A/N I told you that you might have to wait a while for another update- I wasn't TOO long, was I? So here we have a whole load more angst. We got Lilly-angst, Scotty-angst, Lilly/Scotty-angst together...I hope you're prepared. And I am totally aware that they both seem out of character, but I figure her house has just burnt down, and maybe they ain't exactly thinkin' straight! :P Oh yeah, and there's a scene from FRIENDS in here too. S'mores for anyone who can tell me which episode it's from. Once again, thanks to all you loyal readers and reviewers out there! BTW, my e-mail has been playing up recently, so if you've tried messaging me, I probably haven't got it.

This chapter is dedicated to oucellogal, who welcomed a healthy baby boy on Friday! I know you might not read this, but what the hell! We're thinking of you!

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but boy what I'd give to be a fly on the wall during this chapter! I don't own FRIENDS, either. Dammit...

ab·sten·tion

1. The act or habit of deliberate self-denial.

***

Walking into his apartment, Lilly hovered uncertainly in the dimly lit main corridor until the rest of the lights had been switched on. Scotty carefully unfolded her arms, tentatively taking her hand. She glanced up at him, her eyes dark and filled with pain. He led her further into his living room. Sighing, Lilly broke free from his gentle grip and headed straight for the sofa, collapsing on the cushions and hugging her knees to her chest.

His heart broke a little with every shiver that wracked her frame, and Scotty crept towards her. He knelt down, tucking a blanket around her. Lilly's trembling subsided, and she looked up at him.

"Thanks for doing this, Scotty," she said quietly.

"No problem, Lil," he replied, moving to sit on the coffee table opposite her. Lilly stared at him, and the male detective struggled to find any signs of life in her eyes. Scotty gently tugged at the hooded sweater hanging off her thin arms.

"You wanna take a shower?"

"No."

"You smell of smoke," he whispered sadly. A flicker of something unknown appeared in her eyes for a brief second.

"I'm fine, Scotty," she answered automatically. He gave a short, humourless laugh, shaking his head.

"Yeah, an' I'm the goddamn President o' the United States!"

For the first time that evening, Lilly's eyes met his. Her voice came out in a deadly whisper.

"What do you want me to say, Scotty? You want me to tell you how scared I was? How I thought I was going to die? Because I did, Scotty. I thought I was going to die."

He swallowed the rock that was blocking his throat. She'd just torn another piece off his heart, and was sitting there with that look of defeat on her face. The male detective stood up, the sudden action making her jump.

"I'll get that shower started."

The water had started to run cold, and as she turned the tap off, it took the blonde detective a while to realise that the moisture falling from her cheeks wasn't coming from the shower head. She angrily wiped the tears away, barely concealing a small cry of pain when she brushed over her split lip. Scotty tapped on the bathroom door. Lilly jumped, her eyes widening in fear.

"Uh, Lil? I brought you some clothes."

She blinked, and reached for a towel, before slowly opening the door. Her partner stared at her in shock. The bruises on her face stood out against the stark of her skin, and her damp hair hung limply around her face. The male detective cleared his throat, blinking rapidly to fight off the tears that had appeared in his eyes.

"Here," he said hoarsely. Lilly tried to smile, but failed miserably. She clutched the towel tightly to her chest, shivering in the cool air.

"Thanks."

"There anythin' else I can get you?"

This time, Lilly's smile was real, although barely visible, and Scotty stepped closer.

"No, Scotty. You've done enough," she replied. He smiled.

"Let me have a look at your head," he said gently. Lilly slowly turned around, letting her partner examine the top of her head. His breathe was warm on the back of her neck, and the blonde detective couldn't stop the flutter that rushed through her body. His breath caught. Scotty rested his hands on her bare shoulders, his fingers dancing over her pale skin.

"You shoulda gone to the hospital," he murmured. Lilly let that go, not having the energy to fight with him. He slid his fingers down the column of her neck, feeling her flinch at the unexpected movement. Was her skin meant to look that inviting?

"Scotty..."

"I'll let you get dressed."

Before she could even think of forming a reply, he'd already shut the door, and Lilly winced at the sudden loss of heat. She sank down onto the toilet seat.

"Fuck," she whispered. Her fist was still clutching the towel to her chest. With a heavy sigh, and a slight cough, Lilly let go, watching the material fall slowly to the floor. Fuck.

She didn't smell of smoke anymore. She smelt of...him. His deodorant that lingered on the t-shirt. His soap powder that made the boxer shorts seem incredibly soft. His boxer shorts... Lilly knew her cheeks were turning pink, and self-consciously folded her arms around her waist. Hearing her in the doorway, Scotty turned, his eyes flicking to the ground and back to hers.

"How're you feelin'?" he mumbled. She nodded, moving to sit on the sofa.

"Better. Thanks."

"You hungry?"

"No."

At her quick reply, Scotty frowned.

"When was the last time you ate?" he questioned suspiciously.

"Earlier," she retorted.

"How much earlier?"

"Earlier."

Scotty sighed, pushing her discarded turkey sub and fries towards her.

"Lil, you have to eat. It ain't..."

"Dammit, Scotty, I said I'm not hungry!" Lilly snapped suddenly. The rage from earlier that evening returned in full force.

"For fuck's sake, Lil, you ain't dead yet!" he yelled. She stared at him in shock. Scotty stifled a curse, and continued in a softer voice.

"You ain't gonna kill yourself on my watch, Lilly. So you can either eat now, or I'll sit here until you do."

The moment seemed to stretch on, not unlike their argument over Chris in the precinct lobby. Much to his surprise, it was Lilly that folded first, tearing her eyes away from his and reaching for the sandwich. Scotty turned away, releasing the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding. He moved away, hearing nothing but the silence that stretched between them.

After a few seconds, the rustling of a paper bag caught his attention, and the male detective turned around. Lilly knew he was watching her, but couldn't put her finger on why it was so uncomfortable. She half-heartedly picked up a few fries, sighing as she ate them. Her mouth worked automatically, the taste sour in the back of her throat. Scotty watched her from across the room, standing against the counter with folded arms.

Feeling his gaze burning into her, Lilly blushed, keeping her eyes fixed on the coffee table.

"Why are you watching me?" she murmured.

"'Cause I'm worried about you. That's why I'm watchin' you," Scotty replied in a low voice, thinking that any louder would have seemed out of place. When Lilly finally replied, she spoke barely above a whisper.

"Don't."

"Don't what? Don't care? Don't worry? What the fuck am I not supposed to do, Lilly? 'Cause I don't know!"

She glared at him.

"I didn't ask you to care, Scotty! This is nothing new for me! Don't you remember the last guy who tried to kill me? His name was George!"

"Yeah, an' he pretty much did kill you, didn't he, Lilly?" he yelled in return. Seeing the shock on her face, he continued in a softer voice.

"Look at you, Lil. There's nothin' left. You're walkin' around here like some sorta ghost, and it's killin' me."

Lilly looked up, her eyes dull and lifeless. Surprise flitted across her face, but it was gone before he could make anything of it.

"What?"

"It's killin' me to see you like this, Lil," he said gently.

"Yeah, well now you know how I felt when Elissa died," Lilly replied harshly, "but at least there's no chance of me sleeping with your brother."

The bitter words sent another twinge of hurt through him. He should have known that the best defence was always a good offence, a trick that Lilly seemed to have mastered.

"Are we gonna start fightin' about Chris?"

"Who said anything about my sister, Valens? Why? You still holding a torch for her, even after she left you down and out?"

"Come on, Lil, don't do this now..."

"Do what?"

Scotty was quickly losing what little control he had over his temper.

"You had no right to get mad at me!" he snapped.

"What?"

"I was doing great before you warned me off sleepin' wit' Chris!"

"Hey! I was doing great before you screwed my sister! You think it was easy for me to see you with her?"

"Then you shoulda said somethin' before I met her!"

"I didn't know then!" Lilly shouted in outraged frustration, "And how come you never said anything to me?"

"There was never a good time!"

Lilly scoffed, and flung a hand in his direction.

"Right, because you only had a year, and we only saw each other every day!"

"Not...not...every day. An' it's not like I didn't try, Lil. But there was always somethin' in the way, like ADAs, or...serial killers, or...or...or ADAs."

The blonde detective narrowed her eyes.

"Hey, there was one ADA, and do you even have a point?"

"My point is that I don't need this right now! It's too late!"

"OK, so you're just gonna put away feelings or whatever the hell it is you thought you felt for me?"

"I've been doing it for two years, Lil! I'm pretty damn good at it!"

She ran a hand through her hair, taking a deep breath.

"Look, Scotty. I don't want to be here. You don't want me here. So you can just pretend I'm not. OK?" she said quietly. Something snapped inside of him. He threw his shirt onto the sofa, standing before her in nothing but his white wife-beater.

"Do you know what he does to those girls?"

Lilly froze.

"What?" she whispered, praying that he wasn't about to go down the path she thought he was.

"He chases them. Jus' like George did, Lilly. Exactly like George did. But this guy, he doesn't just shoot 'em..."

"Don't," his partner begged, tears springing to her eyes. Scotty pushed on, desperate to make her see.

"He gets 'em into a dark alley, backs them up so they can't run. An' then he hits 'em..."

"Please...stop..." Lilly pleaded, her voice cracking. He shook his head, stepping closer. I have to make her see that she ain't dead yet. That she's got a life worth livin'...

"He hits 'em so many times, Lil. An' they're screamin', but there's..."

"Scotty!" she begged.

"There's nobody there, Lilly! They can't save themselves!" her partner shouted back. Scotty never got to finish what he was about to say, as a small blonde thunderbolt suddenly flew across the room, her fists landing punches on his chest.

"You son of a bitch!" Lilly sobbed, tears streaming down her cheeks, "You son of a bitch!"

Her closed hands pounded on his upper body, and Scotty realised that maybe this time he'd gone too far. Guilt forced him to hold his tongue, to stand his ground, to endure her punches without a sound. His arms hung limply at his sides, his body swaying under her assault.

"I hate you!" his partner screamed. She was running out of energy, and with tears of his own building in the corners of his eyes, Scotty carefully pulled her towards him, enveloping her in a secure embrace. Lilly struggled against him, her fists trying to land further blows on his cotton clad chest as she repeated "I hate you!" over and over again.

Scotty folded his arms around her back, holding her tight against him. Her shouts of pure rage turned into sobs of pain and fear, and Lilly finally stopped hitting him. She clutched at his vest, her legs crumpling. Scotty loosened his arms, supporting her as she sank into his body.

"I hate you," she sobbed. He sniffed, burying his nose in her hair. The material between her fingers was soft, and the erratic thump of his heart beat was enough to calm her to her a state of gentle crying. Scotty swallowed.

"It's OK," he whispered. Her body stiffened, and Lilly stepped back from his arms. Scotty reached for her, his eyes widening in horror as his partner shrank away from him. His head was spinning. One minute she's sobbing in his arms, and the next she can't stand to touch him?

"Before you stop talkin' to me completely," he said quietly, "jus' promise me one thing, Lil."

"What?" she asked uncertainly, wiping her eyes.

"Don't run from this."

"Don't run from what?"

"From this. From us."

Lilly smiled sadly.

"I don't make promises I can't keep, Scotty."

Wanting to shake some sense into her, he grabbed her arm, his grip vice like. Lilly cried out in pain, and Scotty let her go as if her skin had burnt him. She fell back, closing her eyes against the ache.

"Jesus, Lil, I'm sorry. Oh, crap, don't..." Scotty said in a broken voice. Tears sprang to his eyes, and he disappeared into the bedroom. Taking a moment to control her trembling body, Lilly released a shaky breath, before following the same path that her partner had taken.

Slowly pushing the door open, she watched as a thing beam of light trailed across the floor. Scotty was sitting on the end of his bed, elbows resting on his knees. In the dim lighting, the blonde saw the shining trails on his cheeks, and carefully sat down beside him. Lilly linked an arm through his, and rested her cheek against his shoulder. Breathing evenly, she hugged his arm, clutching it tightly to her.

"I do need you, Scotty," she whispered sadly, "I know I should ask for help, but..."

"But what?" he pressed, his voice choked with tears. She closed her eyes, retreating into the corner of her mind.

"But I don't know how."

Dammit. I promised myself I wouldn't cry! Sigh. Oh well. My excuse for Lilly's meltdown is as follows, so pay attention: first Kite breaks up with her, then Scotty sleeps with Chris, then George happens, and now someone's trying to kill her. She was bound to snap at some point. Now that's over and done with, you just know that The Little Review People won't stop nagging me until you click the button, so...click.