Disclaimer: I don't own Peacemaker Kurogane. It's as simple as that.

Hello, fellow earthings! Please know that I'm terribly sorry for the... 3 month delay. Yes, I'm still alive and kicking. So, for those of you waiting for chapter two, enjoy!

Here's a shoutout to my dear reviews: Thank you very much!! xD

Mission Impossible

Chapter 2: The Proposal, the Refusal, and Everything in Between

"So… is this it?"

The four stood in front of a shabby-looking building, its front door partially falling off. None of them could ever imagine that anybody would willingly pay to live in such a... unsanitary hole.

"…No, it's not." Souji replied. He cast a nervous glance at the dead rat on the ground. "This is just the cheapest inn Hijikata could find for me until the mission's over."

"The man's kind of stingy, eh?" Shinpachi snorted as he barely dodged a falling piece of wood.

"Well, I can't deny that," replied Souji simply, making his way to the front of the inn.

Knocking gently on the frail door, they were greeted by a smelly old woman.

"Yes?" she croaked, much like a frog, "How may I help you… four?"

"We're looking for a room," said Souji smiling. He was pretty sure that it was quite obvious...

"Just one, eh?"

"Well… yes, just one."

Flashing them a dirty smile, the woman led them upstairs.

"This is the only one we have open," she stated. Pulling back the screen door, she revealed what appeared to be an averaged sized closet. "Have fun." With another ghostly smile, the woman walked back down the stairs and left.

"'Have fun?'" wondered Shinpachi aloud. "What does she mean by… oh."

As night settled in, the four squeezed into the tiny room and slept (despite the roaring snores and an occasional fart).

When the sun rose once again, four woke with cramps all over and two with hangovers.

"Gah!" cried Heisuke. "The light, the blinding light!"

"Shut up, Heisuke, you're making my brain hurt." Shinpachi groaned. "Ow my leg, my leg! Get off, Sano!"

"Sorry, Shinpachi—"

"That's my arm, Sanosuke."

"Oops, sorry Souji—"

"Hey! My foot!"

"Sorry, Heisuke…"

Eventually, with all body parts attached, the four left the grubby inn and the smelly old woman in search of the man that was the reason of all their pain and suffering: the smelly old slave trader.

After several hours of walking up and down the streets of Shimabara, the four decided to stop at a bar to rest.

"Gah…" Shinpachi groaned, slumping over the table. "I swear we walked by this bar at least five times by now."

"Watch out, Shinpachi," warned Sanosuke. "You don't want to know who barfed all over that table yesterday."

Shinpachi sat up. "…Who?"

"Heisuke."

"Aw man, that's just gross," said Shinpachi, wrinkling his nose. "No wonder this place looks so familiar."

"Hey," started Heisuke, "at least I—"

"Helloooooo my pretty lady!" a gruff voice exclaimed cheerfully. Walking up to their table, a stranger continued talking, oblivious to their blank stares. "I know we didn't get off on the right foot yesterday," he said sheepishly, "but I couldn't stop thinking about you last night. You were so… pretty. Like an angel. So you see, I—"

"Excuse me," Shinpachi snapped. "Do we know you?"

"I… I think so…"

"Oh!" gasped Souji suddenly. "I remember now!"

"Souji, you know this guy?" asked Shinpachi incredulously.

"Yeah. I slapped him yesterday."

"What?!"

"Yup," Souji chirped happily.

"Wow," gasped Sanosuke, taking a closer look at the ronin's rugged features. "This guy is amazing! He pissed off Souji and is still able to walk!"

"You've got a point there, Sano," Heisuke nodded, trying to hold in his laughter, "Maybe it's because he kind of looks like Hijikata."

"Ahem…" Souji coughed.

"…Not that it means anything," Heisuke continued, watchful of Souji's stare.

"Anyways," said Shinpachi, eyeing the ronin suspiciously, "What do you want?"

"M-Me? Ah, well, to put it bluntly…" the ronin blushed and stared deeply into Souji's eyes. "Will you marry me, angel?"

"Nope." stated Souji flatly without hesitation.

As the four watched the dejected man slump away, Souji's ego battled against his honor as a Shinsengumi captain (in which ego died a pitiful death) and decided that, despite his already mortally wounded pride, he would need the ronin's knowledge of Shimabara in order to ensure his mission's success.

"But Ronin-san," he called out, successfully luring the desperate man right to him, "I would really, really appreciate it if you would be so kind as to help me out a little."

Crossing his legs, Souji gave the ronin what he hoped to be a seductive grin and purred softly, "You see, I'm new here, and I need to know the directions to a certain teahouse, the one with a giant hole as its front door. Do you know of it?"

"Do I know of it? Of course I do! I work there!"

Souji almost gagged, "You… work there?"

"Yes ma'am, I'm the cook!" he winked, smiling proudly.

"…Oh… yes, of course. Well then, Ronin-san—"

"Please, call me Koko."

Souji blinked, "Uhh…Right. Koko-san, would you mind taking us there?"

"No problem! Anything for you, my angel! Follow me!" Thus, the ronin joyously skipped out of the bar, singing.

"Great!" exclaimed Souji happily, "Let's go—"

Shinpachi groaned, "H-Heisuke, are you done puking yet?"

"N-no, not yet. Y-you?"

Shinpachi merely barfed in reply.

"…That's great, Shinpachi," said Heisuke weakly. "What about you, Sano?"

"I-I think he's fainted a long while ago, Heisuke…"

"Oh… oh yeah."

"That was unnecessary, you guys," pouted Souji as the four trudged down a dirty, secluded alley behind the ronin (who, by the way, was still singing).

The Comedian Trio merely shuddered, traumatized for life at the image of a "seductive Souji."

"If Hijikata ever hears about this," Heisuke muttered softly to Shinpachi and Sanosuke, "He's going go kill us, every single one of us."

"Except for Souji, of course," Sanosuke grumbled.

Shinpachi grunted in agreement.

"Cheer up, my funny fellows!" cried the ronin, swinging his arms around Heisuke's shoulders. "With a beautiful lady for company, why wear the grim faces?"

Raising an eyebrow, Heisuke slowly plucked the man's arm off his shoulders. "Guys, should we enlighten our friendly ronin here about Souji's—"

"There will be no need for that," Souji interrupted happily. "Come, Koko-san, let's go!"

With that, Souji and Koko walked down the grimy street, chatting cheerfully to each other as if they were old friends.

"You know," said Sanosuke suddenly, "They are truly amazing."

"Enlighten me," Heisuke replied wryly.

"Well," he thought, scratching his head, "If Koko can still walk after pissing off Souji, then that must mean he can still breathe if he pisses off Hijikata, right?"

"…True."

"And Souji's amazing because—"

"Sano, I don't think I need you to tell me why Souji's amazing—"

"—because he's an even better cross-dresser than Susumu!"

"…Well, now that I think about it, that's true, too."

Shinpachi yawned. "Hey, Koko," he called out. "How much farther is it 'till we get—"

"We're here!" Souji called back.

Walking up to them, the Comedian Trio took one glance at the brothel and gaped like a trio of fish at the sumo-sized hole in the wall.

Shinpachi twitched. "So… is this it?"

Comments, questions? Please drop a review before you leave! Now, I'm off to write chapter 3 of my insanely insane ficcy.

Bye bye.

Kuroshiki

5/21/07