Sunday, March 29

I woke up in my bed this morning. Hang on! How did the party end? All I remember is

people slipping in rabbit pie

Hiro making out with Kisa

and Yuki taking off his pants

oh... hang on, it's all coming back to me.

Hatori coming back and yelling at us when he saw rabbit pie all over the room. when Hatori gets all agitated, he drinks.

Ayame making waffles (badly) and throwing them at people

and a big black eye on the wall.

Hang on. It wasn't an eye... it was a... video camera?

Two minutes later

Rin was prancing the main house, singing at the top of her lungs, "I'm a YouTube celebrity! I'm a YouTube celebrity!"

Oh... Oh... OH, SHIT.

On YouTube

Yep. All you have to do is check Rin's channel and there are various videos entitled stuff like, "Momiji eats a piece of rabbit pie filling", "Dr. Seahorse Gets Drunk And Starts Crying About His Ex-Girlfriend And Narrating It To Tohru", "Shigure And Ayame Play Ring-Around-The-Rosy", "Kyo and Kisa (amazingly and with the magic of computer graphics) turn into kitties and tigers", and, most definitely and positively the worst: "AKITO SINGS SHANAIA TWAIN DRUNKENLY!!!!" it has over 1,000,000 views!

NOOOOO!!!!

I don't want to click it, but I have to be strong.

Be strong, Akito.

If I die of embarrassment, this journal must tell what REALLY happened so that Rin can go to Juvie Hall. Or better yet, Alcatraz.

3:47 seconds later

It's me singing really loudly, "MAN, I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!" and Yuki and Hatori doing a weird dance in the background that might have been the Hare Hare Yukai.

God dammit! Shit! Fuck! Superkallafragulisticexpiealladocious, even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious!

I'm never drinking ever again.

Blarghad'as

Hatori walked into the room, looking almost as crappy as me. In fact, he was too hungover to even care that I had gotten into his liquor cabinet and thrown a drunken party with rabbit pies. Oh, and done a funny dance with The Rat to my (admittedly mediocre) Shania-Twain singing.

I asked him, "have you been on Rin's YouTube channel yet?"

"What?"

On YouTube

Hatori went to Rin's channel, and said suddenly "Hang on. That's me." He was pointing to the one entitled, "Dr. Seahorse Gets Drunk And Starts Crying About His Ex-Girlfriend And Narrating It To Tohru".

"er... yeah."

HE CLICKED ON IT. Hee hee. Rin is soooo dead.

4:58 seconds later

It was, sadly, HILARIOUS. Hatori was sitting, rocking back and forth madly talking in a squeaky voice to Tohru, who was looking quite distressed (she was the only one who didn't get drunk off 4 glasses of hard liquor).

Hatori: Hers... Kana's... they say that... ...being with another person can make you feel so much more alive. I realized than what those people meant. To me... ...she was spring. It was as if while imprisoned inside the dark cage of the inner family... ...I had completely frozen into snow... ...and there she was – fresh, clear spring.

Tohru: Hatori-san...

Hatori: It was almost inevitable that I would fall in love with her. But it was also inevitable... ...that she would find out. I started crying. It was the first time in my life I felt forgiven. Like I was saved. Like the frozen snow that's melted by the breath of spring... ...the tears wouldn't stop. The next two months were literally... ...like a dream. "it's as if a lifetime of happiness has been condensed into two short months!"... ...she said, smiling.

Tohru *sniff*

Hatori (all dark and *sagely*): NOW THAT SMILE PEIRCES MY HEART.

Tohru: *full on cries* (now that I think about it, she might've been a little drunk.)

Hatori (ploughing on through Tohru crying): the end of the dream... ...came when I asked Akito for permission to marry her.

Me (In the background): hey, what was that about me?

Shigure (a little tipsy): haa, EL-OH-EL, I remember that. Akito really spazzed out that day, didn't he? He got super pissed 'cause you bled all over her hardwood floor...

Tohru: Her?

Shigure: yeeeaaaaaaahhhh.

Tohru: I'm confused.

Shigure (slopping a martini down his front): 's OK to bee confused, Tohru-kun. Do you understand?

Tohru (crying): no.

Hatori (still determined to reach the end of his narration): SHE FELL ILL. No matter what I said or did... ...she did nothing but cry.

Tohru: but...

Hatori: I couldn't even blame Akito.

Me: hey, I'm pretty sure you're talking about me over there...

Hatori: It was the curse. And so she fell ill. HER HEART FELL ILL. "she wants to forget." Is this... ...retribution? even if it hurt them and made them cry...

(Hatori blathers on about erasing memories).

(Rin waves a sign in the background that says, "don't worry! This crap's nearly over!")

Hatori: ...the memories of the one person most important to me... ...the memories most important to me. No, I'm the one... ...who should apologize. I was the one who couldn't protect you. But, despite that, you only thought of me until the very end. If that is the depth of her love... ...if that's why she became sick... ...THAN IT ISN'T RIGHT FOR HER TO SUFFER. Please let her... ...find someone who can make her happy. I pray. Even if I die surrounded by snow that never melts... ...I DON'T CARE. Please... PLEASE... *Hatori passes out*

THE END.

Hatori kind of watched the thing at the end where YouTube suggests related videos.

He mouthed something.

"what?"

"that's not funny."

"I know."

He watched the screen saver for a minute.

"I'm sorry."

Hatori turned around slowly. "...what?"

"I'm sorry."

Hatori looked like a Christian who had just seen Jesus make a miracle.

"Akito... that's the first time you've ever apologized to anyone."

"really?"

"you're finally starting to think about other people's feelings!"

"other people? What's that?"

He sighed. "never mind."