Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I owned the Twilight series and all the characters, I'd be writing a bunch more novels by now :)

I am extremely sorry for the late update. Things have been hectic, including the recent malfunction of the first computer I ever wrote my first story on. I don't think the computer is fixable, which is pretty upsetting. I hope I'll be able to get over it soon. But here's the next chapter! Look out for Part II coming out soon!

Learning To Fall
A Twilight fanfic by Starfire Star

Chapter Thirteen: Less Unforgivable, Part I

It was easy to forget who I was that night. I kissed him with more passion than I ever thought I could muster. I clung to him so tightly, my lips pressed against his, as if this was all I ever wanted.

His response surprised me. He seemed equally entranced as I was, moving his hands up and down my back slowly, deliberately, while kissing me. It was sort of embarrassing, if you thought of it really. Edward stayed perfectly calm, relaxed, while my breathing was so loud it competed with the thumping of my heart.

It was good to forget everything for once. I needed this. So badly. One part of me wanted him to get away from all my fears, from all my emotional insecurities, endless problems—but a bigger part of me wanted him because of that connection I felt with him that I knew was undeniable now.

As he swung my legs up in his arms and cradled me, slipping effortlessly through the window and down the stairs to his room, where he sent me gently on the bed and continued where we left off.

His lips moved eagerly with mine, and I pulled him closer, wanting to hold on tight. It was as if I held him any further that he would eventually slip between my fingers, into the darkness, leaving me alone.

This was how I found myself the next morning.

I woke up, my hair tousled and sticking out in all different directions, smelling faintly of the hairspray Alice had drenched it in the night before. I was covered with a blanket, which I threw back to reveal my wrinkled dress. Even though Alice would kill me, I thanked my lucky stars that I had all my clothing on.

I looked to the nightstand for a clock, and sure enough, there was the time. Early Saturday morning. I didn't have to worry about work. I ran a hand through my severely tangled hair and looked around. I found a note underneath my purse on his desk.

Bella,

I had to leave. There was an emergency at the store. Make sure you leave my room discreetly if you want to avoid any awkward questions from the others.

Edward

I frowned. Had there been huge crowds of pre-teens waiting to buy the latest Hannah Montana CD or something like that? I realized that there could be many possibilities for emergencies. I shook my head and concentrated on the next thing he said.

Of course, I would leave his room quietly, with no one seeing. There had already been drama with Rosalie and Emmett, and I didn't want to follow that route. And I needed to talk to Edward as soon as possible. If they did ask questions or say anything, I'd want to be able to confirm or deny their statements.

I crumpled up the note and stuffed it into my purse quickly. I touched my hair one more time, realizing I would have to get out of the room before I could make myself look decent. I got up, staring at Edward's bed. Surely it would be impolite to just leave it unmade? I shook the sheets out, and his scent wafted all around me. I closed my eyes before letting the sheets fall onto the bed. I smoothed them out before heading to the door.

I stopped, realizing I was on the third floor. Sounds of a shower could be heard next door. "Crap," I muttered to myself, realizing that Emmett or Jasper was within a few feet of me. I listened for the sound of singing, but there was none. It must be Jasper.

I decided to go through the attic to make my exit more discreet, if possible. I quickly made my way down the attic stairs, heels in one hand. I heard a low laugh from behind me as I reached the staircase to the second floor.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" Emmett smirked at me, crossing his arms. "I didn't expect that you'd follow my poor example, Bella."

"Emmett," I said, shocked. "I have no idea what you're talking about." My lying sounded somewhat smooth, for once. But I had gotten to known Emmett, and vice versa. He knew I was nothing short of a terrible liar.

"Really, Bella, what were you thinking?" Emmett asked, shaking his head. "The drama in this house is about to rocket sky-high." I felt my eyes water, feeling humiliated and ashamed. I saw Emmett frown, and then his face softened in guilt.

"Nothing happened," I choked out. "We kissed, that was it. I barely remembered what happened. But Edward is too much of a gentleman to make it go anywhere. A gentleman who has a girlfriend, I might add." I was babbling now, and the more I talked, the worse I made myself feel. The more I wasn't thinking as I spoke.

Emmett stared at me for a long moment. I thought he was going to follow up with some jokes. And even though I knew Emmett would just be joking, it would make me feel even worse. I was extremely over-sensitive nowadays.

But he didn't. "You missed the late night eating and groveling," Emmett said casually. "You should have seen it. I cleaned out the entire fridge. I practically scared Jasper and Alice half to death." He laughed, sort of nervously now. I didn't bother asking him why he did it. I had a pretty good idea already.

"But Bella," Emmett continued suddenly, in a low voice, "I did a lot of thinking last night. And I'm going to grow up. Rose made her decision. I'm going to make mine." He smiled now, although he was still plainly serious. I frowned at him. "You don't have to change for anyone, you know."

"I know," Emmett assured me. "This is all about me. Trust." There was something about the look in his eyes that made me question him. They seemed to sure, yet so reluctant at the same time. I pressed my lips into a thin line.

My eyes met his for a moment. "We all need to grow up, Bella," Emmett said in a voice so gentle I could hardly believe it was coming from him.

I sighed, tucking a lock of brown hair behind my ear. I responded to his double message, the one that I knew was hidden in his voice. "I know."

-

I could smell coffee and doughnuts in the air as Emmett and I made our way down the stairs. I made Emmett swear not to tell anyone about what had happened between Edward and me. I knew that Emmett wouldn't tell, but I felt the need to hear his solemn vow of secrecy as extra reassurance.

My face burned with embarrassment. It felt as if everyone was looking at me, and they did, although I knew they didn't know anything. But it was as if I had "I kissed Edward" written all over my face. I looked down as I sat quietly at the island. Emmett saw me stiffen when we made our way down the stairs and already proceeded to tell a joke. I sighed in relief.

"There's no food," Alice complained, her angelic face twisted into a frown. "Emmett, why did you have to clean the whole house out? Honestly…"

I looked up, and instead I felt a pair of eyes boring holes into the side of my head. I turned to meet a cold gaze from Rosalie, and I stared at her for a moment before childishly looking away. What was wrong with her? Did she know something? Questions were burning into my brain, screaming loudly above all my other thoughts.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Jasper asked me quietly as Alice and Emmett argued about the appropriate grocery shopping intervals. I nodded weakly, still avoiding Rosalie's icy glare. It seemed like Jasper and Alice were one mind—they could tell when something was wrong and sensed my emotions.

"Okay, whatever, Emmett!" Alice huffed. "If it bugs you so much, I'll go grocery shopping, alright? We don't have to make this a bigger deal than it is." She put her hands on her hips before spinning on her heel and grabbing her purse. "I'll leave now. Saturday is the most popular day for grocery shopping, and I want to beat the crowds."

I half-expected her to grab Jasper, or for Jasper to follow her loyally, but he remained seated, sipping his coffee, book open in front of him. I took this as an opportunity to get out, and get out fast. I could feel tension from Rosalie creeping up.

"I'll go," I blurted out, raising my hand awkwardly and then lowering it. Alice gave me a nod of approval before walking smoothly out the door. I followed her outside to her Porsche and got in, feeling a wave of relief wash over me, the heat leaving my cheeks.

"We have nothing… no eggs, milk, bread, butter… the basic staples," Alice sighed, preoccupied as she muttered an entire shopping list to herself, never seeming to forget anything. "Sometimes it's really difficult living with so many people. It's something I'm not really used to." She laughed, keeping her tone light, but I knew the subject matter wasn't something to be taken lightly.

"Do you ever get sick of it?" I asked her, relieved that I could hang on to this conversation to distract her from my anxious body language. Alice turned to look at me, her eyes suddenly serious. "Never."

"Never?"

"Never. How could I? I've been so used to being alone for such a long time… but I love being around people even more. I like to think that it's made me stronger, you know? I was able to find a way out of the loneliness by myself. I know it sounds cliché, but I was able to teach myself how to love, even when my parents never gave me anything besides money."

"Do you hate them?" I hoped I wasn't sounding rude.

"No. How could I? They gave me something, at least," Alice's laughs sounded like music to my ears. "Maybe they just don't know what they're doing is wrong. They're so caught up in their own lives that they don't have a chance to open their eyes. I look forward to the day when they'll be around long enough so I can show them. I know it's difficult to believe, but where will we all be without hope? I have so many people that I love, and vice versa, and that's enough." I was suddenly teary now, her words bringing me face-to-face with the upsetting present. She didn't hate her parents. Even though her parents had given her practically nothing; even though they weren't much of parents, she still had hope that she could possibly save her relationship with them.

Alice was the type of girl who believed love could save the day. No matter what happened, what kind of trials and obstacles happened in all her relationships, she loved them so selflessly that she believed that someday they might love her back. She hoped for the future, and she did it with such grace and flawlessness that it was difficult to doubt her. It was so easy to see why all the townsfolk loved her. And why, on that first day of my permanent summer stay at Forks, my father talked about her so highly.

It was so easy to compare her to myself. While I was away, unwilling to visit Charlie because of my now-known idiocy, Alice was there, and she could've taken my place if she wanted to. Instead, she left my place as daughter untouched, with my room in the house to go along with it.

I knew now that Charlie was always in my life. No matter if we were miles apart, he was always there in the background, willing to be part of anything, as long as I wanted him to be. Charlie was a choice, and when I was a younger, I always wanted to include him in my life. When I pulled away, he faded into the background, letting me go on with my life as he slowly became less and less in the picture, until one day, he wouldn't be there at all.

-

As we drove to the grocery store, Alice looked at me worriedly. "Bella, is there something on your mind?" I nodded slowly, knowing she would be serious about this subject, unlike the way she would be if the topic were, for example, Edward. I groaned out loud as I thought of him, for a moment completely forgetting about the incident that occurred last night. I pushed that thought to the side for just another second.

"Alice," I whispered to her, staring blankly out the windshield. "You're so selfless… you're willing to forgive your parents, who for some unimaginable reason barely spend time to get to know you and love you… while I… I'm unwilling to forgive Charlie, who's always been trying to be part of my life more since I was born."

"Still haven't forgiven him about Helena, huh?" Alice asked me meekly, and I shook my head in frustration. "I don't know why, Alice. It's so difficult for me…" Alice just smiled at me. "It's not that difficult, Bella. Just let yourself go. Get rid of that barrier; just put your guard down for one second. Just fall."

"I can't."

"You can. You just need to figure it out for yourself," Alice smiled brighter this time as she pulled into the parking lot and then fluffed up her short hair. She stepped out into the drizzle and closed the door, while I followed, zipping my coat and pulling the hood up as far over my head as it would go.

-

The Thriftway was Forks' main grocery store, and on a Saturday, it was crowded. Alice, as usual, said her hellos to almost everyone while I followed timidly, replying to everyone who said hi to me. When we got to the produce section, Alice frowned and poked at the various fruits and vegetables with obvious disapproval on her face. She was always angled so that only I would see it.

Just then, a man came out of the back room, with boxes of fruits piled onto a little trolley. He looked bored, almost irritated, as he pushed the cart to each of the fruits' respective places. Alice's face turned from unimpressed to delight. "Bella, do you mind grabbing the box of organic cereal you know Rosalie likes? I can never seem to find it. They put it in a different place every time." Alice's complaint sounded more like a compliment.

"Sure."

"I'm just going to go talk to Marcus for a second…" The produce man looked up upon hearing, what I presumed, was his name. Alice flashed her ultra-white teeth at him. I watched as she danced to his side, his bored expression hardly seeming to change.

I walked passed each aisle, reading the signs in each of them, searching for the one with 'Cereal' on it. Alice had told me that it was never in the usual place, but I decided to start with the most obvious place it wouldn't be. I was just about to pass another aisle when I stopped. I frowned, stepping back to stare into the aisle.

It was the aisle for various personal items, mostly for women, such as deodorants and tampons. And of course, there were other items that were embarrassing to look at or even examine; things that I didn't dare touch. The woman was looking at these things now. She picked up a pregnancy test, and I nearly died.

Because the woman was Helena, Charlie's girlfriend.

-

I gasped and flung a hand to my mouth. Honestly, how much more drama would be a-stirring in my life? Unfortunately, I was about to find out. I quickly ducked past the aisle, a hand still over my mouth in disbelief. I was ready to run out of there without even telling Alice. But I lost my chance when I heard a voice in the next aisle I was about to pass, an awfully familiar one.

"Thanks for coming with me, Carmen," the sweet voice said. I recognized it now. It was Tanya's.

"No problem," the girl named Carmen replied. She had a thick accent in her voice, which made it both exotic and lovely. My stomach started to knot up when I realized that I was eavesdropping, but it was better than rounding the corner and seeing Charlie's girlfriend again. In addition to that, I wanted to stay because a topic of interest came up: Edward.

"So, who are you going out with again? That guy, Edward, right?" Carmen asked. Blood rushed to my cheeks as I thought about our little rendezvous last night. My heart started pounding and my head was spinning. A wave of guilt flowed over me. My head was telling me to forget about Edward, to take that kiss (well, more than just a kiss) back, but my heart knew that I never would.

"Yes," Tanya didn't exactly sound enthusiastic. I took a step back, pretending to stare at some rolls of paper towels. Carmen read my mind. "You don't sound too happy about it."

Tanya sighed, her voice boarding on resentful. "I don't know. Everything's alright, I guess. But for some reason… I just don't think it'll work out." My body became numb. I felt slightly angry at Tanya for feeling that way, but a part of me was rejoicing.

"Why not?" Carmen prodded.

"Well, it seems like he was never really with me in the first place… it was always like his mind was on other things. But he'd never tell me, even when I asked," Tanya quietly replied. I started to feel terrible. I thought about Edward. How could he have let them go on as a couple this long? Why didn't Tanya break up with him?

"So this is Edward's fault." Carmen wasn't asking a question.

"No… it's mine, as well. We're completely different, I feel like we want different things. And I just think we're better off being friends."

"Are you going to break up with him?"

"I don't know."

I covered my mouth. I was about to be sick. This was all too much to handle. Who knew that so much could be discovered at a grocery store? My legs started moving before my brain had time to register it. But as soon as I rounded the corner to go through the aisle and head toward the doors, Alice called my name.

"Bella!" she exclaimed, her perfect voice was cheerful. I turned to look around until I spotted her, hopping up and down, holding a peach. Marcus the produce guy was standing next to her, not looking the slightest bit amused. I swallowed and walked toward her, pinching my cheeks as I did so. They weren't red now, my usual blush. The colour had drained from my cheeks, and I probably looked pale and sickly.

Alice didn't seem to notice, which was unusual since she seemed to always be able to tell what I was feeling. Alice found me easy to read, but Edward, on the other hand, once told me that it was difficult for him. "You didn't find the cereal?" Alice asked, not sounding the least bit disappointed. I shook my head.

"Marcus has the best peaches," Alice said proudly, holding one up, a whole wooden carton full of peaches in front of her. I looked at Marcus, who shrugged, the same bored expression on his face. "Not really."

I don't know how I did it, but I asked Alice if I could go to her car and make a phone call. It was the perfect excuse to get out of the grocery store. If I stayed any longer, I was bound to make an awkward encounter with acquaintances I didn't want to talk to. My brain didn't seem to function properly today as I walked out into the drizzle to the Porsche, Alice's keys in one hand, cell phone in the other.

I got into the passenger's seat and closed the door. I dialed his number robotically. I stared out into the dense, lush greenery past the parking lot as the phone rang, waiting for his voice.

Finally he answered.

"Hi," I whispered, leaning back into the car seat.

"Bella?" Already I started to feel weak.

-

Again, sorry for the late update! I hope you guys aren't mad at me for another cliffy. There isn't any ear candy for this chapter. I haven't been able to listen to any really good music lately. If you guys want, please recommend some good music – artists/songs! And please vote in the latest poll! This is your last chance—I'll be putting up a new poll when I upload the next chapter. Thanks for the support, guys. I really love reading your reviews.