Title: Not the Life he Imagined

Author: Tsarina Smith

Rating: PG-13/R-ish

Disclaimer: JAG isn't mine. If it were mine I would have been much, MUCH nicer to the characters.

Spoilers: The whole series is fair game, but "Yeah, Baby" and "Standards of Conduct" especially.

Summary: Harm turns 40 and wonders how his life turned out so differently than what he wanted.

Authors Notes: And it's done!!! Thanks so much everyone for all of your feedback. I appreciate it so much. I hope you all have enjoyed this. Oh, and a few of you have PM-ed me recently wanting the more mature version of "L is for Laser Tag" from 26 Weekends… I'd love to send it out, but my computer crashed a few weeks ago and I lost my files. I thought I had found it, but it was just the original/posted version. I have it saved on a flash drive SOMEWHERE and I'm still looking for it, so I'll send it as soon as I can find it.

Epilogue

May 18, 2004

Whatever Sturgis was saying to him went in one ear and out the other. At the current moment, he couldn't tear his eyes away from his wife. She was standing next to Harriet and laughing at something Mikey Roberts was saying. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something about her was different. He continued watching her until Sturgis realized he was being ignored and gave him a shove.

"Harm, you haven't listened to a word I said."

He flashed his friend an apologetic smile. "Sorry."

Sturgis followed Harm's gaze and smiled softly. "Understandable. How does she like her new job?"

"She loves it." He bent over and pulled a soda out of the ice bucket on the picnic table and popped it open. "She misses everyone at JAG, but she always has enjoyed a challenge."

After Harm had proposed, they hadn't waited for long before getting married. Four months after becoming engaged, the two of them had hopped a plane to La Jolla where they were married in a private ceremony at his parents' home. Only Frank, Trish and Sarah Rabb had been in attendance and it was everything that either of them wanted. Both felt they were too old for a big, elaborate ceremony. They wanted something simple and intimate. Once they had returned home from a two week cruise through Alaska for their honeymoon, they had to face the problems that had arisen from their changed legal status. Before the wedding, they had started looking for a position, preferably in the DC area, for one of them. Mac was the one who ended up leaving. She took a position as a Judge Advocate in the Marine Corps Judge Advocate Division at USMC headquarters and loved her work. And after selling his apartment, they used their savings to buy a house. The house they bought was modern and spacious, and in Washington. The cost was extravagant, like most of the nicer homes in DC were, but both had substantial savings and wanted something big for the family they hoped to start one day.

Sturgis noticed his friend was staring off into space again and grinned. He gave him a shrug and tilted his head towards Mac. "Harm, go talk to your wife. You're not doing me any good right now."

"I'm still technically a newlywed. It's allowed." He noticed Bobbie approaching them and grinned at Sturgis. "One of these days you'll understand." He clapped his friend on the shoulder and greeted Bobbie before making his way over to Mac.

"It's funny how life can change, isn't it?"

After AJ's birthday party they had returned to their much too quiet home and were relaxing on the couch. The television was on in the background, but neither was really watching. Both were lost in the significance of what the today was.

Harm had been massaging her calves and he paused at her words and looked up at her. "It is. Our lives are both completely different from how they were this time last year." His hands continued their ministrations and he looked back down at his lap.

She shifted on the couch, pulling her legs underneath her. "Good different?"

He rolled his eyes and grabbed her wrist with his hand. He gave her a gentle tug and she was falling into him. He tipped her chin up and brushed his lips across hers. "Very, very good."

"Good." She kissed him and then leaned back into the cushions.

He studied her, knowing there was more she wanted to say. "Mac, what's on your mind?"

She shrugged and was silent for a minute before answering. "I realized a few days ago that we've never really talked about what kind of family we'd like to have."

"What! Yes we have."

"No," she said with a shake of her head, "we haven't. We've said that we both want children, and we bought a house big enough for when we do have children, but that's it. I don't know how many you want. I don't know if you'd want to name our son Harmon Rabb III. I don't know if you're in favor of private school or public school. While they're young and we work do we hire a nanny or out them in a daycare program? Don't you think those are things we need to talk about?"

He reached for her again, and pulled her back to him. "I want whatever you want."

She shook her head. "That doesn't work for me, Harm. Around your birthday you mentioned several times that you thought you would already be a father. So you've obviously thought about it. So what do you want?"

He ran a hand over her arm and glanced at the framed photo of him and his parents at his grandmother's farm when he was a baby. "No on the Harmon Rabb III thing. Maybe Harmon as the middle name, but I want my children to have their own identities. I don't want such a huge part of who they are, their names, tied up with ghosts from our past."

"What names do you like?"

Harm shrugged. "I guess I haven't really thought about that. I figure we'll come to an agreement about a name when there is a little person for us to name. Have you thought of names you'd like our kids to have?"

She nodded and smiled. "Emma for a girl. William for a boy, only we'd call him Liam instead of Will or Bill. How many?"

"At least two. But preferably no more than three. And I like both of those names. Emma MacKenzie. Instead of a middle name, she'll have your maiden name."

"I like that. Schooling?"

He sighed. "I honestly prefer private. That may sound elitist of me, but it's how I was raised and it's what I'm familiar with. You?"

"I went to public, but I don't have a bias. We live in a city full of great schools, both private and public. As long as they get an excellent education, I don't care. Daycare or nanny?"

"Daycare. As long as we feel we can trust the people taking care of our kids, I think it's good for them. It'll be good for them to be around other kids from early on."

She took a deep breath and twisted her rings around her finger. "And how soon do you want to start a family? We've only been married for a little over two months. When should we-"

He pulled her even closer and cut her off with a kiss. "As soon as you want, Sarah."

"Ok. Do you think you'll be ready to be a father in seven months and two weeks?"

His eyes widened and he studied her. "You- I mean, you're…"

She nodded. "I found out last week. I thought today would be a good day to tell you." He was still staring at her as if he was in shock. She pulled back slightly and nibbled on her lower lip. "Harm, are you happy about this?"

He cupped her face in his palms and gave her a kiss. "I'm beyond happy, Mac." He kept one hand on her face and moved the other to rest on her still flat stomach. "This is everything I've ever wanted."

The End!

I'm kinda sad it's done! Simply because I'm itching to write something else, but have no clue what to write. Hopefully something will strike me and this won't be the last you hear from me. I hope you all enjoyed this, and as always I'd love to hear your thoughts.