Ear Candy:
Spotlight – MuteMath
Blister in the Sun – Violent Femmes
Sea of Love – Cat Power

Learning To Fall
A Twilight fanfic by Starfire Star

Chapter Nineteen: Ghosts That Broke My Heart

"Bella, you look absolutely beautiful."

You could imagine my discomfort when he said this. I shifted in my seat, tugging on one of the more conservative pieces that Alice had given me earlier on in the summer that I had on. It was an embarrassment after having a dose of Alice's style to shop for my own clothes, and she insisted she would not help me anymore even though I didn't even want to do this.

Charlie had insisted that I did. He felt terrible for the poor guy, calling the house, asking for me and hearing the disappointment in his voice when he was turned down. But I had met the guy only once, for crying out loud. What was I supposed to do?

So explain to me why, a few days later after Charlie cheerfully told him that I would go out on a date with him if he would 'stop calling our house already, dammit!', I was still sitting in my seat, on a candle light dinner date with Mike Newton.

Yes, Mike Newton. The same Mike Newton whom Alice was teasing me about, but now had grown cold about once I told her that yes, I was going out on a date with him, and no, I couldn't cancel.

She asked me about Edward. I refused to answer. I wouldn't answer. Not this time. I would not kiss and tell and fill my head with her ideas. Alice, of course, was pretty pissed about it, but decided that our friendship was worth more than 'silly little boys, except for my Jasper'. The second part wasn't necessary.

I vowed that this was the last time I would fall helplessly to the likes of Edward Cullen. Forget friendship. Friendship was just a hazardous way of letting us play our little game over and over again until one of us got married and left the other one heartbroken.

This was three days after I ran away from him in the pouring rain, praying and begging and screaming inside my head that I would not be followed, yet he did but I knew a faster way out—my monster truck. I looked back in the rearview mirror in time to see him slowing down, box still in hand, face of defeat—face that broke my heart. Again.

How did Edward feel? I had no idea. I hadn't been to the house since the day I ran after him. But I knew, just knew that Alice and Rosalie's testimonials that Tanya and his relationship going downhill were absolutely untrue. Edward had probably already popped the question, and Alice was just too afraid of hurting me to tell me—

No. No, Bella. Don't even think about it.

My eyes flickered from the menu of Le Royale, a Port Angeles upper-class restaurant. I gulped. The food looked pretty pricey, if edible. Mike insisted he would pay for all of it. I felt terrible. I would give him one date, just one, and he was willing to blow probably a two months worth of solid chore money on it. Never mind. He probably had a job; he wasn't a kid, obviously. But by his giddy behavior, he sure was acting like one.

I blushed without looking up from the menu. "Thank you. You look very handsome."

"Do I?" Mike asked, a huge grin on his baby face. I nodded, still looking down. The waiter came bustling over, asking for our orders. I told him I wanted the quiche, and Mike said he'd have the same, all while staring at me as if I would be pleased. I didn't want to be rude, so I smiled back. I needed to make one thing clear, though. Mike had made the deal with my dad, not me. So I was up to call this date our first and last one.

"Mike, I hope you know that I'm not really looking to date anyone right now," I said to him, avoiding his deep blue eyes. To my surprise, he blinked back, instead of denying that he was ever looking for a relationship.

"Why not?" he demanded.

I shrugged. "Past experiences," I said simply. Mike opened his mouth, but something in the way I held my expression made him refrain from probing the topic any further.

"I haven't gotten a chance to know you," Mike started. Uh oh. Here we go with the denying, with the "I just want to be friends" statements. I am not a self-centered person, and I would rather he not pretend he didn't like me that way so that I wouldn't have to feel so awkward.

"I guess you and Cullen aren't dating, huh?" Mike asked, pouring himself a glass of ice lemon water. I stared at him blankly. "No. We never were."

"Oh," he said, staring down at the table. Things were going downhill fast. I wanted this to be quick and painful, but so far all I was seeing was the opposite. But suddenly Mike looked up, sat straight in his seat, and scowled, turning away as if he were disgusted.

"What's going on?" I murmured to him.

"Nothing. Here come Cullen and that strawberry blonde girl," Mike replied. I froze in my seat. Heart hammering wildly, I didn't dare to turn around in my seat and greet them, in fear that I would probably pass out. Mike looked at me with a concerned look on his face.

"It's fine, it's fine," I hissed at him. "If you keep looking that way, they're going to think something's wrong."

Mike immediately composed himself and stuck a smug smile on his face as Edward's smoothly called, "Good evening, Bella."

Mike's eyes narrowed and I turned around in my seat. It was impossible to fall under the charm of him, his deep eyes and messy hair. Despite Tanya clinging to his arm, eyes bright, he looked rather uncomfortable. I bit my lip and coolly replied, "Hi."

The waiter arrived, bringing appetizers. He shot a disapproving look at Edward and Tanya and said, "Sorry, sir, and madam, we don't have a table ready for you yet. Unless you'd like to join this party, I'd have to ask you to—"

"Yes, we would," Edward nodded. My eyes widened and Tanya sulked. The waiter immediately pulled up two more chairs for them to sit on. He added the necessary utensils and china and bustled away to get more iced lemon water.

Tanya was glaring at me as she sat in her seat. I kept my eyes locked with hers, but my expression remained cool, emotionless. After all, what did I have to defend? What did I not have to defend? Mike coughed loudly, making me jump.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked me calmly, staring at me as if he had something else to say. I shrugged and stuffed and appetizer in my mouth.

Surely he wanted to say something about the incident that happened just a few days ago. Of course he did. Staring at me like that, making Mike and Tanya look like they wanted to strangle someone. Feeling more uncomfortable than ever, I looked around the restaurant and wondered if this was where Edward wanted to propose.

They were so young. What was Edward thinking? How could he be so foolish? Why couldn't they wait until after college? My opinions had formed from past experiences, seeing the pain early marriage had inflicted upon Charlie and Renee.

But who was I to judge? Was I seriously condemning their engagement based on my parents, or because I was jealous, because I wished Edward were sitting across from me, wanting to be with me?

A tiny voice at the back of my head said, but he ran after you, Bella. That ought to count for something.

Oh, shut up, I told the voice.

Tanya excused herself for the ladies' room, and with her nose in the air she strutted away, clutching her purse. Mike looked at me uncomfortably, but I could do nothing but shrug and look away.

"You know, Bella, I tried to talk to you yesterday," Edward began casually as he played with his glass of water. My eyes narrowed.

"I was a little preoccupied," I replied. Preoccupied with running away.

"You could've waited a second, you know," Edward said with a hint of frustration in his voice. "It would've made all the difference."

"I don't think it would've," I shot back.

Edward stared at me for a moment, his green eyes pressing into my own. "What is with you, Bella?" I gulped, about to choke on the lump in my throat and the tears about to fill my eyes. It was so easy for him to make me feel this way. But Mike, thankfully, jumped in.

"Nothing's wrong with her. Maybe it's you with the problem?" Mike said, losing his cool.

"I doubt it," Edward said, laughing it off, obviously trying to ease the tension. Mike's shoulders loosened, but I still looked painfully away, my heart hammering wildly and heat rising to my cheeks.

"Special date with Tanya tonight?" I just had to ask.

Edward shrugged. "Look, Bella, something very important is about to happen," he said to me, his rich voice filling my ears, the actual words hurting my heart, his eyes boring into my own. I blinked at him. "Oh?"

"Yes," he replied, the corners of his mouth turning upward, as if he were enjoying tormenting me with not actually saying what was going to happen.

Watching this exchange between Edward and I, Mike put in, "You and Tanya look great together. She seems like a great girl, you're lucky to have her."

"Do you want her?" Edward asked dryly. I didn't mean to be rude, but I stifled a giggle, but quickly clapped a hand over my mouth. "Sorry."

Edward grinned at me, and suddenly I was hopelessly and utterly distracted by his features. Perfect, angular nose, crooked grin, bronze hair.

And then Tanya was back. Edward became serious and quiet as she sat down, her face freshly powered and hair neat as a pin. "What are we talking about?"

"You," Mike said bluntly. "I said you looked great."

Tanya smiled shyly at Mike. "Thank you."

As if perfect time, a waiter came over and announced that a table was ready for Edward and Tanya. Throwing a quick glance at her, Edward replied with a nod, and stood up. "It was nice seeing you two," he said politely as Tanya stood up. Mike and I said the same thing back, but Tanya was already striding away with a little wave over her shoulder.

"I'll see you later?" asked Edward, almost hopefully. I stared at him. This was it. I didn't want him to go, not when the whole room would suddenly burst into applause as Tanya accepted her engagement proposal. The aching feeling in my heart returned, and suddenly I felt ill, as if I were about to cry. I shrugged and turned away, and Edward left with a confused look on his face.

"Are you okay?" Mike asked me. I shook my head. "I think I need to go home," I whispered to him, hand on my forehead. "We need to leave right away." I felt bad that we had already ordered, but we left before our food even came. I didn't object when Mike held my hand with a little smirk on his face to lead me out the door. I didn't notice as Edward looked up, utterly and completely perplexed, and even, was I just imagining this, jealousy?

We got into his car and drove in silence until we finally reached my doorstep, porch light still on and Charlie probably fast asleep on the couch as the TV played a late-night hockey game.

Mike walked me to the porch, and I swiftly gave him a kiss on the cheek, thanking him for the short but lovely time we had. With another hug, he said maybe we could do it again sometime, with no interruptions, and I gave him a quick nod and he drove off. I realized that maybe he wasn't as bad as I first thought he would be. This brought another wave of tears to my eyes how begrudging I acted toward him at the beginning of our date.

And it was that much harder that Edward was there, about to propose to Tanya, and was getting warmed up when he sat down with us. My heart was breaking thousands of times over, and I pushed the door open after I unlocked it and found Alice sitting at the table with Jasper, reading a Cosmpolitan magazine while Jasper read another architectural magazine.

I was in tears by the time Jasper pulled out a chair for me, and was rubbing my shoulder while Alice stroked my hair and promised she would make us some tea, and everything would be all right, things can only get better from here.

-

"What a jerk."

"I can't believe he's actually proposing to Tanya."

"I can't believe I have an asshole for a best friend."

We were lying side by side on my bed, staring at my ceiling, Alice in between Jasper and I. Our empty tea cups were on my dresser, and Jasper had one arm around Alice's shoulder as she had her arms folded across her chest.

"I feel like an idiot," I moaned quietly as I shifted on the bed slightly. Jasper and Alice were a string of angry voices as they reassured me that, no, I wasn't stupid, and Edward was a dumbass for deciding to be a potential candidate for MTV's Engaged and Underage.

"It would be totally kickass if we could just drive to Port Angeles right now and stop the whole shindig," Alice commented. Jasper nudged her playfully. "I don't think that would work. Port Angeles is what, an hour away? By then they would've already left."

Alice put on a devilish grin. "I drive fast."

I was already feeling better. It was probably the tea and the fact that two of my favourite people in the world were trying to make the situation as light as possible. It still wouldn't take the ache away from my heart and stomach, but it was a start.

I was still in my dress, and it was scratchy and itchy and my shoes, I just realized, pinched my feet but I didn't care enough to take them off. "I wonder how Esme and Carlisle will feel about this," Jasper said as he put a hand behind his head.

"Oh my God! They knew—that's why they didn't want to tell us anything! This was the surprise!" Alice's mouth formed a perfect O, and then her face pulled into a scowl. "Some best friend—he promised he would tell me, and he didn't! Ugh! What is wrong with him?"

"He's a man in love—that's his problem," Jasper replied. Alice shushed him and while trying to be discreet with pointing at me, failed miserably. I shrugged. "Oh well," I murmured softly. "Coulda woulda shoulda."

Somewhere between Alice and Jasper murmuring that everything would be okay to them debating on whether Rosalie would fess up to what happened the night she broke up with Greg, I drifted away, further and further, a warm fuzzy feeling erupting in me, comfortable and oddly familiar and reassuring.

I could faintly hear Alice and Jasper leaning over me, calling, "Bella? Bella?" because I had stopped responding. But I was too far gone now, and they needn't worry.

As if it were his warm breath pressed up against my ear, or him joking about how I could hardly remember the proper keys on the piano, or stretching an arm around me as we all settled for a lazy afternoon of movies, I felt myself going under and falling, falling, falling, the feeling knocked out of me, nothing more left. I no longer needed stress—the future was set in stone, and so was my own, my future without Edward in it.

-

I couldn't do what I wanted to do. No, I couldn't mope around my house all day and lie in bed with the door shut and Charlie knocking on it, demanding why I wasn't up and at 'em like I usually was. I would tell him that my sudden bout of depression was a delayed reaction and he need not worry and then he would leave for the station and I could sleep solidly, like a rock.

But Jasper and Alice woke me up, a steaming cup of coffee held to my face and concerned looks on their faces as they leaned over me. "Thank goodness," Alice remarked, "We thought we'd never be able to wake you up." Jasper nodded in agreement, and I sat up to squint at the clock on my dresser. It was almost eleven o'clock in the morning.

"Charlie left," Alice murmured, "He said he had some important things to do at the station, and to tell you he was going to have coffee with Helena afterward." Alice winked at me and smiled. "So I guess everything with Charlie is going to be alright, hmm?" I nodded weakly and sat up. I was happy, but my body was aching from the position I had slept in.

"Get changed," Alice said to me. "We're going back to the house," Jasper added.

I groaned inwardly. "Why are you guys doing this to me?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "We're not doing anything to you, Bella. But today is the last day Carlisle and Esme are here, and they'd like to see you before they leave."

I covered my face with a pillow. "I'll just give them a call," I mumbled, my voice distorted.

I lifted the pillow from my face when all I received was silence and saw Jasper and Alice's stern looks. I moaned and got up, threw on what Alice had laid out for me without much thought, took the purse and keys Alice had given me, and followed them to the Porsche.

"Bella, I have some great news," Alice's eyes lit up as she got into the car, staring at me in the rearview mirror. "I got a call from my father this morning."

I looked to Jasper's face, but he too looked as expectant as I did. "Really?" I was expecting anything amazing. After all, Alice did talk to me about the disdain she held for her parents, but I wondered what he could've said or done that could earn the look of Alice's face, which was glowing.

"He got me into The Art Institute of Seattle," Alice exclaimed, her voice excruciatingly happy, her eyes watering with tears. "He got me in this late. Can you believe it?"

"That's wonderful," I murmured, my own eyes filling with tears. More so I couldn't believe that this summer was actually coming to an end. It felt as if it would last forever, but I realized that September was coming fast.

Jasper gave Alice a warm smile. "This is great," he said gently as he turned onto another road. Driving with one hand, Alice held the other. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, before looking away. Alice glanced behind to look at me for a brief second, then doubled back as she saw me wipe away a stray tear.

"God," I murmured, noticing her, "I'm such a softie." Alice grinned. "Just think, you'll be at UCLA, Emmett will be at U dub, Rosalie at NYU, Edward at University of Chicago… and Jasper at Dartmouth." Her voice trailed off as she realized the same thing I was thinking.

"Three of us on the west coast, three of us on the east," Jasper remarked. Something in his voice sounded as if he were struggling to say the words, and Alice glanced over at him nervously.

"It'll be okay," she whispered, staring at him. Jasper continued to look straight ahead at the road. I stared out the window. It was starting to drizzle, which wasn't a surprise. We pulled into the driveway of the boarding house and all of us left the tension-filled car.

Alice held Jasper's hand nervously as he led her up the porch stairs and unlocked the door. I followed, feeling the mood of the conversation the night before was killed. Emmett came to greet us, the smile on his face fading as he saw our moody-filled expressions.

"Who died?" he joked. When we didn't answer, he sat down. "Okay, look, what's going on?" he asked, his voice turning serious. I shrugged and sat down at the table.

"My dad called me this morning and told me I was accepted into The Art Institute of Seattle," Alice said quietly. "We're not taking it so well."

Emmett pulled Alice into a hug. "I'm so proud of you, kid. And we're going to be in the same city! This is going to be better than I imagined!" Catching sight of Jasper's stony face, Emmett's excitement died down. "Look, you guys won't be apart forever."

"No," Jasper slowly agreed. "Of course not."

"That would be silly," Alice chimed in, wiping a stray tear from her face. She turned to Jasper. "This is going to be good for us both. After we get a kick start on our careers, I can move or transfer to New York, and we we'll be less far from each other."

Jasper's face pulled into a soft smile. "I don't want you to throw any opportunities away. I know I wouldn't."

Alice nodded and the ambiance became the private kind between Jasper and Alice. I bit my lip and gestured to Emmett to leave the room, and we left the couple in the kitchen, opting to watch TV in the living room.

"Bella," Emmett grinned. "Long time no see. How are you?"

I sat on the couch next to him. "Not bad. Yourself?"

"Just peachy. Listen, do you know what's up with Edward?"

My stomach tied into a knot and I immediately tensed, shifting in my seat uncomfortably. "No, no I don't. What happened?"

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "Well, he's been acting strange ever since his parents came, but early this morning Carlisle and Esme told me they were leaving to go talk to him. Apparently he rented a hotel room in Port Angeles?"

What? A hotel? So, was Tanya there too? Were they 'celebrating' the engagement? I guess they wanted to surprise everyone here. That was only to be expected. My breath quickened and a shiver ran through my entire body.

"I have no idea," I whispered to Emmett. "I did see him last night, though, when I went on a date with Mike Newton. He was with Tanya."

Emmett's face pulled into one of disgust. "That's disturbing. But wait, the Newton kid? You've got to be kidding me!"

I shook my head, glad that Emmett had steered the conversation in a different direction. "Unfortunately, I'm not. The date was quite dismal," I added, wanting to keep the conversation on this topic for as long as possible. "He did bring me to a really, really nice restaurant though. That was nice of him."

Emmett cracked up. "You know the date was bad when the one nice thing you can say about it was how nice the restaurant was." I blushed and laughed along. It was nice to take my mind off things, to talk normally with Emmett.

Rosalie poked her head into the room. My guard went up when I saw her. "Hi, guys," she said coolly as she slid into the room, in pyjamas and a bathrobe. "Hi, Bella. Long time no see."

"I've been busy." That was my standard excuse.

"I see. Emmett, where are Carlisle and Esme? Have they left already?" Rosalie's forehead creased as her face pulled into a worried frown. Emmett shook his head. "They went to get Edward."

"Where is he? He didn't come home last night."

"No idea."

Rosalie's eyes flickered to my face, then away. "I'm going to make some coffee. Do you two want some?" I shook my head. Emmett nodded.

So the cool ambiance that came whenever Rosalie did was back. I decided that no matter what happened between Rosalie and me, she wouldn't act any nicer to me than she was to an acquaintance. I couldn't decide whether I was comfortable with this revelation or not.

Suddenly a loud, thundering noise could be heard from outside. The tapping on the windows and roof grew even louder. Jasper came into the room and pulled open the curtains, revealing a storm that had just begun outside. He groaned.

"This looks bad," Rosalie commented as she drifted into the room. "I can't imagine how it's going to be like getting Carlisle and Esme home."

As she said this, the phone rang. Alice, in a sing-song voice, called, "Bella! Phone!" I stood up to get it, and she gave me a sympathetic look as I took it from her. "The reception is pretty bad," she advised. I nodded. "Hello?" I asked into the phone.

"Bells, it's Charlie," Charlie's gruff voice came from the phone, almost happy. My forehead creased into a frown. What was he doing out of breath? "Charlie? What's going on?"

"I can barely hear you, Bells. This damn storm," Charlie replied through the fuzzy connection. I wondered, in a town as small as this one, was it possible to lose phone connection with someone who was just a few blocks away? "Anyway, I have some news for you."

"What is it—wait, Charlie, you're breaking up."

"So your—stopped by today—is very eager," was all that came from the phone. And then Charlie's voice was cut off completely, followed by the dial tone, and then the indication that the power had turned off as the lights cut out and the TV was silent.

"Crap," I said.

"Shit!" came Emmett's voice from the living room. Alice's eyes widened. "Oh God, not the power," she murmured. "The last time this happened, it took well over a day to get it back."

Rosalie came into the room, sighing as she tapped the coffee maker. "This is terrible."

My brain whirled, and my instincts to go and check up on Charlie kicked in. What if something bad happened to him? What if he was hurt? And what did he mean by my something stopped in today and is very eager? I wanted to know as soon as possible.

I marched to the closet and pulled my coat out. "Bella, where are you going?" Alice followed me nervously. "I'm going to my house. I need to see Charlie."

"What for? He's fine," Alice replied as I saw Jasper come into the room. I shook my head. "He also told me that someone stopped by his place today and is very eager to… something. I need to know."

"It's probably not that important," Alice insisted as Jasper put an arm around her shoulders. I shrugged. "I'm a natural worry-wart," I assured her. She raised an eyebrow. "No. You're not going. How will you get home without a car?"

Then I could hear the sound of a vehicle pulling up into a driveway. It was louder than I expected, actually. Had Charlie driven my truck over here? I began to zip up my coat.

"Bella, you're going to be caught in the rain," Jasper added as Alice bit her lip and gave me a stern look. "Just stay awhile. I honestly doubt anything would happen to Charlie in this weather."

I sighed. "You guys really don't want me to leave, do you? And what if Carlisle and Esme and Edward return? Do you want me to be around for that?"

Alice's eyes narrowed. "Do you really think that—"

Suddenly Emmett called from the living room, "Who the hell is that?"

"Who, Emmett?" Rosalie replied from the kitchen, staring into the living room from the doorway. "Whoa. There's a guy coming up the driveway. Yeah, who is that?"

"Who's who?" Alice demanded, about to go into the living room until there was a knock at the door. Jasper's tensed, and my eyes widened. I knew he could feel the weirdness of the situation as much as I could. "Well, that's my cue to leave," I said to them, turning the doorknob and opening the door.

And just like that, my life was on rewind, like it wouldn't stop playing. As if I had traveled to the past, and there was no running away from it now. I had to face this, whether I liked it or not. That is, if I was even able to. I was dizzy and my breath quickened and my heart was racing a million beats per second and I could feel the eyes whirling to the back of my head when they really weren't and then I could hear his voice, his voice bringing me back to Arizona and the events of that night and the crying, oh God the crying and the engagement ring and my mother and not telling Charlie and then I swore my heart stop.

Standing before me, hands in jean pockets, leather jacket over his shoulders, his wet hair from the rain, was Jacob Black. Now I knew who Charlie was talking about.

And the storm continued on, and I could hear the thunder coming as if on cue, cueing the Big Bad Wolf into play.

-

Oh my goodness! I think that there are only going to be two or three chapters after this one, I'm practically sure of it. Another cliffy, ah this one broke my heart! But he had to come, I planned it from the very beginning. By the way, guys, this will be my last chapter until mid-January. Sorry, guys, I won't have access to a computer until mid-January. I know, I know, how will I be able to function without writing! Gah! So I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and I'll see you all next year, with the ending of this story in tow and some new stories to introduce you all! Thanks for the continued support, I love you guys more than words can say! And to some special reviewers (you know who you are) who take the time in giving me extra long reviews, an extra big hug to you all!