Disclaimer: Not mine

Warnings: a little bit bad and occasionally vulgar language!!!!

A/N: So I know from your reviews that many of you are exited about angry/Rodney in this one and there IS angry/Rodney but there is also a very very depressed/ and down/Rodney so he may seem a bit OOC in this situation and I hate to think that my Rodney gets too OOC (something I'm afraid is steadily happening) but I had to take the risk, for reasons you will hopefully understand in later chapters! But because of this I can't decide if I really like this chapter...or really don't! Do I take too much liberties with the characters or is this just my insecure self that's raising its ugly head?

Please remember that your opinions and tips can make this fic only better! So please keep reviewing because I'm getting addicted!^^

-Previously on "Ship of Fools"-

"Yeah, he did it again!"

"That's bad." Elizabeth observed simply, but the amount of shock in her voice told John that she just couldn't say more right now.

Before he could answer a quiet but deadly voice from behind him, stopped him cold.

"Again?"

13. A step forward...

Rodney regarded Sheppard with the most steely glance he could muster.

"What do you mean, 'he did it again'?"

Rodney knew, wouldn't Sheppard be such a professional when it came to deceiving his emotions, he would see the pure horror in John's eyes and not just sense it like a third presence in the room.

"John?" he warned. Sheppard knew better than to ignore that tone.

"Well you see Rodney...when you were in the infirmary, with your concussion, remember? By the way, shouldn't you be more careful with your ankle? Carson will throw a fit..."

Rodney bit on his tongue to stop the sarcastic remark that lay on his lips. He wouldn't let Sheppard distract him. Not this time. So Rodney just stared... and Sheppard's face fell.

"Yeah anyway...when I opened the door to show Elizabeth the letter, your secret admirer had already left a little something...in your quarters, that is..." He trailed off and seemed actually uncertain of himself. Something Rodney had never seen before.

But he didn't marvel at the sight. Some of the panic that he had felt earlier returned with a vengence and it brought some guests; anger and disappointment and something else that he couldn't quite describe.

Someone had been in here. In his private quarters. Twice. And Elizabeth and Sheppard had known about the first time and...

"And you didn't tell me."

He was surprised and confused at the hint of malice in his eerily calm voice. Normally he would have screamed by now and insulted Sheppard and his whole family tree but that other mysterious feeling in his chest seemed to restrain him. Like it was something that couldn't and shouldn't be expressed by something as ordinary as yelling.

Sheppard seemed to be just as confused as Rodney, and the scientist could see that the Colonel didn't know how to handle this unexpected reaction.

"To protect you!" he blurted, "We didn't want you to worry about it! We didn't..."

Finally Rodney exploded. How could John dare to take him for a fool! He wasn't a fool! He was a fucking genius, for heaven's sake!

"You mean you didn't want me to see the mission to P3X-975 for what it really was!" he exploded. "The means to get me away from Atlantis so that Elizabeth could stick her nose into this. Behind my back. Without my permission! Is this some kind of game for you? 'Let's see who can lure Dr. Rodney McKay to another planet. The winner get's to rub it in his face.' Was that it?"

Rodney felt himself shake with fury. He had actually believed that John had taken him on this mission because he wanted him to. Because they were friends and because they were a team. He had thought that it didn't matter that there had been no reason at all for him to accompany them as long as they went as a team. And now he had to discover that this whole 'Either everyone goes, or no one' talk was just a load of crap.

"Come on Rodney, you know that's not true!"

Sheppard looked like he was in physical pain, but Rodney couldn't care less.

"I should have known that Elizabeth would rather side with the cocky airforce pilot than with me! And I knew your explanation for the new code was too fishy to be true, even for you!"

"You knew?"

"Pfft! Of course I knew. Genius here!

"Then why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I trusted you!"

Rodney knew that he was hitting low with that one when he saw how Sheppard flinched. But it was the truth. He had immediately known that something was off about the new code for his quarters but he had trusted Sheppard. Trusted John to tell him if it was something serious.

Something dangerous.

God, Rodney would have done everything to make his quarters safe again. He would have updated the safety protocols, maybe even invent some kind of alarm system. He would have done all that if he had know that some crazed lunatic could enter his private premises whenever he wanted.

But John had left him in the dark. He had refused Rodney the chance to protect himself.

Part of Rodney believed John that he'd only wanted to protect him. But another part of him, a much louder part at the moment, suspected that John just wanted to prove him that he was right about Connolly. That he wanted to catch Connolly red-handed...

Rodney's eyes widened in realization.

So that had been the reason for Sheppards unusual behaviour in the Gate Room. John had deliberately flirted with him (the tight grip, the husky voice) because Connolly had been there. John had tried to provoke Connolly. That didn't quite explain John's behaviour during the mission, but Rodney was inclined to accept that he'd imagined all those little touches and looks after all.

And finally he recognized the emotion he was feeling ever since he'd realized that Sheppard had lied to him: Shame.

He felt so ashamed and ridiculous and humiliated for ever believing that maybe, just maybe, John Sheppard felt more for him than mere friendship. He should have expected this but it hurt nonetheless when the tiny flame of hope that had begun to sparkle in his chest during the last three days, burned to ashes in a matter of seconds.

"Look Rodney, I'm sorry! I would have told you if I had known that this creep would go this far."

"I'm sure you would have." Rodneys vioce was void of any emotion. He knew that he should yell and scream, that Sheppard even expected it. But he felt oddly tired and resigned so he didn't say anything else.

A simple apology wouldn't fix this and by the look of it, Sheppard already knew it.

The uncomfortable silence that settled between the two of them was only broken by Carsons arrival.

John Sheppard hadn't felt as hollow as he felt right now for a very long time.

He'd screwed up. Hard.

Rodney obviously didn't trust him anymore. That was what Rodney must have felt after Doranda. Helplessness and self-hatred. To lose the trust of someone you love and admirer was in some ways even more painful that loosing the man himself.

Admittetly, John hadn't really lost trust in Rodneys abilities. It had been rage and fear that had caused him to say those awful things. And the two of them hadn't been able to stay away from each other for too long. They never could.

But somehow John couldn't help but think that Rodney wasn't just mad about his and Elizabeths lie. There was something else.

While Rodney was sitting on his bed, Carson knelt in in front of him, bandaging the sprained ankle with gentle fingers. The two of them bickered like they always did when Rodney was injured and cranky and Carson tired and exasperated. But while Rodney acted normal around Carson, he hadn't spoken a single word to Sheppard. John knew that Carson was aware of the tense silence between the two friends but pretended like he didn't notice.

John could handle the silent treatment for a while, but the fact that Rodney wouldn't even meet his eyes unnerved him.

If he didn't know better, he'd say that Rodney acted like he was ashamed of something. But that was ridiculous! Why would Rodney be ashamed? The scientist hadn't done anything wrong.

John had screwed up. He had decided that they shouldn't tell Rodney about the incident and he hadn't been able to prevent this creep from coming near Rodney again.

John felt the knot in his stomache tighten when Rodney seemed to finally lift his eyes, just to lower them immediately again. Something was definitely wrong.

He had expected Rodney to rant and rave and to insult him. But other than his very brief outburst there had been nothing. John found that even scarier than than any angry outburst could have been. He almost wished that Rodney would yell or throw things at him. Everything was better than this dejected mood that apparently tried to suffocate him.

But maybe he just felt so utterly terrible because he had managed to hurt Rodney and to loose his trust.

"Here we go." Carson said and patted the freshly bandaged foot, which elicted a hiss from his patient. "Remember that you have to be careful for the next few days. But I don't think that you will be in too much pain if you don't walk too much for the next few days."

"And how should I do that? I have a city to run." Rodney muttered testily while he hobbled across the room to test how much he could lean on the damaged foot. When Carson had arrived, Rodney had disappeared into the bathroom to put on a pair of trousers. Much to John's chagrin.

"Or," Carson drawled while he collected his stuff, "I could confine you to your quarters for a week. Your choice."

Rodney glared at Carsons back like he tried to figure out if the doctor was serious and John only wished that Rodney would glare at him like that. Which was totally crazy in so many ways...

"Fine! I'll be careful!"

Carson smiled. "Good boy!"

"What am I? A dog?"

"Well, I always had my suspicions, regarding your lineage..."

"Major Lorne to Colonel Sheppard."

John visibly jumped when Lorne's voice floated through his radio and interrupted Rodneys and Carson's banter. Carson smiled teasingly but Rodney didn't even make a comment. Just wrong!

"What is it, Lorne?"ยด

"Uhm sir, you should come to the east pier. There is something you need to see."

John was so not in the mood for cryptic messages right now.

"What is it?" he snapped and this time Rodney regarded him with an raised eyebrow. 'Well, it's a start.'

"Some marines discovered a fire on one of the balconies near the east pier. Don't worry, we already put it out. It was small." he added quickly.

"What was it?" Sheppard asked, ignoring the surge of dread he was experiencing.

"It's hard to say sir. There's almost nothing left but if I had to guess, I would say it's some part of the uniform...maybe the jacket..."

"Don't touch anything! I'm on my way!" Sheppard interrupted him and rushed to the door.

Where Rodney was already waiting for him. "Is it...?" he trailed off but his eyes were on fire.

John was about to say 'No' but the answer got stuck in his throat. When he wanted to regain Rodneys trust he had to be honest with him.

So he just nodded and said "Come with me." and Rodneys eyes seemed to softened a bit when he followed him.

Both of them didn't notice the very confused Carson Beckett they left behind.

"What was that?"

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During their walk through Atlantis, Rodneys limp had gotten more and more noticable. From time to time John would try to take his hand and support him but Rodney would refuse his help everytime. John accepted that but it was harder than he thought and he wondered what he could do to make things right again.

They smelt it before they saw it.

The unmistakable smell of burning fabric and plastic. John suspected that it wasn't as bad as it would have been in an enclosed room, but it was enough.

When they stepped out onto the balcony they were grazed with the view of a small crowd of scientists and marines who had gathered around a little black... something on the ground.

Major Lorned tried to be firm and send them away but when he saw Sheppard and McKay he gave up and ran towards them. The gawpers shot each other suspicious looks when they saw Rodney.

"Colonel Sheppard! Dr. McKay!" Lorne greeted them. "I'm sorry but they just won't go away."

"It's okay." Sheppard said distractedly while his eyes focused on the card in Lornes hands. "Are you sure that it's part of a uniform?"

"Yes sir. It's quite damaged but you can still see it."

"And this is the note?" he asked and nodded towards the piece of paper in Lornes hand.

Lorne looked uncomfortable and shifted from one foot to another while he handed Sheppard the card. "Yes sir. It was found besides the fire. I'm afraid some of the others read it before I got here."

But John didn't listen anymore. He was totally captivated by the words that he was reading.

____________________________________________________

'This is my first and last warning Sheppard; STAY AWAY FROM HIM!'

____________________________________________________

Surprisingly enough, the first thing that leapt out at Sheppard was the totally different handwriting. The letters were scrawled and irregular. The person who'd written this had been in a hurry. And he had been angry.

Rodney who had read the note over John's shoulder took a deep breath and left without another word.

"Rodney!" John called, but the scientist wouldn't stop so he turned to Lorne. "Make sure that someone takes care of this mess and then report to Dr. Weir. Tell her that I'll debrief her as soon as I can." he ordered and followed Rodney without waiting for an answer.

John found him in the next corridor, leaning against the wall and favoring his acing ankle.

"Rodney..." John started but was cut off by a furious whisper.

"Seems like your plan worked quite well, huh?!"

John blinked a few times. What was Rodney talking about?

"Plan? What plan are you talking about Rodney?"

Rodney finally looked up and there it was again. The same hopeful and uncertain expression that he had shown John in the forest just a few hours ago. But it was quickly replaced by resignation.

"Nothing. Forget it." He slid to the ground and John hestitated only a second before he sat down besides him. But not close enough to touch.

Rodney seemed to need some time to regain his composure and John let him. He was quite shaken himself.

"What's wrong with this 'Scientist's Lover anyway?!" Rodney huffed after a few minutes. "I mean, who would want me anyway?"

'I would!' Sheppards mind screamed at him but he didn't say anything. Rodney wouldn't believe it anyway.

So they just sat there, side by side, both of them thinking their own gloomy thoughts.

A/N Yeah, rather short, I know, but I had to end it here! The next one will be just as short but with a surprise... *music of doom*

But hey, watch out for my little Valentine's One-Shot I'll post tomorrow!!! I'd really appreaciate it if you could check it out and leave some reviews...well, after you reviewed on this one, of course!!! LOL

***does the review dance***