Chapter Four

January 7th 2167

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Raindrops fall slowly onto the ground. They are heavy and wet, making a funny splashing sound as they hit the floor below. Shepard is holding out her left arm. An illogical memory at the back of her head tells her not to. You shouldn't operate machines out in the rain. She remembers Ray yelling at her for playing in the rain and fixing up navigator boxes outside.

But she knows this time it's okay. Not all omni-tools are waterproof, but hers is. Hers is safe to be worn up to fifty feet underwater. It won't actually work underwater, of course. But it won't break.

It's top of the line. She is very happy with it.

So far her little arm has been held out in the rain for five minutes. The limb is starting to hurt in two places but it amuses her terrifically to see the fat droplets falling through the orange hologram. She is trying to figure out if the drops really are distorting the orange lines a little bit as they pass through or whether it's her imagination. It could be an optical illusion, she thinks, and she really wants to see the lines distort. She's probably fooling herself. She does that sometimes.

When she eventually gets bored with this game, she walks over to the front door of the garage and presses some buttons on the bright display. The door makes a supplicant beep and opens for her. When she has walked inside she presses the same buttons and the door closes. The latch snaps shut. This is wonderful. She can lock and unlock the door without touching it. She will never touch that door again.

The omni-tool cost her a lot of money. Now, after two weeks of not touching the door, she has finally come to consider it a mistake. But she doesn't want to dwell on that. Everyone makes mistakes, and she still isn't ready to think negative thoughts. She has had enough unpleasantness and she isn't doing very well running the garage by herself.

Ray didn't have any insurance because he wasn't expecting to get sick. But his money passed to Shepard, so she had a big lump sum. More than half has gone on the omni-tool, though. She used to justify it to herself by saying that the tool would help her make repairs. It did make some work quicker and she has learned to use most of its functions, but she still isn't making enough to pay the rent. Nobody wants to entrust their repairs to a little girl. Not even the regulars and Ray's friends. In truth, she can't blame them.

Thinking about things like the rent and finding work is too hard. She isn't ready for it. She's been under a lot of pressure and it's too much for her. She shouldn't have to do this. It's completely unfair. These were things Ray took care of. Now she appreciates how well he looked after her a lot more, but she doesn't want to think about that either.

As she sits down to eat her salmon, she can't quite convince herself that it is appetising. She holds a knife and fork, her omni-tool still switched on, but doesn't want to eat. It is cold now. The speckled white and grey rivulets of fat sitting on top of it look awful. On top of it all, this particular fish now serves as a morbid reminder of her old employer. She doesn't know why she thought it would be a good idea to buy some. She can't afford it anyway.

Sometimes she acts her age and accepts these things. Buying that salmon was a ridiculous idea and she had known it from the start. The omni-tool was a colossal waste of money, and there was no way in hell she could run a repair shop by herself. When she thinks like this, thinks clearly, everything seems very straight-forward and easy. But it never lasts. She finds herself distracted too easily, or she eventually has to sleep and when she wakes up it's all gone. Taking a bath makes her feel good, but she gets dirty again soon.

The mental clarity has already dissipated now. Once again, she is alone and without anyone to tell her what to do next. She doesn't know how long she will be living here, or where she should go or who she should ask, and it scares her. She wishes she had never left the Landing. Maybe they would take her back. Maybe not. She presses the buttons without looking at them and the lock slides open again.

When she is outside, Shepard tries a new trick. What if she were to cup some water from a puddle in her hand and drop it onto the orange hologram? Would anything happen? Maybe the light will reflect off the water, or something, and it will look twisted, like in those funny mirrors. She tries it but nothing impressive happens. The water just pours through. It glistens a little, like liquid gold, and it looks nice, but nothing else happens. Never mind. The tool has tons of other uses. According to the lengthy instruction list, this model is similar to the devices that soldiers and colonists are issued with. She thinks these people are lucky to be given such a great toy for free. The thought makes her smile a little.

A thought from her subconscious finds voice in an absent mumble. Maybe she can get another job working for a mechanic? That would be good. Well, it would be boring, but she would have someone to look after her. She liked that about Ray. Some of the people at the Landing looked after her too, but never enough.

She hadn't known Ray for long, so it seems wrong somehow that she misses him this much. She thinks she is dwelling on it too much. Sometimes Shepard forgets Ray is dead and calls his name when she is cooking or trying to fix the one job she has left. She isn't doing very well with it.

This is all much too hard. She wants to go far away. Wants to make a big move and start a new life. She is aware that she is thinking childishly again. She has to grow up, but it would be nice to start again. Again, again. She has been a kid in the Landing and she has been a mechanic here. And she was good at being both of those things, but she wants to be something else now instead. If only she knew what, things would be okay. She wants to move again. This time she wants to see another part of the country. Maybe she could go South and watch the people there. She likes getting to know people, learning about them. A new set of people would be good.

And then Shepard has the best idea she has had all day. It makes her laugh to think of it and mentally chastise herself for not having realised sooner.

Concentrating more than is necessary, she gently lowers her arm to the ground. As the holographic mesh glove hits the puddle, it refracts and shoots off at weird angles. The display is mostly two dimensional.

Success! She tries to press a few buttons but nothing happens. She's just putting her fingers in the water. It doesn't matter; she has made the omni-tool display look funny. Fantastic. In an instant she grows tired of the activity and switches the device off. She would've had to switch it off before she went to bed anyway. She likes to rest her head on her hands at night.

Shepard decides to go back inside. It's cold and she's getting tired. She will find something to do for a while until she is so exhausted that sleep is her only option. She is good at killing time. As she comes back through the door she has to reactivate the omni-tool in order to close the door. It is a pain, but once she is done she switches it off again for good.

After running a bath, Shepard starts crying. The convulsions stop after a while and she gets a hold of herself. She's really scared and there is no-one who has tried to help her. It's her own fault. They all think she's so smart and mature that she can take care of herself. It used to be true, but now she is really stuck. The depression fades soon and she bathes a little longer.

She will try and find a job with another mechanic. If she can't, she'll try some other town. When she gets settled, she will be fine and she will have a new boss and new friends. A new adventure.

That's the best thing to do.