Disclaimer: Nothing mine...narf

A/N: And here is the reason why I let Jackson kiss our poor Rodney! Yeeeees there was a plan behind that, believe it or not!

I have actually mixed feelings about this because this chapter has to be romantic but still in character and I can't shake the feeling that it is a little bit rushed... well, tell me if I did a good enough job or if I sucked.

20. Remember that time we crossed the line?

Sheppard sat on Rodney's bed like he belonged there ('No Rodney! Bad Rodney!') and looked as surprised as the scientist felt.

"Carson let you go already? I was sure that he would keep you over night..."

"Well he didn't." Rodney huffed. "And why should he? There's nothing wrong with me." He limped towards his desk to place down his crutch and Sheppard raised an amused eyebrow that practically screamed 'Really?'.

Rodney decided to ignore his embarrassing slip for now, but something else was bugging him. "When you thought that I wouldn't be here, then what are you doing here?"

Sheppard looked a little bit sheepish but covered it with a smile and reached for something behind him. "Just wanted to bring this around so you would find it when you came back."

Rodney's bad mood diminished a little bit when he saw what Sheppard had brought him. He limped over to the man and accepted the object with a genuine smile.

"My jacket. Where was it?"

Sheppard leaned back and grinned up at him, obviously pleased with himself. "Someone found it in one of the labs and brought it to Elizabeth who gave it to me."

It was a lie.

Rodney wasn't stupid and he knew Sheppard better than the man probably suspected. Everyone else would have taken the casual answer for the truth, but Rodney had noticed the slight hestitation before Sheppard had answered and the stiff posture he tried to hide under that slouch. John was lying to him and Rodney didn't mind at all. If he was honest with himself, he didn't really want to know where (or in whose quarters) his jacket was found. Oh, he would wash it at least a dozen times before he would even consider wearing it again, but when he did so, he could at least act like there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. And he was grateful for that.

"I see."

The following silence was uncomfortable, to say the least, but it gave Rodney the opportunity to ponder about another mystery. "And why the hell are you sitting on my bed when you just wanted to deliver this?"

Sheppard stared down at the bed as if he just now realized where he was and then smiled up at him as if there was nothing wrong. "Your bed is way more comfy than mine. I thought I'd take a nap while you're not here. You know, since I'm here..." he drawled, repeating Rodney's earlier words.

Rodney just spluttered something unintelligible. He wondered whether this wasn't the first time that Sheppard had used his bed while he was in the infirmary. And he wondered why he wasn't as angry as he probably should be about that.

Rodney found it suddenly incredible hard to look at Sheppard, so he averted his eyes and they relapsed into silence. God, would it always be like this from now on? Awkward silence and averted gazes everytime they were alone?

Rodney cursed under his breath. If he could have evaded Sheppard just for a few days, just long enough to get his feelings under control, it would have been okay. But Sheppard just had to be here, waiting for him, didn't he? He just had to make things even more complicated than they already were.

And why the hell was he still sitting there, staring at Rodney like he expected him to say something? Was Rodney the only one who found this silence unbearable? Was he the only one that was aware of the tension between them?

Rodney was about to ask Sheppard to leave so he could go to bed, when the Colonel fixed him with his 'I-am-so-serious' glare. "Rodney, we need to talk."

Rodney swallowed. He knew that tone. Sheppard's no-nonsense voice, the one where he wouldn't let you off the hook before he got what he wanted. The one that promised no escape.

But that didn't mean that Rodney couldn't try.

"Listen Colonel," he snapped while he lowered himself besides Sheppard to relieve his aching foot, "I'm really tired right now and not in the mood for one of your little 'Everything-will-be-alright' speeches, so could we put this off until I'm feeling a little bit more human?" 'Or until my heart doesn't beat a mile a minute anymore when I'm around you.' he added silently.

John was silent for a few moments and just looked at him with unreadable eyes. He seemed to argue with himself until he finally looked away and ran a hand through his hair. "I know this must be hard but...when you need to talk about things with someone else than Heightmeyer...well, you know where to find me, right buddy?"

Rodney was flattered and confused. Sheppard looked so insecure right now, that it almost hurt.

"Of course I know John!" he spluttered, the ridiculous urge to comfort the man besides him. He dropped back on his back so that his feet still touched the ground and closed his eyes. "And I'll tell you what I told Carson: Nothing happened!" He could almost hear how Sheppard raised a sceptical eyebrow and added, "Well not exactly nothing... but nothing that I can't handle alone. You came before more could happen..."

Rodney thought that he could still feel Jackson's hands all over him, still see the crazy eyes staring down at him and still taste...

He shivered and brought a hand up to his lips to rub at them. Maybe this 'I can handle it alone' would be a little bit more difficult than he'd thought...

Sheppard had always been able to read Rodney like an open book. Like now.

"He kissed you."

Rodney didn't open his eyes but stilled his fingeres when he heard the venom and hatred in Sheppard's voice. Although he knew that they weren't directed at him, he just nodded, not trusting himself to speak right now. He felt actually ashamed, although he knew that there was nothing to be ashamed of. The urge to cry and pull himself into Sheppards arms was almost overwhelming and he hoped that John would go before he did or said something that he couldn't take back.

"You okay?"

Rodney almost laughed at that. It was just like Sheppard to ask such a stupid question. The scientist wanted to snap at him and tell him that he was, of course, not okay, but he couldn't. Rodney felt so utterly drained that he doubted that he would be able to even open his eyes right now.

"Rodney? Talk to me."

And Rodney wanted to. He wanted to tell Sheppard what was wrong with him. Maybe John would understand it. He had sounded so genuinely concerned right now, so desperate to help...

Rodney didn't hestitate any longer. No matter how much unrequited feelings there were on his side, they were still friends. Best friends even. If he could tell someone about this, it would be Sheppard.

"It just won't go away, you know? Jacks-...this man's taste..." He trailed off, not because he didn't want to say more, but because he couldn't. Rodney didn't know how he should explain something irrational like this and it angered him. He was a genius. He should be able to explain it.

But all he knew was that, when Jackson had kissed him, he had tasted like peppermint and something else. Something that Rodney couldn't identify, but assumed that it had been the man himself. No matter what it was, Rodney could still taste it on his tongue. He tasted it everytime he had to swallow. He had tasted it when Carson had given him that chocolate bar to raise his blood sugar level. God, he had even tasted it when he had swallowed that coffee the nurse had bought him. For the first time in his life, Rodney McKay hadn't been able to finish his coffee.

Rodney knew that it was impossible. He knew that he just imagined everything. But he couldn't help but wonder, whether it would be like this forever from now on. If everything he would eat or drink would taste a little bit like peppermint and this man.

The very idea terrified him and his fingers began to trace his lips, as if he could just rub everything away.

He didn't see how John's eyes followed the movements of his fingers.

A few minutes passed and Rodney was on the brink of sleep when the mattress dipped on his right. Somewhere in his hazy mind he realized that Sheppard must have changed positions, but he was too tired to wonder what that could mean. Suddenly there was a hand on his and pulled it away from his mouth.

"Maybe I can help with that."

Rodney forced himself to open his eyes when the hand didn't let go of his and a shadow fell over him.

And suddenly he was wide awake, staring up into the hazel eyes of John Sheppard, who was leaning over him . And before he could really gasp what was happening, there was this light pressure on his lips, so soft that he almost missed it.

It took Rodney exactly two seconds to realize that John Sheppard tasted nothing like peppermint.

John smiled into the feathery kiss. It was so like Rodney to taste like coffee and chocolate. Well, the chocolate was a surprise actually, but a pleasant one. And so was the kiss.

Rodney's lips were soft and inviting and as much as John would have loved to deepen the kiss he kept it light and soft, not wanting to force the scientist into something he didn't want. He wanted to show Rodney that he was the one in control here. After the incident with Jackson he would clearly need the security.

But Rodney had frozen under him as soon as their lips had met. He didn't respond but he didn't pull away either. He was totally unresponsive under John and it began to worry the man.

What if it was too early? What if Rodney wasn't ready for this after all that happened to him today? God, the man had looked dead on his feet when he'd entered his quarters and he had been way too silent. Silent for Rodney, that is.

But John just had to kiss him. His friend had looked so vulnerable and yet attractive, lying there, tracing his puffy lips with a finger. It was almost like Rodney had wanted John to go for him. No one could look so arousing without realizing it. Or so John had thought, but maybe he had been wrong...

Although he really didn't want to, John began to pull away and slowly let go of Rodney's hand. He pondered if he should apologize, although he wasn't sorry at all, when the hand that he'd just let go grabbed his collar and effectively stopped his retreat.

Rodney looked up at him, his face flushed and his breathing erratic. The hand on John's collar clenched and unclenched as if the scientist wasn't sure whether he should let go or hold on. Rodney's eyes were wide with arousal, anxiousness and confusion.

At the sight John felt bold enough to lean a little bit closer, which made Rodney's breath hitch, and speak in a husky low voice. "Did it help?"

Rodney just continued to stare at him like he couldn't believe what he was seeing and John briefly wondered if his genius was having a mental blackout. He was about to repeat his question, when the hand on his collar tightened and Rodney stuttered something, so soft that John almost missed it.

"Y-yeah, a bit...but, but there is still, uhm, still a bit so uhm, maybe we should...ah..."

John stared in amazement at the bubbling man beneath him. Who would have thought that all it took was a simple kiss to turn the abrasive and articulate man into a blushing and stuttering wreck. John wanted to believe that all it took was his kiss and he allowed himself a possessive smile at the thought.

"No problem Rodney." he purred and let himself be pulled back down.

When their lips met this time, Rodney was much more active, arching his back to get into a more comfortable position, running a hand through Sheppard's thick hair and making little pleasant noises in the back of his throat. The noises made something funny to John's gut and he found himself praying that Rodney would make those sounds only for him. He groaned and slid his tongue into Rodney's mouth who willingly opened up to him. The kiss was passionate and even a little bit messy. It felt like hours until they had to break apart if they didn't want to suffocate.

'Although' John thought dreamily while he rested his forehead against Rodney's and closed his eyes. 'that would be damn fine way to go.'

For the next few minutes they just lay there, forehead against forehead, panting and enjoying each others body heat until Rodney broke the silence with a breathy, "Wow!".

John couldn't help but smile. "Yeah."

Because...hell yeah! He didn't know how he had managed to live without that until now. Not knowing what he was missing had probably helped...

Rodney however frantically shook his head and there was a hint of panic in his voice.

"No, I mean: Wow, you are gonna kill me when this mind altering alien device or drug or whatever got to you wears off!"

John laughed at that and maneuvered himself and the scientist into a position where Rodney lay half on top of him, with his head resting on John's shoulder. John tightened his arms around the man when Rodney tried to pull away, still muttering about alien drugs and how his life was over and how they should call Carson and get John to the infirmary instead of "cuddling, for gods sake", and...

"Rodney."

Rodney instantly stilled. The tone had been warning and soft at the same time. It was the tone that could say 'Shut up, Rodney' and 'Relax Rodney' and 'This is real and I really do love you, Rodney' at the same time. It was actually amazing how much you could say with one word.

A few minutes passed before John could feel how Rodney finally relaxed against him. When he looked down he could see that his eyes were closed and his hand rested on John's chest, right on top of his heart. John didn't know whether it was a coincidence of whether Rodney wanted to feel his erratic heartbeat, but he hoped it was the latter.

"How long?"

John needed a few seconds before he realized what Rodney wanted to know, but he hestitated with the answer. Three days had passed since he had seen Rodney, covered in mud and laughing delightfully at his predicament. And although that had been the moment when it had hit him, John was sure that these feelings had been there for a long time. He just couldn't say since when. So he just shrugged, causing Rodney to open his bleary eyes and to lift his head a little.

"A while."

Rodney frowned, obviously not liking the vague answer before a devious smile crossed his lips. "So," he drawled, "Does that mean that I...what? Turned you over?"

John smirked at the gleeful expression on Rodney's face.

"I guess you did. Proud?"

Rodney settled back and yawned. "Oh well. It doesn't beat winning the Nobel Prize, but it's close."

John snorted but didn't comment any further. He waited for Rodney to ask the next question. Because that's what Rodney did. Asking question, getting the facts and either freaking out over them and declaring that they were doomed, or working on a solution to remedy the situation. John doubted that a relationship with Rodney was any different.

But Rodney stayed silent so John decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Rodney?"

"....hm?"

"You know that I love you, right?"

"..'ove ya too, 'ohn."

John sighed in relief and ran his free hand through his hair while the other rubbed Rodney's back. "Good, because I know that you are probably freaking out right now and I have to tell you, that you don't have to. 'DADT' won't be a problem if we are careful and I'm absolutely willing to take the risk, okay?"

"...uhn."

"So Rodney," John's voice grew soft while he place a kiss on Rodney's head. "you really really don't have to worry, alright? Everything is going to be alright and I'll be always there for you okay?"

God, that sounded cheesy, but it had to be said and John didn't care if Rodney would rebuke him for it. He even expected it. Aside from the fact that it never came.

The man besides him had gone utterly still and when John craned his head to see his face he saw that Rodney's eyes were closed and that his face was utterly slack.

John poked him a little but the scientist didn't even stir.

"Did you fall asleep on me?" he whispered, amusement evident in his voice. There was no answer.

John grinned like an idiot. There he had spilled his guts to Rodney and tried to reassure the man and then he had slept through half of it.

'Well, hardly surprising.' John thought, 'He looks beat.'

He contemplated to go and let Rodney sleep but he was kinda trapped beneath the man. He could probably slip out from under Rodney without even waking him if the dark circles were any indication of his state of exhaustion, but John realized that he didn't want to go. He felt at ease here with Rodney pressed to his side, more than he would in his own quarters.

John shifted until he could see Rodney's face and watched him sleep until his own eyelids began to drop.

There was no going back now. They had crossed the line. Irreversible.

And it didn't matter that Rodney had slept through half of it.

A/N:

Lame? Maybe, but I told you from the start that I wouldn't write anything graphic! I'm just not ready yet and I feel the boys aren't either. You also don't sleep with the guy on your first date, do you?! And even some of you scolded Sheppard for his bad timing! You should have seen this coming! lol

There will be a short epilogue and then we are through...*tries to hold back her tears* So review, cause it will (almost) be your last chance!^^

Last chapter 21: The morning after