I got this strange image in my head after watching Talledaga Nights of Jack driving a racecar, so I wrote this!
Jack screamed as he drove down the street in his brand spankin' new Wonder Bread car. He was having a grand old time thanks to the Ricky Bobby guy. Never again would the Navy catch him.
Never again would he have to face being slapped by a woman, he could just run her over.
"GET OUTTA MY WAY! JACKY SPARROW OWNS THIS TOWN!" Jack yelled as he honked the horn, which was weird seeing as racecars don't have horns.
Then he heard a snarling noise. He turned around slowly, only to see a growling cougar behind him.
"Oh bugger." He slammed on the brakes, sending the cat flying into the windshield and out onto the road. Jack watched in amazement as the cougar chased donkeys, people,and chickens.
"Well, now that that's over.....where's the nearest tavern?" Jack shrugged before he started the engine again and drove off into the sunset.