Title: Not the Life he Imagined
Author: Tsarina Smith
Rating: PG-13/R-ish
Disclaimer: JAG isn't mine. If it were mine I would have been much, MUCH nicer to the characters.
Spoilers: The whole series is fair game, but "Yeah, Baby" and "Standards of Conduct" especially.
Summary: Harm turns 40 and wonders how his life turned out so differently than what he wanted.
Authors Notes: Thanks again for the reviews! I appreciate them so much and I'm glad you guys are enjoying this. Sorry this part took so long. I was going to finish it and post it Sunday, but I got distracted by the Oscars (all hail Queen Kate!!!) and then Monday wasn't letting me log in, and tonight I got home from work at 6:00 and was passed out by 6:30. I live such an exciting life. Anyhoo. Hope you enjoy this!
Three
Harm's mouth was open and his eyes wide as he took in the crowd of people in his living room. He looked to his side at his beaming partner and shook his head. "I should have never known you would willingly try tofutti."
She laughed and gestured at the large cake over on the bar. "Why would I want tofutti when there is a delicious looking cake on the other side of the room?" She squeezed his arm and walked further into the apartment. Harm shut the door and followed her in.
He was approached by Sturgis and Bobbie, but kept his eyes on his partner. She was being hugged by Harriet and then picked up their godson. "I'm guessing this was her idea." He said, gesturing to Mac.
Sturgis nodded, "Of course it was. Bud, Harriet, Bobbie and I got things set up here while you were out at dinner, but this is all courtesy of Mac."
"Well thank you both. I appreciate it."
"You still depressed about turning forty?"
His eyes once again fell on his partner, still glowing in that spectacular dress. "Not nearly as depressed as I was yesterday."
"Yeah, I would find it pretty hard to be depressed when you're out to dinner with a woman who looks like that." Bobbie said, tilting her head in Mac's direction.
Harm rolled his eyes. "Not to mention the fantastic dinner that I just had with my best friend."
"Did you guys talk?" Sturgis asked.
"We started to," Harm said, "but the waitress we had interrupted us at a pivotal moment. When we got here she wanted to come up for ice cream. I hoped we'd be able to pick up our conversation, but I walk in and all of you were standing here."
"Sorry to cramp your style."
"I'm glad you're here. It means a lot. Mac and I can talk later."
Sturgis raised an eyebrow and studied his friend for a minute. "You two are going to talk? Really talk."
He nodded. "Yes. I can't keep hiding from her and from everything that I feel for her."
"Did you two have a nice dinner?" Harriet asked.
Mac nodded and placed a squirming AJ back on the floor. She watched as he ran over to Harm and then turned her attention back to Harriet. "Dinner was great. Of course, we got interrupted right when we were about to have one of our very rare Hallmark moments."
"What happened?"
She shook her head as she thought about the damned waitress who interrupted them. What she wouldn't give for a few minutes alone with her… "He was telling me how I was the only thing he couldn't stand to lose and then the idiot waitress comes up and asks if we needed anything. It completely ruined our moment. Things were so awkward for the rest of dinner and the ride home that I had to convince him I wanted that I wanted to try soy ice cream to get him to invite me up."
Harriet laughed and shook her head. "Soy products aren't all bad. Vanilla soymilk tastes a lot like skim milk."
"Harriet! Not you too." She turned to the table and poured herself a glass of tonic water and plopped a slide of lime in it. She sipped her drink and turned back to her friend. "I almost was tempted to blow off the party and take him back to my place so we could continue our talk."
"I would have killed you. Have you ever tried to set up for a party with Commander Turner and Bud?" Both women laughed and Mac looked around the room. All of Harm's closest friends, his closest local friends anyways, had gathered to celebrate her favorite Naval officer's fortieth birthday and the apartment looked great. Harriet had set up the food on the bar and set up a second table as the bar. Apparently she had been taking lessons from Food Network on setting up tables for a party. The table was covered with a crisp white table cloth. The footed glasses were artfully arranged and bottles of wine, other liquor, as well as water were lined up neatly with ice buckets and cocktail napkins next to the centerpiece of white roses.
"Well, despite working with the two of them, this place looks wonderful." She gave her friend a grateful smile and she looked at her partner. "Hey Harm! Come cut the cake!"
He rolled his eyes and excused himself from Sturgis and Bobbie. Once he was by her side, he accepted the knife that Harriet handed him. He looked at the people gathered in the room and smiled. "Thank you all for coming. Most of you know I wasn't thrilled with the prospect of turning forty, but now that I'm here it doesn't look like it's going to be too bad." No one missed the look he gave Mac as he said that. "Now, I'm going to cut this cake before my partner uses this knife on me." She rolled her eyes and everyone else laughed as he cut off a generous piece of cake. He put it on a plate and handed it to her. "This should tide you over for a while, Mac."
She glared at him briefly before grabbing a fork and digging into the cake. The two of them stepped out of the way so that everyone else could help themselves to cake and she watched amused as he grabbed an extra fork and took a bite of her piece. "Get your own piece."
"Mac, this is more than enough for the two of us." He looked her over again and smiled. "Besides, if you eat that whole thing it might change how good you look in that dress."
"Do I need to go steal something of yours to put on so you'll stop making comments on the dress?"
"You've worn my clothes before, Mac. I wouldn't mind that all that much either."
She smacked him in the chest with her free hand and then took another bite of cake. "So were you surprised?"
"Yes, you could definitely say that." He took another piece of cake with his fork, and twirled it around listlessly. "I hear this was all your idea."
"It was."
He leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you."
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Sturgis looked at Harriet and smiled. "Just watching them." He nodded at Harm and Mac who were in the middle of a conversation with Clayton Webb and the woman he had brought with him. "Do you ever notice how much he touches her?"
She nodded. "Even at the office. He's discrete about it, but he always puts his hand on the small of her back when they're leaving a room or heading into a room."
"Look at them now." He said. "When Webb approached them, Mac talked for a minute, but when she turned to leave he grasped her wrist and pulled her close. They're just so damned right for one another."
"They're a match in every way. They just fit together. They look right together."
Sturgis realized he could be breaking Harm's confidence, but Harm wasn't the only one who needed to talk to someone. "Harriet, I need to tell you something Harm confided in me yesterday. I hate even asking this, but could you not say anything to anyone, not even Bud? Harm didn't tell me not to say anything to anyone, but I doubt he wants his business all over JAG HQ."
"Sir, you can trust me."
"Yesterday Harm told me that on the day your son was born he and Mac made a deal to have a baby together in five years."
Harriet's eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"
He nodded and glanced back over at the pair of them. "Yes. And now that Harm is going through his midlife crisis, he's thinking about how he wants a family and tonight he told me that they're finally going to talk and that he can't keep hiding from everything he feels for her."
She stood there silent for a moment. She watched her sleepy son and his father with a smile and then glanced at her friends before turning her attention back to Sturgis. "AJ still has a year before he'll be five. Does Harm want to push up the time table, or does he want an actual relationship from Mac?" Sturgis shrugged and she sighed. "Those two will be brilliant together, but having a baby because of a deal is a really bad idea."
"I agree. I was stunned when he told me. Never mind the emotional complications, but career wise it'll be a disaster for Mac."
"Depends on how they conceive, I suppose. If they go the IVF route, rather than her just going out and getting pregnant it might turn out better." She shook her head and groaned. "This is ridiculous. I don't understand how two people as smart as those two can get themselves in such insane situations."
"Excuse me, ma'am..."
Mac turned and smiled at Bud. "Hey Bud."
"I hate to do this, but I think Harriet and I need to leave." He gestured down at the sleepy little boy attached to his leg. "AJ is almost out."
She knelt down to the little boys level and brushed his hair off his forehead. "Are you sleepy, honey?" She smiled as he nodded and stood back up. "You guys did so much work on this, I'd hate for you to have to leave. Why don't I take him and let him sleep in Harm's room until you guys are ready?"
"The Commander-" he stopped at the look on Mac's face and grinned, "Harm won't mind?"
Mac shook her head. "Not at all." She waited for Bud to pick him up and she led them into the bedroom. Once AJ was settled on the bed she pulled a blanket off of a chair and covered him with it. AJ was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow and they smiled and headed back to the party. "He's such a great kid, Bud."
Bud smiled, pride evident all over his face. "He and Harriet are everything to me. I never would have made it through this last year without them."
"Is he excited about the baby?"
"We uh- we haven't told him yet."
"Why not?"
Bud sighed and glanced at his wife. "He didn't really understand what happened with Sarah. He knew there was a baby and then one day the baby was gone. He's older now, he might have questions and I'm just not ready to answer them."
"That's understandable. This has to be bittersweet for you guys."
"You have no idea. We both want a big family, but having another baby is terrifying. I know what happened to Sarah probably won't happen again, but…"
"But the thought of setting yourself to go through it again is scary."
"Yeah." He focused on Harriet and smiled as she shared a laugh with the Admiral. Wanting to change the subject, he glanced back at Mac and smiled. "Think you'll ever have kids?"
"I hope so, Bud. I really hope so."
A couple of hours later the last guest had left and Harm and Mac were left alone in his apartment. He shut the door behind Sturgis and turned to see her picking up a stack of plates.
"Don't even think about cleaning up, Mac. You've done way too much as it is."
She shook her head. "Harm, this place is a wreck. I'm not leaving it for you to clean by yourself." She gestured to the glasses and smiled. "Grab some of those and make yourself useful." She made her way to the kitchen and began loading the dishwasher.
He did as he was told and was soon standing next to her by the sink. He emptied the contents of the glasses and left them in the sink and went to pick up more of them. While he carefully loaded his arms with the glasses he looked over at Mac and smiled. She still looked as beautiful as she had at the beginning of the evening and the domesticity of this moment filled him with warmth. He dropped the glasses off in the sink and glanced around the room. He appeared to have gotten them all in his two trips and began loading them in the dishwasher. "Mac, I know I've already said this several times tonight, but thanks for everything." He suddenly felt lightheaded and tried to tell himself that it was a result of the alcohol in his system, not the her proximity and the radiant smile she gave him.
"You're very welcome, Harm." They stood there for a moment, before the awareness of all that remained unsaid between them turned the moment awkward and she was the first to glance away. She began loading silverware and didn't look back up till he had moved back to the living room with a trash bag in hand. She watched as he gathered up napkins and the wrapping paper remaining from his gifts and sighed softly, cursing herself inwardly for being such a coward. He was no longer the one running and hiding from what was between them.
They worked in silence for a little while until the apartment was close to it's normal level of cleanliness. Satisfied with their work, Mac hesitantly picked up her coat and bag. Even though he hated seeing her leave, the officer and gentleman in him took over and Harm hurried to help her with her coat. He took the heavy black garment from her and held it out for her to slip her arms in to. Once she had done so, he placed his hands on her shoulders and then ran his hands down her arms.
"I guess I'll see you Monday at the office."
She bit her lower lip and summoned up her courage. "We need to finish our conversation."
He smiled and nodded. "Yes we do. Want to have dinner tomorrow night? I'll cook."
"That sounds nice."
"Goodnight, Mac." Feeling brave, he tilted his head to kiss her cheek, only to find she had moved her head at the same moment so his lips brushed hers. The movement was quick and the kiss was so soft that neither of them would have been one hundred percent sure it had even happened if their lips weren't on fire from the touch.
She blushed and opened the door. "Goodnight, Harm." She smiled at him softly before closing the door behind her.
End Part 3
Let me know what you think! Just an FYI, the next part won't be out till at least Sunday. My best friend is getting married in April and I'm having her bridal shower on Saturday, so that'll keep me pretty busy for the rest of the week.