Friday, March 27
Kureno walked out in the street, as if it were full of Mexicans trying to kill roosters to put in tacos for Taco Day. He kind of fell into a taxi like he was drunk, and his shoelace got stuck in the door. What a loser.
He came back with paper plates and napkins and party hats. Then he went up to his room to write an emo poem. I stole one of his other emo poems from his emo shoebox under a loose emo floorboard under his emo dresser. Here it is.
I AM A SAD LITTLE CHICKEN
I am a sad little chicken
I live with a crazy sadist in a kimono
Who for some reason
Makes me buy her pies.
Sometimes
I feel
I
Am that pie.
I am cooked in the pie.
A roosterchicken pie.
And darkness closes over my head
As the pastry crust bakes.
And then
The crazy sadist in the kimono
Eats the pie.
I think the pie tastes good,
But the crazy sadist in the kimono
Says it tastes like crap boiled over.
The End.
10:09
On a completely unrelated topic, Kureno bought me a pie. He asked if it tasted good, and I said, "No, it tastes like crap boiled over." then he looked all sad for some reason.
11:27 am
The Dog walked into my rooms (without permission), all, "why are you mad at me Akii???"
He was all sad and chibi and I forced myself to avert my gaze.
"hnrgh, I don't know," I said loudly. "you put an evil hippie kimono in my wardrobe, you interrupt my Kureno-torturing session with SpongeBob sock complaints, and then you decide to hijack my party. Why would I be mad?"
He already left.
How dare he not listen to my rant. NASTIIII. NASTIIII. NASTIIII.
Later
My party is tomorrow! Yay!
After Finding Hatori's Alcohol Cabinet
KE KE KEEEE. I DRANK TOO MUCHZ WINE. WINE TASTE GUD. LOLS LOLS LOLSSSSSSSSSSSS S.D FaDF ASF;AHSD;FE. HEY GUESS WAT. RIN SLAP ME. HEE HEE HEE.
I don't bloody care what time it is
I have a hangover.
Uhhhh.
According to some old lady in a kimono, it's about twelve o'clock.
Hatori walked in to check on me, and he did something he rarely does. Which is, swear.
"Holy shit Akito, what the fuck happened to your FACE?"
I went to go look in the mirror, and my hair was all over my face. And my face was all red. I then proceeded to crumble to the floor quite dramatically, where Hatori caught me. Actually, he's really lucky I'm God of teh zodiac 'cause if I wasn't, POOF. Insta-seahorse. Anyway, I have a fever and a flu and must stay in bed all day. Pleeeuuughgshhhh.
1:08
Lunch: Chicken noodle soup.
3: 19
Hatori read me some crackpot old book published circa. 1900 called The Tale of Peter Rabbit, which is the WORST BOOK IN THE UNIVERSE. For one thing:
Who names their children Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail? Those are hippie names. It's like naming your kid Sleet or Snookums.
Peter's mom is a tobacconist. She sells rabbit tobacco. WHAT THE F**K.
Peter's mom is also very irresponsible for leaving some idiotic bunnies frolicking in the forest where wolves and foxes prowl looking for baby bunnies. While she sells smokes.
Where is Peter's father? If he is divorced from Peter's mother, what are they doing in a tree in the middle of the forest when Mr. Peter Rabbit should be paying Mrs. Peter Rabbit alimony? Unless, of course, Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, and Peter are ALL love children, making Mrs. Peter Rabbit MS. Peter Rabbit.
I conclude that Ms. Peter Rabbit is a very crappy mother indeed.
3: 44
Hatori has moved onto reading me The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin.
Kill me now.
4: 01
Hatori finally finished his story about some retarded squirrel with ADHD that plays games with acorns and all that crap and left the room.
4:04
I reread Peter Rabbit. NOW I know what happened to Peter's father. He went into Mr. Macgregor's garden and got baked into a pie some years previous to the story.
I must go ask Kureno to pick me up a rabbit pie. Mmmm.
4:33
Hatori's back.
4:40
Oh Sh*t. he's onto reading The Tale of Benjamin Bunny.
4: 53
PLEASE. ANYONE. HELP ME. ONE MORE STORY ABOUT A BUNNY IN CLOTHING THAT DOESN'T DO AS HIS MOTHER SAYS AND I WILL BARF ALL OVER HATORI.
5:11
Hatori picked up YET ANOTHER book and said, "Now, let's read The Tale of the Two Bad Mice, shall we?"
I then proceeded to barf all over Hatori.
5:15
I'M CURED! NO MORE MICE! NO MORE RABBITS! NO MORE BUNNIES! NO MORE SQUIRRELS! AND, BEST OF ALL, NO HATORI MAKING HIS VOICE GO ALL SQUEAKY TO VOICE THE WOODLAND ANIMALS!
Party, here I come.