AAAAAAH WHY DOES SCHOOL SUCK SO BAD?! Ah, well. Ads makes it easier. It goes without saying that Akane is a wonderful Mello to play with. And Kaze Kimizu, of course, because she just fucking rocks. xD I really didn't wanna post, but a very nice person commented on my NS tribute on YouTube and inspired me. :D Thank you, Eodaiya.

Nulli Secundus, Chapter 9 - Fear of Touch

Mello had never really slept so well before. It was a comfortable, dreamless rest, no nightmare visions behind his closed eyelids or exams to wrench him worrying from sleep. It was the perfect nap.

He awoke many hours later, cracking his blue eyes open slightly to meet the sight of a sleeping Near. Again, he wondered what Near was to him, what he was to Near...

Were they rivals? Lovers?

No, not lovers, for Mello couldn't utter a word such as "love" to Near. Fuck buddies? No. The term didn't fit.

They were still rivals, who behind closed doors held each other close, kissed, were something between friends and a couple but not quite either.

They needed each other.

But outside of this place, they were secret keepers to their own twisted relationship.

Mello glanced at the clock, astonished to see the time reading as 5:50. They had been sleeping for the better part of the day! The blonde carefully sat up, gently shaking Near.

"Near. We have to get up. We need to grab the stuff and get it here before curfew."

They couldn't stay here tonight. There actually had classes tomorrow and had to sleep in their own rooms. Mello felt a stab of annoyance, for he wanted to explore the room to the fullest extent...and...

He didn't really want to leave Near...

Near's eyes opened, his lashes fluttering, the only dark thing about him. In a hazy state of mind he simply stared at Mello for a moment, and then spoke quietly.

"We can get it, but I have to wonder...Roger knows. And the reason we learn so much here is in hopes of succeeding L...so...wouldn't L himself giving us an assignment take precedence over the basics taught to everyone?"

He figured he may have sounded conceited, but the thought had been eating away at him. He didn't want to go back to Wammy's, back to the rumors, and the rivalry.

"Yes. It would. I think we still have to juggle the usual classes. If we're to get an assignment, it'd make sense that he would set something up. Maybe he's planning something that we have to solve, like a mini-case. For now, we have to act inconspicuous and pretend like we never found the place. If Roger knows, L most likely gave him orders to try and deter us, the reason for the heightened security."

He was beginning to become suspicious of the insomniac detective. If L went to this much trouble with this place, there was no telling what he could possibly be planning.

"All these books must relate to what we're supposed to do."

Near sat up, sighing. "This is great. No, really, I'm thrilled. L's managed to turn us from normal students...okay, from students, to...whatever we are now..."

He rolled his eyes and got up, his limp less evident, the pain a dull throb. He barely noticed it, and he felt no blood. "I am not coherent right now, but I think you understand my meaning. And I assume you feel the same. So what next, Mello?"

"We have to get back downstairs and grab your things. Then we just have to stay down there, I guess. We can't come here on weekdays, but we don't have classes this Friday, so we can come then and stay for the weekend if we play our cards right. You better look at the map awhile to get the passages down so you can get back on your own. I'll leave it with you when we get down there. You feeling well enough to go now?"

He had walked over to the desk and dumped the stuff out of the bag, putting the flashlight and batteries in the top drawer and grabbing the kit, then walking into the bathroom and placing it in the cabinet. He grabbed a plastic bag from the cabinet and collected all the laundry, slinging it over his shoulder like a sack and grabbing the paper bag on his way out.

"You get this, and shove everything in it that you need. I'll take it up when I get the chance. Just bring it to me later."

Mello offered Near the brown bag, slipping out the map and tossing it into the paper thing. Near accepted it and obeyed, gathering his things, slightly depressed.

"I'm fine to go now. But it's a shame, all this. I kind of like this place...didn't before, but now I'm grateful for it. A lot of things have happened in...not very much time at all. I've always been relatively bored with what we learn at Wammy's, but this week is going to be...unbearable."

He glanced down at Maleficum, still lying on his side. Near bit his lip and grabbed him, putting him in the bag. No more bad memories, perhaps...Mello had brought him out of kindness, and that alone made Near smile as the grey fabric brushed his fingertips.

"I like it too. Ready."

Mello nodded and motioned for Near to follow, deciding that the common room passage would be best. He pressed his palm against the false stone and slipped into the tunnel entrance as the wall receded once again.

"Come on, let's go."

Mello took a glance behind him, eyes full of reluctance. He didn't want to leave this place any more than Near did.

"I wonder how long this has been here," Near murmured thoughtfully, close behind Mello. He paused for only a moment to grab the box from his pocket and open it, then press lenses into his eyes; he hissed audibly in discomfort, but continued. "It's not like it was built overnight. I wonder if L stayed here during his time at Wammy's."

That still didn't explain the fact that they had only managed to enter based on Mello's role as a virtue. Near's mind snapped back to the way his companion had screamed and fallen, clutching his shoulder, blood streaming down his arm...

Near reached out to grab Mello's sleeve gently, afraid to be separated.

Mello nodded at Near's words as he walked through the tunnel, allowing Near to grip his sleeve and feeling the guardian nature within him rear at the action.

"I think it was L's old hideaway, but he modified it for us, specifically so that only I would be able to get us in. I'm sure he keeps tabs on us, though he's far away. I have to hand it to him though, knowing you would come with me because of the exams was pretty well thought-out. He's very manipulative. Cunning."

He turned at the passage corner, back slightly sore from the small hunch he had to walk with to avoid hurting his head. Near loosened his grip, sighing.

"And he's never heard of a key? The puzzle was my part...and I didn't suffer from that. Why did he make you suffer, Mello, to get us in?"

The exams...he hadn't even seen the results, but didn't have to. Mello's anger was caused by a reoccurrence, and Near had learned to figure out the results of an exam simply by glancing at Mello's expression the day they were given out. Near was no longer testing himself; he tested Mello, for he knew neither of them was smarter than the other. They were both geniuses; they were both L's successors. Near was logic, and Mello was emotion, and they balanced each other out perfectly...

After all...rivals were still allies, striving for the same goal.

"I know it doesn't seem fair, but I suppose it was to reassure us that the Loft was ours, however sick it seems. I'm alright now, so it's no problem. I understand why he did it, and it was a mild Shock anyways. Honest."

Mello continued down the tunnels and took the left passage at fork in the road, the other one part of the way back through a certain hallway. "Near, be careful alright, that bruise is really noticeable. Avoid the people that usually pick on you. If you run, you'll tear yourself open."

Mello stopped at the end of the passage, bending down and slipping his key out of his pocket. He clicked the lock open and stared into the vent.

"Have you ever seen me run, Mello?"

Near followed his gaze, silent and calm. He'd never had to run from his instigators before, but the knowledge that he couldn't if he needed to suddenly weighed heavily on his mind...he was always sitting...surely no one would notice if he limped a little.

"If they ask, where have we been?"

"I've been outside in the woods and you've been in the library in the corner most of the day."

Mello slipped into the vent and unlatched the grate, grateful no one was in there before dragging himself out, turning around and whispering a quick, "Good luck." He dashed off, heading first to the washroom to throw their clothes into the washing machines.

Near smiled at Mello's retreating back and headed down the hallway toward his room, controlling his limp as best he could. He nodded a silent greeting toward a teacher that passed him, and she smiled, almost knowingly, and winked.

"Linda was by your door, Nate," she whispered, and Near tensed visibly at the name, dark eyes wide. The teachers only called children by their real names on three occasions; during adoption, during detention, or when L was involved. The teacher continued. "I made her leave."

"Th-thank you," Near said quietly, and her smile grew. She left him at an idle pace, greeting a few more of the children she passed; Near suspected this was to avoid suspicion.

When he got to his room, the first thing he did was place Maleficum on his pillow. The grey stood out against the white, and so did the faded red patches. Near smiled faintly at him.

He put his dominoes away and regarded his selection of toys and games for a moment before reaching for a box of Legos. His hand brushed against a small, cardboard box and the smell of incense drifted down to meet his nose. He pushed away the Legos to grab the box instead.

As he left the room, he looked down at the cards and traced the bold lettering on the side of the box fondly: "Morgan-Greer Tarot."

He remembered when he stole it from a yard sale before Watari found him. It had been surrounded by candles and incense; it had called to him. The smell still lingered.

He headed back to the common room.

(NS)

Mello quickly asserted himself into a relatively normal routine, acting as usual and wandering the halls, a bar of chocolate in his hand. He passed Matt's room, sighing in annoyance. The redhead would be gone for the entire week, including weekends. He couldn't go play a game or talk to him like he usually did.

"Seeing the golden brat scream…"

Mello blinked. What was that? What did that kid say? Cerulean eyes threw a gaze at the retreating form of a few students heading in the direction of the common room. He definitely heard…

He growled and crushed the chocolate wrapper. Not on his watch. Mello shadowed the three as they entered the common room.

"Hey Near. How's it going?"

Warning tones. In the first two words...Near looked up from the four-point set-up at his name, subconsciously shifting his legs beneath him.

"Hello Alex. Vince. Simon. I am...alright."

He didn't question them back, glancing down at the cards in front of him. A light blush tinted his cheeks, and his stomach flipped warningly. These...were not boys he got along well with, by any means. Obviously, Mello had jinxed him. Mello...the boy's mere name calmed him. He brushed white hair from his eyes and fanned more cards onto the ground in front of him. The boys were still staring at him, and he intensely disliked it. He felt crowded.

"That's good. We're bored. "

Vice sneered and Simon chuckled darkly. Mello could see where this was going and his eyes narrowed into dangerous slits.

"Yeah, figured we come play with you."

Alex bent down to Near's level and grabbed his wrist roughly, jerking it away from the cards. Near's body tensed.

"Yeah. C'mon Near. Let's play."

Vince and Simon smirked at the ringleader and Alex grinned like a hungry predator.

"We have a game for you. It's really fun, and we'll like it a lot."

"Yep, but…I don't know if you'll like it, so that's why we are going to play and see if you do. I mean, I'm not sure if you like garbage or not. C'mon Near. Vince, help him up."

"Sure, boss."

Vince grabbed Near's other wrist, yanking it viciously upward. Simon just watched with a grin on his face.

Near had hardly time to react to anything...anything. Careless, foolish...he'd grown too accustomed to Mello's touch to forget what it did to him...and his wrists hadn't been grabbed like that since...no...

There was a moment when he inhaled so sharply that his throat stung, when his eyes flashed pure, unhidden terror, terror that tore away all his barriers and indifference and exposed the fragile soul underneath.

He blanked out completely, only dimly aware of the boys snickering around him, his eyes full of blood and pain and death, his ears echoing his mothers screams and his father's yells and the way Daddy choked on his own blood as he died, his wrists not stinging as badly as they should have been from the rough grasp because oh, they were so slick with Mommy's blood...

And then, there it was, that warm aura that made his mind relax, made his body relax back onto the floor so that his eyes could watch, because for some reason he wasn't being supported against his will anymore.

"AH!"

Without so much as a warning, Mello's foot was securely jammed into Alex's spine, breaking his vice-grip on Near's hand and sending him smashing face first into the hard floor.

"Fuck! What the hell…Mello!?"

Mello had grabbed a hold of the idiot's arms, foot jammed into his back and face to the floor. The blond never looked so absolutely furious. It was a surprise that the floor didn't suddenly crack and the flames of Hell burn the student on the floor alive. Mello had taken the guise of a demon, teeth bared and eyes wide with rage.

"Fucking scum..."

His tongue was laced with pure venom, a killer on its own. Alex fumed under him, desperately trying to fight back but Mello was far, far too strong.

"Get the hell off me!"

"Considering how I have the ability to break your fucking back, I am positive that YOU shouldn't be the one making demands! No one but ME will touch sheep boy, understand?!"

"Fuck you!"

And that did it.

With unmatched strength and in one fluid motion, Mello wrenched Alex around, flipping him onto his back hard, the noise of bone against the floor sickening. Alex gagged and Simon and Vince rushed to his side. He swatted at them and got up, facing Mello with a look of utter hatred in his eyes. It couldn't stand against the absolutely death-inducing look in Mello's.

"I don't care if you're second. You just made the biggest mistake of your life."

"Back at you."

Alex threw a punch, aiming for Mello's shoulders, but Mello slid backwards and spun around, suddenly pivoting sharply and smashing a kick to the boy's stomach. Alex flew back and took a glance at the deadly opponent fighting against spasms that threatened his lungs.

"Back. The fuck. Off."

The tone was so deadly it could have killed. Vince and Simon stared in horror as Mello growled at the three.

"Get out."

And they fled without looking back. Mello breathed deeply, caught in the moment and letting the rage just steam off in a sigh.

"You okay?"

Near had closed his eyes, not wanting to see the massacre. Mello's voice, though so grating, so terrifying, so ANGRY, still comforted him more than the sickly sweet tones the boys had used. His mother's screaming and his own childish crying pounded at his ears, and even behind closed lids, his world spun around him. Very, very distantly, he could hear Mello's outrage, feel the boys' cocky attitudes fading into fear...

He opened his eyes weakly, but they were glazed and cloudy, and he couldn't see anything but the lights all around him...it was too bright, and his contacts made his eyes itch. There was a moment where Mello spoke...perhaps he was talking to Near...

The boy blinked rapidly, frail body trembling. Fear...was not a virtue...

Mello's trained eye caught Near's reactions, but he couldn't hold him like before. Not here. The blond walked over and stepped behind Near carefully, allowing his legs to touch Near's back as he literally watched over him. He knew the small amount of contact would somewhat soothe the terrified being, but he wasn't entirely sure if it would drive away all the turmoil in his eyes.

"Easy, I'm here."

The words were soft as he scanned the common room. The other students had already evacuated during Mello's attack, so not a soul was here besides them.

Near blinked and turned his head slightly, the glaze vanishing from his eyes and Mello becoming clearer...weakly, he reached upwards, extending his fingertips toward Mello and letting out a small whimper.

"Mello..."

His wrists hurt. The pressure it took to move his arms hurt. But Mello was too far away...so he reached further, wishing his frail arms were longer. He couldn't stop shaking, and it hurt him...Mello was all he wanted, and all he needed, so despite the pain, he continued to reach.

Mello bit his lip. What was he supposed to do? There was no one around, but Linda was bound to come, always present at a time like this. Nevertheless, he gently grabbed Near's hand within his own, massaging the side. He knew that Near had revisited the memories; that was the same look he gave him not a day earlier.

"I'm here..."

"Mello," Near whispered, eyes and body both relaxing. "I keep seeing it inside my head...it's been years since I relived it, and now, twice in two days...why...?"

He focused intently on Mello's touch. The middle of the common room...right in the open! But he was so grateful the older boy was there for him...he smiled at Mello, weakly, hoping the torment he felt inside didn't reflect in the affectionate gesture.

"Maybe because I brought your bunny back, and you're afraid of touch. The two fears just…fed off each other."

Mello sighed and stared back, feeling a stab of irritation at the boys who had ignited Near's fears.

There was no question he was worried for the boy, but he couldn't stay. He was actually in the process of coming up with a way to get a radio/ disc player into the Loft, along with other things.

"Near, I have to go."

Near pulled his hand from Mello's and shifted until he was on his knees; quickly, he gathered his cards, his eyes focused on rushing, his still-shaking hands moving fast. One of the cards cut his finger, but he ignored it and stood, gazing at Mello, brows furrowed in an expression of false determination.

"I'm going with you."

It wasn't a question, and in that, his determination wasn't false. He was almost hurt by the fact that Mello was leaving...but what had he expected? They were still rivals, right? They couldn't be together always...right?

Near's gaze was cold. Mello blinked a moment, biting his lip. Well...Linda probably did blab to the world about their "project," so seeing them together wouldn't be unusual. Solemnly, he thanked the unknown forces that there weren't any cameras inside Wammy's.

Mello sighed and exited the common room, walking towards his room. If they were going to fit any furniture into the Loft they would have to use the original entrance. It was a matter of getting caught there though with anything large…

"Alright. Got any ideas on how to fit a beanbag in an air vent?"

"Unless you want to unstitch the sides and transport the beans in separate bags, I have no idea." Near cocked his head. "The floor and bed are both so comfortable...why do you want to bring in a beanbag? Isn't that a bit much?"

He wished L had had enough common sense to put a fridge in the Loft...sure, a bed and a bathroom, but no fridge. Almost as if he...Near blushed lightly, scowling.

Pervert.

"I'm thinking that it would be good for reading in," Mello replied, snapping Near from his thoughts. "Plus, I'm thinkin' that we have to play this game of "Sneaking things without being caught." This may surprise you, but I know exactly where to get a mini-fridge, a beanbag, and a small table…plus food."

He turned the knob and entered his room, sighing at the utter mess it had been left in. He walked over to his closet and opened the door, ignoring the ridiculous amount of clothing on the floor and trudging through it to the back, withdrawing a shirt of his and tossing it aside.

"Hmmm..."

Mello blinked and paced. Where DID he put that thing...

"Workspace as cluttered as your logic, Mello?" Near said snidely, grinning slightly. He was gripping the doorframe, glancing around the older boy's room curiously, not stepping past the doorway.

"Bite me."

"I'm trying to figure out how we can go so long without eating in the cantina and not arouse suspicion," Near murmured, ignoring the remark. "Our absences will be noticed soon."

"And if Roger really does know, then he'll overlook our absences. We can deal with rumors. I'll just say something really abstract to Linda, like…I'm a werewolf or something, and I eat babies on weekends. And drink their blood to satisfy my cravings for human flesh."

Near simply stared at him, blinking, trying to sort out what Mello had just said.

"...have you been reading much manga lately?" Near's lips twitched. "I mean, where's the logic in that? How can drinking blood satiate your thirst for human flesh?"

Near allowed Mello a few moments of concentration and watched him gather the items. Mello sighed in defeat and picked up at last what he had been looking for, the key to his desk drawer. He walked over and unlocked it, pulling out a small CD player, and then an assortment of random electronics. A tape recorder, a radio, walkie talkies, and about five pairs of headphones.

"It's not supposed to make sense, it's just to start the rumor that I'm absolutely insane, which it will if I add something "extra"...here it is." He withdrew what he had been looking for, which was oddly enough, another key. "C'mon, to the supply closet to get that fridge..."

He didn't bother cleaning up the mess as he walked out of the room, he'd do it later tonight. He shoved the key into his pocket and calmly stalked the hallway.

"And what, the over-active security isn't going to miss a fridge?"

If anything surpassed the boundaries of Near's logic, it was Mello, but he ran to catch up with him anyway. He wasn't aware of it, but the faint smile was still on his lips, and his dark eyes were happy.

"They don't know about it, actually. Matt got it and hid it here in case anyone needed it. And we need it. I guess I'll have to tell him about the Loft eventually, but that's alright, Matt can keep a secret...I just hope he's not jealous."

Mello sighed at the thought but regained his semi-mellow mood and turned the corner, opening the door to the closet and waltzing over (but not literally, fuck, Mello couldn't do the Waltz...) to an old locker in the corner of the room.

"Yep, where Matt hides all of his crap he gets but doesn't need. Apparently he has contacts outside Wammy's but it is beyond me how the hell he gets all of this stuff..."

Near tilted his head at Mello.

"Why do we have to tell Matt about the Loft? It was L's assignment to us, after all...I bet L even organized the field trip to get him out so you wouldn't be tempted to bring him."

He stood behind Mello, eyeing the locker curiously.

"Well, I have no reason to lie to Matt, and he's my friend. I owe it to him to tell him at least the gist of things. Plus, I can't just blow him off. And I agree with you on that fact. I bet he did plan that..."

Mello unlocked the padlock and set it aside, opening the door and revealing indeed, a small white mini-fridge, in perfect condition, sitting on the shelf. Below it sat a small stereo system. Mello "hmm'd" and glanced at both objects.

"I also need to explain to him why I need the stuff."

Mello grabbed the fridge, happy that it was very light and stared at the stereo a moment.

"Just take it anyway. Who knows, we might need the radio or something. There's an entrance right here so I'll just take the fridge now. Do you want to go get your things so we just have to make one trip?"

"Yeah, sure...I'll come back and take the stereo in a minute. I don't need much from my room anyway."

Near left without awaiting confirmation, his head bowed. No. It would've been too much to hope for, and he knew it. Allowing himself too much emotion, too much trust...allowing himself to be too vulnerable...

His legs spasmed in the ghost of a jolt of agony.

No. He'd known better, and as he grabbed his things, he purposely avoided the rabbit sitting on his pillow.

He'd known better. He'd just hoped otherwise.

He's not butthurt. ...well, not exactly. -snickers-