of the door.

I sighed and rolled over in bed. He had that dinner to go to with her. At least that was one less person to witness Rosalie and Emmett's reactions to my complicated past. I groaned as I thought of what they would say. I could picture the look of horror on Rosalie's beautiful face; all humour in Emmett's suddenly gone, replaced by sympathy and pity.

Did I really want anyone to pity me? No. I didn't want it at all. I had been so miserable these past few months, mourning for myself, for the unborn baby, for Jacob, who was probably miles away, zooming by on his motorcycle, and for the guidance counsellors who tried to help but couldn't get past the brick wall I had built around myself.

The minutes ticked by as I stared at the digital clock on my nightstand, trying to get my thoughts in order. Would Alice and everyone else continue to stare at me as if I was a ticking bomb that would explode at any moment, if I would just burst into tears and have a nervous break down? Now that I had told them everything, I felt it would be much, much easier to start over. But I couldn't help but have doubts.

Don't worry about it, Renee's voice appeared in my head. They'll completely understand. I wished I could know for sure. I wanted nothing more than to see my mother's face, to talk her out of her new child-like experiences. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was for running off with Jacob, being so irresponsible, and not being there when she really needed me; when Phil couldn't be with her.

She was familiar; and she was all it took to remind me that I was new to everyone in this house, a stranger. I was in a familiar house without a single familiar face. And maybe my past made them see me in a whole different light. Maybe that was all I would be. A stranger.

-

I heard the sounds of the beautiful piano up in the attic. It was a song, as comforting to me as a lullaby, as beautiful as a singer's voice in my ear. As I drifted in and out of consciousness, I heard the music stop and then continue, never ceasing, as if it was there to support me, to be a comfort blanket. I had never heard it before, but it felt so familiar. I was sure of who was playing it, and right now, it was as comforting as if he had hugged me, stroked my hair out of my face, or reached for my hand.

-

I awoke as the music abruptly stopped, the player hitting a wrong key, as if by accident. The hard-hit, sharp notes continued again, as if the player was frustrated. I could only wonder what was going on through Edward's head at that moment. Deciding that I was sick of sleeping, I got up and made my way downstairs. I could hear the quiet voices of Emmett, and Rosalie.

I wondered if they were talking about me as I approached the kitchen, their voices getting quieter with each step. I paused and leaned against the doorway as they both looked up.

"Hey," Rosalie greeted easily, stepping toward me and putting an arm around my shoulder, guiding me to the island. I thought that was nice of her, but entirely unnecessary. I sat down as she said, "We heard what happened. And I am so, so sorry."

Emmett nodded in agreement. "As long as you're okay with it, I'd like to kick his ass," he offered, a wide grin spreading across his face. Even I had to laugh at it. "Thanks Emmett, but that's entirely unnecessary." Emmett shrugged. "Alright. But the offer still stands."

I could see the concern in their eyes and I felt the need to look away. I ran a hand through my messy unkempt hair. "I know you guys are concerned, and thanks. But I'm fine, really." Rosalie's eyes flashed in doubt, but I brushed it off. Emmett noticed the lingering tension and decided to change the subject.

"Hey, we're kind of understaffed at Starbucks. It's Port Angeles' busiest time of year, so we're hiring more people. So far, no takers," he shook his head and then looked at me. "Do you need a job, Bella? It'd be great to work with you."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I believe Bella came here to relax and spend some time with her father, not to work," she said scathingly.

"I believe I wasn't talking to you."

I didn't want another bitter argument to erupt, so I jumped in. "I'll think about it Emmett, thanks. It'd be nice to make some money," I smiled at him. Emmett looked relieved. "Thanks."

I was glad the subject of my past didn't continue. I didn't want them to carry my burden as well. It felt somewhat easy to talk to Emmett and Rosalie, who didn't ask questions. They seemed like the type of people who spoke with actions more than words. Of course, their arguing said otherwise.

Rosalie's cell phone rang. "Greg," she said, overjoyed, as she checked the caller id. I saw Emmett's jaw tighten. "This guy might be a total sleazebag," he muttered. "What if he's some kind of pervert…?" Rosalie's eyes flashed in anger as the phone continued to ring. "Emmett, I've always been supportive of who you've gone out with. They've always been total airheads, but I never said anything. Return the favour, would you?"

Emmett's mouth was wide open as Rosalie answered her phone. "Don't cut that crap with me, Rosalie Hale," he said as she batted her eyes and giggled into the phone. I shrugged as he looked at me in disbelief. I felt this becoming an uncomfortable situation, so I excused myself and headed to my room to go back to sleep.

As I passed Alice's room, I could hear two voices arguing inside behind the closed door. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, to pass right on through, but the voices sound so stressed and even angry that I became worried.

"I just don't understand" came Alice's tearful voice. "Why doesn't she like me, Jasper? What have I done wrong?"

"You haven't done anything wrong," Jasper said in a soothing voice. "She'll come around eventually."

"I can't believe she's coming… here," Alice whispered. "Again. What is she trying to do, make sure you haven't become a drug-addict or alcoholic?"

"Of course not," Jasper said, sounding a bit shocked. "She just wants to see that I'm keeping up with my studies. The Dartmouth scholarship I have means everything right now."

"I've tried so hard to make her like me. And it's not enough."

"Maybe that's the problem. Maybe you're trying too hard."

Alice sighed. I took a step back, feeling uncomfortable. I had no idea who they were talking about, and it wasn't any of my business. I quickly went into my room and shut the door. I stared at my bed for a long time, and then decided I was no longer tired. I began to finish what was started by putting the rest of my clothes in my suitcase.

I heard a door open and then footsteps thumping down the stairs.

"Bella," Alice called. "You can come in now."

I was shocked that she had known I was there. I considered denying it, but Alice's voice sounded so sombre I felt the needed to comfort her instead of having it the other way around. I got up and walked to her room, shutting the door behind me.

Alice was sitting on the bed, her arms wrapped around her legs, a sad smile on her face. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm great, thanks," I said gratefully. "Thanks for everything, Alice." Alice nodded and stared out the window. "I'm sorry I listened to your conversation," I blurted out, no longer able to stand the silence between us after a few minutes.

"It's alright," Alice laughed softly. "I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"Alice, are you alright?" I asked urgently. For once, maybe just once, we could focus on her problems instead of my own.

Alice's eyes locked with mine until she stared at bedspread. "Jasper's mother is coming to town."

So Jasper's mother was who Alice and Jasper were talking about. A million questions ran through my head. One of which couldn't be answered—why did Jasper's mother dislike Alice? It seemed like Alice was most likeable person around.

"She doesn't like me," Alice continued. "Never has. She made it quite clear the last time she visited." I gave her a sympathetic look. "I find that hard to believe," I said quietly, not sure if it was appropriate to interrupt.

Alice smiled. "Thanks. But it's true."

"Why does she dislike you? Everyone else in this town seems to think otherwise," I continued as Alice's face looked more and more upset. It was a long time before Alice spoke.

"She doesn't live here," she joked. I smiled at her response. Her face looked put out again as she stared out the window. "I believe she thinks I'm a spoiled brat." I looked at her, surprised. "Spoiled brat?" I repeated.

"Well, I do have 'an unhealthy addiction to shopping' as Emmett once put it," Alice said, and I was glad to see she was at least getting some humour out of the situation. "But I've never really been spoiled. I mean, I never asked my parents to be rich. They're really poor excuses for parents. And money is really the only thing they can give," Alice said seriously as she traced the prints of the bedspread.

I remembered about Alice's parents never really being around much, and I wondered if that was what she was referring to. But she went on, and I listened so that I could keep up. "I think Mrs. Whitlock thinks I'm going to change him somehow, turn him into a snob. Is she kidding me? He's a stubborn one, that Jasper." I laughed.

"Mrs. Whitlock was so uncomfortable around me the last time she visited," Alice sighed. "The moment she found out I was the daughter of a surgeon and a TV show host, she became cold toward me. Jasper told me that money's always been an issue in their family. They've had to scrape by for the past five years. They nearly sold his precious guitar once," Alice whispered, almost tearfully. "Mrs. Whitlock probably thinks I'm going to treat him like a charity case or something."

I shook my head as I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Oh, Alice," I said. "It'll be alright." She gave me a tiny smile and said, "Do you want to know a secret, Bella?"

Paired with her voice, it sounded almost child-like, but her eyes were so wide and hopeful that they reminded me of my mother's, and I certainly couldn't say no to a face like that. I was tired of keeping secrets, but what was one more?

"You know when I said that I didn't like Jasper?" she asked in a low voice, as if the mentioned would come bursting in the room.

"Yeah?"

"I lied."

I couldn't say that I was surprised. But I raised my eyebrows for her benefit. She gave me a coy smile and said, "I've liked him for awhile, Bella. And it's okay, I can tell you're not surprised. I'll look the same way when you fess up about Edward." I opened my mouth in protest, but Alice interrupted.

"I really like Jasper. I know he likes me too, but he's too shy to say anything," Alice announced. She didn't sound conceited or arrogant at all. She sounded firm and confident, as if she were seeing it right out of the future. I couldn't say that I disagreed with what she said, either.

"Then why don't you ask him out?"

"I can't, Bella. I can't do that. Dartmouth means everything to him. If I distract him from work and his studies, his mom will hate me even more. And she'll think I'll treat him like a charity case, going Dutch on dates," Alice's eyes filled with tears now. I didn't think that Jasper's mom cared so much about them going Dutch on dates. But I pushed those thoughts aside, smoothing Alice's hair.

I couldn't help but think that Alice already distracted Jasper. Their unspoken bond and caring for one another made my eyes fill with tears at their seemingly impossible romance. "Don't cry, Alice," I whispered. "You'll make me cry, too. I've always been a hopeless romantic. I didn't want you to know that."

"I figured that you were one."

Suddenly the door burst open, and Rosalie took one look at our crying and laughing fest, and closed the door behind her. "What is with the tear fest?" Alice told her everything as Rosalie's eyes grew wider. A short while later she joined in. "G-Greg called and cancelled our date," Rosalie wailed between the laughs and tears. "I can't believe I'm crying over a boy! I mean, man!" We had to laugh at that, but then Alice started to cry some more as she thought about Jasper's mother visiting.

I had to admit, I laughed more than I actually cried. Maybe I was all cried out. Maybe I no more tears to cry. But in truth, I was relieved to be laughing. It felt good to feel close to people that actually seemed to like me for real. I never had any real close friends, especially girlfriends, much to the dismay of my mother. I felt that for once, I finally fit in.

-

"Alice?" I asked later that night as I helped her cook dinner. Jasper worked for an antiques and furniture store, and was called by his boss to deliver a table to Port Angeles. Rosalie and Emmett were playing Mario Kart Wii, which Rosalie claimed to be good at. I watched for awhile as the water boiled, and had to admit most of their races were pretty close.

Edward had been in and out of the house, claiming to be running a couple of errands. As Alice and I cut up some vegetables for a Caesar salad, he was currently in his room. I caught him on his way out to the post office. "You play the piano really beautifully," I remarked. "What was the name of the song? It actually helped me get to sleep." Edward grinned. "Thanks. Oh, and that's for me to know, and you to find out?"

I stared at him in frustration as he swiftly left the house. Why was it so damn difficult to just tell me the name of a song?

Alice turned her head as she dumped some pasta into the now-boiling salted water. "Yes?" I paused, thinking about what I wanted to say. Alice looked at me curiously.

"Edward's helped me, well sav—well, he's helped me three times already. Does he usually act that way around total strangers?" I couldn't help but ask. Edward seemed at ease around me already.

"Only you, Bella," Alice teased. I shook my head, indicated that wasn't what I wanted to hear. Alice shrugged, a serious expression appearing on her face. "I do think that he feels he can relate to you, Bella," she said in a soft voice.

"How…"

Alice laughed. "You're not the only one with a past."

I was confused. "What do you mean?" Alice sighed, folding her arms across her chest and leaned against the counter. "Edward may want to tell you this himself but…" she sighed again. "You may think that he's crazy if he becomes extremely close or observant of your actions."

"Crazy? Yeah, I already think he's crazy for reaching out and helping a total nutcase like me," I joked. I liked how I could actually crack jokes without feeling badly about it now. Alice smiled warmly at me.

"Well, as I mentioned before, my parents were never around much. My father was a surgeon, and my mother was a host of a traveling show. We moved around a lot, but it was like I was really the only one living in the houses me moved into. I don't know how Carlisle Cullen did it, but he and my dad became close. I guess you could say my parents were workaholics," she straightened out her shirt. "They always thought money could fix everything. Of course, it couldn't."

"When I was sick of moving around, I decided to call Edward, who was one of the only few friends I decided to keep in touch with. We made a plan, and my father agreed to let me move in with Edward's family for a bit. My mom wasn't even in the country at that time."

"Shortly after, I found out that Carlisle and Esme Cullen weren't Edward's biological parents. In fact, they were his aunt and uncle," she paused. "Edward's father used to beat his mother, Elizabeth." This piece of information was difficult to process. As if it didn't fit with Edward's life now…

"Edward was very young, but he witnessed everything. His father used to get drunk and beat his mother. Edward was beat once in awhile, too. And then one day, his father left. Just like that. His mother felt somewhat sad, but mostly relieved. She felt they could have a fresh start in life. They moved to Chicago, to live near her sister, Esme," Alice lowered her eyes. "A few months later, she died in a car crash."

I stared sadly at the kitchen floor. I felt horrible for Edward, and everything that he'd gone through. But I felt a sudden wave of appreciation. It seemed like he managed to get over it.

"So I guess that's why he feels connected to you," Alice said. "He wishes that he could have helped his mother. But he was so young; there was nothing he could do. Elizabeth Masen sounded so brave. Edward doesn't want to become the monster that he feels his father was. So he's constantly reaching out to people, but now, to you, especially."

I looked at her wordlessly. There was so much about Edward that I didn't know, yet I had poured out my heart to him, about everything. "Please don't pity him," Alice requested politely. "He really doesn't need it."

Maybe I should have a conversation with him about himself before he could save me again, should I need saving. As if Alice could read my mind, she laughed. "There's a lot about Edward Anthony Masen Cullen that you don't know," she observed. "Maybe you ought to ask."

I nodded, robotically heading for the hallway. Alice shook her head as she watched me leave the room, picking up where I left off with the vegetables.

Just as I reached the staircase, Edward emerged at the top in a suit, his bronze hair still messy as if untameable. His green eyes met mine for a moment. He smiled. "How do I look?" I could only smile like an idiot at him.

Rosalie appeared next to me. "You know, Edward, you clean up pretty good," she remarked as he made his way down the stairs. "Thanks," Edward laughed in reply. Rosalie and I followed him to the living room, joined by Alice who shot me a look.

"Tanya and I aren't going for coffee, we're going out to dinner," Edward announced with that crooked grin of his. Alice eyed his suit critically. "Honestly, Edward, that suit was so last year. Do you need a little wardrobe update?" Edward rolled his eyes in response.

Rosalie opened her mouth to speak, but Edward interrupted. "I won't be home until late, so don't wait up for me in case you want details." Rosalie frowned at him. "But Edward, it's tradition!"

"It's about time someone broke it."

"Looking to get some tonight, Edward?" Emmett winked. Rosalie punched him in the arm. "Ow," he glared at her. Edward turned bright red and glared at Emmett. He checked his watch. "I have to leave. See you later, guys."

Emmett let out loud whoops and hollers as Edward went into the kitchen. Alice gave me a sympathetic smile and whispered, "You can talk to him tomorrow." Rosalie picked up her steering wheel controller and gave Emmett a smirk. "Let's race."

"Okay, you guys, I'm off," Edward emerged from the kitchen, exiting out the front door. "Good luck!" Rosalie called after him.

I felt a sudden wave of nostalgia. For some reason, I was reminded of Jacob. It was only after he left that I felt like I didn't really get to know him. Then, like now, I missed my chance. But unlike the first time, this time, with Edward, I actually had a second chance. There was hope. And this time, I wasn't going to give up.

-

I really hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I was kind of worried that I wouldn't be able to get anything done for you, since it's exam time for me, but I pulled through! Yay! I appreciate all the positive feedback you guys have given me! -hands out lollipops- Thanks for reading! Please review (: