Maniac Diaries Chapter 6: Momiji Enjoys the Rabbit Pie, a fruits basket fanfic

Saturday, March 28

I was sleeping in this morning, completely at peace, when I was greeted by Shigure, who had appeared to have rooted himself to my (expensive hardwood) floor.

"AKII-CHAAAN!!" he said in his irritating voice. "You look so cute when you're sleeping!"

I gave him my evil squinty eyes.

"Akii, Why do you look Chinese?"

5 minutes later

I rang my (newly acquired) bell for Kureno. Much to my dismay, Dr. Seahorse came instead. Attempting to hide my pissed-off-ness at Kureno, I said all *sagely* "Ah. Hatori. Kindly remove the dog in the kimono from my rooms."

Hatori said in his usual monotone, "You only have one room."

"Shut up."

"Don't talk to me that way."

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" I said in a singsong really loudly.

"Can you not sing, Akito-chan? It's making my ears bleed," said Shigure meekly from the corner.

Later

Kureno, it seems, had been out buying the rabbit pie. He's stuck icing and candles in the pie, and it now resembles a mountain which millions of people have fallen off of.

10:07

Shigure went to pick up Yuki, Tohru, and Kyo.

10:30

Shigure came back to the main house crying, because Kyo had ripped up one of the beautiful leather seats of his new car.

"It's because that new car smell Shigure wouldn't shut up about actually smelled like LEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKS!!!!" said Kyo, eyes burning maniacally. "I HATE LEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKS!!!!"

Tohru was still la-dee-da-ing on the threshold. "What a nice house, Akito-san!" she said, making her voice go all high and squeaky. "I brought some food."

I made a beeline for Tohru and snatched the food.

IT WAS ONIGIRI. And suddenly, one of them sat up and said in a scratchy voice, "Hatori did the driving!"

NOOOOOOOOO!

2 minutes of hell later

Hatsuharu, Kisa, Hiro, and Momiji all came together. Momiji was laughing like a drunk girl on prom night, and Haru was staring quite blankly at Rin, who was hiding behind a screen flashing her eyes evilly. Kisa was staring evilly at Hatori, whom she still hadn't forgiven for the needle-incident. She was humming the Mew Mew Power opening under her breath. And Hiro turned to Hatori and said, "Got a smoke?"

AND HATORI GAVE ONE TO HIM. HE NEVER GIVES ME CIGARETTES. WHAT A MEANIE.

A few minutes later

God dammit. Kagura's arrived. As soon as she did, she was all, "KYOOOO!!! MY DARLING!!!! YOU CAAAAAMMMEE!!!"

She then proceeded to knock down Hatori's treasured Buddha statue, where it shattered into a million pieces. I know Hatori was trying to hold back his tears, but I couldn't help but snicker under my breath. I have bad memories about that statue, like the time Rin coloured in the eyes with permanent marker. They looked all black and scary, and they FOLLOWED ME ACROSS THE ROOM.

Haha, Buddha statue. Haha.

11:00

Ayame and Shigure have gone to talk about "old times" in the kitchen, and Hatori is left to scroll through more porn on his laptop. Hiro keeps trying to look too, but whenever he does Hatori opens up a blank word document and pretends to be "working".

Anyway, it was a total madhouse. What with

Momiji playing patty-cake with Kyo (who was looking pissed)

Hiro trying to look at porn

Kisa eating the Buddha statue (HAHA, Buddha statue!)

Yuki filing his nails making a loud grinding noise

Ayame and Shigure playing strip poker in the kitchen

Tohru dumping bleach into the dishwasher, which she thought was empty

Hatsuharu sitting in the dishwasher (which is in the living room because that was the only electrical outlet/jack left in the house when it got remodeled)

It was completely insane.

So I yelled really loudly, "SHUT UUUUUUPPPP!!!!!!!"

And they all did. YES! I am perfecting the loud yodel.

"I shall tell you all a story."

Blank stares.

"Sit down. Haru, get out of the dishwasher. Momiji, stop singing that silly tune. See what you did? It's stuck in my head now. And Yuki! look what you did! There are little bits of your nails all over the floor!"

"Waaaaahh! Kyo pushed me over!"

"Damn straight, you brat!"

"Haru, don't touch me that way! You're invading my personal bubble!"

"you old seahorse, I saw you looking at naked women on the internet!"

"I- I was working!"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T' YOU EVER SHUT UP?!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. "water," I said to Kureno, ringing my bell, and he ran off.

"Now –" I sounded crackly, and cleared my throat.

"Hatori did the driving!"

"NOW!" I yelled. "let me tell you a story.

"it is about me, Akito-sama. One day, I was very, very bored. So you know what I did, little children?"

"I'm not little."

"Shut up. You know what I did? I went to McDonalds. They felt all sad for me so they gave me a HAPPY MEAL! It was the most lovely food in the world. Better than ONIGIRI" I glared a Tohru. "I'd like to have another Happy Meal, but Hatori said I was going to get fat." I glared at Hatori, but he was still looking at porn.

There was a long silence, which was broken by Momiji going, "I feel like dancing."

"fine, rabbit-boy. Everyone get up!" I told them, and they leapt up. "I'm going to teach you the Hare Hare Yukai!"

{to understand this, you must have seen the dance. It is fairly short, and it's worth watching. Link here: .com/watch?v=KrzZPXF6kUc}

"OK. Tohru is Haruhi. Yuki is Yuki. Kagura is Mikuru. Kyo is Kyon. Uhhhh... SHIGURE! PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON AND GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN! Shigure is Itsuki."

I then turned to everyone else.

"You're the second group... Momiji is Haruhi, Hiro is Kyon, Kisa is Mikuru... AYAME. PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON AND GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN! Ayame is Yuki."

"did you hear that?!" squealed Ayame. "Yuki! we're both the same role!"

"Shoot me now," muttered Yuki.

"We're missing one, Akito-sama!" yelled Momiji.

I looked around for an extra person. The only person left was Dr. Seahorse {oh, this'll be good. Hatori doing the Hare Hare Yukai ;)}

"Doctor Sea- Hatori! You're Itsuki!"

"What?"

Oh, this'll be fun.

11:34

"NAZU NAZU, KINTA INI, CHICK-YOU WO NEE WO, CHIK-YEE NO SOME THING SOMETHING."

SO much fun!

11:45

Hatori walked out on us in embarrassment because he found out Evil Rin had filmed us all dancing and had put it on YouTube.

11:53

Some people posted a comment on us dancing:

JcfROXlulKOOLZ: the genderless dude in the kimono in the background is funy lulz. He's yelling at the guy in the white jacket whos haruhi. Lmao love this vid :D

Foshizzlewowmisogansta: The guy in the white jacket whos Haruhi is hot :):):)

Gaylollipop125: AGREED. *5 stars*

sexyprincessmomo: THEY'RE ALL HOT. OMFG. *5 stars*

IHEARTFURUBA: Why do these people look familiar?

Kyoskittycat7: yeah, the orange-haired guy reminds me of someone :)

Iluvshigure1996: so does the guy with the longish black hair

TohrusOnigiri: where did u say you got this vid rin?

isuzugoesRinRinRin: sry, no can do. They'd kill me if I told u :D

Evil Rin.