Its real. Yes this is an update. It's been a while yeah? Sorry bout that, but review? please?

Faith pov.

Man, these past three months have been....hectic to say the least. Me and JuJu bean have settled in pretty good. Well better. B has been....Buffy has been amazing. She's been there for me one hundred percent and I couldn't ask for better. Cordy and Fred...they've been doin good. Well they were doin good. Until Cor got drunk one night. Now she doesn't know which way is up or down. And I wish I knew exactly how to help her. I mean, sure she says I help by just bein there and not havin nothin to say but..... I don't feel like it is.

"Hey babe." I greet B. She smiles and kisses my cheek.

"Hey, you ready to go?" she asks. We're on our way to Juju's school for a play his class is doin. I nod and we make our way out. I hope she's gonna be ok.

Cordelia pov.

Boy have I messed up. In a major way too. A few weeks ago, I went out drinking with some friends from work. You'd be surprised at how many demons actually help us. Anyway, I went out drinking with some people from work and got really really intoxicated. And I did something stupid. I made out with some guy and it probably would have gone farther if Fred hadn't come in when she did. She was so calm but so hurt. I swore to her I'd never cheat but look! And I feel guilty. Boy do I but.... its not for kissing him. It's because I feel something for him. But I know I love Fred on some level but I feel strongly for him too. This whole thing.... I've barely slept, I've been jumpy. Fred is handling this so much better than I am. She smiles at me, she talks to me, she still treats me the same. Just not as her girlfriend anymore. After it happened she told me I needed to figure out what I wanted and that she wouldn't push me for an answer. But I've walked a run in the carpets here.

I cant be losing sleep over this, no I cant
And now I can not stop pacing
Give me a few hours, Ill have all this sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

I've gotta weigh the pros and cons of this. I love her but how? Am I in love with her? Why did I kiss him? Why am I so attracted to him? Is it just physical or something more? WHO is the something more for? It's a lot

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

but James, the guy, and Fred have both given me time and space. Neither bring it up they just continue to work. He likes me. I know that much but... I just wish I could make myself stop feeling this. It's so conflicting right now.

This is over my head but underneath my feet
Cuz by tomorrow morning Ill have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

but I have to do this. I should not have kissed him. If I hadn't, none of this would be happening. But... I have to admit I already liked him. He's.... I don't know but I did. I do. Faith's been helping me by listening to my rants but.... I'm still lost. I'm stuck. I had a dream about them both last night. It started off with Fred and I on a date and having a great time. We were dancing, laughing, just being young and free....

Cuz I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

but then it switched and I was with James. And it was so..... odd. But now, I'm alone and it's the perfect time to think. Who can I depend on? James or Fred?

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

whose been there? Which one could I trust with my life? Whose been nothing but supportive? Both of them. Who can I see myself with along the line? Who wont betray me? Who?

Cause I cannot stand still
I cant be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

do I really need to ask myself that? Don't I already know the answer?

Cuz I'm waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

I know all these answers. I never wanted to hurt anyone. And I know there's a chance I'll regret this down the line. Following my hormones instead of my heart. But thinking about the future isn't really going to help me. I need the one I want to be with now. And I know who that is. And that person is standing in the office smiling.

"Hey Cordelia..." they start.

"I'm sorry, but..." I begin. I have to hurt someone. And I'll hate myself for it. But I have to do this.

Faith pov.

The little rugrats were pretty good. I'm still not sure what happened but it was interesting.

"Mommy!" I hear. I walk over and lift my little actor up and kiss his cheek. "Didja see me mommy?!" he asks excitedly. I nod.

"Sure did. You were great. Know who else saw you?" I ask. He shakes his head. "Dawn, Buffy, and Joyce." I whisper. He smiles brightly and looks over my shoulder. I let him down and he rushes over to them.

"The excitement is infectious isn't it?" I hear from beside me. I turn and see a lady, can't be more than twenty six or so, smiling over in the direction of a little girl. I smile and nod.

"Sure is. He's so proud of himself." I say motioning over to JuJu bean. He really is.

"I know, my daughter has been so excited these past few weeks." she says with a smile. "I'm Trina." she says. I nod and shake her hand.

"Faith." I reply. I try to remove my hand but she holds tight. I glance at my hand then to her face and she just smiles and winks. I look over to Buffy whose not smiling anymore. Uh oh.