32 Productions Presents…
A Teen Titan Fan Fiction The Teen Titans in…"If the Shoe Fits…"
Chapter Two
Titan Tower: Main Room
Starfire: (frantic) We are trapped like this!
Shade: Somebody better get me some freaking BLOOD before November 1st!
Raven: Stop bitching about the blood! I'll give you BLOOD!
Raven suddenly planted her cleaver in his skull. She gasped and pulled it back out, looking as shocked as everyone else.
Raven: I…I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.
Staring the best he could at his new wound…and going cross-eyed doing it…Shade slowly reached up and poked the gash in his head.
Shade: Wow. That feels weird. Doesn't necessarily hurt…but it's not pleasant. …and now I'm even thirstier.
Cyborg extended his hand toward Raven.
Cyborg: Maybe you should let one of us take that cleaver from you, Raven.
Raven: NO! It's mine!
Raven held the cleaver like it was a small child in her protection. The others sweatdropped nervously. Robin rubbed his chin with his good hand. He already had several cuts from poking himself with the hook.
Robin: D'arrr…t'would seem that our costumes have no affected our memories, but our minds be under their sway.
Terra: T'would seem that this hex is most stubborn. Early I attempted to change mine garb and it shift back into this toga. Though this head wreath is most exotic. I believe I shall keepth it.
Beast Boy started chasing his tail. That stupid tail…mocking him with its…tail-ness. It knows what it did! Attaching itself to his backside without even asking…Beast Boy would make it pay! Terra poked him on the head.
Terra: Garfield, desist.
Raven: I can help.
Beast Boy yelped and jumped behind the couch to put distance between him and the cleaver wielding girl. Raven shrugged.
Raven: I was just going to hold this tail out for him.
Terra: After thou severed it!
Raven: I was not!
Terra: Bull droppings!
Robin: That be enough out of ye, you scallywags!
Parrot: You scallywags! You scallywags! SQUAWK!
Raven and Terra went silent. Robin sat down and leaned against the arm of the couch.
Robin: I need to be doing some thinking…
Shade: …hate to bring this up again, but if I don't get something to drink soon, I'm seriously going to bite somebody. …probably Beast Boy.
Cyborg: We got the spare blood supplies in the med-lab.
In order to make sure they had enough blood in cases of emergencies, the team had blood drawn from their veins periodically and stored them away in the proper storage unit. That way they wouldn't need to concern themselves too much with blood types and what not. Shade was flying down the halls in seconds.
Robin: Somebody go with him. He'll drink it all if we be letting him.
Cyborg: On it.
Cyborg went off after Shade. Terra leaned over the couch and gently stroked the parrot's head.
Terra: We needth birdseed.
Robin: …d'arrr.
Starfire: …I have a sudden craving for prune juice and apple sauce.
Raven: And I think Beast Boy needs a flea collar…and some dog shampoo.
All of these things were good points. The only question was, how to get it. They couldn't very well go out themselves. In their current condition it was just not going to happen. Starfire didn't want anyone to see her all green, warty, and wrinkled. Cyborg was…bones. Robin couldn't get the damn bird off his shoulder and therefore couldn't go into a store…they don't allow pets, you see (helper dogs not included). Terra was…well…made of stone. Beast Boy wasn't capable of speech (and that was the least of his current problems). Shade MIGHT be able to pass for a human…poorly dressed human with a terrible skin condition and obvious malnutrition, but a human nonetheless. Raven was probably the most suited, despite the bloodstained smock she couldn't remove. Simply explain that it was part of a costume for a party and that she was doing a last minute run for her parents and she could get away with it. Robin sighed.
Robin: D'arr…looks like it be up to ye, Raven.
Raven: Great. Hold on a second.
Raven held up her hand and concentrated. The couch glowed black and rose up with Robin still sitting in it.
Robin: Avast! What are ye doing?!
Raven: Making sure I can still use my powers.
Terra: So thou art a madwoman with super powers? That doest not seem fair.
Raven shrugged.
Raven: Life isn't fair…though it was much more of a strain then it should have been. Make me a list, Robin.
Robin: …I…can't.
Raven: …why not?
Robin: Because I be right handed.
Robin held up his right hand, which happened to be the hook.
Robin: …I can't write with me left hand.
Terra: I'll do it.
Terra went off to get a piece of paper and a pencil.
Terra: The guy can hit a fly off the wall with a funny shaped boomerang but can't write with his left hand. There's something wrong with that.
Med-lab
Cyborg entered the med-lab in time to stop Shade from downing a second bag. He had blood running down his mouth. Obviously the vampire his costume was designed after was a messy eater. …unfortunately by "stop" I mean Cyborg grabbed Shade's arm and when Shade pulled away, it snapped off. The shock of having pulled his friend's arm off was enough to restore rational thinking in the new vampire. He managed to put the bags of blood back in the refrigeration unit before turning back to his (please don't let me say it) disarmed friend (damn it). Not knowing what else to do, he extended his arm back to him.
Shade: Uh…here. Sorry about that.
Cyborg: …you ripped off my frigging arm!
Shade sighed and, on a hunch, tried to reconnect the dislocated arm. It snapped back like it was a toy. Cyborg moved it around to make sure it still worked.
Cyborg: You got to leave some of that stuff for later. We got about four days to go.
Shade: Yeah, I know…but it just…it's hard to describe, man…uh…oh, I know! It's like a potato chip.
Cyborg would have rolled his eyes if he had any.
Cyborg: Let me guess. You can't eat just one.
Shade: …that's a good analogy, but I was going to say that they have different flavors.
Cyborg shook his head. Shade shrugged.
Shade: They do. I can smell it.
Cyborg: You're an idiot.
Shade: Hey, screw you. I'll keep the arm next time.
Shade grumbled and stomped off, his hungry temporarily satisfied.
Starfire's Room
Terra sighed and shook her head from where she was leaning against the wall.
Terra: Starfire, this shall ne'er…
Starfire: Silence, please. I am thinking.
Terra rolled her eyes. Starfire had begged the stone girl to accompany her to her room. Curious, Terra had agreed. Had she known THIS was why she was being dragged here, she would have turned Starfire down. Starfire wanted to find the right combination of make up that would somehow hide her…sudden elderliness. In Terra's opinion, it was a hopeless cause, but Starfire was in denial. It was odd. Terra never pegged the girl for the vain type…maybe she just had a fear of aging. Starfire made sounds of worry as she tried to think of what to use. Finally she snapped her fingers and got to work. Terra sighed as she watched the layers of make up disappear upon contact. Apparently NOTHING could alter their appearances. Starfire groaned and threw the make up across the room.
Starfire: Curses! It does nothing!
Terra: As I had stated.
Starfire turned quickly and pointed a gnarled finger at Terra. Before she could say anything there was a loud snap. Her eyes widened and she gently placed a hand on her back.
Terra: …art thou well?
Starfire: I…I think I have injured my spinal column. I…please aid me in reaching my bed.
Terra helped Starfire over to her bed. Starfire wiped tears from her eyes.
Starfire: This is not fair. None of you are suffering in such a crippling manner.
Terra: Garfield hath lost the power of speech! Is that not suffering in thy eyes?
Starfire: …to him perhaps. But I am in pain…and I can barely move. It is ridiculous. Nobody else is having such difficulties!
Store
The store employee was cleaning the floor when Raven walked up silently behind him. She was right behind him when she cleared her throat. Letting out a yelp, the employee turned around, dropping the mop in his hands.
Employee: Don't DO that! Jeez!
Raven: …do what?
Employee: You scared the crap outta me! …uh…are you going to a costume party?
Raven: Something along those lines, yes. I just have to pick up a few things for home. Can you tell me where the pet supplies aisle is?
He turned and pointed off to the left.
Employee: Aisle seven. Just head down that way, can't miss…
Turning back, he found Raven already gone. She had crept down the next aisle when his back was turned. Not that she LOOKED like she was creeping. It was actually a normal walk, just silent.
Employee: (confused) …it?
Raven frowned, confused herself. Why did she do that? She could have said "excuse me" from a distance THEN asked her question. Why did she have to attempt to make the poor guy crap himself? Another question was why she couldn't stop flexing her right hand. It seemed to happen every time she heard somebody near her say something annoying most of the time. There were points where it just happened anyway. She glanced down at her waist where, underneath the bloody smock, she had tucked her cleaver away. …she really wanted to hold it again.
Titan Tower: Main Room
Robin sighed and fed his parrot another cracker. In his mind, he was running through all the trouble they were going to have. Showering was going to be a pain. Sure, they could take the costumes OFF, but they couldn't replace them with anything or it would turn back into the costume. Raven wouldn't leave her cleaver anywhere that she couldn't reach and when Robin tried getting changed earlier, the parrot flew off and landed on his bare shoulder while he was doing it (which hurt like HELL).
Robin: D'arr…going to have to shower with ye, ye blasted bird.
Parrot: Blasted bird! Blasted bird! SQUAWK!
This was embarrassing. When this curse passed and they got their hands on Mumbo Jumbo, he'd need a hell of a magic trick to avoid a hospital trip. The door opened and Beast Boy ran in…with a metal bone in his mouth. Suddenly Robin had a terrible headache. Cyborg hopped in, shaking his bony fist.
Cyborg: Man, you better come back here with my leg!
If Beast Boy was capable of it, he'd be laughing like crazy right now. There was something amusing about being chased by a hopping skeleton. Not the scariest of monsters, the skeleton. I mean, in theory, you could pop their heads right off. End of problem.
Robin: Avast, ye swabs! Knock off that nonsense!
Cyborg: Make him give me back my leg then!
Beast Boy gave Cyborg back his leg. Some people just couldn't take a joke. Terra entered the room and leaned over the couch.
Terra: Pray, Robin, a moment of thy time.
Robin: …d'arr?
Terra sweatdropped.
Terra: Thou didst that with purpose.
Robin: Aye, but it was funny.
Terra: No, it wasn't. But enough of that. I implore thee to aid me. Starfire has entered a mood most melancholy. Mayhap thou canst improve upon her mood.
Robin: Oh aye. That be what she needs. Getting hit on by Captain Hook.
Cyborg: Captain Hook hitting on the Wicked Witch of the West. We should tape that.
Terra was silent for a moment.
Terra: …where didst we leave the camera?
Robin: …d'arr…
Cyborg: …you're going to say that every time you can't think of anything else, aren't you?
Robin: …aye.
Raven returned home with bags of stuff floating behind her. She seemed nervous about something, refusing to make eye contact.
Terra: Ah, thou hast returned, Raven. Didst thou retrieve Garfield's flea bath powder?
Raven: Er…yes. I'll just…
Terra grabbed a bag out of the air. Despite her proper sounding (and frankly annoying) speech patterns, she was still the same old geomancer. This meant she was as impatient as ever.
Raven: No, wait!
Terra reached in and pulled out…a knife?
Terra: Uh…for what purpose didst thou purchase this?
Raven: Er…it…well…
Terra pulled out other items from the bag such as piano wire, duct tape, and various other pointy and potentially dangerous tools. Raven sighed.
Raven: I couldn't help myself. Your stuff is in one of these bags. I didn't forget you guys. Now…gimme my shinies…er…stuff.
The others stared at Raven for a moment.
Cyborg: …did you just call them "shinies"?
Coughing, Raven looked away. It was extremely embarrassing to her. She had said it, of course. Thinking back to the store (which when you think about it, it's weird that they would have piano wire), she remembered how the gleam of the blades caught her eye. She found herself fixated on all the glorious cutting instruments. As for the piano wire and duct tape…she grabbed those on a whim. Somewhere in the back of her mind she though of how tough piano wire was…how easily it would be wrapped around the neck…then she convinced herself it was for her piano. …only she didn't HAVE a piano. Suddenly she remembered she had just been asked a question.
Raven: Of course not. Don't be silly.
Robin: Then what did ye say, lass?
Raven: …er…I said…um…er…
Panicking, Raven pulled out her cleaver and swung it, taking Cyborg's head off.
Raven: Stop staring at me with your accusing eyes!
Cyborg's skull rolled around on the floor for a minute before stopping.
Cyborg: Ugh…now I'm dizzy. What did you do that for?
Raven: You know what you did! Staring at me with those empty sockets, thinking your thoughts of…of…skeleton stuff!
Terra: Raven, mayhap thou should retire to thy room…
Taking a few deep breaths, Raven calmed down.
Raven: Sorry. I think this costume is having a more profound affect on my mind then yours. While yours is affecting speech patterns and other physical aspects, mine mostly attacks my brain, giving me bizarre impulses.
Cyborg's body searched the floor for his head. Beast Boy started nudging the head further away from the groping hands.
Cyborg: BB, don't make me kick your ass.
Terra: Garfield, pray desist in thy tomfoolery or thou canst expect no "action" from me for some time.
Beast Boy huffed and handed Cyborg his head. He popped it on with a loud snap. Raven sighed and leaned against the wall, massaging her temples.
Raven: I'm going to do what you said and go to bed. Maybe I'll just drug myself and sleep until November.
Robin: D'arr, we should all go to sleep. Tis late, it is.
Terra: If thou sayth so.
The Titans went their separate ways.
END PART TWO