--I Never Stopped Loving You--
--Chapter 5: Never Stopped, Never Will--
-Shika/Saku-
Disclaimer:I Don't Own Naruto.
Sakura got out of her car and sighed as she stood in front of Gaara's house.
'I have to talk to him,'thought Sakura. 'He needs to explain everything to me.'
She hesitantly walked up the steps and opened up the door. She didn't even notice that she was holding her breath. She was completely confused right now. She was feeling anger- for not being given the option of keeping her memories, or at least being told about it! She was also really upset- knowing that she was in a very deep relationship with Gaara, and just because of one accident, they took away most of the memories of them being together and made it so that they would break up.
She was also really nervous at the moment; the memories of what happened between her and Gaara were so sweet and she just felt like she was starting to love him all over again. Things would be much different now. She would be getting more shy and nervous around the red-head. She didn't even know what to say to him! She just wanted everything to be cleared up. No more secrets.
She swallowed hard and walked up the stairs in a very confident and determined manner. She stopped right in front of the door to Gaara's room and knocked. She heard a deep voice from the other side say 'Come in'. She turned the knob and opened the door. Gaara was resting on the bed but, immediately sat up once he saw Sakura enter his room.
'Fuck, don't tell me she's mad at me,'thought Gaara as he looked at her intensely.
Sakura had a small smile on her face as she closed the door and sat on the bed, next to Gaara. A tear rolled down her face as she began to talk and her determined facade disappeared.
"Why would you do this to me?" asked Sakura in a croaky upset voice.
Gaara felt so much guilt and pain form inside of him. He didn't like to see her cry, and he certainly didn't like to be the reason for why she shed any tears.
"You have to understand Sakura," started off Gaara. "I only did it for your benefit."
"What benefit?" asked Sakura a bit harshly. "I ended up falling in love with Shikamaru, and giving birth to his son. Now I'm being threatened to stay away from the one I love, and I'm ruining the future for my son in the midst of all this! If you hadn't taken away any of my memories, we would have probably still been together! I most likely wouldn't have fallen in love with Shikamaru. My life wouldn't be as screwed up as it is right now. So tell me, what's the benefit here?!"
"You can't put the blame on me for everything that has happened!" said Gaara angrily. "And the benefit was that I wouldn't be able to put you in any harm ever again! I'd die before I let myself hurt you again. I just didn't want to risk it."
Sakura stood up- equally angrily, "Well look at me. Don't you see that I'm hurting?! You've hurt me once again! I didn't benefit much, now did I?"
"No one knows how things will end up!" said Gaara, in his own defense. "This wouldn't of happened if Ino just forgot about Shikamaru."
"No, this wouldn't of happened if you erased my memories!" said Sakura angrily.
"Even if you kept you memories, weren't you living a happy life with Shikamaru and your son?" asked Gaara- hiding the hurt he felt from that question.
"Yes I was- and I'm glad to have been able to experienced that," said Sakura honestly. "But-" she went on. "Wouldn't you want that to have been you instead of Shikamaru? All of this most likely wouldn't of happened!"
Gaara stayed quiet as he averted his eyes from Sakura. Sakura just shook her head and made her way to leave the room. She was stopped by Gaara's hand holding a firm grip around her wrist. She turned around and was going to tell him to let go but, stopped when she saw the strange look in his eyes. She didn't know what he was trying to tell her but, she knew that she should listen to what he had to say.
"What if I told you that I did it because I love you?" asked Gaara calmly.
Sakura's eyes widened as she looked at Gaara in shock.
"Y-you mean loved...., right?" stammered Sakura, swallowing hard. She felt herself start to get nervous, as her cheeks flushed. "At the time, you made me lose my memories because you loved ...m-me. But if you really did love me, then why would you make it so that I forget about my feelings and make us break up?
"Even I know that it's not possible to make someone forget about their feelings...completely," said Gaara.
Which made Sakura a bit alarmed as she averted her eyes from his.
'He's right...'thought Sakura. 'No one can make someone completely forget about their feelings for another- especially when they were truly in love. I still feel something towards Gaara. The feeling hasn't left....and I'm afraid that it never will.'
"But, why did you do it?!" demanded Sakura.
"Because the only thing on my mind, was that I wasn't good enough for you," said Gaara solemnly. "I got you hurt. There was no way I would risk it again- can't you understand that? I didn't want to end up drunk again, and end up doing something that would hurt you in the process. I couldn't allow myself to be anywhere near you. It's not like Sasuke himself wanted me near you, and he's practically your brother."
"Whether or not you were good enough for me was MY decision!" said Sakura angrily. "You had no right to just assume that you weren't fit to be with me. We were in love Gaara, and when two people are in love- a little accident like that doesn't matter. NOTHING matters, except their love, and you ruined it! You made me forget about how much I loved you! You made us stop loving each other, do you know how our future would have been?! What if you hadn't made me forget? Don't you think we'd have happy lives together?"
Gaara's eyes softened a bit- of course they would have had happy lives together! He almost smiled at the thought of the two being together. But no, what's done is done. There is no turning back now. Besides- they most likely wouldn't be happy together because he would be dying from guilt and regret- for having had put her in a lot of danger.
"Like Sasuke always said- don't think about the what ifs," said Gaara. "And there is a statement in your little 'speech' that needs to be corrected."
Sakura was able to break free from Gaara's grasp, and she had her hands placed on her hips as she looked at Gaara stubbornly.
"Oh yeah, and what's that?" asked Sakura with a raised eye brow, anger rising within her with each passing second. "Everything I said was nothing BUT the truth."
"That's where you're wrong," said Gaara, which did nothing more than raise the pinkette's anger and suspicion. "You said that I made us stop loving each other. That's not true."
"How isn't that true?!" asked Sakura angrily.
"Because- I never stopped loving you," said Gaara as he grabbed Sakura's shoulders and pressed his lips against hers.
Sakura was completely shocked- and that was an understatement. She didn't know what surprised her more, the fact that Gaara just said that he still loves her and always has, the fact that he currently had his lips locked with hers, or the fact that she actually liked the feeling of his lips pressed against hers. Sakura found herself starting to kiss back-which surprised both of them. She caught herself though, and immediately pushed him away. Gaara's eyes widened in alarm as he just realized what he had done. He saw the confusion written all over Sakura's face as she slammed the door open and ran out.
He was going to follow her- but, wouldn't know what to say so he decided against it. He knew that he had to apologize. He felt so stupid as he sighed and sat on his bed. He looked down at his hands as he got lost in his train of thought.
'She's probably mad at me now!'thought Gaara. 'I shouldn't have done that, I don't even know why I did it! She has a son and is in love with Shikamaru. Me kissing her just added more to her confusion. Dammit! I have to apologize; now isn't a good time though.'
Gaara ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Though he couldn't help but, still feel a bit glad that he kissed her. He remembered how soft her lips always were. He was glad to be able to feel her lips against his again; it would have felt better if she kissed back. But, he understood her current position and he felt quite stupid for kissing her.
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Sakura blindly ran downstairs into a bathroom, locking and slamming the door shut behind her as she slid down the door, sitting cross-legged on the floor. She ran a hand through her pink locks as she stared up at the ceiling and shook her head.
'I can't believe that this is happening!'thought Sakura. 'He..l-loves me?! And t-that kiss, why did I feel myself liking it and actually starting to respond to it?! I love Shikamaru, my feelings for Gaara are long gone....right? No- like Gaara said....no one can make anyone forget about their feelings for another completely....which is probably why I feel myself being drawn to Gaara. But if I'm starting to like him again, what about Shikamaru? What about Ryuu? I can't just forget about them. If Shikamaru ends up going out with that bitch- then that might end up making me go out with Gaara. But, I don't want to. I can't! I love Shikamaru...and I will never stop loving him, never.'
"What am I going to do?" she whispered to herself. "It was a bad idea to come here. I'm going to pack my bags and leave. I'm sure that there is somewhere else that I can stay."
Sakura defiantly stood up as she opened up the door and stepped out. She felt like she had more than enough heartache for today. From Shikamaru practically yelling at her and defending Ino, having to make Ryuu respect Ino so that Shikamaru might give her a chance, finding out that parts of her memory that involved her and Gaara had been partially erased, Gaara kissing her and adding more to her confusion, and having the feeling that in the end- she might just end up having to pick between the two; Gaara or Shikamaru.
"But like Sasuke told me- this will all end up affecting my son in the future," said Sakura aloud. "So I have to do what's right for him."
She walked back up the stairs, hesitantly walking in the room. She was relieved when she saw that Gaara was no longer there. She immediately took out her suitcase and started packing up again. Later on in the day she would make a few phone calls and find out where she could stay.
'Maybe I can stay with Sasuke!'thought Sakura. 'Nah, he has a girlfriend and she might get mad, and I am not going to make him be in jeopardy of losing his girlfriend.'
She decided to take a small nap, having nothing better to do. Once Temari came home from work- she'd tell her the news.
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Gaara was seated at the kitchen, drinking a glass of lemonade. Many thoughts kept going through his mind. He knew that Sakura would want to avoid him from now on. But, he didn't like that idea and he didn't want things to end up that way. He loved her, and he knew that he couldn't have her as his girlfriend again but, having her as a friend was still okay with him. He didn't want her hating him, that was for sure. He didn't even know why he kissed her, it was just so tempting.
Gaara sighed as he chugged down the rest of the lemonade that was in the glass.
'I'll go talk to her later,'thought Gaara. 'But I have to talk to her before Temari and Kankuro arrive home.'
Gaara stayed in the living room, watching some television. Two hours had passed, and he finally realized what time it was and that his siblings would be coming home soon. He went upstairs and walked into his room. He saw Sakura sitting on his bed, with a dazed look on her face. Her hair was a bit messy and she was rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
Sakura turned her head when she heard the door open and stiffened when she saw Gaara enter the room. She immediately got up but, Gaara asked her to sit back down. She hesitantly did as told, as Gaara sat down next to her.
"I'm really sorry about what happened-"
"It's okay," Sakura cut him off. "I should have known that coming here wasn't such a great idea. But don't worry, I already packed up all of my things- I'll be out of here by tonight."
Gaara's eyes widened in shock as he immediately stood up, "Don't go!"
"I have to," said Sakura in a defiant tone.
"No you don't!" fought Gaara, glaring daggers at her. "Don't be stupid! You and Temari are the best of friends, no one else will be able to help you more in this type of situation than she can! You don't have to go because I confessed that I still love you and never stopped."
"I'm not going just because you told me that you never stopped loving me!" said Sakura angrily as she stood up too. "You can't make me stay or go Gaara, and I'm choosing to go- so that's what I will do. There are plenty of other people who can understand what I'm going through and help me out. Sasuke for example! Naruto, Kiba, and Neji can help me out too!"
"If you haven't realized it, they're all guys!" said Gaara, Sakura didn't seem to catch on to what Gaara was trying to say- so Gaara started to elaborate more. "They all have girlfriends that won't be comfortable with you staying over their house! Even if they're like brothers to you, it will most likely get uncomfortable for you to stay at their house."
Sakura stayed quiet- knowing that what he said was true. She just averted her eyes from Gaara's strong gaze.
"I was stupid to tell you all of that and to kiss you," started off Gaara as he walked closer towards her. "But, don't make a mistake by going away just because of that."
"It's not because of that!" said Sakura.
"There is no other possible reason!" said Gaara.
"Of course there is!" said Sakura defensively. "There are tons of reasons for why I would want to leave! To not be a burden, Kankuro scares me, not wanting to have my baby accustomed to living here, and lots of other things!"
"You would never leave for any of those reasons!" said Gaara. "You just don't want to be around me anymore cuz you found out about how I feel towards you!"
Something snapped in Sakura as she glared at Gaara and yelled, "No you idiot! I just don't want to be around you anymore because I think that I have never stopped feeling something for you either!"
Sakura's eyes widened in shock as she quickly placed her hands over her mouth. She was feeling complete embarrassment and wished she would die right on the spot. She couldn't believe that she let something that big out. She watched Gaara's expression change from anger to surprise.
"So you admit that I didn't make you forget about your feelings...?" asked Gaara.
Sakura looked away, "Look, I don't want to end up feeling strongly about you- the way I did a few years ago. I just can't, I love Shikamaru! Not only that but, I love my son and I will not ruin the family that I have started, by sticking around you and ending up feeling a way that I shouldn't be feeling towards you! You don't have to understand anything but, just let me go!"
"Running away never helps," said Gaara as he pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her in an embrace- which tensed her a bit but, she didn't pull away. "I suggest you stay- I'm glad that you haven't completely forgotten about ...us. I'm truly sorry for what I did. But, you got to move on from the past- and look on to the future. I'll do what I can in order to help you get your family back together- I promise."
'No matter how much it's going to kill me inside,'thought Gaara sadly. 'But I love you- and what's more important than making the one you love, happy? Nothing. So I'll do what it takes to make you happy again Sakura, I promise. You and Shikamaru will live a happy life with your baby. I will make sure of it.'
'Ugh, I feel like I'm in high school again!'thought Sakura. 'So much fucking drama, and I'm all confused about what to do! I feel like a teenager! Ugh, high school never ends. I thought I only had those four damn years to endure. Guess not, life is always going to be dramatic, stupid, and confusing for me!'
Sakura stayed in Gaara's embrace- she even wrapped her arms around him too. Her head was laying down on his chest as the two stayed standing there quietly in each other's arms. Just thinking about all that they have gone through, are currently going through, and will go through in the years to come. Gaara wasn't so sure of how he would go about helping Sakura but, he knew one thing for sure- he never wanted to lose her. He liked having her in his arms.
"Gaara," Sakura whispered quietly.
"Yeah?" asked Gaara in that deep voice of his.
Neither moved, they stayed in the same position.
"Thanks for everything," said Sakura, as she finally found the power to pull away and give him a bright smile. "I know it's hard, so it really means a lot to me."
"I'd do anything for you," said Gaara softly. 'I just wish I could be with you. Re-live those moments from seven years ago. Cuz Sakura- I still love you, and I never stopped and I never will. And that's the thing that's going to kill me in the end.'
A/N: Chapter is shorter than the rest but, FORGIVE! I just needed to update, ASAP! I haven't updated in who knows how long!Which by the way I'm terribly sorry, like no joke.
I've been a bad person- every weekend I have the time of my life with friends, and every week day I'm piled on and on with work from school- especially since I'm already applying for a scholarship.-__- Life is hectic nowadays, & I need to keep straight A's. I may only be 13 but, time flys FAST, I need to start getting ready! Especially since I want to get into one of the best colleges. Ah! Well I'm still truly sorry!
I hope you liked the chapter, Please Review!
I love you people!=] Don't leave me now!=[ I'll try to hurry up! eek!
X Emerald Goddess Of The Night X