/* Disclaimer: I think I'm going to stop putting up a disclaimer, since it's kind of implied and I have 7 of them already... also, these events are not filler I promise! Even though they may seem that way, it's really just a big setup for things to happen later.

On another note, I'd like to thank everyone who had been reading =)

If you like it, leave a comment!

That is all. Enjoy =) */

Chapter 8

The kindly old couple had prepared a makeshift bed in their living room for Kratos, but despite their kindness he found that he was unable to sleep. Something was nagging at the back of his mind, and as much as he tried to ignore it, as much as he tried to distract himself from it, the thought never shank away. He was mildly curious to rediscover that thought, but he also felt very wary of it; he knew that the thought was not something he wanted to have in mind, but he was also unsure why he should hesitate to keep a clear mind. He had nothing to fear; as a man of four thousand years (as he was so often reminded in the past days) he had nothing to fear anymore. Nothing was exotic to him, or hard to understand; nothing was beautiful or particularly enjoyable, and nothing surprised him, nothing- he had to stop there, and then questioned his pause. What was it that I found surprising? I can almost remember…

Eyes, he thought. Just the word at first struck him, but then he was seeing them as clearly as if she were right in front of him again. He could just imagine, almost feel the forest-wood brown eyes staring right through him, but he didn't want that. It wasn't that they were fearsome or intimidating at all, anymore- they made him feel lonely, for some reason, and terribly sad. It made no sense at all, if he thought about it logically. Even allowing that his chance encounter with a test subject had lead to a theoretical re-bonding with humanity, and that his awakening had somehow been started by their first meeting, it couldn't even begin to account for the degree to which he was still bothered by memories of her. They weren't hardly worth remembering- it was so frustrating to Kratos- to think he had known the person for less than ten minutes of his ridiculously long life, and was affected so drastically was, to say the least, disturbing. And on that subject, he realized too late that he had been thinking of A012 as a human being, and no longer exclusively as a project.

Her eyes had been so intense, once. So fiery and strong, he had felt them as well as seen them, and he had respected her for that. But she was now a mere shadow of her former self, being consumed slowly by a Cruxis crystal while her mind, according to theory, would be trapped inside her impassive body. These thoughts were going in a direction Kratos did not like, and he tried to direct them, but the more he tried not to think, the more strongly they pranced through the rift he had sealed them into. He suddenly envisioned a white film bubble, shaped like an oval dome inside his own head, and watched it sway gently. Then out of nowhere, something clawed its way out from inside, enveloping everything in darkness, which was oozing continually out of the rupture, like a blister in his mind… he felt someone calling his name, but he was shrouded in the blackness, unable to see a thing.

Our angel of Cruxis woke up sweating, chilled, and suddenly aware that he had drifted off to sleep while thinking. He made a mental note of it, wanting to never experience such a thing again. It was unsettling, but this time he did not try to put it from his mind. He allowed it to settle there in the open, and he allowed himself to feel the emotions connected with his dream. Kratos was tired of running away from his questions; he hadn't known that was what he had been doing, but now he did and he knew it didn't suit him. He did not like the idea of being a coward, in any way, and he fully intended to-

"Ah, you're awake!" Pete was smiling as his head appeared upside-down and from above; he was standing behind Kratos, bent practically double, leaning over into his new friend's field of vision. This took poor disoriented Kratos by surprise, but luckily for him his physical reaction did not reflect his state of mind. He hoped that Pete would not notice the sweat on his face, or the clammy nature of his skin. Act natural, act natural and he won't suspect a thing.

"Good morning, Pete."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you. I will have to be going soon, though."

"I see. Thanks for staying with us, we were delighted to have you. But if you wouldn't mind too much, could I walk you to the city gate…?"

Kratos didn't see how he could say no. After the kindness he had been offered, there was nothing he stood to gain by offending this man. He nodded and stood gracefully, fully dressed in his new turtleneck and pants. He had changed after dinner and hadn't planned on sleeping, but luckily Pete didn't seem to find this too unusual. Or if he did, he didn't let on, and Kratos was glad for that. He grabbed his sword and put it on, as well as his old costume which he kept in the sack his new clothes had come in, and they walked out the front door closing it quietly.

They were halfway through the town before Pete finally spoke. Kratos knew he wasn't being escorted for walking's sake… in his mind it had only been a matter of time.

"John, I'd like to ask you something. When I asked before if you were a Desian- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to accuse-"

"It's all right."

"It's just that, the last time I saw someone with such exotic clothes, they had come as a lone swordsman too."

"Last time?" Kratos was intrigued now.

"Yes, last time it was an old man, with grey hair and squinted eyes… I thought he was even more blind than me, so I took pity on him and invited him to my house. He asked a lot of questions…"

Kratos was wondering if this man he was describing could have really been Kvar. It certainly sounded enough like him, but what would a Desian Grand Cardinal have been doing in Luin, talking civilly to inferior beings?

"What kind of things did he want to know?"

"I'm not sure, John, but he was very persistent. Not just to me and my folks, but just about everyone. And then, after he left…" Pete stopped walking, and turned away.

"What happened?" Kratos' voice had a note of urgency now.

"Well, you see…" he had to take a breath, and his breathing was becoming ragged.

"Is something wrong, are you all right?" Something came over Kratos as he turned the old fool around, so that he could see his face. He was beginning to cry.

"Just tell me," Kratos said more softly this time, "…what happened here?"

"The Desians came, a week later… they took… my daughter. They took…" He sniffed loudly, pulling away and trying to dry his tears.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to lose it in front of you. But when I first saw you there, I was so sure… I thought you were one of them. I am still not sure, but… I trust you, John. You're not like that other man…"

"…"

"That was almost ten years ago, but still, I… I haven't been able to let go. They took several people, but it wasn't like the other times. They hardly killed anyone at all, they wanted… they wanted them alive…"

Pete sniffled loudly, and cleared his throat. Then he turned back to face Kratos, with a crooked smile on his face.

"But I know that you're different now, and I'm very sorry I suspected you."

"You were right to do so. But I do have one question for you…"

"Anything."

"You're not actually unable to see, are you?"

Pete laughed, quite convincingly.

"I knew it wouldn't fool you for long. But it did allow me to get closer to you."

"Hm. I see."

"I'll be sad to see you go, John. I like you. You're a good man- you will always be welcome at our house, if you should ever return to Luin."

"Thank you" Kratos said, glad that he was finally being freed under such good circumstances.

"Anytime, young man. Anytime at all."

Why all these jokes about being young? Kratos was glad to be getting away from here. What did he care if the Desians abducted people? That was their job, after all. He turned his back to the old man, and walked out the city gate.

…

He walked for hours, with no particular direction in mind. The dirt path was there in front of him and he followed it, trying to think of something else to occupy his time. There was one thing he knew for certain, though- he was sick of dealing with humans, was going to avoid towns at all costs. Even if I have to be rude, even if I have to walk away saying nothing, even if I have to kill someone…well, that is debatable.

"I don't want to kill anyone…" Kratos mumbled, more as a reminder to himself than a sudden revelation.

He realized how soft he had grown now, and it was upsetting.

"I shouldn't be feeling upset at things like this!" he yelled. And he cringed at the sound of his own voice.

Why the hell do I keep talking to myself? What the hell is wrong with me these days?!?

He stopped walking for a moment, realizing the soreness in his muscles and the tense, knotted ligaments around his joints. He was more aware of his own body, after all this time, than any normal human and he also knew that he had been having a very busy few days. Kratos stood on his toes, stretching his arms toward the sky since nobody was watching. It felt nice, up until the part where his shoulder started throbbing from his encounter two nights ago. He remembered it so suddenly, it was like being hit with a brick, and he felt unbalanced. Kratos stopped stretching and walked over to a tree stump, sitting down to place his head in his hands.

Why am I even here? Why am I such a failure? I've had such a long life and I still can't even answer my own questions…

Kratos sighed, at a loss for words. Frankly, he felt disgusted with himself, and frustrated that he was so out of control. He ran his gloved hands through his hair, allowing his exposed fingertips to trail through to the ends before threading them through again. It was soothing to him, and he knew that nobody would find him here. Even if someone were to stumble up the path and spot him, it would not be of any consequence- he was incognito here, and these travelers were of no importance to him. That was the beauty of Sylvarant- he could come here unnoticed, and live unnoticed, because the people could be counted on to focus only on themselves. Well, usually that was the case. Kratos had to admit that the old man had been an interesting exception, albeit an irritating one. He sighed as he continued to massage his red-auburn hair, trying to decide how to waste one month. One single month! He wondered how the other years had passed so easily, and sighed again, as he felt his mind beginning to clear.