This is SO random...

If you are sensitive to randomness... I suggest you throw your computer out the window... if you are not near a window or are too weak to pick up your computer, I suggest a match! And some gasoline :)

Enjoy!

P.S (G1 & G2) Are new characters!!

C Hello boys...

J Pat...

R Counselor...

L Counselor...

SN Counselor...

S Patty...

(G1) Hi!

(G2) Whose she?

(G1) Sirius' mum!

(G2) Oh... Hello Mrs Black!

S That is NOT my mother!

C Thank god...

S Hey! I resent that!

(G1) Well who is she then?

C I believe a better question is, who are you?!

(G2) Fine! Who are you?

C No! Who are you?

(G1) Who are you?

C No! Who are you?

(G2) Who are you?

J Who am I?

R Who is anyone?

J ...Touché, Mr Moony...

C Quiet you two! Young ladies... who are you and what are you doing here?

S It's okay Patty, they're with me. This is Lauren and Amanda.

(G1) No, I'm Lauren!

(G2) And I'm Amanda!

S Whatever!

C I'm afraid you haven't answered my second question!

S I said they were with me!

C But what are they doing here?

S They're my posse...

R Padfoot, not this again...

S I NEED ONE, OKAY MOONY?

R You do not!

S You don't understand...

(G1&2) We understand, Sirius!

S I know, that's why you're my posse.

L Sirius, what do you need a posse for?

S Can't talk now, Evans. I'll have my people call your people later.

L I don't have people!

S You don't? How strange... and sad for you!

J Sirius, not everyone has a posse!

S How very sad for everyone...

C Is he serious?

R I'm afraid so

C He actually thinks he needs a posse?

J Yep

C Lovely...

S What are you writing there, Patty?

C What I write in your folder is MY business, Mr Posse.

S That's Black, B-l-a-c-k... Black!

C I know your last name!

S So why call me Mr Posse?

C Because you have one!

S So? Moony has a large butt, do you call him Mr Arse? Or Mr Gas?

C No-

R WHAT? I DO NOT!

S Sorry, although you shouted RIGHT IN MY EAR!!!! I didn't understand you, Mr Arse

R I am NOT Mr Arse!

S Fine, new example. Lily has THE biggest-

J Padfoot...

S Erm... eyes?

J That's what I thought you were going to say...

L Awww thanks, Sirius!

S Don't mention it...

R I fail to see how I went from Moony to Mr Arse!

S That's because your huge butt is blocking your view. Lily could help, she has huge...

J PADFOOT!

S Eyes!

J Thats right

S Yes...

L Am I missing something here?

J No

S No

(G1 & 2) Yes!

S Posse, shush!

(G1 & 2) Sorry Sirius

C Can we continue please?

S Patty, we all know you're going to try and control this class for half an hour while we goof because we fail to see just how much these counseling sessions could help our mental health. You keep saying, 'Can we continue please?' But we all know how this is going to end. Half an hour wasted from all of our lives and another detention from Minnie for taking advantage of our counselor.

C I...

S What are your thoughts, Mr Arse?

R I shall NOT answer to that name!

S Why? You should embrace the arse... if you can!

R I DON'T HAVE A HUGE ARSE!

S Your arse is as huge as Lily's-

J SIRIUS!

S Eyes?

J That's what I thought you were going to say...

L Okay I'm really confused...

(G1) Sirius thinks you have GIANT-

S EYES!

J Yes, giant eyes.

(G2) No! Not eyes, b-

S BUTTONS! Giant buttons... just look at them! I mean... woah! Whoever made those buttons intended them to fasten Moony's belt.

R Oi!

(G1) No! Not buttons, br-

J BREAD! He told me last week you have giant... bread...

L Bread?

S Don't act like you haven't noticed people staring at you at the lunch table as you pack down those giant loafs of bread! You're an animal!!

(G1) No, not-

R Actually... Sirius is right Lily, you do eat a lot of bread!

L It's just a phase!

S Thats what Moony said about his arse... but there it is! Following him around... attacking people when he turns around a corner in the hallway... staring...

R HOW CAN AN ARSE STARE AT YOU?

S Not just any arse! Your arse! It's sick I tell you! Twisted!

R You're so mean

S Don't worry, you're angry now... but you're arse will soon eat all your feelings... it has to! It already ate everything else!

R THATS IT! Lily, last week James asked Sirius if getting you a bra for your anniversary was a suitable gift and-

S MOONY! DON'T!

J SHUT UP MOONY!

C What is go-

S SHUT THE HELL UP PATTY!

L I'm so confus-

S SHUT! UP! LILY!!!

J Padfoot!

S Oops, sorry... forgot who I was talking to...

R AND SIRIUS SAID EVEN THE POTTER FAMILY DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH GALLEONS IN GRINGOTTS TO BUY A BRA THAT WOULD FIT LILY'S CHEST!

L WHAT?

C WHAT?

S MOONY!

J YOU TOLD!

S WE HAD A DEAL, MR ARSE!

R Then Sirius said that James should try asking the giant squid to fish up a few giant clams and tie them together with string instead...

L Oh...

S Lily, I am so-

C Sirius Black! You-

J MOONY YOU SWORE YOU WOULDN'T TELL!

(G1 & 2) Yeah Moony!

S THAT'S IT! AMANDA, LAUREN, YOU'RE FIRED!

(G1) Why?!

S You almost told like... 10 times!

(G2) That's fine, your arse is getting too big anyway!

(G1) Yeah, you should watch what you eat, you're arse is starting to become in proportion with your giant nose!

(G1 & 2) Giggling...

J Ouch...

R Mega ouch...

L Major ouch!

C ...I've seen worse

J Padfoot, is your self esteem okay-?

S OUCH! MY SELF CONFIDENCE! I FEEL IT SHATTERING!! I FEEL EVERYTHING!

R Serves you right! Mr Arse!

L Despite what was said last week... I'm surprisingly not offended!

J You're not?

L No! In fact, I'm flattered... Petunia always called me flat-chested...

S That's more than I needed to know... OHHH IT BURNS!!

J Well, in light of recent events... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY LILY!

L Oh James! You got me a present! Thank you!

R It's not two clams tied together with strings, is it? Because Sirius was kidding, a present like that may seriously harm Lily!

L James isn't that stupid! Who listens to Sirius anyway?

J N....o. Lily, I need that present back.

L Why? I haven't opened it yet!

J Because inside that box is two clams tied together with string.

S HAHAHAH! I KNEW IT! OUCH!

L Very funny, James you're such a joker...

J Yeah, joker... but seriously I need that present back now!

C Thats it! Get out! I'll see you all next week! I'll chain you to your seats if I have to! YOU WILL BE COUNSELED!!

S Owww... Why does everything Patty say sound like a threat?

C BECAUSE THEY ARE THREATS!

S Cmon, Mr Arse... lets go pick up some desperate witches who can stand the sight of my giant nose... and your giant buttocks...

R I can't wait until the fifth book when you die...

S What?

R Nothing...

L James it's not funny anymore!

J LILY GIVE ME THE PRESENT!

L NO!

J LILY I'M NOT KIDDING!

L LET ME OPEN IT!

J Don't make me tackle you Lily... I don't want to tackle you...

L Oh please, you wouldn't tackle m- ARGHH!!

.

.

.

SN Can I leave now?

I warned you... god knows I tried...

Love always,

Emmi-Chick