Ok so sorry this is taking so long, I barely got the inspiration I needed and I figure I should really start venting out my issues here, I've been under stress and depression like i've never had and I've been moping around instead of updating so sorry to all who do read this I'm sorry and reivew so I actually do get inspiration.

Wandering

Hide

-Red

Waste away

I'm crawling blind

Hollowed by what I left inside

For you, just you

I'm caught in place

But I ignore what I can't erase

And so the lion fell in love with the lamb

What a stupid lamb

What a sick masochistic lion.

********

You don't want me

No

I awoke to that cold voice echoing in my ear. It was the same voice who spoke at the beginning but different. The voice in the beginning was warm and velvety; it was a voice I'd love to hear every morning as I awoke. That talked to me and, that I loved. But the girl he was in love with was not me. Or at least I didn't think it was me. I didn't remember ever having a conversation with any one so lovely and so cold the next second. What'd happened between them? Why'd he all of a sudden decide he didn't want her? He'd said he loved her at first and it was so true. I could hear the love and sincerity in his voice and the loving tenderness he said love and lamb.

What happened to make him say he didn't want her? It was a lie! It had to be, I could see the contradiction right there. And the girl believed him. How dumb could she be? But she did and I don't know what happened after that. Did she realize the truth? Confront him about it? What did she do?

And why did I care. I had my own problems to deal with. Whatever problems I might have but I knew I had problems. Shouldn't I?

Everyone has problems be them small or large. Yeah sure I had problems. Like maybe school.

Where did I go to school. Did I have a fight with my friend? Who was my friend? Did I forget to make dinner for my dad? Who was my dad?

Wait who am I? Now that I thought about it , I couldn't remember my name, my face, my voice. I couldn't remember anything. My mind was blank.

I slowly tired to open my eyes. If I had any and found it extremely hard. But I managed to peel them back from my eyes and stared above me. The first thing I noticed was that the ceiling was white. Pure while with little flecks of lavender here and there, like they were sprinkled on.

I groaned and sat up from the uncomfortable bed. I noticed there were wires attached to my face and arms. I pried the mask from my face of and took the one from my nose down. I was about to pull out the ones from my wrists when an unnaturally cold hand peeled my hand away from the tube.

"Whoa there Bella, not those, you could hurt yourself." A tingling voice chased me softly. I looked up to meet a pain of golden with teal blue rimed eyes. The hair framing that pale ivory face was chocolate brown. Her features were worried and a bit relieved.

"Who is Bella?" I questioned feeling like an idiot. I felt like I should know her but didn't.

"Bella?" The girl questioned again. I looked at her oddly. Who was she and why was she with me? Did I know her?

"Who are you? Where am I...? Who am I?" I questioned, each more panicked than the next. I was going to explode if I didn't get some answers. I felt like I might literally explode.

"Bella, it's me Nina. Don't you remember me?" she asked placing her cold hand on my arm. I backed away.

"No." I replied. Who was Bella? Was that me? Is that my name?

"I'm your friend Bella don't you remember me? Your name is Bella, Isabella Marie Swan. But you prefer Bella, I don't know why? But you always correct someone who calls you Isabella. You met me a few months ago. You said you ran away from home. Because you didn't want to cause your father anymore pain and don't you remember me?" She started rambling seeing how confused I was she kept going hoping she would strike something in me but my mind was blank. Not hurt my father? Was I a bad kid? What did I do? Bella. That sounded right. I didn't see myself as Isabella but Bella was homey. Familiar. I like the sound of it.

"Don't you remember anything, Me? Shin? E-Edward? The Cu-Cullens." She continued pausing before the third name. She surveyed my face before she continued as if I would double over any moment she said that name. But I didn't know it, I couldn't place them.

"No." I replied looking down at my pale hands. They were so thin and frail looking. I flexed them. They felt stiff. As if I'd been asleep for a very long time.

"Oh my- " the girl gasped placing a hand over her mouth. She looked like she was about to cry but couldn't. She looked down and back up to me her strange golden eyes with the teal circle around the pupil were analyzing me.

"My name is Nina, I'm your friend and I'm a vampire." She said as if that was the most ordinary thing to tell your friend. What was she crazy? Did she honestly think I would believe her when she told me she was a vampire. They didn't exist. So I did the only thing I could do. I laughed.

It felt odd, foreign. It was as if I'd never laughed in my entire laugh and it felt free and light. I felt like I could do anything in the world right now.

"Bella?" Nina looked at me like I'd grown a third head. It made me edgy. Like I shouldn't be doing it or like I didn't normally laugh. But that was absurd. Everyone laughed didn't they. Well apparently not me. I mean it did feel foreign but and she did look at me as if I were an alien.

What kind of sorry person was I? Who didn't laugh? Ran away from home and made their parents sad.

"What?" I asked her getting more irritated by the second. Not at her at me. What kind of person was I? And what happened to make me forget everything.

"No it's just- never mind. And I'm serious about the vampire thing. You're the one who told me after all." She started again more comfortable. Like her theory had been proven and she wanted to start fresh.

"What am I crazy?" I questioned her not really believing her. It was crazy absolute nonsense.

"No not quite. But here let me show you." She got up from her seat and in a flash she was gone and to my right in a heart beat. She then disappeared and reappeared with a book in her hand and then she threw it across the room with such strength the book shattered into shreds.

"Heyy! What'd the book ever do to you?" I felt an absolute ridiculous pity for the book. It never had a chance. And I believed her but I didn't feel at all scared. Like I was really the one who told her in the first place.

"Sorry it was the first thing I found." She apologized as if she'd realized it was a book.

"Well you made your point so what now?" I was at a loss. I didn't know who she was, I didn't know who I was and I still pitied the girl who'd lost her true love. The stupid lamb.

"Bella I know this must be very confusing to you and I don't have many answers for you. You never really told me much about your past only when I forced it out of you and I don't really think you'd want those memories. They were painful for you." She continued retaking her seat and staring at me like I was going to double over crying at any second.

"I see…… well painful memories are not really healthy so I'll stay away from them for now. I make new ones. Not like I hade much to go on if I ran away from home it must have been bad." I told her smiling. My muscles felt like they were foreign. So unused. Wow I really didn't have a good life. Well I'd better start fresh.

"I think that great Bella. I'll go call Janet and tell her your awake." She smiled at me seeming genuinely pleased I was going to move on from whatever I was mourning. She left in a heartbeat and came back with a beautiful goddess that would put every woman on the whole planet jealous from just looking at her face. Forget her body they would be steaming mad.

"Hello Bella, I'm Janet Beatrice Raze. I'm a doctor of sorts." She was so beautiful I could only stare. Her midnight black hair waved naturally and she had a kind face. Her golden eyes searched my body as her hands probed my head after she'd asked my permission to perform a physical exsam. When she was done she straightened her figure and looked at me seriously.

"I hear you've lost your memory? What was the last thing you remember?" she questioned taking out a small note pad from her white doctor coat. I thought. What was the last thing I remember?

"Water, lots and lots of water and then a crack and blank….." said an image of water dancing before my eyes and then black.

"Hm. Well when we found you, you were drowning and you had a fracture in your skull about two bullet wounds near your heart and a broken leg." Wow. What had I done tried to commit suicide. Seemed likely since Nina looked at me like I was about to loose it.

"Wow." It was all I could say. I couldn't believe I was still alive. By All Intents and purposes I should be dead.

"Yes you should be," I turned toward the source of the voice and noticed the male was tall and lean. He wasn't built at all, though by his muscle shirt I could see he was lankly built, he had soft small muscles that were very attractive. His hair was long and covered most of his right eye. He was beautiful, yes behind the dark and gloomy exterior he had a beautiful face, a face like……….. I clutched my head in pain and tried hard not to cry out.

In that instant a face popped into my mind, and the moment it did my head started to pound. I bit my lip as I forced the memory out of my mind and tired to ease the throbbing in my skull. I heard Nina and Janet ask questions and flutter about me worriedly. I assured them through my teeth that I was fine that it would pass.

And it was, magically the pain had evaporated as well as the memory. I turned to look at the strange gloomy boy and he looked as if he were in massive amounts of pain, emotional pain. But in that instant it was gone and he looked dead. His face was void of any emotion. His face was sad and fallen. Like he had been kicked in the face and all he ever wanted was love.

He turned to look at me with those dull lifeless ocher eyes and then turned around and walked away.

"Shin! Where are you going? Hey!!" Nina called after him. She turned apologetically to me and ran after him. For some reason I felt like she was connect to him whether she like it or not, whether she like it or not.

"He wasn't always a gloomy person you know." Janet stared after her brother.

" He laughed once, and cried and was normal. You see we lived in the Middle Ages, it was a very backwards place, and he was the man of the house when my father went off to war.

But before all that he was happy and normal. He was Shin. He had a girlfriend in the Middle Ages, she was beautiful, well the most in the "land" as they would put it. She was a how would you say this, she was a slut, she was rotten but he wouldn't see it." Janet was lost in another time and I listened. I wanted to know why that boy was so gloomy.

"He had a way of looking past the evil in people and noticing the good only. It didn't make her any less civil. She whored around and when my family confronted him about it he would yell and tell us not to be so judgmental," she continued looking lost in a happy memory but it ended as she continued.

"He though she was a saint because she "fell" for him. But he didn't know she was using him and sleeping around with his friends. Every single one of them even his best friend. He was a special kid, he had a gift for finding the darkness in people and healing them. Like what we would call counseling but much, much stronger. It was like he took all their burdens and purified them took them into himself." I thought about what she said about him how all the sadness I felt would just evaporate and just now how he turned from looking gloomy to dead.

"She used him. Hung onto him to make herself feel better about whoring around for drugs. They existed back then just not like we know them today, it was more like alcohol and herbs. Well one day he caught her in bed with his best friend and he was distraught, he really thought he loved her."

"After that my father had to go off to war and we were left. He was left with the charge and he turned really negative, he could take the pain away from my mother, worrying about dad all the time but he didn't filter in anymore, it's like all the joy he had was just sucked out of him and he was left hollow. When dad we found out our parents had turned into vampires and they gave us the choice to join them when we grew older, Shin had automatically said no. He was dead set against it until I finally convinced him to turn with us.

He's never been really happy with me because I used the guilt trip on him but I wanted him to have happiness once again. I didn't want him to die and never have gotten to know happiness like when he was younger." Janet was so sucked into her story that I think she forgot about me. My heart was breaking as I heard the story. He sounded like a really put together guy and that whore just had to come and ruin it. I looked after the door and wondered if he could get over it and more on with his life.

I found it hard to believe I mean that was in the Middle Ages and he still wasn't even a tad happy. He must have really been in love with him.

"But the thing is, he didn't truly love her, I don't think he ever really loved her, I think he just felt for her. I see his relationship with her and then compare it to mine and Rino's and I know he never loved her. He just thinks he did" she smiled forlornly at me. I though about it and I felt like there was a stronger love. And he was just mourning a broken heart. I felt he was the kind of person that didn't let go of grudges very easily and this must have really hurt him.

"That was his first love wasn't it?" I questioned as she turned to look at me for a second and then smiled forlornly. I nodded. First love's are always the sweetest…….wait how would I know that?

"Yes and his only so far." She muttered looking at my vitals and then injected something into my IV.

"I know you barely woke up but you need to rest all this action has been too much and you should get some rest." She spoke and I was already fading. Dreaming about that beautiful couple that I could only hear. And I thought about Shin.

"He'll get over it, I have a feeling there was a reason why me and Nina were in the woods that day, and why it was only her he bit. I have a feeling those two….." I started to drift off but I know she heard me and I had the feeling she agreed.

again I'm sorry this is so late, push the button you know you want to , and listen to sad music this chapter i guess

Red is an awesome band, i got introduced to them by an author with a badd ass story, if you like drama's read Fight Inside by ReachingAsIFall

that is a great story it is rated M for those who will look for it but it doesnt' have any lemons, it's just language and not even that extreme and trust me and read this story it is freaking awesome it is and au but it is good!