AN: in this fanfiction, Ren, Akito's Mom, is dead. Well, we all saw it coming, and she kind of deserves it from how evil she was D:

I don't know how later

HAA! Not dead yet, huh! Well, I was close to dying, according to the doctors. I actually saw the cliché tunnel with the bright light at the end. And then there were two people standing right in front of it. I was about to shove past them like I do to old guys on the subway, and then one of them said, "Hold it, Akito."

I stopped dead, and the guy dragged me back. "hang on!" I said. "you're my dad!"

"yes, well spotted."

"I need to die, so let me go through!"

"I need to die, so let me go through!" the other person mimicked.

I turned to look at them. "Mom? What are you doing here? You're both dead!"

"she doesn't get it," muttered my father under his breath.

"you are dead, Akito," my mother said abruptly. "well, not entirely dead. In-between."

"well, get whatever you want to say done quickly, because if I don't die soon Aya's gonna turn back and-"

"don't you get it, Akito?" my father said. I could sense him going all Disney-movie narrator on me again. "the fact that you were willing to sacrifice yourself, to throw aside your selfishness for another person, is a sacrifice in itself!"

"you're losing me." I said.

He sighed, and my mother said, "the point is, you have a choice. Either way, Dr. Seahorse and that perverted snake will live. Happy?"

"so what's the choice?"

"back there or up there."

"oh, thanks. That makes perfect sense."

"she inherited the sarcastic gene," groaned my father, and my mother ploughed on. "through the tunnel into the flashlight or back down to that scary hospital. You choose."

"that's easy!" I said. "flashlight it is!"

"DAMMIT!" they both yelled. "that's not what you're supposed to say!" whined my father. "You're supposed to choose to go back down to earth and change your ways! Screw it, Ren. Let's send her back anyway."

And so they sent be back.

Meanies.

Later

When I woke up, I was sitting in the stupid hospital bed. I then proceeded to tell the nurse what I had seen, but I don't think she believed me.

Later... again... there are no stupid clocks in here

Hatori and Aya are finally free! Them, Shigure, and Kureno all came to visit me. Hatori was all teary-eyed.

"I don't believe it! you almost killed yourself for me!" he sobbed. (the nurse kept backing away slowly).

"meh."

Shigure was sitting in the corner, silent, looking like a kimono-clad Death but Kureno wouldn't shut up. He kept babbling about Taco Day and electricity bills and a bunch of other crap.

Later (the nurse tells me it's 3:00, but I don't know what day

Rin and Hatsuharu came running in! they were all panicky and Rin was all, "AKITO! Do you have footage of your near-death experience I can put on YouTube?"

"you forgot the 'sama'," I informed her.

"whatever."

Hatori said after they left, "You know, that's Rin's way of showing she was worried about you."

"why would anyone be worried about me?"

"I dunno."

The next day

I actually got around to telling Hatori and Shigure about the flashlight at the end of the tunnel. When I (finally) stopped, Hatori had this big fit and he went on and on about how you never say that you want to go through the flashlight.

"do you even know what the flashlight really was?"

"it was a flashlight... right?" I said.

He sighed. "what a dumbass."

Shigure suddenly spoke from the corner. "did you see Ren?"

My mother? "yeah."

"did you punch her?"

"no."

"baka. You should have punched her."

"I don't think you can punch dead people."

Then the ONIGIRI GIRL came in to visit! Nooooo!!! And she was with The Cat. And they were smiling dopily. Oh, crap. They must be going out.

"congrats," I said pointedly to them holding hands, and onigiri girl went all red and went on this funny rant about dish detergent. Kyo just kept yelling at The Rat from the doorway.

The day after that

I'M FREE!!! FREE FROM THIS EBIL HOSPITAL!!! Apparently all the rat poison is out of my circulatory system or some other crap but who cares I'm FREE!!!

As soon as I came back, I was attacked by Ritsu's mom...

"I'M SOOO SORRYY!!!" she screamed crazily. "I WILL KEEP ALLLL THE RAAAT POISON OUT OF YOURR REEAAAACCCHHHH!!!! UUAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHH!!!!"

"Shigure!" I yelled. "bring the electric bug zapper!"

The day after THAT. Yep I still don't know what day it is and are too lazy to ask Kureno.

For some reason, we've now made a kind of truce with Tohru and Kyo. This truce seems to involve them walking over to the main house and eating through my supply of cream puffs.

Anyway, I was sitting playing 'Dai Hin Min' (in which, sadly, I am poor man for the 489th time in a row) with Shigure, Hatori, Kureno, Ayame, Kyo and Tohru when I said to the two of spades, "you know, I think I'll start dressing like a girl,"

"oh... you mean you'll start cross-dressing like Rit-chan-san?" said Tohru, who was close to taking my place as poor man.

Shigure coughed. "uh... no. She actually wouldn't be cross dressing."

"SHEEEE?!" said Kyo, his eyes bugging out at me.

"yeah, she," I said, still talking to the two of spades. "don't I totally resemble a princess?"

Hatori snorted.

"DAMMIT, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'VE BEEN GETTING PUSHED AROUND BY A GIRL!!!"

"you'll be pushed around physically too if you don't shut up," I said mildly.

"w-well, Akito-san," said Tohru, who's eyes were little chibi spirals, "I-I'm sure it w-would be good if you started dressing like the gender you actually a-are..."

"some people might not believe you, though," said Shigure, looking at the ceiling.

"why not?"

"you're still flat as a board."

On a completely unrelated subject, Shigure is now Poor Man and has a nice amount of bruises all over his face.

I have no idea how that happened, so don't blame me. Nooooo idea.

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY! beware, i will hunt down any non-green wearers :P

Just so you know, because I've never said it, I DO NOT OWN FRUITS BASKET, AKITO, OR ANY OTHER THING IN THIS FIC (except for the rat poison, which is pretty much useless unless you want to commit suicide) ~~~

Did anyone actually think I would kill Akito off? Triple LOL if you did! I would prolly mourn her for weeks!

One more chapter, the epilogue, left. It'll be when they're all grown up so you can see what happened and who ended up with who.

Oh yeah, and I totally had to include some Kyoru in there because I'm just a crazy fangirl that way =_= and I'm leaving who Akito ends up with a secret, but... you all totally know who it's going to be by now, probably. And Hatori ends up with Samii, lol (no one will get that unless you're crazymusician22... or you read their fanfiction...lala).

Anyway, byes~~~!