Disclaimer: Not mine
A/N: Okay, LOTS AND LOTS of JOHN/RODNEY FLUFF in this one! And I mean it!!! You have been warned!^^
Oh and John might seem a bit off character here but remember, he is just realizing that he seems to have feelings for his best friend and he is totally out of his depths here and the poor boy is confused and scared and...well you get the idea don't you?! XD Have fun! And I love your reviews!!!
8. That's what I am here for
All his anger and resentment were instantly forgotten when Sheppard realized that the explosion had taken place in the rear compartment of the malfunctioning Puddle Jumper. The Puddle Jumper in which Rodney had disappeared just some minutes earlier. And hadn't come out yet. 'God.'
Luckily, it seemed that it had been just a small explosion; there was a light tremor running through the Jumper and even the scientists, who had been in the close proximity of the Jumper, just jumped a bit in surprise. The only real obvious indication that there had happened something at all, had been the noise: a loud bang which had been thrown back from the walls, almost deafening the bystanders.
And while almost everyone breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that it could have been so much worse, Johns blood ran cold.
A look at the Czech, standing in the middle of the Bay with a shocked and grief-stricken expression, was all John needed to know. Rodney had been still in there and while the explosion hadn't done much harm outside, there was no telling how bad it had been in there.
In there...and Rodney had been in there and...
John snapped out of his morbid thoughts and realized that he was still staring at the open rear hatch and the fine traces of smoke that were coming out of it. "Damnit!" He sprinted towards the Jumper, Ronon and Teyla hot on his heels, and radioed for help.
"Sheppard to Infirmary" He didn't care that he screamed into his mic like a madman.
"Aye Colonel, what is it?" Carson sounded wary, like he feared another screaming fit. And John really didn't care about that either, because he was just damn lucky that it had been Carson to answer his plea for help, the only doctor Rodney trusted. And John for that matter too.
"We need a medical team in the Jumper Bay. There was an explosion and Rodney he..." he swallowed hard suddenly unable to continue.
He didn't need to.
"We'll be there in five minutes."
Sheppard couldn't help the ghost of a smile that hushed over his face. When Carson said five it usually meant two minutes. The man must have been a long-distance runner in a past life.
While Sheppard had informed Carson, they had reached the damaged Jumper and he could have screamed in relief, when he saw that the explosion, indeed, had been much smaller than the noise would have indicated.
A panel to his left looked like it had been burst open from the inside and the otherwise polished crystals were now dull and broken. The opposite wall and floor were burned black but it seemed that nothing was on fire anymore. Altogether it didn't looked as nearly as bad as it smelled and if John knew Rodney, this baby would fly again in less than a week.
John almost choked on his relief when he finally spotted him in the cockpit.
On the floor. Unconscious. Bleeding.
John felt something clench inside of him. He had always cared greatly for his teammembers and felt responsible for them, but this was different. This feeling of helplessness and... defeat was new. More intense than anything else he had ever felt before when someone got injured on his watch.
His whole being, his whole mind, was focused solely on the prone body lying motionless on the floor. In a matter of seconds he was kneeling besides Rodney, checking for a pulse, a constant prayer running through his head 'pleasegodpleasegodpleasegod'.
He duly noted the incredulous look Teyla gave him when she positioned herself on Rodneys other side while Ronon waited outside, making sure that there were no unwanted gawpers. But he didn't even consider that he, just maybe, had uttered some of the things, that were running through his head, aloud.
When he finally felt a strong, if a bit fast, pulse, he thought he was going to break down, there and then.
Somewhere in his mind he realized, that he had never reacted this strong and emotional before and that it was a bit frightening, but just then Rodney stirred under his touch. The following pain filled groan was the most awful and wonderful thing John had ever heard. A few seconds later Rodney opened glazed blue eyes, just to shut them again with a gentle moan on his lips.
"Come on Rodney! You have to stay awake!"
The eyes remained closed but Rodney answered, slurred and whispering. "M' awake, moron"
Sheppard had to smile and retracted his hand, which had still been on Rodneys neck. "Good. How are you feeling."
Rodney opened his eyes once more and although they were glazed and unfocused, Sheppard was glad to see the familiar spark of irritation burning in them. "What d'you think?" He winced and squeezed his eyes shut. "Headache."
Teyla laid a soothing hand on Rodneys forehead, carefully avoiding the bloody gash on his left temple, murmuring that everything would be fine. When he saw how Rodney relaxed under her touch, Sheppard regretted that he had retreated his own hand so quickly.
"You probably have a concussion Rodney. Do not move too much. Dr. Beckett is on his way."
Rodney smiled hazily at her and she smiled back, still caressing his forehead.
While Sheppard watched the tender exchange he couldn't help but feel utterly useless. Teyla was the one with the soft spot, tending to the injured and calming them until help arrived. Always had. Sheppard on the other hand, was the one who kept them moving when the enemies were nearer than the help. Now, he could do nothing more than wait and watch, while Teyla stayed with Rodney. It wouldn't be the first time and it certainly had never bothered him.
But it did now.
"Teyla seems to have everything under control. I'll wait outside with Ronon for Beckett." And he didn't sound bitter. He didn't.
But before he could stand up, a hand grabbed his and he looked down to see that Rodneys eyes were wide open and trained on him with so much pleading in them that it took Johns breath away.
"Don' go. 'lease." His voice was small and insecure and Sheppard was sure that Rodney must have been more out of it than they thought. As a matter of fact, Rodneys eyes dropped shut again and when the strong grip on his hand loosened, Sheppard knew that he had succumbed to unconsciousness once more.
But before Rodneys hand could fall down, Sheppard grabbed it in both of his and held it tightly in his lap. To hell with Teylas surprised and intrigued stares. All that mattered now was the hand in his and the warmth of it, spreading through his whole body.
When Carson arrived two minutes later, he was still holding it.
The first things Rodney became aware of were the noises.
A vast variety of different bleeps that were instantly annoying him into more conciousness. Unfortunately so. Because now, even voices could break through the jumble of cotton in his head. And with the voices came the headache. The headache from hell, to be precise. 'Where are the happy drugs when you need them?'
One of the annoying bleeps quickened and suddenly there were hands all over him and a certain Scottish voice pierced through the pain.
"Come on, lad. We now you're awake. Open yer eyes."
"Do I have to?" he asked, or more, tried to ask, because all he managed was a pathetic croak.
"You want something to drink, you have to open yer eyes."
Rodney would have given everything to rant about evil voodoo and one doctor being his own personal nemesis, but his throat was so damn dry and his head hurt like a truck had kept driving over it, so he decided to postpone that to the next time. And wasn't it most telling that he was already thinking about his next visit to the infirmary?
He cracked his eyes open with much more effort than he would have liked, only to shut them again immediately when a bright light blended him. He had never understood, why Carson was so obsessed with the idea of blinding him with his penlight.
"God Cars'n..." he croaked but before he could aggravate his throat further, a straw was placed against his lips and he drank the cool liquid greedily. Maybe Carson wasn't that bad, after all...
He must have dozed off after that, because when he fought his eyes open once again, warily, Carson (and his light of doom) were nowhere to be seen. Instead his blurred vision settled on John. The Colonel was slouched in the chair next to Rodney, his feet popped up on his bed, reading "War and Peace". Still.
'Like always.' Rodney thought sleepily. Aloud he greeted him with a meek "Hey.", pleasantly surprised that his voice sounded much better.
Sheppard looked up and put the the book aside, without even marking the page he had been reading. No wonder he had to start all over again every so often.
"Hey." he echoed and the lack of any smart-ass comment to lighten the mood made Rodney shift uneasily on the bed. Why was the Colonel so serious?
"What happened?"
Sheppard blinked in surprise. "You don't remember?" And why the hell did he sound disappointed?
Rodney closed his eyes for a few moments. Did he remember? Well, he clearly remembered every single embarrassing detail of the incident with Dr. Atlas. He remembered how he didn't want to go to the Jumper Bay, to check out Lt. Connolly, but beeing, more or less, dragged there anyway. He remembered Radeks dishevelled appearance and the malfunctioning Jumper and...oh.
His eyes shot open immediately. "The explosion!" He patted himself up and down to search for any missing limbs. "I'm still complete!"
Sheppard grinned broadly at him. "Well physically maybe, but mentally...?" Rodney didn't bother with an answer. He was just too relieved that his prayers had actually worked to mind his insults right now.
Surviving an explosion could do that to you.
Suddenly Carson appeared out of nowhere and Rodney bit down on his tongue in an attempt not to squeal. Was the man levitating or what? "Don't listen to him Rodney." he chastised but his smile spoke volumes. "You have a concussion and a gash on your head. Luckily, it didn't need stiches. You'll have a mighty headache though..." While Carson checked the readings and his IV line, Rodney fingered the dressing on his temple and winced. The headache, he already knew about.
"And after that?" Rodney was momentarily lost at Sheppards question.
"After what?"
"Do you remember what happened after the explosion?" Sheppard sounded almost wary.
Something happened after the explosion? He actually just thought that he had been unconscious the whole time, before waking up here. When he thought about it, he thought he remembered Sheppard, leaning over him in the Puddle Jumper. But the memory was too blurry to be sure. "No, nothing more." He cast a glance at Sheppard and...what was it with the Colonel and disappointed looks lately anyway?
Something was definitely not right!
The following silence between the three men unsettled Rodney even more, so he made a move to sit up. "Where are my clothes."
Carson however, pushed him down again without much effort. "Where do you think you are going?" His patient voice sounded forced.
"I have things to do! The Jumper won't repair itself you know?!" Rodney, once again, made a move to sit up but sudden nausea and piercing pain behind his left eye stopped him cold. Tears threatened to fall so he covered his eyes with his right arm to maintain the last bit of dignity he still had.
"Ow..." he muttered, feeling miserable and sorry for himself.
Carson managed to sound both exasperated and sympathetic. "See? You should stay here. At least one night for observation, okay?"
Rodney knew that it wasn't really a question. That he had lost this argument the moment he had sunken back in pain. Carson just offered him to make it look like it was his decision to stay and he gratefully took it.
To be honest, he really didn't feel too hot.
"I guess a night won't kill me." he drawled with annoyance he didn't really feel. He kept his arm over his eyes, not needing to see their knowing smirks. His headache was already bad enough.
"Okay." Carson sounded really pleased with himself. "I'll have te wake you every four hours, you know the drill right?"
"Yeah." Right now Rodney hated his life. With passion.
"I can do that!"
Rodneys fogged brain needed a few seconds to recognize Sheppards voice and some more to assemble the meaning behind his words.
"Well, don't ye have other things to do?" Carson sounded wary, but Sheppard seemed to have shaken his head no. "That would be nice, Colonel. I have had a double shift and am mighty tired and many of the nurses wanted to go to the movie night... You really wouldn't mind, lad?"
"No, not at all. It'll be fun, right McKay?"
Rodney wanted to tell him that he considered other things fun but suddenly someone took his hand, the one that wasn't thrown over his face. Carson tended to do that sometimes, to reassure his patients, but Carson stood on his other side...
He peeked from under his arm and...
'Oh my god, Sheppard holds my hand!'
He felt his face grow hot and the dizziness returned with a vengeance but for completely different, more pleasant, reasons. He pressed his face tightly into the crook of his arm and wondered if Sheppard even knew what he was doing.
"Rodney?" Sheppards voice sounded much nearer now, but that wasn't the reason why his heart almost exploded; it was the little squeeze Sheppard had given his hand ('Oh yeah, absolutely knows what he is doing') while he repeated his question. "It'll be fun right?"
Not being able to do much of anything, Rodney just shrugged and breathed a shaky "Sure."
Carson seemed to mistake his subdued manners for a sign of pain. "Bad headache?"
Although he didn't really feel the headache anymore, just the hand holding his, Rodney nodded, not able to describe the thousand feelings that stirred in his stomache, not one of them even remotely similar to pain.
"Allright lad. I think I can give you a light painkiller. It should help you to sleep until your first wake-up call." With that Carson inserted something into Rodneys IV line, patted him on the leg and bid his goodbye. If he had noticed the joined hands, he didn't show it.
The meds didn't take long to kick in and Rodney felt himself getting drowsy. And although his body began to get numb, the arm was still stubbornly glued to his face. Rodney just refused to take it down while Sheppard still held his hand, running little circles with his thumb over its back to soothe him. Refused to let Sheppard see what this act of friendship was doing to him, how much he loved the feeling of Johns skin on his. He would never risk their friendship like that. Would never risk loosing John like that.
So he just lay there, drowning in Johns presence, while he waited for sleep to claim him. His hand was still safely secured in Johns when he finally succumbed to unconsciousness, Johns warmth the last thing he felt.
What he didn't feel was the hand that was seconds later running through his hair.
True to his word, Sheppard woke him about four hours later. This time the first Rodney noticed was the lack of Johns hand in his and it suddenly felt oddly empty. When he opened his eyes the infirmary was dimly lit and, except for him and John, deserted. "Where is everyone?"
"Movie night started an hour ago. It's just you, me and the lovely nurse Madow tonight" Sheppards voice dripped with sarcasm. Madow was everything, but not 'lovely'. A real dragon in white. "She'll be in the office, doing inventory the better part of the night." He didn't have to say it, but Rodney heard the unspoken 'Thank God' just fine anyway.
"Oh man," he cursed. "The one night I actually could attent movie night in a long while, I have to blow myself up! That's just peachy!"
Sheppard chuckled. "Well I guess you are okay." Rodney glared at him. He was far from okay. Did this guy ever listen?
"I mean," Sheppard elaborated, "I was supposed to ask you some questions, you know like where we are, to see if you were still the genius we all know and love. But I guess you are alright if you can still bitch about a missed movie night."
"Oh puh-lease! I'd even know where we are with my head off."
Sheppard smirked at Rodneys confidence. "Sure Answer-man." he drawled, "Go back to sleep and we can test that theorie in exactly four hours. If you like." Rodney sat up against the pillow and winced when the movement sent a new wave of spikes through his skull. "Can't" he muttered sullenly. "I'm fully awake now. Thanks to you."
Sheppard raised his hands in defense with the "I'am-so-innocent" look on his face. "Hey, that's what I am here for, remember?"
'Yeah, you are," Rodney thought "I just don't understand why?' He would have liked to ask but he dreaded the answer.
"Well as long as you are awake we could use the time to discuss a few things." Sheppard sounded really somber and it made Rodney queasy. "Discuss?" he repeated. Sheppard nodded gravely and looked around the room to see if they were still alone. "About your admirer." He hestitated a bit. "And Connolly."
First, Rodney didn't understand, but suddenly it made click. "Oh no Colonel! You can't really believe that!"
Sheppards face told him he could.
"I thought we wanted to convince Ronon that it wasn't Connolly and now you team up with him?" Rodney couldn't quite understand why he reacted so angry. Maybe because he had, after much back and forth, finally decided for himself that it was, after all, just a goddamn joke gone sour. That another person had been on the mainland lately, a person who got a kick out of sending him fake love letters. He was even willing to consider that Dr. Atlas and Lt. Corrin had thought up this prank after a night with too much beer, thinking that it would be some nice team bonding. Heck, he even thought that maybe Connolly had been the wisecracker, punishing him for something he didn't remember anymore. Honestly, when you scream at a dozen people per day, you just loose track. It even explained the odd behaviour of the Lieutnant in the Bay. Not a leering smile, but a gloating one. Yeah, he had plenty of explanations at hand and he was content with every single one of them. But Sheppard just couldn't let it go, could he? He was like a bloodhound, jumping from one conclusion to another and Rodney was fed up with it, wanting nothing more than just forget the whole thing and get on with his life.
"Rodney," Sheppard tried to sound patient, but failed miserably, "you said yourself that it isn't Atlas and Corrin obviously isn't your secret admirer either. That just leaves Connolly."
Rodney wasn't feeling like explaining his change of heart or recounting his many other explanations to the Colonel, so he just said: "I just don't believe that there is a secret admirer at all Colonel. I believe that it is just a joke and that it will stop in time if we ignore it."
"Damnit Rodney!" Sheppard exploded. He jumped from his chair and began to pace. "This isn't about what you believe! This is about what the facts say and the facts are that someone sends you disconcerting love letters and flowers. That someone manipulated the video feed to do so undetected. This isn't just a stupid prank that will disappear just because you want it to. Why are you so careless about this?"
Rodney was a bit flustered by the Colonels sudden outburst. He hadn't seen him this angry for a long time and just because of...him?
"And why do you care so much about this?" He had tried to sound accusing, so he couldn't explain why his voice sounded so small instead. Like he couldn't explain the genuine surprise on Sheppards face. And he sure couldn't explain why Sheppard regarded with the same expression on his face, like he had done in his lab earlier that day, after reading the second note.
'For a genius, I am quite clueless sometimes.'
After a few tense seconds Sheppard lowered his head, sighed rather dramatically and lowered himself on Rodneys bed, close enough for his butt to actually brush Rodneys thigh. It took Rodney everything not to recoil from the touch (not because he didn't like it, but because he liked it too much) and even more not to squeal in shock and delight when Sheppard placed a casual hand on said thigh and leaned forward so that their faces were just a few inches apart.
"I just don't want that something happens to you. I care about you Rodney." The last bit was said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Rodney felt himself heat up (again) at those words and his headache disappeard. Funny, how Sheppard seemed to be better than any painkiller Carson could give him...
"I-I, I care about you too." 'Oh god Rodney that was so lame! Could you have been more obvious? He must think that you are a complete jerk!'
Sheppard didn't seem to think so. And instead of pulling away in disgust like Rodney had feared, he smiled that disarming smile of his and... oh boy, but was he actually coming closer?
Rodney, too mesmerized by the hazel eyes staring into his to comprehend what was happening, moved closer on his own wanting to reach, to feel, to touch. And still, Sheppard didn't pull away, just tightened his hold on Rodneys thigh as if wanting to make sure that Rodney wouldn't disappear. A part of him screamed at Rodney that this was what he had wished for so long and that there would be no turning back when he let this happen. But he surpressed this part of him immediately. He didn't want to care about the future right now. Right now there was just John and his hand on him. There were just the hazel eyes and there was just Johns mouth, so close to his, that Rodney felt his breath on his lips. And there was just...
"Hey Rodney, I hope you don't mind a late guest?"
Elizabeth.
They pulled apart so fast that Sheppard almost fell from the bed rather than jumping and Rodneys headache reached full force under the sudden motion once more. But it hurt more to see how Sheppard brought needlessly much space between them and wouldn't even meet his eyes. He roughly pushed it aside, knowing that he would have done the same, wouldn't he be confined to bed, and concentrated instead on Elizabeth.
Elizabeth didn't seem to notice Johns weird behaviour, judging by the carefree smile on her face. "How are you doing Rodney?" she asked, coming to a stop in front of him.
"Doing fine Elizabeth." She frowned at his uncharacteristically subdued response but he just couldn't concentrate on anything else than the burning imprint on his thigh. Like Johns hand was still there.
So it was Sheppard who noticed them first.
"Elizabeth... where did you get them from?"
The choked question catched Rodneys attention and he finally took a closer look and almost fell out of the bed himself.
Elizabeth had brought him a dozen flowers. Purple flowers. Disturbingly familiar purple flowers.
Her face lit up when she looked at the bunch lying in her arms. "Oh these?" she asked. "Aren't they quite beautiful. I think Dr. Brown named them 'Extolia'." She frowned at Rodneys shocked expression. "I know you are cautious because of your allergies, but you are in an infirmary! I'm sure you'll be fine." Without another word she thrusted them into Rodneys arms and he took them, too perplexed to do much else.
"B-But you weren't on the mainland, were you?"
She glanced at Sheppard, as if asking him if Rodney was really alright. When she saw the same puzzled expression on his face, she said: "How? I don't have time for vacations. Dr. Brown grows them on a balcony in the west part of the city. She just wanted a little bed because she can't go to the mainland as often as she would like to. But they were spreading more and more. Actually she believes that they are some kind of weed. Pretty weed, but weed nonetheless, so she allowed everyone to pick some. It's quite amazing: you pick them today and tomorrow the gab is already filled again."
Rodney was confused. There was an "All-you-can-pick bed" and neither John nor he knew about that? "Why didn't we know about this?"
"Well it wasn't a city wide announcement. Katie told some of her friends about it and they told others. I guess it just didn't filter down to you yet."
Sheppard looked as sick as Rodney felt. "So, you are telling me that everyone can just pick those flowers when they feel like it, without having to ask?"
"Yeah, that's what I mean." Her curious expression morphed into a frown, the leader in her sensing that something wasn't right. "Why are you asking me all this? What is wrong?"
But John and Rodney didn't listen anymore but just stared at each other until Rodney broke the silence, voicing what they both thought.
"Shit."
A/N: Oh my, I am a bitch aren't I? LOL Back to square one...or not? Hmmm...I don't know... *evil snicker*
Thanks again to Wapeci for the name of the flowers! I like it very much!^^
Wow, that was a monster of a chapter...my longest one until now but it just wrote itself, I couldn't stop it!
Can I ask you a question? Is it weird that I am already "mentally" writing the sequel? Don't worry though, I will definitely finish this one before I post anything else (except for One-shots maybe, should the plot bunny attack me) So, I promised you fluff and you got it...at least I hope. At the rate the two are going I guess it should say 'slash' in the description and not just 'pre-slash'...although I don't think that I am ready to write something grafic...maybe in the sequel? XD
So, I gave you a lenghty chapter, major Mcshep fluff and a little twist! Now I want you to review like mad, so we can crack the 30 reviews mark!!! I won't write another one before we pull this off...No no just kidding! But seriously, (*hard stare*) review! LOL