Blahblahblah. I really just wanted to get this one out there. The people who stalk my LJ have seen it already. Gods...I forgot how goddamned BORING some of these chapters were. ...no, not this one. -wink-

But enough about Mello, how 'bout delving into Near's past for once, huh?!

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Nulli Secundus, Chapter 8 - Maleficum

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Mello washed, and rinsed, and stared, then scrubbed the stain away, turning the water off.

His mind hurt, and for once, he wished he could just stop thinking. Why was he even dwelling on the past?! He'd put it behind him. It didn't matter. Not anymore.

He repeated the words in his head over and over. He'd tried to be as gentle with Near as possible, but the poor kid was so small and frail. Ugh...he should have known better. He let his emotions take control of his body...and look at what had happened! It was only minor bleeding now...but...what if one time...

Gods...he'd been corrupted.

Mello raised his fingers to the mark and dug his nails into the freezing skin. Why did they corrupt him? Why did they curse him? He was influenced, and if his emotions took control again, what would he be capable of? If hatred...hatred...

Mello coughed at the realization and grabbed a towel, drying off as the water rolled down his skin.

No. He had to fight. He had to destroy his past, his corruption. He was Courage; he couldn't be afraid! Mello's face twitched into a determined stare. He was not going to let his emotions do that, ever.

The blonde quietly put on some clothes, opening the door and shaking all thoughts from his head while he hung the towel to dry. The past was the past. He had to live in the present. Mello cleared his throat, accommodating a neutral tone to his voice.

"You wanted to know what I got, right?"

Near flinched sharply, not expecting the voice...Mello had been too quiet. Or...perhaps he'd dozed off. Near looked up to meet his eyes, and the split second of fear that had flickered there vanished, quenched by the cerulean gaze upon him.

"Yes, Mello," he whispered, and he sat up again. His eyes were glazed with indifference. Once again, Mello's aura put him at ease...maybe...he wasn't mad.

Mello brought the bag over to where Near was sitting, knowing full well Near wasn't going to make the effort to walk. He plopped the bag down and sat across from him, dumping the contents onto the floor.

"Three blankets, four packs of batteries for the flashlight, the first aid kit you wanted, a spare pair of my clothes...the kit took up a lot of room, and I couldn't go to your room so..."

He pulled something from behind his back as if by magic, presenting Near with a worn little plush rabbit, gray with small button eyes.

"I, er...nicked this from you awhile ago. I've had it in my room."

"Maleficum..."

As if the sudden rush of emotions hit him in a way that actually injured him, Near flinched, and his eyes seemed to snap with the way his emotions vanished. Very, very suddenly, his eyes were voids, his dilated pupils seeming more like cold, endless tunnels, his mouth closed and unsmiling. His breaths were even, and his pain...had all but subsided.

"Thank you," he said quietly. "I'd forgotten about hi...it. How...long ago did you take it?"

He extended a hand for it, and in that moment, he didn't see his own pale skin, but a shadow, a much smaller hand, dripping with dark liquid, liquid that pooled on the floor, and if he looked down he was sure he'd see it, sure he'd see a small, dark-eyed boy staring up at him emotionlessly from the reflection, face soaked in blood, white hair dripping...

He could smell it. He wondered if Mello could, too.

"Near," Mello said quietly, his voice snapping Near from his trance. The albino glanced up lethargically. "Tell me what you see."

Mello knew that god-damned look, for he, too, wore it. He tightened his hold on the small rabbit, intent not to let go until the boy told him what he saw. If Mello had seen something while around Near, if Near had asked, he would have told him...but Near didn't ask, therefore, he didn't.

Mello noticed how Near called the small toy "it" rather than a gender, although it had a name.

Near's voice was forcedly even.

"I see a woman," Near replied, staring back into the button eyes...the threads holding it to the rabbit's face used to be white...now they were red. Near wondered if Mello had seen. His eyes and tone remained apathetic. "I see a woman. I see a knife. I hear screaming, and cursing, crying...I see a light, so bright that my eyes burn. I hear a man calling for mercy on his son, then gagging as a woman slits his throat..."

He was trembling now, his eyes locked on the rabbit's, as though watching a movie...a horror movie...Mello's eyes narrowed.

"I hear him choke on his blood. I see the woman move towards me. I see tears and I have a sore throat because I can't stop screaming, and I f-feel her hand on my arm, and I smell D-Daddy's blood on her hands, and..."

His eyes flashed, tears forming even though there were no emotions there...maybe he'd just gone too long without blinking.

"I see a flash of silver, and feel her under me, and I feel my arm moving down, again, and again, forcing the knife into her throat, blood around m-my other hand..." He blinked and stared down at his left hand. "I...hear a voice crying "Mommy," and hear her screaming at me, same words as always, and I hear her screaming and I can't stop...M-Mero, I can't stop...couldn't stop...and I grabbed the rabbit she'd taken from my bedside, and took him with me when I left, because she wouldn't get up, and I didn't want to go alone...it was daylight, and I was...covered in it...and Daddy had my lenses but I didn't want to go near him because his eyes were open and blank, and he was still crying, and there was blood all over him, and h-his hand was still reaching for mine because I couldn't...stop...screaming..."

He stopped then, snapping his gaze away from Mello so quickly that his hair whipped his face, tears prickling in his eyes even though he wasn't showing emotion in those sad eyes; his ragged breaths were still even, and his trembling body was relaxed, and his calm hands were shaking so hard that he gripped at the carpet until his knuckles turned white.

Mello stared, his protective streak flooding his senses. Near was crying...crying. He couldn't stand it. He let go of the bunny, cautiously enveloping Near in a soft embrace. Near was too shaken to grow tense and pull away...he melted into Mello's warm aura, his comforting embrace, and wrapped his own arms tightly around him, burying his tear-streaked face into his companion's chest.

(What world was this?)

Near, the innocent one, was a murderer.

Mello, the violent one, was a victim.

Mello understood Near's agony. He definitely did, and he knew that even if Near hid it so well, it was there. All he could do was all Near could do. They could only provide bandages to wounds that may never heal.

"I see," Mello whispered, "a little boy. A lonely little boy...I see his pain. I see him, not the mask he puts up for the world. I don't hate this little boy. This little boy comforts me...and I have to try to comfort him..."

Mello closed his eyes and buried them into Near's shoulder, praying his action would be comforting.

(Is the world our living Hell?)

"I'm grateful Matt was the one up past hours when Mr. Watari brought me in that night," Near said softly. "He was so nice...Matt was so nice...if you'd seen me, I...don't know what could've passed through your mind...did we do something wrong when we were born, Mello? Or...does God just...not really love all children?"

"Near...I don't know...if God even watches us anymore. If he did...we wouldn't hurt so much." Near made a quiet noise that caused Mello to tighten his embrace and continue. "Even if God doesn't love you... At least you have the empathy of a virtue..."

He rubbed Near's back, his heart melting at the solemn words and the protectiveness running full throttle through his veins.

"I say, fuck God and creation," Mello said savagely. "We should watch over our own kin, not depend on a god...or a demon."

Near gripped the front of Mello's shirt and tilted his head so that his ear rested directly against the older boy's heartbeat. He was grateful, so grateful...

"I'll watch over you, Mello, if you watch over me..."

"I'll watch over you."

Mello held the boy in his arms for a long silent while, just basking in his presence as his protective aura commanded him to. He had no objection to following these orders, for Near needed consolation, and he had no one but Mello to turn to.

"The past is hard to forget with all the reminders around, but eventually, it will just be the past..."

He felt so morbid and sullen discussing this topic with the already-distressed boy.

"Are you tired, Near?"

"More exhausted than sleepy, but...I don't know."

Near didn't know. He bit his lip.

"Um, Mello...I know you didn't want to hurt me when we, um..." Gods, now he knew why people used that idiotic phrase 'doing it.' How bothersome. "...why were you so concerned with it? I can understand wanting to not hurt me, but the blood, and...everything. Why were you so scared, Mello?"

"Because I bled out for four days. They Shocked me terribly and my body was so screwed up that I couldn't heal. When I was chosen in a fit of rage over Hope, and basically fucked until I saw red, I kept bleeding, and I eventually got really ill from blood loss. It's paranoia. I don't want to be like that man, but I'm worried if my emotions get the better of me..." Mello bit his lip and averted Near's eyes. Of course...Near was the one he'd hurt. "But I won't. I will fight like hell before that happens."

Near held onto Mello tighter.

"I trust you," he whispered softly. "I trust you completely. I...don't believe you would hurt me. And now, I know enough that even if you did, I wouldn't be able to be angry at you." His hands were shaking, his small fingers still curled around Mello's shirt; he didn't want to let go.

"Maybe we should take a nap," Mello suggested quietly. It was a good idea, and the 'we' in it signaled that Mello was tired. Too much in too little time.

"If you are tired, I think I could try sleeping. We're safe...I can't Shock you...and you won't kill me. We're safe."

"I think you should change into clean clothes. I can smell the blood. It should stop soon. Change, and then we can sleep. Okay?"

Mello sighed and relinquished Near reluctantly, feeling as though the boy couldn't make it to the bathroom, much less change his clothes. He eyed the bed next to them, grabbing the blankets he had spilled to the floor moments ago. They were soft and cream-colored, smelling clean and soothing.

Near didn't want to get up for two reasons. One was his dignity; the last thing he wanted at that moment was to fall down and have Mello witness it. He'd die. It would be too much.

But a more important second was that he was afraid of what the poor, tormented soul would think when he saw the stains of red on the bottom of Near's pants. He bit his lip and glanced toward the bathroom door...even crawling wouldn't work...he didn't want Mello to see...didn't want...

Tears were streaming down his cheeks again, and his inhaled softly, surprised, pressing a hand against his cold cheek and looking at his fingers as one might check to see if they were bleeding, though these tears were not red.

Mello turned around and closed his eyes, facing away so Near wouldn't have the humiliation. He knew what it felt like (Oh, he knew very well).

"Go on, I won't look."

(Won't look at what I've done...)

Near nodded, though he knew Mello couldn't see, and got up unsteadily, limping; he didn't bother to close the door. The bleeding had mostly stopped, and he stepped into the clean pants while still holding the badly stained ones.

"Mello...will it bother you if I soak these in the tub?"

"Go ahead, I know the drill. I'll take them down to the washroom later. Just throw them in the hamper."

Near ran the hot water over them for a little while to get the excess blood off; red reflected in albino eyes all too clearly as the liquid ran down to the drain, swirling around it...he plugged it and turned the water off, letting it soak, before leaving the bathroom and sitting down on the floor with a soft huff. Maleficum stared at him; he laid down and rolled over.

"Finished," he said unnecessarily.

Mello took one look at the boy and easily plucked him off of the floor and onto the bed, taking care not to hurt him.

"We already have AIDS, apparently, so why not just share everything else while we're at it?"

A small smile tugged at Mello's lips and he sat on the soft mattress. It was incredibly comfortable, as if its only purpose was to coax sleep, as was probably the case.

He supposed the Loft was a sanctuary, an escape from themselves, and he didn't mind it. It was only in this secret place that the truth seemed to just slip out, and comfort eased them both.

Near gazed up at Mello affectionately. If Mello was going to be honest and gentle, he could afford to drop the stone mask. Mello knew it was fake anyway.

"Maybe Linda will stop that rumor if you threaten to give her AIDS. You could definitely think of a way to work with that."

Near hadn't been tired, but now he was. The bed was incredibly soft, and he'd thought the carpet had been comfortable. He reached out and gently grasped Mello's sleeve.

"I don't care very much about that rumor. It doesn't change anything. Still, that would be freaking hilarious."

Mello had lain back, staring at the ceiling and marveling at how comfortable the thing was. He pulled Near closer to him, shifting to his side and curling around his rival, pulling a blanket over both of them.

"Sweet dreams..."

The bed was too comfortable, and Near was too warm, and he was too tired. All together, it put him to sleep in practically an instant, one arm tucked behind his head, the other holding Near close.

Near sighed softly, closing his eyes. Sleep. The concept was...almost terrifying to him, and always had been, the partial cause of his insomnia...even when his active mind was numb and screaming for sleep, he'd always feared the concept of closing his eyes and leaving his fragile body unguarded, weaker than weak...

But he felt safe. Safer than ever before. Mello's arm around him made him that way, and Mello's aura enveloped him until he was certain there was no force evil enough to shatter their protective circle, the protective embrace...

Near's thoughts faded, and he drifted into darkness...so warm...so soft...

Mello...

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I actually didn't like this chapter. My Near's past is tender and really more fit for RP…anyway. Review please.